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Thread: Question about not feeling emotions

  1. #161
    Super Kitty Marc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    It feels very hard for me to do that.
    Nevertheless, you can.
    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    It's because I'm not using my focus..
    You ARE using your focus. You're just using your focus on what you don't want. You're using all this energy to reinforce how hard it is and how you're doing it wrong and how this is such a terrible time for you. (THAT'S the story you're telling, those are the thoughts you're supposedly "not aware of") The only answer IS TO STOP DOING IT. In the movie "I Heart Huckabee's," there's a scene where the two main characters are sitting at a park bench and they take turns whacking each other in the face with a very large rubber ball because it's sudden and forceful enough that it stops them from their normal thought process, at least temporarily. Their teacher calls this "Pure Beingness," and explains that it allows them to withdraw from ordinary human drama for at least the moment. Now I'm not saying that you should smack yourself in the face with a big rubber ball, but essentially they're describing the same thing we're trying to get across. You've got to whatever you need to do to STOP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING. You're simply arguing in the other direction -- that you've decided to stop doing everything else until you fix what you believe is broken because you believe that it's more important than everything else. You argue for why you simply can't do anything until you fix this no matter what we suggest. THAT'S WHY YOU'RE STUCK. If you have to hit yourself in the face with a big rubber ball to get yourself to stop, so be it. I just think there are easier ways to go about it.

    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    What does it mean if I'm struggling with coming up things to write about this?
    It means that you've not practiced doing it. It means that you don't have momentum on this topic yet.
    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    Here's where it seem to me like you "should" already be thinking about kittens before you begin to do this.
    The point of this exercise is to put your attention on another topic and allow LOA to start establishing momentum on that new topic. It doesn't matter where you start. If you wait because you think something should already have momentum before you're willing to start, then you never start.

    Abraham tells the story of how Esther started writing the word "FUN" over and over on a piece of paper as she focused to try to evoke the feeling. It took her a while before she started to get a whiff of fun. You're essentially saying that Esther should have already been feeling the emotion of FUN before she started writing. The thing is that if she had already been feeling that way, SHE WOULDN'T HAVE NEEDED TO WRITE THE WORDS OVER AND OVER. The difference between you and her is that she didn't complain to Abraham about how hard it was and how she was never going to feel better and how she shouldn't have to write those words because she "should" already be feeling fun first. She kept writing even though it wasn't fun at first.

    You know more than enough about kittens or bubbles to answer the basic questions that WB brought up. You know you do, you've demonstrated that you do. If you'd as much energy actually DOING what we suggest instead of arguing why you can't do it, you'd start to make some progress.
    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    It's interesting how easy it is for me to write about my issue, I guess that's because I'm already thinking about it quite a lot...
    Exactly. What you're describing is MOMENTUM. Of course it's going to be easy to keep doing what you're used to doing. That's LOA in action. It takes some time to establish new momentum, that's just how things go. You've got to be willing to keep going even though you don't have the benefit of momentum at first.

  2. #162

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    You mentioned that you are having trouble writing/thinking things about kittens or bubbles etc. I don't know if you have ever used Pinterest but maybe you can just get on Pinterest and search for "bubbles" or "kittens" or anything that you like and just look at the pictures and observe them. Maybe after observing them for a while, you will be able to access thoughts about that topic and write them down. And if you still don't feel inspired to write then that's ok too, you can just observe things you like on Pinterest and shift your focus that way and feel better. Kind of like watching a movie to distract yourself.

  3. #163
    EaseAndFlow
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    Thank you WellBeing, Marc and engee for your replies.
    Last edited by EaseAndFlow; 03-21-2017 at 05:57 PM.

  4. #164
    EaseAndFlow
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    I want to add that it doesn't seem like it matters what the subject is that I want to focus on, whether it's kittens or bubbles or a song. I feel like I don't understand how to "control" my mind.

    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing View Post
    If you understand this thing, then you might want to ask yourself why you’re so insistent upon telling us that other thing, especially when you don’t want that other thing and it doesn’t feel good to you when you tell us it.
    Becuase it's affecting my life in many ways, not just when I want to apply an Abraham process. For example, I used to be talented at producing electronic music, creating websites and so on, but now I'm not able to any of it anymore because of the issue I'm having (with my focusing). It also feels hard for me to speak sometimes and I have never had that before, and I feel it's all because of this thing. But I feel like I don't understand how I can do things differently.. I need to stop doing this thing I do whatever it is..

  5. #165
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    I want to add that it doesn't seem like it matters what the subject is that I want to focus on, whether it's kittens or bubbles or a song. I feel like I don't understand how to "control" my mind.
    It may not be kittens or bubbles or a song but you are singularly focused on this topic of "I can't focus/think." If you can singularly focus on this one topic, you have the ability and skills to focus on any other topic that you might like. It's the same skills. It's only a matter of you following through on your intention, just like you did when you were learning to walk.

    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    Becuase it's affecting my life in many ways, not just when I want to apply an Abraham process. For example, I used to be talented at producing electronic music, creating websites and so on, but now I'm not able to any of it anymore because of the issue I'm having (with my focusing).
    You can focus with single-minded focus on this one topic, which means you have the ability and skills to focus on any other topic that you might like.

    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    It also feels hard for me to speak sometimes and I have never had that before, and I feel it's all because of this thing. But I feel like I don't understand how I can do things differently.
    You may guess, from my answers here in this reply, that I'm not suggesting that you "do things differently." I'm suggesting that you do this thing, which you've shown us here that you're exceptionally good at, towards topics that you want, rather than topics that you don't want. Your ability and skills don't change or disappear because of your chosen topic.

  6. #166
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    I feel like I don't understand how to "control" my mind.
    It seems that way because that's the story that you tell. But you do "control" your mind. You do that everytime you post here. You select what you're going to post about. You select how you're going to talk to us about this topic. You choose the points from your experience which make your point. You decide to leave your posts stand or delete them. All of that is you "controlling"--better said: you focusing your thoughts.

    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    Becuase it's affecting my life in many ways, ...when I want to apply an Abraham process. ...I used to be talented at producing electronic music, ...creating websites ...and so on ...hard for me to speak ...never had that before....
    All of this is your focusing...on what you don't want.

    Since you have all those many things in your life going well (and you do!), you could be talking to us about any one (or all!) of them, instead of adding to your list above. That has to feel better than beating yourself up for this one thing that you tell yourself you can't do. It just has to.

  7. #167
    Super Kitty Marc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    I want to add that it doesn't seem like it matters what the subject is that I want to focus on, whether it's kittens or bubbles or a song. I feel like I don't understand how to "control" my mind.
    Once again, that's called "momentum." Because you've practiced this subject so much, when you try to switch subjects it's going to take a bit of persistence before you'll be able to let that momentum subside and new momentum get started, regardless of the subject. You're taking that as a personal failure and allowing it to prevent you from even trying when it's simply the way LOA works. It's not about you not understanding how to "control" your mind at all, it's just you going along with the momentum you've already established.

    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    Becuase it's affecting my life in many ways, not just when I want to apply an Abraham process. For example, I used to be talented at producing electronic music, creating websites and so on, but now I'm not able to any of it anymore because of the issue I'm having (with my focusing). It also feels hard for me to speak sometimes and I have never had that before, and I feel it's all because of this thing.
    This is a perfect example of what you're doing. You argue about the wrongness of where you are and what you're doing, it doesn't feel good, often times it makes you feel worse, and yet you ignore that and push even harder. As WB points out, you could start talking about your talent at producing electronic music or creating websites, just like you could talk about kittens or bubbles. It won't shift the way you feel immediately, but if you're persistent, your attention will allow LOA to respond to your change in subject and get some momentum started. All it takes is persistence. Not effort, just persistence.
    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    But I feel like I don't understand how I can do things differently.. I need to stop doing this thing I do whatever it is..
    It's not an issue of "understanding" how you can do things differently. We've given you suggestion after suggestion of things you could do differently. There's a entire universe out there that you could focus upon, you could pick any of the plethora of things out there. It's simply a matter of picking something and keeping your attention there. The thing is that every time we've given you a suggestion of something you could try, you immediately (and at length) argue for why you can't do it. That's why it feels like you don't have any options and there's no way out. It's like you're Wonder Woman and her bullet-proof bracelets deflecting everything we send your way. It's impressive in a way, but you're right, you need to stop doing that. You're just never going to be able to argue for why things are bad and have them improve, no matter how justified you are in the story you tell. You're going to have to start either getting off the subject entirely (which is probably the easiest way to start), or you're going to have to start softening the story you are telling about the way things are going. As WB points out, it's a matter of using the persistence and single-minded you demonstrate on a daily basis to your benefit rather than to your detriment.

  8. #168
    EaseAndFlow
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    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing View Post
    You may guess, from my answers here in this reply, that I'm not suggesting that you "do things differently." I'm suggesting that you do this thing, which you've shown us here that you're exceptionally good at, towards topics that you want, rather than topics that you don't want. Your ability and skills don't change or disappear because of your chosen topic.
    Okay, I understand.

    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing View Post
    It seems that way because that's the story that you tell. But you do "control" your mind. You do that everytime you post here. You select what you're going to post about. You select how you're going to talk to us about this topic. You choose the points from your experience which make your point. You decide to leave your posts stand or delete them. All of that is you "controlling"--better said: you focusing your thoughts.

    All of this is your focusing...on what you don't want.
    Okay, so my issue has been that I've thought "focusing" is different than how it actually is, something more "advanced" than it actually is. Because I'm using my focus all the time, I can't help that, but it's about the way I'm using my focus.

    Quote Originally Posted by Marc View Post
    Once again, that's called "momentum." Because you've practiced this subject so much, when you try to switch subjects it's going to take a bit of persistence before you'll be able to let that momentum subside and new momentum get started, regardless of the subject. You're taking that as a personal failure and allowing it to prevent you from even trying when it's simply the way LOA works. It's not about you not understanding how to "control" your mind at all, it's just you going along with the momentum you've already established.
    That makes a lot of sense to me. That description of it is very helpful for me right now. So I've been using this subject and thought about it a lot and that creates a lot of negative momentum until I've been falling out of the airplane. And that's why I haven't been able to make sense of this when I've been trying to practice the processes in AAIIG either, and not been able to make the connection between my thoughts and feelings. Because I've been falling out of the airplane becasue of that subject, and then tried to do an AAIIG process on another subject. Also, I seem to often have been "ignoring" my thoughts about that subject, thinking they don't "count" when they actually are the main reason for my negative emotions most of the time. But because I've feeling bad, I have been looking for what I might have thought that caused me to feel bad, and then started assuming thoughts as my "starting thoughts".

    Quote Originally Posted by Marc View Post
    This is a perfect example of what you're doing. You argue about the wrongness of where you are and what you're doing, it doesn't feel good, often times it makes you feel worse, and yet you ignore that and push even harder. As WB points out, you could start talking about your talent at producing electronic music or creating websites, just like you could talk about kittens or bubbles. It won't shift the way you feel immediately, but if you're persistent, your attention will allow LOA to respond to your change in subject and get some momentum started. All it takes is persistence. Not effort, just persistence.
    That it takes persistence, not effort, makes a lot of sense to me. That was a great explanation and really helped me with understanding how it works. I can see in a clearer way now how I could practice this now. I might need a lot of persistence if I have gone so far in letting my negative momentum build to the point that I'm falling out of the airplane without a parachute, and with that also have manifested some physical feelings in my stomach, but it makes sense to me know how it all works now with momentum and so on.

    Quote Originally Posted by Marc View Post
    It's not an issue of "understanding" how you can do things differently. We've given you suggestion after suggestion of things you could do differently. There's a entire universe out there that you could focus upon, you could pick any of the plethora of things out there. It's simply a matter of picking something and keeping your attention there. The thing is that every time we've given you a suggestion of something you could try, you immediately (and at length) argue for why you can't do it. That's why it feels like you don't have any options and there's no way out.
    What I want to show myself is that I have the ability to "control" my mind no matter how bad I might feel, and no matter if I've manifested physcial sensations or have much negative momentum going on. I've been doing the opposite of that lately it seem. It's like I've thought that when I feel bad, I've lost my ability to talk or to think differently. It's like I've thought that if how I feel doesn't change immidiately, I'm not thinking a different thought or doing anything differently with my mind, but that's taking score in the wrong place. So I want to practice using my mind "on it's own" and exercise my ability to deliberately "control" my mind, apart from my feelings, emotions and conditions.

    Thank you very much, WellBeing and Marc, for your replies. I feel like I understand it now on a different level than before, and that I understand better now how I can practice it. Thanks.

  9. #169
    EaseAndFlow
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    I thought I would be able to practice this now, but honestly I don't get it.

    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing View Post
    It may not be kittens or bubbles or a song but you are singularly focused on this topic of "I can't focus/think." If you can singularly focus on this one topic, you have the ability and skills to focus on any other topic that you might like. It's the same skills. It's only a matter of you following through on your intention, just like you did when you were learning to walk.
    I feel like I don't understand what focusing is, and I think it's a bit ridiculous that I don't understand what focusing is, but I don't understand how I'm curently using my focus. I don't understand how to tell where my focus is in any given moment in time. I'm thankful for your replies, but I think I need a break from even trying to do this simple process. Maybe I can take more naps or sleep a little more to allow a little more and maybe I will get it eventually. But thanks so much anyway for all your help.

  10. #170
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    I thought I would be able to practice this now, but honestly I don't get it.
    It's really quite simple: Sit down and for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, maybe even 15 minutes, pick a topic and write about it and what you like about it and why you like what you like about it. We've been suggesting detached, innocuous topics to you because we know those will be the easiest for you to do this.

    And you have been getting it because you showed us (before you deleted it) that you were able to do it. Do more of that.

    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    I feel like I don't understand what focusing is,...
    Focusing is simply noticing/paying attention to/thinking about something. You've been doing it all throughout your posts here. You do it naturally every day. You focused yourself into how you're not getting it and and focused on that all throughout this reply of yours. You do it naturally. We're simply trying to get you to focus on something which will feel better (because it isn't this one crappy-feeling--by your own descriptions--topic that you insist on focusing upon).

    You can twist the simple notion of "focusing" into something way more complicated that it's not (just like you tried to do with "thinking"). But even that is you focusing.



    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    I thought I would be able to practice this now, but honestly I don't get it.



    I feel like I don't understand what focusing is, and I think it's a bit ridiculous that I don't understand what focusing is, but I don't understand how I'm curently using my focus. I don't understand how to tell where my focus is in any given moment in time. I'm thankful for your replies, but I think I need a break from even trying to do this simple process. Maybe I can take more naps or sleep a little more to allow a little more and maybe I will get it eventually. But thanks so much anyway for all your help.

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