Abraham on cheating partner

[she_always_knew]

I just wanted to throw the book, Sex At Dawn out there. It has a lot of interesting evidence about how humans weren't monagamous beings starting out, and that there are some non-monagamous societies within the world, today. It was an exciting read, and it was great to see a different way to look at sex and relationships: That we are each free and frisky beings, and that finding ways to be okay with our partners' sexual desires leads to really healthy relationships, too. So yeah. There is more than one way to look at this

This kind of talk always feels bad and scary to me, like these books and evidence of humans' natural non-monogamy means I can't have a monogamous relationship, or I can for awhile but sooner or later there will be cheating. I don't know, I feel pretty monogamous myself. I hope there are people who want that too.

[she_always_knew]

But you can bet your a** I'm gonna be doing whatever the heck I want...whatever feels good to me because I noticed that's what everyone else is doing so why am I running around trying to make everybody else happy...including the peanut gallery? Why are you? What do YOU WANT? Do that.

Awesome.


And good point about not having to be all serene and Abrahamish!! That's pretty up there on the scale. We can't be there all the time!

[Sweet Peace]

The first time I read this particular transcript awhile back, I really disagreed with Abraham for almost suggesting that it'd be better not to know than to feel bad.

Reading it over a year later, I feel differently about that. Yes, I'd still rather know. That's the kind of relationship that feels better to me is one where there is honesty and sincerity. But now I GET this in a new way. The first time I was cheated on I had hundreds of questions whose answers made me feel TERRIBLE. What was I thinking!? I would NEVER ask those questions today!!!! I must have been a masochist! Today I would rather feel good then know all the answers.

Exactly! My ex-boyfriend of many moons ago cheated on me with girls I worked with. He was a really nice guy...and a really good liar. I'm still not overly impressed with him...but I haven't seen him in years and who cares? I now know he was doing what he felt would make himself feel better. All you really need to know is enough information to make a decision on whether or not you want to stay. No point in torturing yourself with details really. Just like you wouldn't want to know all the details of a past relationship. Some yes, but really...how much depth does there need to be. What happens between you and your partner is your business. What happens between someone and thier lover is their business. You just need to know enough to decide if you still want to maintain the relationship.

Also, feeling good matters more. Always. Knowing and feeling good is ideal...but feeling good is what matters. I like to attract truth and honesty too. I like support and love and acceptance. Security, safety, and to feel important. People are going to have desires and interests. It's human nature. I love the way Abe puts all of this. It eases the pain and makes acceptance and understanding easier. If that's your goal, really.

[Sweet Peace]

Awesome.


And good point about not having to be all serene and Abrahamish!! That's pretty up there on the scale. We can't be there all the time!

EXACTLY! And you're not even supposed to be there all the time. Contrast adds clarity. Clarity to fine tune what you DO want. Just don't linger there too long. No biggy.

And yes. You can have a monogomous relationship if that's what you want. But it's good to know there are other options out there. Other ways of being. AND if you don't push against it and just use it for clarity...you can have what you want. You won't feel the fear. You will attract a mate that gives you what you want or your mate and you will part ways and a new one will come that is more of what you want. It's not them you have to trust. It's you and your ability to create what you need. It's all just practice right now. And subject to change. If things fall into the toilet...you're an Aber...you know what to do! After you have a little fit of tears, rage, or whatever. You'll calm down and you'll be fine again. Even in the fit of rage...you're fine.

Today I have an attitude and I'm being very clear with people about what I want/don't want/like/dislike...when it comes up and I feel like it. I'm still very loveable when I'm being a bitch. My coworker just bought me a coffee AND brought me candy because I was pi**ed that he was moving offices and won't be available to run with me anymore or 'play' with me at work because we have fun. He knows I was mad because I cared. My husband too...I let him know I was mad at him because I caught him a 'lie' that he didn't really mean to make as I made him lunch because he was sick. He knows I can be a real pain in ass if I want to and I was choosing to be nice because I could. I told him that I'm mad but I'm taking care of him because I'm his wife and I love him anyway. He was grateful...really. It's fine. You're fine. With or without him...seems like preferable with...but you ALWAYS get to choose. This is YOUR life. Fine tune it...what are you waiting for? Go start a grid.

[loveleigh]

Thanks everyone!!! And especially thanks to Sweet Peace, everything you said rang true to my thoughts perfectly. It's so odd because I've been in a situation before and I would usually be crying and feel this sense of "broken" or pain, but right now I've been in a great mood, and it's really awesome because I just have this inner sense of knowing "everything will be okay" that I don't think I've ever fully had prior to this and I love it.
And it is also so odd, because I always worried that my friends would look at my like I'm "stupid" if I dated a certain kind of person, or forgave a certain kind of behavior, but I was so focused on the thoughts they had that I completely lost track of "was I happy with this person" etc.
Honestly, monogamy is what it is for me. It's like I only want the person I'm with to be monogamous because of my ego. It usually goes something like "who are they to want me to be monogamous, while they experience others" and "who is he to think that he can have the likes of ME, AND someone else." But prior to this situation, I had two "tempting" scenarios and one sexual innuendo, so I do recognize what it is like to desire others.

[Sweet Peace]

Good girl! And my pleasure...for sure.

[AlexB]

It is all about how you feel right?

There's no way you "should" feel.

Understand your role in the creation.

Realize it is because you are a magnificent creator.

Be happy you created something so Good.

Flow into another great moment.

[Sweet Peace]

The really cool thing is when you realize that you created this entire thing. That doesn't have to be scary. It just is. As you know that and learn it and realize how, you will be able to fine tune and you won't fear the manifestation. You'll just go...oh, I see where I did this now. Good.

Go ahead and cry...it's GREAT release of resistance. I cried yesterday all morning after having some AMAZING conversations with people I love and a close friend. I cried...it felt sooo good and I couldn't stop. When I was finally tired of moping I asked my husband to take me out...far away...and somewhere with trees. We went to a market with gorgeous trees...about 40 minutes from here (that's far in my world, I live in a small city) We bought some local fruit and veggies and sauces. We poked around in stores. I was a bit...distant in my thoughts but feeling relief. Then I took the dog for an hour long walk.

I know what I want now. At least...I know what I want for today. It's subject to change you know and that's allowed too. You can want pasta tonight and then...chicken tomorrow. You don't have to decide everything today.