soothing thoughts on an issue

[Karisma]

Hi Sydney, I completely understand what you are saying, I really do..the thing is, there is no exception to the rule. We create our reality, wherever we are, France, Istanbul, America. We attract what we focus on and believe, and so of course if you are feeling insecure in this area, or worried or fearful and you have beliefs that say that these people are racist and judging me, that is what you are going to see. I am not saying it didn't happen or that you aren't completely justified for feeling upset (I SPENT YEARS OF MY LIFE being upset over this topic) but eventually I decided that I wanted to feel good. I decided to feel good about me. I decided that I wasn't going to let other people's definitions about me or thoughts or questions about what i am and what that means to them have any relevance to how I feel or how I act. I decided that I loved me, I love my family and I really don't care. I decided that I am worthy of love, no matter what, and if someone is showing something other than that, it is just some false belief they have, or hurt or wound. Honestly, people want to love, they want to feel good, so when someone is showing something other than that, it is a wound in them. It feels good to be love, that is who we are. The only reason that it hurts when they are judging you is because you are judging either yourself, or you are judging them back, their judgement itself doesn't hurt you...

Also, honestly, most of the time, it really isn't about you. People have their own thoughts and issues and feelings and worries and bad days. It is easy when you are "looking" or expecting someone to be a certain way towards you, that you make even someone's bad day or negative attitude in life, mean something about you or your skin color or your age or anything...You know what I mean?

Here's an example. In college I had a huge fight with one of my best friends. They went around and said all of this negative stuff about me to all of these people, and it felt like they were turning everyone against me. Everywhere I went, if someone was in any way shape or form not exactly my idea of loving and nice then I assumed that they had turned on me or been influenced by what my friend had said. THIS FELT SOOO TRUE. In the end though, it was only a few people, and no one else had ANYTHING to do with it, they were just living their lives, having good days and bad days and good moods and bad moods and I was applying my belief "she turned everyone against me" to their moods which had NOTHING to do with me.

I made a decision. I want to feel good. I want to have fun, be around love, be myself, be fun and loving and nice and happy to new people. I want to feel good. I want to see the goodness and others and greet them with smiles and fun and playfulness. I want to believe that other people are good and want to love me cause I am great. People try to figure me out all the time, what my race is etc etc I just decided not to care. I'm gonna be me, Im great, and I leave all the other nonsense to them.

You can get to a point where you feel so good about you, that none of it matters. You just feel great walking up to the custom agent, smiling, laughing, playful. If you get a grumpy lady, you just say "bad day" in your head, because you can't imagine how it could be anything else, after all you are great!

And in terms of France, honestly you can visit there and love it and feel great about it. It is just a belief. In my honest opinion France is 10X less racist that then Us. France actually has a very interesting history...A lot of very famous black artists of the last century ended up there because they felt it was much more accepting than America. ANYWAY, point being, it is just a belief. Think about it like when Esther didn't like a hotel she stayed at and told abe they needed to find a new place, and abe suggested that it didn't matter where she went, it was her beliefs about the place. And so Esther did rampages of appreciation, and the hotel changed before her eyes.

France is great, you can feel great about it. A bunch of friends and I were just there and in England for a month and we LOVED it. Everyone on the trip was black or spanish or mixed, and we all had an amazing time. In fact, we were talking about how we wanted to move there. Honestly, you can feel great about anywhere you go, and you can have an amazing loving experience...It is all in your thoughts and beliefs! Don't limit yourself.

Have you head of Byron Katie? She has some great books and great worksheets about how to deal with some of this stuff. She says what Abe says, it all comes back to you and your beliefs. You can be happy in any circumstance and feel good, and once you do, the world will change anyway.

[Ardea]

Sydney,
I am white & American & have travelled all throughout Europe. Most of my travel has been solo & for extended periods of time. For example, I spent a month in Istanbul & six weeks in Hungary. I don't speak either language. I have been & am always treated very well--with kindness, courtesy, and generosity. People go out of their way for me--to help me negotiate taxi fares, to give me directions, to show me to the best table in a restaurant (as a solo diner), to even expertly repairing my broken roller bag handle for free. The bag was repaired in Sopron, Hungary by a lovely hotel proprietor who didn't speak a word of English.

Sometimes, in fact quite often, when people in the US learn that I've travelled so extensively on my own, they say, 'Did you run into problems because you're American? ' or 'Are the people in France really rude to Americans?' You get the drift. I tell them 'No, in my experience people always treat me really well. And I love France, particularly Paris, and always have positive interactions there.' Then they often begin to spew a litany of second-hand stories about Americans travelling & being treated badly or their own stories. I cut the spew off & say 'Well, my experiences were the complete opposite. I love travel & am always treated well. Everywhere.'

And I am. Because I expect to be. I know I will be treated well. Not just travelling, but in the city where I currently live, or in London (where I spend a great deal of time). I am treated well by airline employees, TSA, Immigration officials, utility employees, clerks at shops, etc.

Now it wasn't always that way. Years ago I was treated pretty good most of the time, but I was lugging around a good-sized chip on my shoulder & I would often scout for people behaving badly. I noticed a clerk being rude to the person in front of me and sighed--of course when my turn came they were rude to me too. I noticed couples arguing. I noticed when someone gave me or even someone close to me what I considered a 'funny' look. I sat and pissed & moaned about poor service, slow service, obnoxious people, etc. with my family & friends.

This was pre-Abe days for me, and I lived my life with some nice rendevous's but plenty of unwanted ones for years. Then I read Louise Hays's book on healing your life & decided to play around with my expectations. I decided that I wanted people to always treat me kindly, patiently, courteously, honestly, etc. I repeated that affirmation to myself adding that I always treated others the same.

It worked pretty good but I was still wobbly. And then I found Abe. Thank you Louise Hay & the others who brought me to Abraham. I stopped talking about poor service, dirty looks, rude people, arguing couples--any type of social interactions that I noticed and were negative to me. If someone cut me off in traffic where before I would rehash it my mind over and over, and then of course I had to share it with a friend and we compared our crazy/rude driver stories. The new me didn't mention it to anyone. The new me didn't rehash it. I said something like, 'He doesn't know me. It's not personal. His dog could have died, or he could have had a fight with his wife, or maybe his mother is sick, but whatever it has absolutely nothing to do with me. Let it go.'

The other thing I did was to begin a daily Appreciation list on my laptop. I keep mini-notebooks with me all the time & note down when someone is really helpful to me, or when I receive a huge smile, or when I get a great table, or anything really good that happens to me. And the LOA did its thing and my life changed. It didn't happen overnight, but I began seeing positive changes right away & writing about the positive interactions I had really upped the ante.

And when I began travelling solo my vibration regarding others was so stable that I always have lovely experiences. On the very rare occasions when something is a little 'off' I focus on what is right & what fun I can have either with it or with something else & I move forward. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and I remain pleasant, relaxed, and courteous no matter what anyone else is doing. And my friends and family notice and remark on how well I'm treated. I still keep a list of positive rendevous's with others, including animals. I milk them and they multiply.

You are where you are & that's okay. If you want to move to a better feeling place about this you can do it. Small changes will reap you a huge reward--you will feel happy. Life will feel so much easier for you. Begin by noticing when people are pleasant or even just polite. Write a list every day & milk it. Find a local spot where they know you, maybe a cafe, and go regularly for a coffee. Leave a dollar in the top jar because it feels good. Notice everytime someone smiles at you or holds a door open for you or does anything postive in your vicinity. Notice children playing and having fun. Notice happy couples. Decide that you are going to notice what pleases you regarding others.

As Abe says, 'Words don't teach, experience does.' Why not give it a try? You have nothing to lose, but you have so much joy you can reap.

And as an aside, I definitely have various core subjects in my life that I am doing the work on, but this area is one that I feel aligned with just about all the time.
Joy to you Sydney,
Ardea

[lili3005]

hi Sydney
I live in Belgium I don't think people are racists here! we have so many nationalities now north africans are immigrating here. really I also think it's all about perception and focus.

[lili3005]

Sydney I have read more of your posts, I'm really surprised, even shocked that you were treated that way. I mean I have many black friends, have had at school or later in life, I have never heard of any racism act really that's why I'm shocked it wouldn't even come to my mind. I really think you attracted this through your thoughts indeed. also, two cousins of mine married a black person and they never reported such a racist behaviour.
We are so open in my opinion. However, the problem seems to be more with north African people to be honest.

[SheerLuckHolmes]

The focus is always your own thoughts and beliefs. Others are never inserting into anyones life. The ones that do come into your experience are attracted to you BY you, wanted or unwanted. Let's all keep our focus on using contrast to more clearly define what it is that we do want. Not going on and on about the contrast, creating more of that. If you continue focusing on how you were treated, you ARE creating more of that. IF you are using the contrast to change your thoughts you will change your experience.

[Delilah]

OOTV people don't like to hear what I'm about to say but it's true: Racism exists. But it can only be seen, felt or experienced if you are a match to it. Everything in your life is your creation. All the co-creators in your life are only reflecting back to you YOUR thinking, beliefs and vibrational points of attraction.

Abe says once you've come to a conclusion, LOA will continue to bring you evidence of it. If you are experiencing racism look inside. If you want something different, then make a deliberate and conscious effort to start thinking differently. Believe differently and LOA will start bringing you evidence of your NEW beliefs.

As SLH suggested above "change your thoughts and you will change your experience." So. very. true. We can only change or control outside circumstances by changing and controlling our MINDS. Abe's teachings are all about YOU changing YOUR thoughts so that your whole life will change.

D.

[Marc]

I'm Latino, gay, have traveled through Europe and have not had any problems. Yes, racism exists and it sucks that you experienced it. I'll echo what others have said here -- while it does exist, whether you rendezvous with it is up to you. I've used a restaurant metaphor many times and I'll use it again here -- at any restaurant they serve dishes you do not like, and if you roll the dice and just order the special (just creating by default), there's the possibility that you're not going to enjoy what you get. That said, you have the ability to decide what you want, order it and that's what they'll serve.

So, it's certainly understandable that you would be angry for experiencing something that's so incredibly off about what you and your IB know about yourself AND what you know about others. Be angry as long as it feels like relief to you. At some point, it's not going to feel like relief and you're going to have to find a way to feel better anyway if you want to experience different things.

[DoesnMatter]

I've used a restaurant metaphor many times and I'll use it again here -- at any restaurant they serve dishes you do not like, and if you roll the dice and just order the special (just creating by default), there's the possibility that you're not going to enjoy what you get. That said, you have the ability to decide what you want, order it and that's what they'll serve.

Hahahaha, this is genius! I love it!

Thats really how simple life is!

[Sydney]

I'm Latino, gay, have traveled through Europe and have not had any problems. Yes, racism exists and it sucks that you experienced it. I'll echo what others have said here -- while it does exist, whether you rendezvous with it is up to you. I've used a restaurant metaphor many times and I'll use it again here -- at any restaurant they serve dishes you do not like, and if you roll the dice and just order the special (just creating by default), there's the possibility that you're not going to enjoy what you get. That said, you have the ability to decide what you want, order it and that's what they'll serve.

So, it's certainly understandable that you would be angry for experiencing something that's so incredibly off about what you and your IB know about yourself AND what you know about others. Be angry as long as it feels like relief to you. At some point, it's not going to feel like relief and you're going to have to find a way to feel better anyway if you want to experience different things.

I really don't want it to exist... or rather, I wish for it to not exist in my world. I think the worst part of it is the feelings of unworthiness that it triggers and when I take it personally - rather than as the other person's "problem". I should remember that it's not my fault. And racist people aren't exactly happy so it's best to ignore them. It's hard to ignore them in a situation where you feel you depend on them for a service. If I'm a match, by that time, it seems to late but at least I can transform the experience.

I can use it as contrast to re-affirm my self worth and launch powerful rockets of desire regarding how I want to be treated in the future.

Without my asking or reconfirming, the airline served me the most delicious and healthy vegan food on my journey from Brussels to America. The air hostess was kind and nice - and we exchanged a few warm smiles There was also a baby in the seat across from me who took a liking to me and loved to look at me and smile What a cutie!!