feeling guilty i didnt do more

[zenjenn]

I know through my general work I've been feeling better more about myself and my situation lately. But I've also experienced a sense of guilt that I'm not doing more. For example. The other day I slipped into the vortex and had a marvelous day while at work, but when I left had this sinking feeling that all I did was have fun, but was nowhere closer to actually making any money to support my family. I enjoyed the day until I realized that no actual work got done that produces income and began to feel very guilty and very stressed about needing to do something about it. I dis some general work later that night, but i keep waking up in a state of worry fighting the need to go find a real paying job and look for an apartment to find relief.

I'm not sure how i can better meld my beliefs about this to match a better feeling place. It seems the general work only last a few hours upon this subject then I tip back towards worry again and want to step right back into some sort of action which I inheritly know isn't the answer, but feels better than worrying about not doing something.

I will celebrate that's its a much lighter feeling than it was a few weeks ago when i was utterly overwhelmed and frightened about it. I do acknowledge I've made some progress upon this subject of supporting my family, but I'm still so uncomfortable when these feelings come up and going general only subsides them temporarily.

[zenjenn]

Btw...my work is commission oriented. Meaning if I don't take action to obtain my licenses and gain clientel I don't make any money. And when i left the office on Monday all i had done was non working fun stuff and felt that sinking feeling like although I was having fun and uplifting others in the office with my fun. They get a paycheck and i don't..I realize that I'm not trusting fun to male me any money..and that feels awful. Feeling guilty for having fun isn't the abe teachings at all.

[Roisin]

A subject close to my heart - I am working on something similar. So I am focusing on trust - trust that even when I do not see the manifestation, the good stuff is being lined up. Yesterday, my husband's business got a financial knock - I said to myself 'it's all okay, I surrender this situation to my Innerbeing and universe' (I do this because I know that my IB can see the solution and only looks at this 'problem' from the vantage point of it already being resolved, which I cannot see at that moment.) I genuinely work on releasing the need to see and know the 'how it will be fixed'. I am trusting that the Universe knows and gives me the solution. I have to trust the mystery, the freefall. I then might use a visualisation (in this instance I saw myself, husband, his clients under the Niagra Falls of abundance and well-being) Everything is really okay here and they are all getting what they want. When I returned home my husband had relaxed and it looks like he will get paid afterall, it may take a little more time/effort on his part.

[SourceAngel9]

Hi ZJ,

Sometimes we all feel guilt.
Later on when i think of 'guilt' i realize it's a useless emotion. (although it is one).

This may be an OOTV idea. So i'll apologize in advance. Not sure.
Would finding a job not quite in your field that has a steady paycheck be a possible stepping stone?
Get your family situated and then continue on part time with your commission job?
Could that be the next logical step?

If you were making money would you feel it easier to attract commission work?
Work that would then lead you back to full time in your profession?

At least you are having some fun and finding some relief briefly with going general.
Thats all i could think of in this moment. That bringing in some money might feel like relief.

Love to you...

[meralodem]

My family needed money urgently a week ago, they had to find it in a few hours, i was so stressed and was embrassed for asking advance-money from my workplace again, but stood for a second and I knew that after 4 pm it will be all over even if we pay it or not, I knew it will be over and I knew it was gonna be ok whatever the result is. My brother is accountant and his credit card didnt work to pay the clients tax debts and they delayed the pay time and with his card we paid the debt and all got resolved, knowing is so powerful

[Marc]

For example. The other day I slipped into the vortex and had a marvelous day while at work, but when I left had this sinking feeling that all I did was have fun, but was nowhere closer to actually making any money to support my family.

That simply isn't the case. The sinking feeling wasn't a sign that you did something wrong, rather it was you having gotten to Yuma and turning back around and heading back to Phoenix, so to speak.

I enjoyed the day until I realized that no actual work got done that produces income and began to feel very guilty and very stressed about needing to do something about it.

You did do something about it, and then you moved back to where you were. Here's the thing -- why do you want income? Whatever interim steps you throw in there, you know the ultimate answer -- so you'll feel better. You were feeling better. Mission accomplished, right? All you have to do is stop taking score, which is what keeps holding you there.

I dis some general work later that night, but i keep waking up in a state of worry fighting the need to go find a real paying job and look for an apartment to find relief.

We've gone through this routine before -- you're still clinging to the notion that relief means finding an apartment (ie, a change in circumstances) when that's the reverse of how things work.

I'm not sure how i can better meld my beliefs about this to match a better feeling place.

You can't. A belief is a thought you keep thinking -- and as long as you keep thinking the same thoughts, you're going to feel the same way. To feel better requires you thinking DIFFERENT thoughts.

It seems the general work only last a few hours upon this subject then I tip back towards worry again and want to step right back into some sort of action which I inheritly know isn't the answer, but feels better than worrying about not doing something.

That's LOA at work, pulling you back toward your most practiced thoughts.

I do acknowledge I've made some progress upon this subject of supporting my family, but I'm still so uncomfortable when these feelings come up and going general only subsides them temporarily.

You've got to keep practicing, and if you'd step back a couple of steps and just practice the first part of this statement -- "I've made progress" -- things would flow along.

Btw...my work is commission oriented. Meaning if I don't take action to obtain my licenses and gain clientel I don't make any money.

Feeling good and having fun doesn't exclude taking the actions you believe you need to take. I understand you're saying that the day you're talking about was one where you didn't take the action you need to take, but you're sort of missing the point. You were able to find a way to feel better (without the conditions changing) and if at the end of that day you had said, "Hey, that was a good day and it's something to build on and maybe tomorrow I can have more fun and have fun while doing my job," you'd start to gain some momentum.

And when i left the office on Monday all i had done was non working fun stuff and felt that sinking feeling like although I was having fun and uplifting others in the office with my fun. They get a paycheck and i don't..I realize that I'm not trusting fun to male me any money..and that feels awful.

Beating up on yourself and feeling guilty is really the opposite of what you're wanting to do. Really, just chill a little bit an and as I mentioned, realize that you had established a very good (feeling) foundation. It's so much easier and more straightforward than you're making it out to be -- you had a good day, but you also realized that you ALSO want to feel like you're being productive (and generating money), so now you've just gotten more clarity about the kind of experience you want at work -- feeling good, fun AND PRODUCTIVE. So go with that. Pre-pave. Imagine things going well, feeling like you did on Monday, and add that next piece to it. Imagine that fun feeling and then being inspired to take the actions you need to take -- right time, right person, etc.

[camelia]

Zenjen, I have had to figure out how to support myself on my own with young children. I chose to go back to my original career, which was a good one, but one I had left years ago because I wanted more freedom. When youve got little ones you need time out and you want to drift when youre not with them, to a degree. So it can take a lot to then be self motivating in other parts of your life. So i chose a job I would have to get up and go to and perform in, taking away the strain of having to motivate myself. I kind of agree with another poster here that to have a non commissioned based job might be the easier, freer thing. But only you know that. I have a feeling you would be a brilliant real estate agent in a booming market, for instance. But when the markets not booming, that would be a hard job. But dont feel guilty, except in that you can let yourself off the hook for feeling guilty because it might motivate you in some ways. Abe is always about looking for the more freeing thought, and sometimes that does means having something outside to push you along. Its worked for me. Our family income has increased threefold.

[zenjenn]

Thank you all very much, I so appreciate the responses. Especially marc of course. Really pinpointed what i was feeling about it. I assumed feeling good for a day was my only solution , rather than accepting it as part of the puzzle. While I wanted to take action that day and came ready in my mind to take action, I ended up completely distracted by fun, boss took me out to lunch, paid me for ( photography gig) got several free things, uplifted several people at work during a meeting, found out I had more money in my bank account than i expected. I mean the subject of abundance was high all day, except for like what marc pointed out. I went home and went back to the end of the stick about...what about tommaroe? And that won't pay my bills next week. It is indeed a strong desire to manifest a desire in the easiest of ways ( non job related) and then taking score that I had not yet done it. I prefer my job/work be fun. And I do think I've got myself so involved with so many things at the moment I almost don't know what to start with.

But I did find that the idea of returning to a temporary job, where I could feel the steadiness of a paycheck coming feels like the path of least resistance to build a feeling of expectation. Yes it would be action oriented in a sense, but really I know that nothing matters more than i feel good. And that would feel better than where i am. Not to mention I know how to practice these teachings with great success upon other other subjects. I may have to do something a bot different on this specific subject. As abe said on a clip I listened to a few days ago. You can't sit down at a table with your kids with no food and tell them to fill their own grid in. That's how I'm feeling, like I'm asking too much faith of myself in the absense of the belief I have of what changes that circumstance.

And marc, I did hear what you said about circumstances not having to change. I didn't ignore that with what i just posted above. That helped me to realize that yes, I had a great feeling day, lots of great things showed me a powerful point of attraction within me that day. I have much to celebrate. And my focus should be upon feeling that way no matter what I'm doing. I get that part. My intent for now is to visit the temp agency i found last week online that aligned with my ideas of finding good stable work. And my friend said he could hire and train me in late September for his work. So that gives relief that we would have steady income to replace our lost income next month and be moving in the direction of securing a riff over our head. Baby steps... more optimistic thoughts than before here and all eles will fill in along the way...

[CreatorChristine]

Jenn, sweetie - you KNOW that this feeling of guilt means your Inner Being is not in agreement with your assessment of your "productivity". At same time, you KNOW that any feeling of "GAAAAAAHHHHH" at the thought of finding a so-so paying job and a so-so flat - FOR NOW - ALSO means that your Inner Being is not in agreement with that particular assessment. I get the strong feeling that at the heart of your dilemma is this sticky, icky belief telling you that if you can't manifest the "PICTURE PERFECT" career and home solutions straight out of your parents' house, you are somehow a "failure" as a Deliberate Creator. And you DAMN WELL KNOW that your Inner Being will NEVER agree with THAT kind of assessment!

You do not have to go from 0 to 100 in 5 seconds, darlin'. And you do not have to endure living with your parents if it's that hard for you. Yes, you CAN take the Emotional Journey while sitting next to the bushes in which you think there's a monster - but remember what Abraham have often said: If you think there's a monster in the bushes, GET AWAY FROM THE BUSHES. You can continue your Emotional Journey from a better-feeling, safer-feeling distance away. Allow yourself the avenue of getting some income and a place of your own to live if that would offer you RELIEF. I think if you would even just allow the THOUGHT of allowing yourself that Relief, things would once again begin moving in your desired direction. I say this especially in light of how you speak of "fighting the need to go find a real paying job and look for an apartment to find relief." NEVER, NEVER, NEVER "fight" what would give you Relief, my dear, even if you CHOOSE not to take the actual action. At least allow yourself that option, "I COULD if I really wanted to." No different than wanting to roundhouse someone who has pissed you off - "I COULD remorselessly punch your lights out if I really wanted to - but I won't just right now." So much RELIEF right there JUST IN THE THOUGHT, don't you think?

Please realize that even the most "dead end" LOOKING job can and does hold COUNTLESS opportunities for Fun AND for the next logical step - as Abraham say, in every moment you are close to rendezvousing with at least 20 different possible solutions . But you won't see them as long as you are staring at the "dead end" sign like a deer in the headlights - or thinking that your best opportunities can ONLY lie in "income-producing work" that IMMEDIATELY and OBVIOUSLY fulfills ALL your known desires. And while I'm on the subject of "income-producing work" : When you are enjoying yourself and uplifting others, you ARE "producing income" - in-coming Well-Being, in-coming Joy, in-coming Ease - and you are LETTING IT IN, even if the dollar evidence is not quite yet PHYSICALLY evident. It might help you to redefine and broaden the term "in-come" for yourself.

On the other hand, dollar evidence FEELS GOOD, so Allowing yourself the avenue of a regularly and reliably paid job - even if it's just part-time for now and even if it doesn't quite cover all the bills - and being able to physically see and count and smell and hear and APPRECIATE some "earned" money ALL YOUR OWN, being able to see with satisfaction the numbers on YOUR bank statement or YOUR paycheck that reflect that SOMEBODY TANGIBLY APPRECIATES YOUR WORK , can carry you a long way toward more easily Allowing MORE *AND* ultimately Allowing it in a fashion that is more to your liking, as well. Make sense?


Christine

PS: I see we cross-posted, Jenn ...

[zenjenn]

Jenn, sweetie - you KNOW that this feeling of guilt means your Inner Being is not in agreement with your assessment of your "productivity". At same time, you KNOW that any feeling of "GAAAAAAHHHHH" at the thought of finding a so-so paying job and a so-so flat - FOR NOW - ALSO means that your Inner Being is not in agreement with that particular assessment. I get the strong feeling that at the heart of your dilemma is this sticky, icky belief telling you that if you can't manifest the "PICTURE PERFECT" career and home solutions straight out of your parents' house, you are somehow a "failure" as a Deliberate Creator. And you DAMN WELL KNOW that your Inner Being will NEVER agree with THAT kind of assessment!

You do not have to go from 0 to 100 in 5 seconds, darlin'. And you do not have to endure living with your parents if it's that hard for you. Yes, you CAN take the Emotional Journey while sitting next to the bushes in which you think there's a monster - but remember what Abraham have often said: If you think there's a monster in the bushes, GET AWAY FROM THE BUSHES. You can continue your Emotional Journey from a better-feeling, safer-feeling distance away. Allow yourself the avenue of getting some income and a place of your own to live if that would offer you RELIEF. I think if you would even just allow the THOUGHT of allowing yourself that Relief, things would once again begin moving in your desired direction. I say this especially in light of how you speak of "fighting the need to go find a real paying job and look for an apartment to find relief." NEVER, NEVER, NEVER "fight" what would give you Relief, my dear, even if you CHOOSE not to take the actual action. At least allow yourself that option, "I COULD if I really wanted to." No different than wanting to roundhouse someone who has pissed you off - "I COULD remorselessly punch your lights out if I really wanted to - but I won't just right now." So much RELIEF right there JUST IN THE THOUGHT, don't you think?

Please realize that even the most "dead end" LOOKING job can and does hold COUNTLESS opportunities for Fun AND for the next logical step - as Abraham say, in every moment you are close to rendezvousing with at least 20 different possible solutions . But you won't see them as long as you are staring at the "dead end" sign like a deer in the headlights - or thinking that your best opportunities can ONLY lie in "income-producing work" that IMMEDIATELY and OBVIOUSLY fulfills ALL your known desires. And while I'm on the subject of "income-producing work" : When you are enjoying yourself and uplifting others, you ARE "producing income" - in-coming Well-Being, in-coming Joy, in-coming Ease - and you are LETTING IT IN, even if the dollar evidence is not quite yet PHYSICALLY evident. It might help you to redefine and broaden the term "in-come" for yourself.

On the other hand, dollar evidence FEELS GOOD, so Allowing yourself the avenue of a regularly and reliably paid job - even if it's just part-time for now and even if it doesn't quite cover all the bills - and being able to physically see and count and smell and hear and APPRECIATE some "earned" money ALL YOUR OWN, being able to see with satisfaction the numbers on YOUR bank statement or YOUR paycheck that reflect that SOMEBODY TANGIBLY APPRECIATES YOUR WORK , can carry you a long way toward more easily Allowing MORE *AND* ultimately Allowing it in a fashion that is more to your liking, as well. Make sense?


Christine

PS: I see we cross-posted, Jenn ...

That was just perfect Christine. I have been disallowing the satisfaction of feeling like I'm getting ahead. It does feel a great deal of relief to stabalize and practice stability again. And thank you for the analogy of the monster in the bushes. I gave myself a great deal of credit last week for how "well" I've done with my living circumstances, but also realize I begin to stabalize myself only to clash with their expectations freqently enough that i feel its detrimental to be here to my emotional stability. You are right, o don't have to clean it all up with them. Abe doesn't recommend that i put my hand on a hot stove and feel better about it. And there's been a lot of that going on here. When i visited my bff friends home over a week ago for the weekend I felt the impact of not having my hanfmd on the stove in their home versus like in this home. I made huge emotional progress while there in their home. Which snows up my desire even more to have a non stove like living arrangement. So thank you, that really resognated with me to hear that version of yours. Validated how i also feel. I believe in the seperation I will find enough relief to have a normal more itv relationship with them again. I look forward to that. I know they mean well. I do. But we don't see eye to eye at all on enough subjects to want to be influenced by them like I've allowed myself to be.

Thank you Christine, really great guidence here for me...xoxoxoxo...jenn