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Anahid
12-06-2010, 06:51 PM
So...I am new to the dating scene after a 5 year hiatus and as you may have read, I am on a dating site and am a man magnet..LOL..I have had a bunch of first dates all FUNNN..nice guys..I had a little romance with a slightly younger guy who is being deployed so...it's come to an end..BUT it was fun. Now I am seeing one man sexually. We have not really defined what we have but he is slightly younger and is interested in meeting a woman with a child because his son wants a sibling. I cannot have more kids nor do I want more kids. He knows this BUT we have been having a great time snuggling, talking and making some amazing passionate love.

Now the thing..when I come OOTV which happens now and again, I wonder how I truly feel about this "Friends With Benefits" that I seem to be involved in..the thing is, I want to matter..I want to be loved..and in the end I don't see this going that way...BUT

When I am with him we laugh and have SUCH FUN and I so appreciate every minute of time with him and APPRECIATE his smile, his intellect, his wisdom and his sexy self. When I leave his house I feel pure joy...then..days apart I feel sad and empty...OOTV..

What would Abe say..or how do I distract? I do distract by dating other men casually for dinner and drinks and I spend time working out and with my girl friend..I also read a lot and meditate.

HUGS for helping..

TheXception
12-07-2010, 10:55 AM
Good question. I wonder if it would get more airplay in Abe and You.

susu
12-07-2010, 11:29 AM
Phelana! You and I seem to be running in the same vibe stream with men. My sexy self can not keep up with the offers...I am not even hot lol

What interests me here is not who you are attracting or even what you are wanting - its OOTV after having been with your FWB.
"sad and empty" - You distract by getting busy filling YOU with YOUR personal enjoyment. You distract by loving every single minute you can spend on you and filling your own self worth with amazing love and encouragement.

Leigh
12-07-2010, 11:31 AM
This sounds like this is stirctly a sexual relationship. Like along the lines of "Mr. Right Now." And, yet you have expanded your desire of what you want in a relationship, and this relationship, (right now), can't fullfil those more defined desires. Thus, the sadness.

This is part of why I haven't been with anybody for 5 years. I desire love, yet, wasn't finding love in sexual encounters. I felt empty afterwards.

Leigh (Hope this helps.)

MassageMaggie
12-07-2010, 05:01 PM
I find all of this so interesting as well and I think we're sort of similar... different experiences but the same idea. And hey a few years ago I was brand new to the dating scene as well, after a long period of marriage and time off to raise a couple of babes in a foreign country.

Anyway, i've chosen to see it as this wonderful, incredible amazing person that you connect so deeply with and feel so much love for and desire so greatly to stay with (ahhh there goes my heart, recent breakup with a Fred) is showing you something that you'd like to experience, even though they are in a position where they will apparently not provide that for you for a greater length of time, and now the things that are "less than" that are leaving you empty, or leaving you in the gap or whatever that is called. You know when money is in your vortex and you can't pay for food for the rest of the week you NOTICE. lol. So the lovers were good and fun, and this one made you put something else in there and now the lovers aren't really want you're wanting just now. Maybe? I've been spending lots of time with my vortex man to get the warm fuzzies and distract myself from the wanting feeling... and milking my appreciation of other men in my life. Ones who I don't want THAT experience with, but whom I appreciate so much for other reasons and really play with the interaction there.

Anahid
12-07-2010, 05:10 PM
[/QUOTE]You distract by getting busy filling YOU with YOUR personal enjoyment. You distract by loving every single minute you can spend on you and filling your own self worth with amazing love and encouragement.[/QUOTE]

This is what I am focusing on..my wonderful self...it's easy to do really because I embrace it...I deserve a lovely time..and a lovely man..he is all of that but I want more of this..LOL..and sometimes back peddle..meanwhile, honestly I am a man magnet and it's fun...

Just love the professor..what a cutie...so sexy...so smooth, so calm and kind...MORE OF THIS MAN, please relationship manager.

I am having a blast talking to a few great guys..and have had a few casual dates with a few. I know ultimately I want a deep intimate loving relationship but for now rampages of appreciation for the hunksters in my life....they are fun, flirty, firey and did I say fun.

Off to meditate

Joyhawk
12-08-2010, 12:39 PM
I have had similar situations and Abe has suggested to keep focussing on the positive aspects and then that man will expand into more of what you want, or drift away as one closer to your vibration comes in. I am also surrounded by many wonderful men at the moment, and they all have different traits that I love. If I could roll them into a ball it would be my perfect man! So, for the time I am just appreciating the wonderful aspects of each one.

I also have thought how sometimes it is so perfect to have my wonderful life and then about once a week have an amazing, loving, joyful experience and then back to my life!

Abe says the perfect place to be is "Happy where I am and eager for more..." Sounds like you are having a delicious time so just milk, milk, milk the wonderful parts and the rest will unfold better than you imagined!

Much love!
Caroline

footprints on my way
12-08-2010, 02:23 PM
Hello Phelana,

this is interesting, what you tell us about the fun but also about the sadness with the not committed affair you are living right now.

After the separation from my former husband 10 years ago, I have met men with the intention of staying with them as well as men, where it was certain from the beginning, that there wouldn't be much more then sex and cuddling. And everytime I did that I experienced sadness and the feeling of being split in two. Because for the purely sexual relationships I had to hide and protect my soul, which wasn't wanted in those encounters. There was no love there. Or least not the complete and fullfilling sort of love, which I wanted. Well, reflecting later, why I did have this sort of encounters/affairs at all, I can say, that they took place at times, when I was deeply in love with some Fred with whom I couldn't get together for whatever reason, and as my heart was occupied by longing for this Fred whom I couldn't get, I took the second best thing, which I could get - a sexual relationship with a guy who also couldn't commit himself to me at that time. So to sum it up: I made these emotianally not fullfilling experiences, because I myself was not ready for commitment and deep love.

But three years ago, during a group meditation at a retreat in a monastery I had a metaphysical experience which made me feel, that I'm really connected to All-that-is and to everybody who is. I felt, that I was not alone/never alone, even if physically I was alone at home for a weekend. From then on I somehow knew, that I would find my partner whom I could love with body, heart and soul. And I had two important whole relationships after that, which helped me finetune my desires of what I really want. One for half a year, and the next for 20 month. But even during those relationships, I felt complete. In both, the real me was wanted. Both men wanted to touch my heart. I was loved for what I was. Living those relationships I have also expanded into my nowadays being who feels completely ready for THE ONE.

I personally wouldn't go for the purely sexual not-commited thing again. I feel complete and want to be with a complete man to share a complete relationship were we are wonderfully and intensely connected with our Inner Beings/souls, our hearts, bodies, minds, where it's just obviously meant to be, because we are the right match.

I think I deserve to be with THE ONE right now. A friend of mine told me, that my former Freds were due to the fact, that I didn't say a 100% YES to myself at the time. But nowadays I do love and accept myself about 100%. Of course there is the occasional self-dought and I'm sometimes insecure like everybody else. But all in all it is fine. I accept me for what I am, that is why I now believe, I can attract a man who is also very much alighned with himself, and is able to love himself and me in a committed complete way.

So this is my story. If you are at another place right now, all is well. Because every experience helps you on your way. You are having fun and you are finetuning your desires. I suppose, the important thing is, to listen to the guidance of one's emotions and one's inner voice. And if you need to live a certain experience again and again, before you can go forward to the next step, that is fine, too. I have done that.

Wish you all the best. You are for sure a very attractive lady. And your IB deserves all the love of the world, too.

Anne :s11:

Anahid
12-09-2010, 04:35 PM
I love the responses..I love the men in my life for all they offer and appreciate their presence in my life BUT I love me and love being alone and am ITV most of the time..these tidbits help immensely.

Right now I am on a date with a fire lit..and grill cheese grilling and my flannel PJ's. It's a date with me..whoooo....

StarChild68
12-10-2010, 03:02 AM
Now the thing..when I come OOTV which happens now and again, I wonder how I truly feel about this "Friends With Benefits" that I seem to be involved in..the thing is, I want to matter..I want to be loved..and in the end I don't see this going that way...BUT

When I am with him we laugh and have SUCH FUN and I so appreciate every minute of time with him and APPRECIATE his smile, his intellect, his wisdom and his sexy self. When I leave his house I feel pure joy...then..days apart I feel sad and empty...OOTV..


Hi Phelana, for me the clue is OOTV. Abraham says you cannot ask for things to happen when you are OOTV and expect them to show up. sound like when you are together you have fun and enjoy each others company and are ITV. Focus on this when you are apart. do not let your thoughts go to not seein g it going that way .......

when we are out of the vortex we cannot see, other than to shoot off rockets. so shoot off your rockets keeping the good feelings you ahve with him in mind.

I want to have fun dating. How do you get them to line up?

Anahid
12-10-2010, 11:24 AM
thanks Star, I have a lovely photo of him on my work computer and when I open it up I gaze on his smile and feel such joy...and I wrote a letter to him (for me to keep not send) and wrote all my rampages of appreciation for him in detail..and I get back into the feeling of ITV because of ME...I feel joy for me...

I love our chats and how I FEEL when I am with my friend. WHOOOO..thanks for the clarity..

Meanwhile I have a date with a non friends with benefits guy I am seeing..we are going to hear an African Drum Concert and Dance Performance..what FUNNN..distraction doing other joyful moments..it's ALL good...

Maitri
12-10-2010, 02:11 PM
Phelana, it sounds like you are having a whopping good time! You're a shining example for me right now. You do matter. You are loved! And you're feeling the delicious evidence of it right now right exactly where you are.

It sounds like when you are feeling sad apart from him, it is because your perspective has shifted so you feel that HE is the source of your joy, when we all know that this is not true. Appreciating his wonderful aspects in the time when you are not physically together can help you romp and play ITV all the time!

I'm enjoying this discussion about fleeting pleasures vs. deeper commitment. I am not quite aligned with a committed relationship at this point in time, and I am really enjoying the possibilities of having friends with benefits. I do NOT, however, want to go home with some random person if the only thing we have in common is that we both want sex...not that I haven't done that before. But I've realized that the key for me is not whether the relationship is long-term or committed...only that it is FUN, respectful, kind, that we have a real connection that feels good. Defining the relationship is no longer as important to me. Committing to it without first freely enjoying it feels like putting the cart before the horse (I've done that too!)

You don't need to grasp it and define it and solidify it and commit to it. When one good thing comes along, you don't need to etch a contract in stone to ensure that you will always be loved and that you can always receive that joy. You can already receive it in your own connection to Source. There are so many magnificent people in this world! Fantastic men, incredible women, wonderful human beings. Dance with one, dance with another. Enjoy, appreciate, expand, refine your desires. Soon you will find a dance that just feels so wonderful that you can keep on dancing the dance and never stop, but it doesn't really matter, because you're having such fun one way or another.

I just listened to this wonderful bit on youtube that seems appropriate for this discussion...search for "abraham hicks long term relationships" to listen to this gem in its entirety!

"We never see you say to the ice cream cone, 'I was hoping for a long term relationship with you. Please don't melt! I'm just going to sit you here, and I will just lick you a tiny little bit every day. I want you to be a long term relationship.' Instead you say, 'I think I will enjoy this now, I think I will enjoy this now.'"

"If you were not so worried about it being long term, more of them would be. ... We would like to hear you begin to say, "Fun now, doesn't matter. Fun now, doesn't matter. Fun now, doesn't matter. Fun now, doesn't matter. It's fun now, life is good now, doesn't matter. Fun now, doesn't matter."

Anahid
12-10-2010, 02:34 PM
I am so dancing to this...wow, tears being ITV being IN LOVE with me and in LOVE with my Abe friends here..I feel so loved and I feel I do matter..JOY JOY..

It's all so good...

susu
12-10-2010, 08:18 PM
Excellent post Maitri! One now leads to another now and another and another...no one can ever KNOW that someone is going to be perfect 10,000 nows from now :D
But you can make the choice to love NOW and the next nows following and when you get the point where you do not feel FUN, you can also make the choice to hold your breath until the next now rolls along and discover if FUN resumes. (love is a choice one makes - it never happens TO us, it happens because we choose it)

footprints on my way
12-11-2010, 03:28 AM
Hello Maitri,

I absolutely love your post. You and also Susu are right, that it matters most to enjoy every moment of love and joy and deep connection to another person. That is also what really matters to me. The deep connection, the feeling of being on the same wave length, speaking the same language, enjoying every bit of each other, just because it feels so right. You never know in advance how long a relationship will stay that way. But I do believe, that one often can have a clue about the connection with somebody being a very special one. Lots of people, who have really satisfying, nourishing love relationships with a deep connection to each other and the freedom to live the deep connection to themselves/Source, have known from the very beginning, that this special person, they have met, might be THE ONE to stay with for a very long time, to go on forward in life in the company of each other, sharing and allowing each other...

Right now, I feel, that I have met such a person. But it is at a very early stage, so I have no way of knowing for sure. We didn't even have a real date yet, just seen each other a few times at a place, where we both go several times a month. And yes, it is not neccessary to commit to each other at such an early stage. It is most beneficial to just enjoy each other. But my heart and my belly (intution) has already found a 100% YES to this person, so that without outward bonds there is a delicious commitment from my heart and belly to be with this person, as long as we both want this.
If ever there should come a time, when we had to say Good Bye to each other, I would be able to do that, because I have done it before. I know, that nothing at all matters more in my life than the connection to Myself/Source. I know, that through my connection to Source I'm connected with everybody and everything. I know, that I'm able to easily connect with people. A lot of people like me and open up to me. I also feel spontaneous and intuitive connection to people fairly often. So if this new beginning Love won't work out, life won't stop. But I sincerely hope, it will work out, because I haven't met anybody who meets all desires which I have put out to the Universe about my ideal mate and the ideal way we interact with each other and feel in each others presence, in many, many years... And as I have developped/grown I believe, that now is the time, to live what I have always wanted. I have wanted to live this sort of relationship, which I see possible before my eyes with this man, all my life, since I was a kid. Like most people I had to have some step one moments before getting where I am now. There have been things from the past (family issues and more) which I had to overcome. Of course there also has been very good family inheritance. So nowadays I believe I have chosen to take the best out of what my family could give me, whilst leaving most of what doesn't serve me behind. And I sincerely believe, that therefore it is time now, to be and go forward with THE ONE. And I will enjoy it moment by moment, NOW by NOW, as long as possible.

Love to everybody here on this thread and on Susus thread "I manifested THE ONE". :s11:

Anne

Anahid
12-11-2010, 08:30 AM
beautifulllllll.....

My "wouldn't it be nice" manifested..I had a lovely night with my dream sweetie....and the entire time I was with him I felt pure joy...as I drove home I sang and weeped with joy....Happy ITV Saturday...love yourself deeply today..

HappyLu
12-20-2010, 03:25 PM
Hi all!

I agree with Maitri and the link he/she posted.

I also want to point out that "the one", as used in the American movie culture - which I disapprove, is not an universal concept and seems to me a very upstream idea, based on assumptions of extreme lack and scarcity. Even more upstream when folks here type it capitalised!
I guess it's a woman's thing, such as the upstream idea of marriage.

Abraham said, repeatedly, about a downstream relationship: I like you well enough, let's see how it goes.

Here in Europe people rather look for a person that is "right" and it is acknowledged that there are many options for everybody.

Abraham said that the universe keeps arranging for us to rendezvous with many compatible lovers, we just don't see them.

I believe that "friends with benefits" may make it easier to attract more of what we want, from giving more attention to the part we like from it, from a place of less lack and less resistance.

Anahid
12-20-2010, 07:50 PM
Happy, I LOVE that perspective...

I have made a mental list of the past 3 men I was seeing, one being my lover..and I acknowledge all that I love about each....

Instead of my old upstream way of focusing on what was NOT happening or what was NOT present, I now focus on all that I love and appreciate..

I am in a kind of quiet solo time period back on my little island celebrating time with MEEEEEE...

This quote means a lot: Abraham said, repeatedly, about a downstream relationship: I like you well enough, let's see how it goes.

I have to admit, I am thinking wayyyy a lot about my lover. I have not heard from him in a week so need to distract..I am on a beautiful island at my house surrounded by my furkids..

Much appreciation for your love and support...

Aes
12-21-2010, 02:32 PM
Now the thing..when I come OOTV which happens now and again, I wonder how I truly feel about this "Friends With Benefits" that I seem to be involved in..the thing is, I want to matter..I want to be loved..and in the end I don't see this going that way...

So your issue is that you lose awareness of your self, your soul, your inner being, your source, pick any label you want, and then you cannot feel that you are pure love, pure worth, pure joy, pure source energy. This "hole" as humans call it is nothing more than the result of losing awareness in the moment of who you are. And then human seeks to fix it by wanting other humans to give them what's missing. No lover can give you awareness of your self, and nothing else is missing.

Your issue seems to be that you want "more" than just sex and fun. Now if by "more" you simply meant the physical things like living together or doing things together or whatever, that would be one thing. But humans pretty much never mean that. When a human wants "more" out of relationship it almost always means they're looking for something that the other person cannot actually give them. As Abe puts it, looking for love in all the wrong places. The concept of wanting to feel loved, feel important, feel needed is highly flawed in human thinking. It always stems from lack of self awareness, which is to say you're out of the vortex because it's not possible to think like this when you're in the vortex.

"I want to be loved" - I'm not a fan of using the term love as a verb, as though it's something that is done to you (unless you mean it as slang for sex). Love is a label of energy. Love is therefore who we are, not what we do. We could debate semantics without benefit but thinking of love as an action or as something given from person to person leads to flawed understandings of what's really going on in the universe. If a being that is pure love somehow begins to feel unloved it means you've lost self awareness and only you can remedy that from within. It's a personal vibration thing, not a "I need a man to give me this feeling" thing. It would be like the ocean losing awareness that it is water, and then seeking someone or something out there to give it a drink, believing that it is thirsty.

"I want to matter" - same as above. Self worth or lackthereof is nothing more or less than an awareness or unawareness of who you are in the moment. It's not something that comes from another or from developing a physical skill. It's all about self awareness

Many people who say things like this also mean that they want to be important in someone else's life, and this is usually a synonym for saying you want someone else to NEED you. It's understandable if thinking with flawed human perspective. If they need you, then you specifically are special, you have value. The issue is that this is true all the time, you are special, and it has nothing to do with another person place or thing needing you.

This is totally disconnected thinking. Need means the other is insufficient without you, which means they are not currently in line with their source, their self. Because we are all God, we are all self sufficient. There's nothing wrong with relationships and cocreating but there is something inherently flawed about wanting to NEED others and using them as a source of "love" or self assurance, self worth. Like Abe says, it's looking for love in all the wrong places.

And you know that is true because when you're "in the vortex" all you say is about how fun it is. Only when you're out do you have the thoughts about needing to be loved and needing to matter. When you're in the vortex you don't need such things, not because a man is giving them to you at the time, but because you ARE those things, always. When you're "in the vortex" you're aware of that. Therefore the issue for everyone on this topic is awareness of self or lack of said awareness. The issue is never about a mate and what they are or are not giving you. You don't need them to give you anything when it comes to love, just like the ocean does not need you to give it a glass of water.

Anahid
12-21-2010, 04:22 PM
Aes, so true..when I get this "needy" feeling or "why doesn't he call me" feeling I am definitely OOTV. Today I felt it again and distracted myself and went out paddling on my stand up paddle. I was one with nature feeling pure joy...and I was feeling such peace. It was rewarding.

Aes, how do you get back ITV when this sort of icky old feeling creeps in? Others?

Honestly at the time of being with my lover I am ITV so happy spinning..it's the time apart that the old stuff lurks..

Peace

Gaiasgirl
01-06-2011, 08:11 AM
It would be like the ocean losing awareness that it is water, and then seeking someone or something out there to give it a drink, believing that it is thirsty.

Wow Aes, such a great post. I'm thinking that this applies to all situations where we might be seeking the approval of others... or anything outside of ourselves for fulfillment.

Anahid
01-12-2011, 04:38 PM
May I wish you all a great day..

A little update on my Friends with Benefits.....I call him my bootylicious call when we are being silly...

I met him Oct. 25, we have had some long chats but mostly watch a movie, lay in bed and chat and then make love. I love seeing him, love his face, his taste, he is sexy and quite fine. When I am getting ready I love the way I look the way I feel..I look quite nice and sexy and feel like a hottie for sure.

I have come to see that our relationship is about sex and am mostly ok with this. At times old stuff old beliefs stream in and I feel rather needy and lonely...so I distract and focus on how much fun I have when I am getting ready..how I feel.....

Sometimes I feel I should let go...I am gathering data and having no strings fun but.....there is that old nagging stuff.. the biggest issue is he works in a private boarding school so has huge responsibilities (resides in a dorm as an adult resident supervisor) and is a single Dad. He also coaches two seasons of sports. In other words he is always busy. When I am not seeing him I am casually dating others and having FUN..but he is my only sex partner and he is very juicy...

Ok, just an update..whatcha think? I need to focus more on how I feel? Well, I am IN and OUT of the Vortex...phew...

HappyLu
01-29-2011, 11:41 AM
I found a relevant passage, where an attractive woman asks how she should date and be sexual

[LOA 11 disk 2, 30-34min.]

"dating Abraham style"
...
<<I'm not looking for a meaningful relationship, I am looking for a meaningful moment: a moment that feels good now.
when you hear I am not looking for anything serious, we want you to say and mean it: "that's exactly what I am looking for!"
the serious stuff bogs us down, what I am looking for is an excuse for lining up with whom I am
(...)
gender differences? for the most part learnt behaviour
there is no vibrational difference between males and females>>

what a relief listening to this!!

JoshuaDM
03-21-2011, 12:18 AM
Thanks for that post HappyLu--I'm going to use it!

Anahid
03-21-2011, 07:11 PM
love this too..the serious stuff does weigh heavily and distracts from staying high on the EGS. It's fun to have FUN..and not have to have the serious talks all the time...

Nela
08-08-2011, 09:32 AM
Once again, found exactly the thread I have been looking for... thanks Universe :D

I have gotten myself involved into pretty much exactly this situation - have this guy that I just love love love to be with, every second is amazing, every moment is as close to perfection with someone as I've ever come. I feel incredible with him. I've never felt more desired and I've never desired anyone more, just physically, have never been so comfortable and so full of appreciation of a man before. It's a "friends with benefits" thing and I am trying to keep ITV about it, because the moments together are as vortexy as nothing I've ever experienced.

But now that I have... I want to feel like that all the time! How can I do that? I obviously can't spend 24/7 with him, and he's not supposed to be the source of these feelings, I know... but how do I feel this amazing all the time?
Because now that I know how great I can feel... "doing okay" is just not enough anymore!

wakati
08-08-2011, 11:34 AM
I did a year of FWB. Each dalliance was fun and gave me an opportunity to add something to my pie. Then I got that thing in my next dalliance. It was amazing how fast my preferences were manifesting. Then I met a guy and my preference became I want a long term relationship. Somehow that desire came with a lot of resistance. However, I deliberately worked on closing my gap and the person rotated out of my experience in a contrasty way. Mostly because I was holding on and not keeping up to speed with my desire.

At any rate, I kept deliberately closing my gap, not taking any action until I got back from the cruise. Within a week of the cruise I was approached by more than 5 guys and I kept preferencing. I'm in a budding relationship with one of them now and it's working fabulously. I am allowing the Universe to arrange the rendezvous while I concentrate on my alignment. He surprised me this week by coming to visit a week earlier than planned. I'm having a ball :-)

I did a post earlier about dating rules and some other error thinking I had going on surrounding being loved for me. I am constantly coming up to speed with my desires and establishing a new set point for how I see myself in relationships. It's lots of fun.

Allower Power
08-08-2011, 12:02 PM
So your issue is that you lose awareness of your self, your soul, your inner being, your source, pick any label you want, and then you cannot feel that you are pure love, pure worth, pure joy, pure source energy. This "hole" as humans call it is nothing more than the result of losing awareness in the moment of who you are. And then human seeks to fix it by wanting other humans to give them what's missing. No lover can give you awareness of your self, and nothing else is missing.

Your issue seems to be that you want "more" than just sex and fun. Now if by "more" you simply meant the physical things like living together or doing things together or whatever, that would be one thing. But humans pretty much never mean that. When a human wants "more" out of relationship it almost always means they're looking for something that the other person cannot actually give them. As Abe puts it, looking for love in all the wrong places. The concept of wanting to feel loved, feel important, feel needed is highly flawed in human thinking. It always stems from lack of self awareness, which is to say you're out of the vortex because it's not possible to think like this when you're in the vortex.

"I want to be loved" - I'm not a fan of using the term love as a verb, as though it's something that is done to you (unless you mean it as slang for sex). Love is a label of energy. Love is therefore who we are, not what we do. We could debate semantics without benefit but thinking of love as an action or as something given from person to person leads to flawed understandings of what's really going on in the universe. If a being that is pure love somehow begins to feel unloved it means you've lost self awareness and only you can remedy that from within. It's a personal vibration thing, not a "I need a man to give me this feeling" thing. It would be like the ocean losing awareness that it is water, and then seeking someone or something out there to give it a drink, believing that it is thirsty.

"I want to matter" - same as above. Self worth or lackthereof is nothing more or less than an awareness or unawareness of who you are in the moment. It's not something that comes from another or from developing a physical skill. It's all about self awareness

Many people who say things like this also mean that they want to be important in someone else's life, and this is usually a synonym for saying you want someone else to NEED you. It's understandable if thinking with flawed human perspective. If they need you, then you specifically are special, you have value. The issue is that this is true all the time, you are special, and it has nothing to do with another person place or thing needing you.

This is totally disconnected thinking. Need means the other is insufficient without you, which means they are not currently in line with their source, their self. Because we are all God, we are all self sufficient. There's nothing wrong with relationships and cocreating but there is something inherently flawed about wanting to NEED others and using them as a source of "love" or self assurance, self worth. Like Abe says, it's looking for love in all the wrong places.

And you know that is true because when you're "in the vortex" all you say is about how fun it is. Only when you're out do you have the thoughts about needing to be loved and needing to matter. When you're in the vortex you don't need such things, not because a man is giving them to you at the time, but because you ARE those things, always. When you're "in the vortex" you're aware of that. Therefore the issue for everyone on this topic is awareness of self or lack of said awareness. The issue is never about a mate and what they are or are not giving you. You don't need them to give you anything when it comes to love, just like the ocean does not need you to give it a glass of water.

Abraham says that "...nothing is more important than the manifested reflection of the genius and the power and the clarity and the love of who you are. In other words, manifestation, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, reflecting back what? Reflecting back your relationship with who you really are and nothing more."

I wasn't specifically looking for a thread on this topic. I was just sort of poking around and rendezvoused with this beautiful gem. It's just perfect!

:s13:

footprints on my way
08-08-2011, 03:28 PM
Originally posted by Wakati:
"At any rate, I kept deliberately closing my gap, not taking any action until I got back from the cruise. Within a week of the cruise I was approached by more than 5 guys and I kept preferencing. I'm in a budding relationship with one of them now and it's working fabulously. I am allowing the Universe to arrange the rendezvous while I concentrate on my alignment. He surprised me this week by coming to visit a week earlier than planned. I'm having a ball :-)"

Hello Wakati, so good to hear that :s13: I read your posts in those two other threads about dating, and could relate to them very well... Me also having started a new love relationship recently with partly the same questions in my mind... Happy to hear, that you are happy right now with your new guy... :aniheart::aniheart::vortex2:
Love to you,

Anne :s11:

richardfranklinmorse
08-08-2011, 06:17 PM
He surprised me this week by coming to visit a week earlier than planned. I'm having a ball :-)

Wow, Wakati - that guy is eager and easy!

wakati
08-09-2011, 09:22 AM
Wow, Wakati - that guy is eager and easy!

LOL!!!!!

Yes, he is. It's been good while he's here.

It was so funny. This whole time he was hinting that he was going to try to come earlier. Then, last Friday night we were chatting and he asked me how I would feel if he met me in the airport Sunday night. I said, very conservatively, that I would be "pleasantly surprised". On my way to Orlando's airport on Sunday we were chatting and I asked him where he was. We always joke that he's at this one spot where he lives. He finally let the cat out the bag and said he would meet me in the airport when I land..."surprise". When I saw that message, my whole face lit up. I think I lit up the plane with my smile. And he was there when I got of the plane in baggage claim:-)

Even better than this is that Sunday morning, I aligned on another key belief regarding relationships. I was totally in the Vortex. My mantra for this whole thing is that I will be responsible for my alignment and I'll allow the Universe to handle my rendezvous. What a rendezvous it was!!!!!

He leaves today. More aligning to do. I came into the office prepared to do some Vortex work on this. Re-telling the story zapped me right back in! I can't wait to see what other rendezvous the Universe has planned.

YAY!!!

Nela
08-09-2011, 09:58 AM
Wakati, I love this story and I love how you are handling it. You are really an inspiration!

I wonder if that was the answer to my question just now... :laugh: "Just get in the Vortex and you'll see it play out just like you want!"

But I'll ask this anyways... what do you guys think...

I know a surefire way of getting ITV, which is "hanging out" with my FWB again as soon as possible, because every moment of that is bliss.
Now because we had a rather complicated relationship in the past, I shy away from calling him too much because I feel like if I appear too urgent or eager about seeing him, he'll get freaked that it might turn into something where I'd ask him to commit himself to me fully, and he'll try blocking me off.
Even writing this just feels silly... what an OOTV train of thought... I want to think about this differently!

Do you think that I should just honestly tell him I'm loving the sex and everything around it, and I want to see him again asap? Because just the prospect gets me high on good feelings, but then not knowing when it will happen reactivates that "but I don't have it RIGHT NOW!"-vibration.

Is it okay to use someone to get into the Vortex? Abe says about dating that we should just treat all these people we meet as excuses to get ITV.

But as long as I have mixed expectations of what calling him will result in... should I hold off? (it's REALLY NOT EASY to :laugh:) Will my vibration mess it up?


I'm not sure I'm making any sense right now... it feels like such a silly line of thought! How would you approach this?

MiAlma
08-09-2011, 10:19 AM
Hi Nela:

I highly recommend you read this thread started by Muriz, it is so inspiring!

http://www.abeforum.com/showthread.php?24772-HE-as-an-enhancement-of-my-alignment

Nela
08-10-2011, 06:56 AM
Hi MiAlma... by the way, hablas Espanol? Me gusta tu nombre! :)

I am reading this and I appreciate it, I even printed the first page to have and read all over again... it is just not exactly where I am right now vibrationally, I'm still wanting to go there. It's definitely an inspiration!


I guess what I'm not seeing right now is how to feel that kind of bliss completely in, and because of, myself - it's like I need to have excuses to line up... and this FWB is decidedly the best excuse, but then I tend to go ahead and use him also as the excuse for not aligning, whenever we're apart. Like Abe says --> extra screwy!

Salynn
09-01-2011, 03:06 AM
What matters is how you feel when your with him. When you start worrying about where your relationship is going you are going to spoil even what you have now. So just enjoy and have fun with your now and leave the rest to the Universe

vikramdsalokhe
10-25-2011, 08:07 AM
Hi abers,

i am bit puzzled on one situation , it would be great if you advice me your view by aber way.

Since last 5 years i am working with software company in india. I got very good friend in my team. Although she was marrid my affection grown and i got very much in love with her . i started doing every thing to please her . she also used me a lot for her personal ego needs. As a team lead i assume power in work of team so it was possible to me.

Latter i found her behaviour preety arogant and self centered , only satifying her needs like mental need to have friend like me to whom she can talk ,chat,laugh etc and in work protective enviroment as team lead (me) her good friend. She started emotionally black mail me by showing her protest for every thing i do and getting things as per her .In short a Mental slave who will always think for her and have great fear to loose her.

As abe said it is your job to satisfy your own self not others . I gave up this mental slavery by detaching myself by all means except communication for official needs. Now she tries to show me low on every front also provoke me by comments. This raises my anger /hate to great level, also induces fear that i may loose my position if she revolts. Clubing of these emotions makes me restless on many occassion.

I wish to let her go from my experience in peaceful manner (even though she may physically present by side of me), but she remains alive in my self how to gave up the this awareness about her and feel joyful.

More precisely how to get rid of such a bad relationship/memories .

Please advice.

robrave
11-14-2011, 02:38 AM
Hi abers,

i am bit puzzled on one situation , it would be great if you advice me your view by aber way.

Since last 5 years i am working with software company in india. I got very good friend in my team. Although she was marrid my affection grown and i got very much in love with her . i started doing every thing to please her . she also used me a lot for her personal ego needs. As a team lead i assume power in work of team so it was possible to me.

Latter i found her behaviour preety arogant and self centered , only satifying her needs like mental need to have friend like me to whom she can talk ,chat,laugh etc and in work protective enviroment as team lead (me) her good friend. She started emotionally black mail me by showing her protest for every thing i do and getting things as per her .In short a Mental slave who will always think for her and have great fear to loose her.

As abe said it is your job to satisfy your own self not others . I gave up this mental slavery by detaching myself by all means except communication for official needs. Now she tries to show me low on every front also provoke me by comments. This raises my anger /hate to great level, also induces fear that i may loose my position if she revolts. Clubing of these emotions makes me restless on many occassion.

I wish to let her go from my experience in peaceful manner (even though she may physically present by side of me), but she remains alive in my self how to gave up the this awareness about her and feel joyful.

More precisely how to get rid of such a bad relationship/memories .

Please advice.

Knowing what you know, you've got nothing to be afraid of and so, there is no chance she can affect your experience as long as you don't let her comments provoke you.

How about you try this?

Before going to work, picture her in her truest self, meaning, imagine all the good things within her. You'll know when to stop when you feel good. Now, promise to yourself that no matter what happen, you will keep the feel good state at all times. Then go to work.

Keep your stance. Focus on her positive side as this can help you maintain.

TheBrightestDay
06-25-2012, 01:17 AM
Oh man, reading this thread and seeing everyone in sexual bliss have me going crazy.


This is what I want, I would love to attract sex, love, and more sex.

It's just I've never had sex before and this thread is just driving me nuts, no pun intended :smile:

I don't even remember the last time I was touched by a female, unless it's in my virtual reality, which is all day everyday, maybe I should stay there more.

I want to attract wild sex, I feel my desire is overwhelming !!