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View Full Version : People who think people are saddos!



Liz1961
05-16-2011, 06:42 PM
Hi,

I have been single for x years now (2 figures) and have a fab child. Before my child came along I had expereinced two lengthy relationships (2 that lasted almost double figures each, back to back). When my child was vey very young my ex and I split. My child and her dad and my ex and I have a fab relationship and I am so proud of how its panned out.

But But But........someone said to me the other day "oh L, I dont want to end up like you at your age". They meant when I asked them to clarify this they sheepishly said " well being quite mature, living alone, being a single mum and having to make new friendships to hang with". I had no choice otherwise I would have sat at home alone!!!. Anyway this came from an extremely handsome young male in his prime of life. He may as well have just called me an old desperate saddo. I felt very hurt but laughed...pride, fall n'stuff. Well it came,the fall.

To pick myself up I posted on other general board yesterday as I was in melt down about a heap of stuff (i.e. not in the vortex then..lol). Someone then said it today at work but in a kinder way i.e. "dont you think its about time you got yourself a partner...its been x years alone now (2 figures).

So 2 issues here one being, yep, I want a partner...thats something separate and I have received help in another thread. The other issue and why I post here is......does anyone have a standard response to say to people who make such remarks to me...frequently they do this. I currently bat them off making out I am busy. I pretend I am easy about it and have a fun filled busy life so as to not to give away how I really feel. Inside I feel defensive, hurt, ashamed and a bit of an oddity for being single still, like no-one wants me or ever will. As mentioned thats a work in progress. Does anyone have a quick line back that gets em off your back without being unkind , nasty, cutting or saying why dont you mind your own business you overly smug person.

:s13:
L x

WildLily
05-16-2011, 07:09 PM
When he said that he didn't want to turn out like you, you could have answered in a genuinely jolly voice, "What do you mean, happy?" You've had two successful relationships and you have wonderful child. That's good stuff! Now, if you feel like you're wanting a new relationship now, that's cool too. You can change your story to include an exciting, interesting, satisfying relationship any time you like, and you can start attracting that while still being gloriously happy right where you are now. And don't forget, the people interacting with us are responding to OUR vibration, so you could also put out there that you want your friends and colleagues to only say uplifting and positive things to you.

Su :s13:

marie la luz
05-16-2011, 08:47 PM
How about "Wow, are you trying to hurt my feelings?"

lemon-up
05-16-2011, 09:08 PM
How about "Wow, are you trying to hurt my feelings?"

thanku-i love this :)
i'm learning to be more direct in my communication, i just can't blow things off all the time or the other person never gets to know who i am. and right now i am not here to be abused-go away if that is the intent. yes i turn the other cheek to look in another direction of better thot, but sometimes i must clear things up on the physical plane then move along.

and who knows, maybe the person saying what ever doesn't realize how they are coming off to friends and family or etc.

lemon-up
05-16-2011, 09:12 PM
what is the other general board?

TheXception
05-17-2011, 02:26 PM
I am single, too, and no one ever says things like this to me. I wonder why they are saying them to you. Why do you think you are drawing comments like "I don't want to end up like you."? How do you feel about yourself?

I wasn't there and don't know this guy, but I wonder if he was simply (if awkwardly) offering an appreciation of the challenge you face, but, in your insecurity, it felt to you like "You're a saddo." rather than "I am rooting for you." or something. I even suspect that your vibe could be so strong that, when you pressed him for what he meant, he forgot that he didn't mean anything insulting.

I can understand why you'd want a line. Knowing you have one handy can lower the resistance to unwanted (but expected) comments. I think, when you know (and like) yourself more, not only will such a line present itself to you, you will have less of a need for it; you would be able to handle comments gracefully.

On a more action-oriented note: have you considered taking up dancing? I am not promising you will meet someone, but I doubt you'll be sad.

And some lines (at various points on the EGS):

**** off.
Did you hear me ask for advice?
Well, I think you should X. (where x is something to improve the other's life)
You know, I can see why you'd say that. I could use some more X in my life.
Ya, I would love to be 25 and handsome. Any ideas how I can do that?
You're welcome to do something fun with me any time.
It might surprise you to realize how happy/content/whatever I am.
Ya, that's why they call it "my" life.
I am glad you don't have my life, too, because then I wouldn't have it.
Thank you for your interest/concern.
If I could know where to find that kind of a relationship right now I'd already be in one (or several), so telling me I should be in one isn't really all that helpful.
I know you mean well, but I am not one to be pitied.

Many of these statements can actually move on the EGS depending whether you deliver them with sincerity, sarcasm, amusement, or whatever.

Jensine
05-17-2011, 04:12 PM
I am single, too, and no one ever says things like this to me. I wonder why they are saying them to you. Why do you think you are drawing comments like "I don't want to end up like you."? How do you feel about yourself?

I wasn't there and don't know this guy, but I wonder if he was simply (if awkwardly) offering an appreciation of the challenge you face, but, in your insecurity, it felt to you like "You're a saddo." rather than "I am rooting for you." or something. I even suspect that your vibe could be so strong that, when you pressed him for what he meant, he forgot that he didn't mean anything insulting.

I can understand why you'd want a line. Knowing you have one handy can lower the resistance to unwanted (but expected) comments. I think, when you know (and like) yourself more, not only will such a line present itself to you, you will have less of a need for it; you would be able to handle comments gracefully.

On a more action-oriented note: have you considered taking up dancing? I am not promising you will meet someone, but I doubt you'll be sad.

And some lines (at various points on the EGS):

**** off.
Did you hear me ask for advice?
Well, I think you should X. (where x is something to improve the other's life)
You know, I can see why you'd say that. I could use some more X in my life.
Ya, I would love to be 25 and handsome. Any ideas how I can do that?
You're welcome to do something fun with me any time.
It might surprise you to realize how happy/content/whatever I am.
Ya, that's why they call it "my" life.
I am glad you don't have my life, too, because then I wouldn't have it.
Thank you for your interest/concern.
If I could know where to find that kind of a relationship right now I'd already be in one (or several), so telling me I should be in one isn't really all that helpful.
I know you mean well, but I am not one to be pitied.

Many of these statements can actually move on the EGS depending whether you deliver them with sincerity, sarcasm, amusement, or whatever.


:laugh:

Loved that whole post,

Jensine x

honeypie
05-17-2011, 04:21 PM
When people say things I don't like, usually at this stage in my life it has been about my parenting, I choose not to have those comments in my experience. I remind myself that a preference has been born, that comment that I didnot enjoy has served its purpose, and then I move on. :hearts: much simpler than trying to figure out how to deal with it in the future. :)

marie la luz
05-17-2011, 04:33 PM
Sometimes when you feel insecure about something, or feel like you don't know how to handle something everyone and their grandma will seem to want to come over and poke a stick in it. I can understand why someone would not want to say something mean in return, or defensive, because that doesn't solve the problem. I've been there where I felt tension regarding something and people have been seemingly very nasty. Good thing I have found is that when you feel confident to be able to handle those situations, seems like they go away. :) The future looks bright with this issue in other words.

Liz1961
05-17-2011, 05:24 PM
Hi lemonaidelife.......Abaham Hicks Teachings and you is the other board I meant. Thank you for your kind support and wise words.

L xxx

Liz1961
05-17-2011, 05:34 PM
Thanks everyone so much.

Xception....looking for a dance class as we speak!..... Going for "**** off".....liked that. Oh you made me smile and giggle. Go pick on someone your own age or sorry, I am so old I am deaf, what did you say? are two more I have now thought of....you have given me ideas.

Gaily.....exactly. I think as I had been happy and ok that when the comment came it was out of the blue. I had been feeling low in mood for weeks which I know somehow I had been attracting that comment....when its bad its bad and when its good its good.

Yes how can I focus upstream (problem) when I should be going downstream (solution). Scientifically impossible to do both.....

I was liking myself and had forgotten that I should.

Blessings to you all. I am just being today and it feels easier.

Lxxxxxxxxxx:s13:

lemon-up
05-17-2011, 10:14 PM
i laughed so hard at the f-off response.hahahaha

i remember a time when i felt it was important to focus intently on an unwanted thing......i felt i would never do something about it unless i admitted it and obsessed about[telling that story cos it's reality! lol]. changing this has been a bit bizarre and like flying blind-[not telling it like it is can be scary]- like, ok if you say so i'll try this refocusing thing. what a joy to see it has worked out. i still get to obsess on a negative occassionally since my old patterns were so ingrained.

improvements come and go for me.....just the other day i was super stressed about today's upcoming event [that worked out fabu by the way]..anyway, also other contrasts flying around had me "totally worried"- at the same time i was reorganizing my closet and i needed one last basket/container to make it perfect. well i couldn't find the perfect basket anywhere....... so instead of focusing on all the various stressors i obsessed over the basket--i went for hours totally consumed with and unrelenting pictures of baskets in my mind.

i laughed and used estherhams saying "kill me now"......hahaha.......somehow after a whole nite of that i was able to start focusing on good things. but obsessing on the basket wasn't so bad compared to some other things that i was worried about. [which by the way all turned out really well, no surprise there anyway.lol]

oh, and the basket hasn't arrived but i found 2 other containers i had around here........they will do till the basket finds me.:allgood::trampoline:

lemon-up
05-17-2011, 10:15 PM
Hi lemonaidelife.......Abaham Hicks Teachings and you is the other board I meant. Thank you for your kind support and wise words.

L xxx

thankyou.....i'm still very disoriented on the forum, bouncing around and posting.

WildLily
05-18-2011, 12:18 PM
There's a great Abe quote about being "unhurtable" or "un-put-downable" or something that was marvelous (I can't find the quote and the words may have been a little different, but the FEELING of it really helped me a lot. Years ago I was anything BUT unhurtable; I was quite sensitive and took every comment about me in the most negative way. And the fact that I was so "hurtable" or "offend-able", I sure did draw a lot of negative treatment my way. Then I heard that thought: "hey, you CAN become unhurtable, in fact that's who you REALLY are..." things changed for me (note: that is just a paraphrase :smile:) And I actually started to change the story I had been telling about myself. Then I could hear almost anything said about me, and I was still super happy (most of the time- I'm not in the Vortex 100% of the time :laugh::laugh:) And NOW, since my thoughts and vibe have shifted so much in that area, most people treat me really well. Not only have *I* moved more into the praise/positive energy side of things, so have they. Wahoo!

Su :s13:

lemon-up
05-18-2011, 08:44 PM
i was magnet for that kind of comment too-why some ppl enjoy that type of fun i don't know.[they prob feel like crap and want to pass it on-lol].

anyway, since coming to abe's teachings i found that i felt so many negative emotions that i felt humiliated by their comments, so of course i felt worse when they spewed their hateful comments.[so it forced me into seeking higher learning which is the benefit of the high contrast i think]. :trampoline:

so now that i feel safe and worthy they can't hurt me or do me wrong- i just think "blah,blah,blah" when they are going on and on. [all of this is in my work place which i've done for many,many years-but i'm sure good things are in my vortex for all of this high contrast].

i do get fewer low level haters now, but it seems like the big guns are out the past month{and yes, this did shake me up and OOTV]. i'm also sure i will keep moving into that positive vibe location so i'm not worried about this now.[cause they can't hurt me :D ]

and i get plenty of praise and kudos and admiration at my job as well.......it's that wave of two sides i guess.[and what's kept me there so long perhaps.].

TheXception
05-20-2011, 02:00 PM
Did you find a class?

Liz1961
05-21-2011, 01:35 PM
Hi there.....no not yet but I am waiting for a yoga class to get back to me and began painting my hall and stairs so keeping busy. Am a lot better than last weekend thank you.

Thank you too for your time and kindness and I did listen to you. Hope you are enjoying your weekend.

L xx:s13:

JoshuaDM
05-23-2011, 01:28 AM
I think he was proabbly just uncomfortable with feeling turned on around you. Grade0school, life, same difference.
I heard about the Cougar Convention from osmeone recently, it sounded like a really sweet, heart-felt thing (as well as humorus) and making a safe space for people to say what they really feel and desire. (The young men vote on their favorite "cougar"--and this year the chose a 70-year-old woman. (I wonder if it was my neighbor, now that I think of it, growwwwwwwwwwl. I definitely hope i end up like her [but male :laugh:].)
NOT that I'm calling you a cougar, to be clear, my point was to that you're probably sexier to him than he wanted to admit.

But now that we're on the subject, are you? I mean, what do you think, I'm young, I'm fun, I apparently look like Ryaker? huh, huh?

Fukami
05-23-2011, 01:43 AM
But now that we're on the subject, are you? I mean, what do you think, I'm young, I'm fun, I apparently look like Ryaker? huh, huh?

Why do you wanna look like ryaker, hon?

marie la luz
05-23-2011, 10:10 AM
I was so "hurtable" or "offend-able", I sure did draw a lot of negative treatment my way. Then I heard that thought: "hey, you CAN become unhurtable, in fact that's who you REALLY are..." things changed for me (note: that is just a paraphrase ) And I actually started to change the story I had been telling about myself. Then I could hear almost anything said about me, and I was still super happy
Hi, can I ask exactly what did your thought process look like when you became unhurt-able? What words did you tell yourself I mean. I find this possibility really inspiring and this is the course I am going to take. :) So if any or all have any info on this I am glad to hear it.