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Thread: Question about not feeling emotions

  1. #151
    EaseAndFlow
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marc View Post
    When you listen to music or watch a movie, you're not doing it with the intention of trying to accomplish something. You're willing to turn your full attention to the music or movie. That's why there's a difference.
    I get that. And I’m willing to have that same attitude when it comes to focusing on kittens (or something else).

    Quote Originally Posted by Marc View Post
    Oh? Then why so reluctant to do it when we suggest that you do it here? Every time we suggest you try, you object.
    Because it just feels a bit pointless writing stuff down when it seems like what I write doesn’t make my mind go to thinking about kittens. To me it seems like it should be the other way around, that I first think about bubbles and then write. When I did write about “bubbles”, it felt mostly like a tedious chore tbh, because I struggled with coming up things to write down..

    Quote Originally Posted by Marc View Post
    That's what we've been trying to get across to you this whole time. The reason you interpret what you've been doing as failure is because you're trying to accomplish something. The point of thinking about kittens ISN'T TO CHANGE HOW YOU FEEL, the point is to TAKE YOUR ATTENTION OFF HOW YOU FEEL and put it on kittens, just like the point of listening to music or watching a movie is to enjoy the movie or the music.
    I understand how to use my Focus when it comes to watching a movie or listening to music. I already know how to do that so I can just do it again and again easily. But the movie or music is right in front of me and easily observable.. But I can’t honestly say that I understand how to use my Focus when it comes to using my mind to deliberately and consciously begin thinking about any subject I choose. If I knew how to in the same way and beginning to think about kittens or bubbles was as easy for me as watching a movie, I would do it a lot..

    Quote Originally Posted by Marc View Post
    Again, it's not that hard. You've had the experience of putting on music or a movie and not paying attention to it anymore. How do you know when you're still paying attention to the music or movie or not? All of this is everyday experience you're familiar with.
    Ok.. Thanks for your post.

  2. #152
    Super Kitty Marc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    Because it just feels a bit pointless writing stuff down when it seems like what I write doesn’t make my mind go to thinking about kittens.
    How can you tell? How can you tell that you're writing about how you feel makes your mind go to thinking about how you feel?
    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    To me it seems like it should be the other way around, that I first think about bubbles and then write.
    Okay, then think about kittens and then write. Either way, the process of doing it IS THE POINT.
    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    When I did write about “bubbles”, it felt mostly like a tedious chore tbh, because I struggled with coming up things to write down..
    And when you started learning to write it was a bit of a chore to get your little hands forming the letters. It took practice before you were able to form those letters easily. Then it took practice to put those letters together into words. Then it took practice to put those words together to form sentences. No, it's not going to immediately be easy because you've still got the momentum from how you're used to focusing. You've got to be willing to do it anyway.

  3. #153
    EaseAndFlow
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marc View Post
    How can you tell? How can you tell that you're writing about how you feel makes your mind go to thinking about how you feel?
    I don't feel sure about how to tell. That's my issue.. I don't feel so aware of my thoughts in every moment so then I don't understand how to "take score" of whether or not I'm succeeding to think thoughts about kittens or not. So, I have also tried to simply assume that writing it down makes my mind go there, but then when I took score after 15 minutes, I could tell that I wasn't feeling better, so then I could assume that, no.

    Quote Originally Posted by Marc View Post
    And when you started learning to write it was a bit of a chore to get your little hands forming the letters. It took practice before you were able to form those letters easily. Then it took practice to put those letters together into words.
    Yes, but when I practiced how to write I could tell when I was doing it "right" and when I was doing it "wrong", so I could just practice and become better at it and it and it made sense.

  4. #154
    Super Kitty Marc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    I don't feel sure about how to tell. That's my issue..
    That's exactly the point.
    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    I don't feel so aware of my thoughts in every moment so then I don't understand how to "take score" of whether or not I'm succeeding to think thoughts about kittens or not.
    That's just it -- STOP TAKING SCORE. That's the thing we keep circling around over and over and over and over that you don't want to do. All of this has been about how you're trying really hard to get this right and THAT'S THE PART THAT NEEDS TO STOP. Whether that's thinking about kittens or bubbles or your favorite song or movie or any of a trillion different things out there that you could think about that just aren't that hard to think about. If you can't figure out how to think about kittens, think about your favorite (or any) song. Sing it silently in your head or remember listening to it. None of that is hard. As I've said over and over and over again, it's only hard because you're trying to accomplish something when that isn't the point.

    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    So, I have also tried to simply assume that writing it down makes my mind go there, but then when I took score after 15 minutes, I could tell that I wasn't feeling better, so then I could assume that, no.
    See how it comes up again? You don't "take score" in the same way when you listen to music or watch a movie. You're not trying to ACCOMPLISH anything when you do that. You're willing to focus on the music or the movie for their own sake. That's what I'm trying to get you to do when you think about kittens or bubbles or anything else. STOP MAKING IT ABOUT WHETHER YOU ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING. There's nothing to get right, which means there's nothing to get wrong.

  5. #155
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    Hi, I'm jumping in here because I have been following this thread, and I totally get your frustration, easeandflow....and Marc is making fabulous points and explanations. But I just wanted to add one quote from AAIG:"so RELAX and enjoy this EASY-PACED journey to rediscovering who you really are."

    So often we "try" so hard, and make so much "effort" and then we beat ourselves up if we don't make enough "progress" and that is what is counter-productive! Is it so hard to just relax and ENJOY something, ANYTHING???? Just take a "day off" from "trying" to monitor your feelings and thoughts and just take a "vacation" mentally. Just GO HAVE SOME FUN ....It sounds to me like you have turned the Abe teachings into some kind of horrible college course that you just HAVE to make an "A" on, with final exams coming up any minute!!!

    Remember, "you are where you are and it's OK, and you can't get it wrong!

  6. #156
    EaseAndFlow
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marc View Post
    See how it comes up again? You don't "take score" in the same way when you listen to music or watch a movie. You're not trying to ACCOMPLISH anything when you do that. You're willing to focus on the music or the movie for their own sake. That's what I'm trying to get you to do when you think about kittens or bubbles or anything else. STOP MAKING IT ABOUT WHETHER YOU ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING. There's nothing to get right, which means there's nothing to get wrong.
    Thank you so much for your replies, Marc. I feel clearer about how to practice this now, and that's what I'm going to do..

    Quote Originally Posted by Eostre View Post
    Remember, "you are where you are and it's OK, and you can't get it wrong!
    Thank you for the reminder, Eostre

  7. #157
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    Hey, I just had another thought:

    Do as Abe says and TELL A DIFFERENT STORY!

    Instead of saying over and over, "I can't tell what I'm feeling", or "I can't tell if my thoughts are focusing" or whatever it is you are telling yourself, tell yourself, "It is getting easier and easier to feel my emotions, it's getting easier to focus, I may not totally "get it" yet,but I'm getting better all the time." You know, take the opposite of what you've been saying to yourself and tell yourself gently that you ARE getting it, with "ease and flow".

  8. #158
    EaseAndFlow
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eostre View Post
    Hey, I just had another thought:

    Do as Abe says and TELL A DIFFERENT STORY!

    Instead of saying over and over, "I can't tell what I'm feeling", or "I can't tell if my thoughts are focusing" or whatever it is you are telling yourself, tell yourself, "It is getting easier and easier to feel my emotions, it's getting easier to focus, I may not totally "get it" yet,but I'm getting better all the time." You know, take the opposite of what you've been saying to yourself and tell yourself gently that you ARE getting it, with "ease and flow".
    Yes, that would be nice and I definitely want to do that eventually. Right now I don't feel confident enough in how to use my focus and guidance system to do that. I haven't really learned or made the connection between my thoughts and emotions yet, but I think praticing focusing on a simple subject such as kittens might help me with that. Thanks.

  9. #159
    EaseAndFlow
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eostre View Post
    Is it so hard to just relax and ENJOY something, ANYTHING???? Just take a "day off" from "trying" to monitor your feelings and thoughts and just take a "vacation" mentally. Just GO HAVE SOME FUN ....
    It feels very hard for me to do that. It's because I'm not using my focus.. There are many things going well and many things that I do want in my life, but I never find any joy in any of that because I keep confuse myself about focusing and second-guess myself in regards to how focusing works or whatever, and it feels like the worst period of my life so far because I see no way out of it if I don't stop being confused about focusing and return to the way I naturally used my focus a few years back before I started to overcomplicate these things. I've not found anyone who have the same issue as me with this so I must really be overcomplicating this.

    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing View Post
    Who cares?!

    Start here, " What I know about kittens is _______________. What I like about kittens is _______________. My favorite types (colors, qualities, etc.) of kitten is ___________." Go.
    What does it mean if I'm struggling with coming up things to write about this? Here's where it seem to me like you "should" already be thinking about kittens before you begin to do this. It's interesting how easy it is for me to write about my issue, I guess that's because I'm already thinking about it quite a lot... Thanks.

  10. #160
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    I would say this differently:
    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    It feels very hard for me to do that. It's because I'm not using my focus..
    "It's because I am using my focus. I've just decided to focus on problems to fix rather than on the things going well."

    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    There are many things going well and many things that I do want in my life, but I never find any joy in any of that because...
    "...because I have these problems I insist upon fixing first before I will allow myself to look at or en-joy the things going well and that I do want."

    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    I keep confuse myself about focusing and second-guess myself in regards to how focusing works or whatever, and it feels like the worst period of my life so far because I see no way out of it if I don't stop being confused about focusing and return to the way I naturally used my focus a few years back before I started to overcomplicate these things.
    "All that being said, my logic and my life experience tell me that if there was something that I once was able to do, I'm still able to do it. Skills and knowledge don't go away. I might be a little rusty and might need some practice to get back to where I once was a few years back but I still have those skills. And a few years back isn't as big a deal as a few decades back, so I could be in a really good place--even without remembering those skills right now--if I would let myself."

    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    What does it mean if I'm struggling with coming up things to write about this?
    It means you want to think about other things at the expense of the kittens (or bubbles or your music or whatever) that we're suggesting. What those other things are don't really matter--not for what we're suggesting you do.

    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    Here's where it seem to me like you "should" already be thinking about kittens before you begin to do this.
    That's you over-complicating this. There is no more "should" than you "should" think about the video game you're about to play. You load the game and you go. There's no more "should" to thinking about kittens than a simple decision to think about kittens. If it's such a burden to you, go find a kitten and pet it.

    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    It's interesting how easy it is for me to write about my issue, I guess that's because I'm already thinking about it quite a lot... Thanks.
    And because you want to think/write/talk about your issues. You believe there's value in your thinking/writing/talking about your issues and we haven't convinced you that there's value in your thinking/writing/talking about kittens (or bubbles or your music, etc.).

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