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Thread: Question about not feeling emotions

  1. #171
    Super Kitty Marc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    I thought I would be able to practice this now, but honestly I don't get it.

    I feel like I don't understand what focusing is, and I think it's a bit ridiculous that I don't understand what focusing is, but I don't understand how I'm curently using my focus.
    It's really not hard to get. We talked about how you were learning to write and how you would practice the shapes of the letters and how you had something to compare what you were practicing. We have the same thing here. We're asking you to write something about kittens (or bubbles) and where one might expect the letters to look like, "K-I-T-T-E-N-S," right now they look like "C-A-N-T F-O-C-U-S."
    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    I don't understand how to tell where my focus is in any given moment in time.
    Again, it's not hard. That's why we've suggested that you write/type about a topic -- you've got the words you've written as evidence. Read the words you've written. Those words tell you where your focus has been. Easy peasy. You can tell from the words you've been writing here in response to our suggestions that you tell us a story about bubbles or kittens or music that your focus has NOT been on bubbles, kittens or music.

    You DO know how to focus, you do it all day every day. You might not like what you're focused upon, which is understandable, but it's not because you don't know how to focus. It's just that you're continuing to focus on something unwanted. As WB suggests, all you have to do is sit down for 5-10-15 minutes and write about whatever easy topic you choose. Heck you don't even need to write about what you like about it. You could sit there and write the alphabet over and over and over, you could list out the prime numbers, you could write out the days of the week, the months in the year, you could go color in a coloring book, you could try to stand on your head. All of those require a minimal level of focus. There's nothing to get, nothing to understand, nothing to analyze. There's no way to get any of those things "wrong." It doesn't matter whether writing the word "kitten" over and over taps you into the spiritual essence of what it truly means to be a kitten, or that writing the word "bubble" fails to open the ultimate truth of whether bubbles actually exist or are some sort of illusion. None of that matters. What matters is for those 15 minutes, you're not telling the story of how you can't focus or how you're in the worst place of your life, or how you're getting it all wrong. Rather, you're writing 'B-U-B-B-L-E-S" over and over. How do you know? BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT PAGES FULL OF THE WORD BUBBLES instead of words about how you can't focus or about how you don't understand or the like.

  2. #172

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    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing View Post
    It's really quite simple: Sit down and for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, maybe even 15 minutes, pick a topic and write about it and what you like about it and why you like what you like about it. We've been suggesting detached, innocuous topics to you because we know those will be the easiest for you to do this.
    And how will I know if I succeed with doing this like you describe? What's the point of doing it? That I will feel better after the 15 minutes, right? Otherwise I don't see the point in doing it.

    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing View Post
    Focusing is simply noticing/paying attention to/thinking about something. You've been doing it all throughout your posts here. You do it naturally every day. You focused yourself into how you're not getting it and and focused on that all throughout this reply of yours. You do it naturally. We're simply trying to get you to focus on something which will feel better (because it isn't this one crappy-feeling--by your own descriptions--topic that you insist on focusing upon).

    You can twist the simple notion of "focusing" into something way more complicated that it's not (just like you tried to do with "thinking"). But even that is you focusing.
    Yeah, you have said many times that focusing is the same as paying attention to or thinking about something, I heard you the first time you said it, and I understand it intellectually, but I want experience for myself how that works and get some personal experience so that I can say that I really understand and so that I can feel like I know how to focus my thoughts in the way I want or intend to.

    Quote Originally Posted by Marc View Post
    Again, it's not hard. That's why we've suggested that you write/type about a topic -- you've got the words you've written as evidence. Read the words you've written. Those words tell you where your focus has been. Easy peasy. You can tell from the words you've been writing here in response to our suggestions that you tell us a story about bubbles or kittens or music that your focus has NOT been on bubbles, kittens or music.
    I don't quite understand that you talk about writing as if writing is the exact same thing as focusing. My experience when I've been trying to do this is that I'm writing words down about kittens for example but it doesn't seem like that necessarily makes me focus there or something. I think it would be better if I could learn how to focus on "kittens" first and then write things down.

    Quote Originally Posted by Marc View Post
    You DO know how to focus, you do it all day every day. You might not like what you're focused upon, which is understandable, but it's not because you don't know how to focus. It's just that you're continuing to focus on something unwanted.
    How can I become more aware of where I'm currently focused in any given moment of time? I know that I'm focusing all the time because it's not possible to stop focusing but it seems like I'm often focusing all over the place and as a result I feel unaware of where I'm focusing, how focusing/thinking "work" and if I would be more aware of where I'm focusing in every moment I would notice when I'm focusing on "kittens" (or whatever).. Thanks.

  3. #173
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    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    I don't quite understand that you talk about writing as if writing is the exact same thing as focusing.
    Of course you "understand" it, you just don't agree. Those are different things. Focus is very basic thing that we do all day every day. You're making difficult because when you say "focus" you mean "make a vibrational shift," which results in you feeling differently. I don't agree that focus NECESSARILY means that.
    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    My experience when I've been trying to do this is that I'm writing words down about kittens for example but it doesn't seem like that necessarily makess me focus there or something. I think it would be better if I could learn how to focus on "kittens" first and then write things down.
    I disagree. From where I'm standing, it doesn't matter whether you're focusing on "kittens," the word "kittens," the act of writing, or the philosophy of language. Rather, the whole point of the exercise is to get you to interrupt your relentless drumbeat of how you're not where you want to be, how you don't know how to focus, etc. Focusing on just about ANYTHING is going to serve you more than what you're currently doing. Nevertheless, what you've described gets at EXACTLY what I just wrote -- when you say "I don't think I'm focusing on kittens" you mean, "writing about kittens didn't make me feel any better." I don't agree with your conclusion that not feeling better means that you weren't able to focus on kittens. Rather, I believe it simply means that when you've been writing about kittens, it hasn't been enough to allow you to get off the subject of "I don't like how I feel" entirely. That's no different from someone learning to meditate and not yet accomplishing quieting their mind. It's simply a matter of needing more practice.

    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    How can I become more aware of where I'm currently focused in any given moment of time?
    Funny you should ask. I believe we just gave you the suggestion of sitting down and writing and using the words on the paper (or on the screen) as some degree of evidence of where you're focused. It's remarkably effective. For example, read back what you've written here the past few pages. From those words on the screen, it's obvious that you were not focusing on kittens or bubbles or music, is it not?
    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    I know that I'm focusing all the time because it's not possible to stop focusing but it seems like I'm often focusing all over the place and as a result I feel unaware of where I'm focusing, how focusing/thinking "work" and if I would be more aware of where I'm focusing in every moment I would notice when I'm focusing on "kittens" (or whatever).
    I don't agree. Everything you've described to us is that you're remarkably consistent in your focus. It's some variation of, "I don't like this," "I can't do this," or some detailed explanation/description of those first two points.

  4. #174
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    And how will I know if I succeed with doing this like you describe?

    You will have spent 5, 10, even 15 minutes writing about your topic.

    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    What's the point of doing it?

    You will have taken your hand off of this hot stove that youíve been practicing here for 5, 10, even 15 minutes.

    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    That I will feel better after the 15 minutes, right?

    When you take your hand off a hot stove, what happens?

    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    Otherwise I don't see the point in doing it.

    And thatís the very crux of this conversation, isnít it? Thatís why youíve been resisting and avoiding doing this and rebuffing our suggestions. It doesnít look to you like itís going to fix the problems that youíve been trying to fix so you ďdonít see the point in doing it.Ē (Bus-sss-ted)

    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    Yeah, you have said many times that focusing is the same as paying attention to or thinking about something, I heard you the first time you said it, and I understand it intellectually,...

    You see, this doesnít add up for me. Because if you did understand it--a little, a lot, intellectually or even on a wishful thinking basis--then you would prefer the simple answer that Iíve been giving you rather than clinging to your convoluted, bad-feeling concept which hasnít been working for you and which you insist you cannot do.

    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    ...but I want experience for myself how that works and get some personal experience...

    Then decide to let go of your convoluted, bad-feeling concept which hasnít been working for you and which you insist you cannot do.

    Because, once again, every post you write here you ARE focusing. Thatís how it works and thatís your personal experience. Youíre just telling stories which dismiss or negate your personal experience which you ARE having.

    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    ...so that I can say that I really understand and so that I can feel like I know how to focus my thoughts in the way I want or intend to.

    In order for you to ďfeel likeĒ that, you first have to accept that you can focus your thoughts. Thatís separate and different from the ďin the way I want or intend toĒ piece.

    But, if it were me, I wouldnít wait, in the way youíre waiting here. If it were me, I personally would use my logic and see that I AM focusing and I AM focusing consistently in the way I do not want. My logic would tell me that, since I AM focusing and I AM focusing in the way I do not want, I have the ability to focus in the way that I want. I personally would accept the logic of that conclusion, because the logic is accurate, because accepting this conclusion would feel better to me, and because that conclusion is closer to what I want. I would then direct my energies towards focusing in the way I want and give very little airtime to a focus away from what I want. Thatís how I would approach what youíre saying here, if it were me.


    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    And how will I know if I succeed with doing this like you describe? What's the point of doing it? That I will feel better after the 15 minutes, right? Otherwise I don't see the point in doing it.



    Yeah, you have said many times that focusing is the same as paying attention to or thinking about something, I heard you the first time you said it, and I understand it intellectually, but I want experience for myself how that works and get some personal experience so that I can say that I really understand and so that I can feel like I know how to focus my thoughts in the way I want or intend to.



    I don't quite understand that you talk about writing as if writing is the exact same thing as focusing. My experience when I've been trying to do this is that I'm writing words down about kittens for example but it doesn't seem like that necessarily makes me focus there or something. I think it would be better if I could learn how to focus on "kittens" first and then write things down.



    How can I become more aware of where I'm currently focused in any given moment of time? I know that I'm focusing all the time because it's not possible to stop focusing but it seems like I'm often focusing all over the place and as a result I feel unaware of where I'm focusing, how focusing/thinking "work" and if I would be more aware of where I'm focusing in every moment I would notice when I'm focusing on "kittens" (or whatever).. Thanks.

  5. #175

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marc View Post
    Of course you "understand" it, you just don't agree. Those are different things. Focus is very basic thing that we do all day every day. You're making difficult because when you say "focus" you mean "make a vibrational shift," which results in you feeling differently. I don't agree that focus NECESSARILY means that.
    Yes, I agree with you. How can I stop doing that? I've agreed on creating a website for someone, but I'm noticing now that it feels so difficult, because I'm doing this. I understand that for the results to become as I want, it's going to require some focus. And I really need to learn how to stop constantly noticing how I feel and then beginning to think of how it's an issue, because then I can't use my focus and direct my focus toward the task I'm wanting to do. Gah..

    Quote Originally Posted by Marc View Post
    Focusing on just about ANYTHING is going to serve you more than what you're currently doing. Nevertheless, what you've described gets at EXACTLY what I just wrote -- when you say "I don't think I'm focusing on kittens" you mean, "writing about kittens didn't make me feel any better." I don't agree with your conclusion that not feeling better means that you weren't able to focus on kittens. Rather, I believe it simply means that when you've been writing about kittens, it hasn't been enough to allow you to get off the subject of "I don't like how I feel" entirely. That's no different from someone learning to meditate and not yet accomplishing quieting their mind. It's simply a matter of needing more practice.
    I understand. Thank you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Marc View Post
    Funny you should ask. I believe we just gave you the suggestion of sitting down and writing and using the words on the paper (or on the screen) as some degree of evidence of where you're focused. It's remarkably effective. For example, read back what you've written here the past few pages. From those words on the screen, it's obvious that you were not focusing on kittens or bubbles or music, is it not?
    Sure. But I meant more at any given moment of time, being aware of how I'm focusing.

    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing View Post
    You see, this doesn’t add up for me. Because if you did understand it--a little, a lot, intellectually or even on a wishful thinking basis--then you would prefer the simple answer that I’ve been giving you rather than clinging to your convoluted, bad-feeling concept which hasn’t been working for you and which you insist you cannot do.
    Yes, I do theoretically prefer your version, but I can't really say that what you're saying matches my personal experience. So I've been trying to make sense of it or see if there's something I'm not getting.

    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing View Post
    But, if it were me, I wouldn’t wait, in the way you’re waiting here. If it were me, I personally would use my logic and see that I AM focusing and I AM focusing consistently in the way I do not want. My logic would tell me that, since I AM focusing and I AM focusing in the way I do not want, I have the ability to focus in the way that I want. I personally would accept the logic of that conclusion, because the logic is accurate, because accepting this conclusion would feel better to me, and because that conclusion is closer to what I want. I would then direct my energies towards focusing in the way I want and give very little airtime to a focus away from what I want. That’s how I would approach what you’re saying here, if it were me.
    Thank you so much for your replies.

  6. #176
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    Yes, I do theoretically prefer your version,...

    Then make my version your own version by shifting your story more and more towards my version (and then passing through my version to your IBís version, which is the version you really prefer). Because, otherwise, what youíre saying here is ďI [theoretcially] prefer chocolate but Iím going to continue to order vanilla [which I actually do not want]. In doing so, Iím hoping that, if I keep ordering vanilla [which I actually do not want] louder and more persistently and I keep telling anyone who will listen how much I actually do not want the vanilla I keep ordering, I will eventually get the chocolate that I prefer.Ē That never gets you your chocolate, does it?

    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    ...but I can't really say that what you're saying matches my personal experience.

    Of course, it doesnít, because youíve been creating your personal experience by telling your ďvanillaĒ story. You're not going to get your "chocolate" experience as long as you keeping ordering "vanilla." That doesn't happen in an ice cream shop and it doesn't happen with the LoA.



    Quote Originally Posted by EaseAndFlow View Post
    Yes, I agree with you. How can I stop doing that? I've agreed on creating a website for someone, but I'm noticing now that it feels so difficult, because I'm doing this. I understand that for the results to become as I want, it's going to require some focus. And I really need to learn how to stop constantly noticing how I feel and then beginning to think of how it's an issue, because then I can't use my focus and direct my focus toward the task I'm wanting to do. Gah..



    I understand. Thank you.



    Sure. But I meant more at any given moment of time, being aware of how I'm focusing.



    Yes, I do theoretically prefer your version, but I can't really say that what you're saying matches my personal experience. So I've been trying to make sense of it or see if there's something I'm not getting.



    Thank you so much for your replies.

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