View Full Version : How to love ME & my IB...& be "FRED RESISTANT"?

01-18-2011, 11:28 AM
hello to all the wonderful people here,
my name is michelle and i am new to the forum...i have been a lurker for a while. i have had abraham come into my life just within the past year...timing could not have been more perfect! funny how that is! having all these wonderful teachings in my life has literally has been a life saver for me in the most gigantic way! possible!! i do not know where i would be without it all! and now, i have happened upon this forum, again, just when i needed it the most-in what is feeling like a very desperate hour! so, now on to my story for all of you...
i am a 41 year old woman who has pretty much been a loveless marriage for the greater part of 20 years...i have been aware of this for many years & it has finally come to an end. i have two wonderful children who are a great part of my life. they are not my entire life. i know they have their own IB's & are planning their own paths that will soon take them to where they need to be...i want to be able to give them the best of me until then.

i am having a hard time not feeling desperate about my life. i do take time for myself, go out & have fun, have the best girlfriends and family in the world, & am surrounded by so much love & support... but i feel lacking of the love, support & worthiness toward myself! i guess the bottom line is HOW does one start feeling truly unquestionably & unconditionally deserving of all the wanting....the wonderful relationships, not latching onto the first FRED that comes along & gives you a bit of attention. I sort of thought i was already there, but i have to be honest with myself- I AM NOT! How does one stay grounded "IN LOVE" WITH ME/IB.....it seems to me that this is so fundamental to everything else, staying in the vortex, good thoughts, etc....help please!!! any thoughts at all will be so appreciated..
so glad to be here, michelle

01-18-2011, 12:58 PM
Hi Michelle and welcome out of de-lurking! :)

I think it takes practice. I have heard Abraham talk many times about practicing the vibration of the vortex until it is stable. So you're doing fine and you're on the right track. Your IB is "there" so you really are there.

01-18-2011, 04:10 PM
WELCOME!!! :) Here is a good thread...enjoy:


01-18-2011, 06:07 PM
wow Mari, you are getting good at this GF .

Loveless marriage, that's a tuff one. I let mine go when it go to that point after a 17yr marriage. Turned to be the best thing for both of us. But that was us, not you. I would definitely get your head on straight before making a changes. You will feel better just doing that.

01-18-2011, 06:24 PM
Thanks for starting up this thread :-) I had a FRED once, not a marriage or lover but someone who was a great fisher of contrast; I have a lot of contrast in my childhood and he found it and I was left pretty bereft and starting from the beginning. (His name was actually "Fred"...that's what caught my attention) Wish I had the Abe teachings then. I think you have identified the answer and the problem...You said, "I feel lacking of the love, support and worthiness toward myself". In the Vortex Book and cds are great help, for what you are asking for. In fact all the books--offer practice exercises to get you into a pattern of keeping the best possible feeling going and sustaining that....when that happens everything starts to falls into place--you are in the Vortex...the key is how you feel... You have to get you in that, "good feelings", space and you are responsible for keeping up the good feelings vibration that will attract good and happy things. I wish us all well in that endeavour.

01-18-2011, 07:17 PM
thanks to all of you! how wonderful it is to be here! YES, i must practice more of the ITV exercises & meditations.
i think that b/c i was in this crap marriage for so long...thinking that it was mine to fix, etc...combined with feeling ever so lonely causes me the most strife! i want to take a shortcut into someones arms just to feel some intimate connection with someone else. that is not to say that i would hop into the sack with the first FRED! i am in such a desperate or needy place right now, feeling i have sort of paid my dues. could i be feeling a bit sorry for myself? jeez, almost 20 years, that's a very long time!
i do know that i must get good with ME & ME (IB) in order to have all the good come into my life. but, this lack is so very strong in my head & heart right now...very overwhelming!!! where should i begin? baby step suggestions, please!!!

01-18-2011, 08:13 PM
Read SLH's post on this thread (#2)...it's awesome! :)


01-18-2011, 10:42 PM
And you can't get it wrong. So maybe you do meet up with a Fred, no big deal. Of course if you are resisting the idea of a Fred, then that increases the likelihood that you will! :)

01-19-2011, 12:59 AM
HI Michelle,
I was in a 20 year loveless marriage too.
Here is the good news - once you recognized the lack of love, you changed your vibration to a higher one. Already you are moving away from the vibration you were in that kept you rooted to a marriage gone wrong. Celebrate that! Love the heck out of it! Whooooo Hooooo!!!

Fred is everywhere my dear. And your Fred is someone else's prince charming. You don't have to fear Fred. Fred is just some contrast that shows you what you do want. No big deal at all.

I want to talk about the idea of "reflection of your vibration". Abe talks about this a lot but I think people pay way too much attention to this. Then they are off trying to fix their vibration so that they dont attract contrast. Its really backward thinking. The real key is simply paying attention to what you DO want and ignoring the stuff you dont.

Your vibration will change very quickly if you pay attention to what you do want. The stuff you don't want is simply not worth your time or energy - including Fred.

Repeat after me - "I am not responsible for what other people think about me. I am not responsible for what other people think, feel or do!"

Your happiness and how YOU feel are the only thing that matter. So when you are dating and you meet a guy who turns out to be a Fred - you dont have to dwell on him or his behavior at all. You can just let it all go and just appreciate whatever you DID like.

"Oh Fred was so cute. I really loved how he dressed. But gee, I am a calm and loving person. This Fred is not calm or loving so he is not for me. I dont have to fight Fred or change him. I can let him off the hook. He is just not for me."

Keep doing this and I guarantee that you WILL meet the one man who is really right for YOU. But you have to focus on YOU. Never mind what they do or say. All that matters is how YOU feel about THEM.

Focus only on what you LIKE. But never settle for a mess of what you dont like in one person just because they have some of what you like. Some is not good enough.

"I really liked his maturity. But I really want someone who will go dancing with me." "I really liked his sense of humor, but he is not very mature." "I really liked..."

Dont even bother with trying to change your vibrations. Its the focusing on what you dont like that creates the vibration that keeps bringing it back to you. So just pass it on by. Its no big deal if you dont pay attention to it.

01-19-2011, 04:32 AM
Hi to the newby! :hearts:

:laugh: I never got why the "Fred"- thingy became such a "no no no".

Freds and all kind of relationships can be suuuuuch fun! Indeed, mine is a Vortex-guarantee, so to speak, after I shook off the bad feeling yearning. Since then Iīm feeling great if I catch a glimpse of him, a look, a shy touch... when I go into virtual reality about him- all this is a sheer blessing for me.

You never ever get the ESSENCE frome anything outside of you, this is clear. But we Aberīs are not in denial about the "need" to have financial abundance or yummy cake ore lots of other great STUFF, either. All this tactile, tangible, calling things/relationships are the zest for physical life and the reason for joy. We came to live this!! We are SUPPOSED to get this, and to create our life with all what we want, including Fred. Donīt get "over" him. YOU CAN HAVE HIM!!! NOW. In VR everything is possible :devil:.

Donīt get resistant against him (wouldnīt work, anyway ;);)), USE him! Put him to work for you! Adore him, dream around him, shape and mold him, love him in VR, play with him- and give no rip if he adores or loves you back. Feel whatever you feel, because IT MAKES YOU HAPPY ANYWAY.

Whenever you find something that makes your heart sing just a little bit (and Fredīs normally do so) it is the greatest gift in the world to let your life-energy flow through this valve.

FEEL your life, again, get excited. Feel your heart pounding fast. Feel aroused. Feel hopeful, donīt suppress the wishes, HAVE them, enjoy them. Feel the sweeetnes of your dreams! Play the "wouldnīt it be nice"- game around this blessed beeing! Thatīs driftwood, thatīs (tangible?) delivery of the NEW stuff/ideas you where looking for, all this last years. Maybe itīs not a 100%. So what?

See him as a kind of heavenly catalogue, where you can thumb through and make your choices. "No... I would like this instead of that... more of those, MUCH more... ohh, THIS is nice!! I want that, never before even thought about it- but, please without THIS..." This should be fun. Donīt we all love shopping? And you donīt even have to pay a prize, itīs a win- win!! You get easier, joy-fuller, more open. Thatīs good for you and everyone around you.

You know what Iīm talking about? Have fun with all the Freds. Try them. Like a dress, like an unknown delicacy. Poke at them with a stick, proof them. You donīt need to keep him. You donīt need to be perfect, not at all! You just "need" to feel life again- and get a clearer idea of what you prefer, than ever before. This is the RIDE, where Abe talks about. The sweet-zone. The not-yet-beeing-there-zone. The molding-the-clay-zone.

This is the JOURNEY, the "vacation-trip" you donīt want to cut short by saying: "Wait- Iīm home now, why shall I go to all this citys (Paris,Rome...) just to end up home again? My vacation is accomplished already- I check vacation off my list".

:laugh: Oh, and what a CHANCE to try new ways of behaviour!! You can play VERY new roles. You can look how far you are able to walk a special line. Dress up different. Walk different. Be silly. Be clever. Be "impossible". Be FUNNY! Be shy. Be disinterested and cool. Be hot! Find new sides of YOU! Try, play, dare, give up, dream new, dream impossible, think out of the box. WHAT A CHANCE.

The only thing you have to keep in mind, that (while it is more than COMPLETELY ok to look for- and want something) it doesnīt work to manifest "it", in wanting to "have it", so that you can be happy.

You need to be happy first- and than you will get, whatever you want. (And if you donīt know what you want- enjoy an incredible vacation-trip- time of exploring and finding it out!)

01-19-2011, 09:52 AM
Love that POE. Totally upbeat and happy! And very true all of it.
Yes life is PLAY.
Perfect message first thing in the morning! Ta dahlink!

01-19-2011, 11:35 AM

01-19-2011, 05:15 PM
I am sending the most heartfelt thank you to you all! I know, I FEEL I am here for the most special reason....ME!!! I cherish all the kind words of wisdom & encouragement...it warms my soul up!! ESP. here in the cold Midwest! ;)
I am sure I will have more to say later...
this sure is a very special place indeed!
xoxo Michelle