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Thread: My Vision process

  1. #101

    Day 331: Going Within

    I'm catching glimpses of my own world, what I really feel, what I really desire and what I really want to do. I feel that very unique vibration and it's so different than the vibration I practice day by day. That vibration is more stressful and focused on being in line of a certain schedule. Having to do this by this time and so forth, but I'm not really happy in that way of living. In fact, I've been wanting to change that for many years but always believed that for me to get a certain outcome I have to do certain things to bring it about.

    Now, however, I know better and starting to stretch my beliefs so that I don't feel trapped in having to input action for an outcome I want. I know that's not the way things work and amazingly, my spirit team has been shining that light on me day after day.

    They say that I never have to work hard, that I can relax and indeed everything will come. That joy really is the key and will yield to me more than I can ask for than stressing myself out doing things I feel will bring about the change I want to see in my world. More and more everyday, my eyes are opening wider to this truth. That for me to have the body, money, life work and experience that I want to have in my life, the key for it is to have fun and ENJOY THE JOURNEY, not struggle through it all or really, focusing on the things that really doesn't give me joy.

    That is the thing, I've been used to focusing on what is wrong for a lifetime it seems and it never gave me what I really wanted, in fact, it always seem to just stuck around. A problem might be resolved but another one will come up, there was always something for me to put my focus on to problem solve and it was never ending. I notice that, when that does happens, it takes my focus off the things that I want to focus on like having fun, playing video games and focusing on my creativity. I always assume that as soon as all the problems in my life are solved, then I can focus on my joy, because that is the responsible way to do things. Yet, life never ceased to bring me problems, either from myself or another and I was NOT HAPPY with it. Even today, I'm still assuming that truth after all the wonderful manifestations that I gotten from joy.

    But today, I can feel it, a new revelation, a new way of being, a new way of believing...

    I DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT ANYMORE. I don't have to believe that anymore and I don't have to offer action from that place. I can do something else and be a WHOLE lot happier.

    With that being said, when I focus within myself, what I assume what Abe calls my inner being, I call it my inner world, where my true peace of mind is, I can feel the swirling creativity, the desires and just the fun that is waiting to be tapped into, but I rarely do tap into it BECAUSE I'm focusing outside of me. Which of course would lead to a life that I'm not happy with because of the lack of doing the things I really want to do.

    But now that I know where to look and where to focus (and more so where to not focus on) so I can immerse myself in my own creative joy! I can see and feel what it is that I really want to do, focus on that and let LOA take care of the rest. But it's not focusing there in the spirit of getting my stuff, it's in the joy of CREATING and enjoying my innate creativity and molding of the clay. That is what sets my soul of fire!

    Being focused in a place where my joy sits, endlessly, everyday no matter what, and all I have to do is focus there and just let it take me to everything I could create.

    My guides are leading me to create from my heart, to focus on my joy and to live in that joyous place, something that I always wanted.

    I feel guided to stop here…

    Thank you, it’s more than enough!

    Much love,

    Kai <3

  2. #102

    Day 331: Resistance

    How I Feel

    I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want to be inspired, I want to draw and I want to create but this isn't inspiring for me at all. I know it's not and I'm not taking notice or action to clean up my vibration about it. A part of me wants to drop out of this project all together because I don't feel resonance with it as I did before. I thought I would be able to draw what I wanted but this theme of living in an urban environment is ****ing everything up. I HATE the urban environment, I really don't like living in the city overall and I don't want that to be the focus on my work because it keeps shooting me out the vortex.

    I'm angry because I feel like I have to fake my feelings about the city that I live in. Of course there are places where I live that I LOVE, but those places aren't my inspiration for my work, it's the opposite. I want to draw fantasy and what I have in my head and heart and my city isn't in there. I just feel so much pressure to love and like the city as much as everyone else and draw from that place, but I don't and I'm honestly not willing to go there.

    I don't know what to do, I want to be apart of this project but what I'm currently doing isn't the path of least resistance...

    Soothing Myself

    I don't have to love the city that I'm to be inspired. I don't even have to focus on the city, I can just focus on my thoughts and my dreams while I'm in the city. Being in fantastic places away from all the hassle, hustle and bustle. I don't have to do anything that I don't want to do and I have PLENTY of time to do the things that I do want to do.

    I have more than enough time to get everything I want together. I can have fun with this but I first need to line up my energy before I can, which is doable.

    I need to be honest with myself and with the people of this project so that I can feel open and free to create how I feel than just make art for the sake of the project at hand. I have to remember, I didn't come here to think and be like everyone else, I have a choice in everything and I want my work to be self exploratory in nature, not an assignment.

    I feel guided to stop hereÖ

    Thank you, itís more than enough!

    Much love,

    Kai <3

  3. #103

    Day 340: Resistance at the face of success

    How I Feel

    IíM SO ****ING ANGRY.

    Iím angry that Iím putting everything that I have, money, time and energy into this new business course and I have yet to be accepted in the FB group. I was promised that this will be a part of the business school. To be able to meet other people like myself, get an accountability partner, being able to connect and share with others and be in a supportive group.

    Itís been almost a week since I enrolled in this program, even emailed about it and I have yet to get ANY ****ING ANSWER. This is so unprofessional! I expect 6-7 figure business coaches to AT ****ING LEAST ANSWER MY QUESTION about an important part of this whole course. I donít understand why this is happening and why Iím not getting answers, I expect more and want to do a good job but I feel like shit want to semi collapse on itself.

    I just want to have everything straightened out, I just want to know they got my payment which they for sure have been very transparent with me about which I appreciate but I need to know what is going on with my other questions. WHY THE **** is my other questions not being answered when I asked them. Iím not getting any type of feedback and that is infuriating when I expect more and not asking for too much. Itís as simple telling me what is going on, itís not that hard.

    What is really pissing me off is that, Iím hitting all kinds of small bumps when it comes to them getting their payment. I did EVERYTHING I could do and should do, but for some reason they still isnít getting their payment. I just updated my billing information, I checked my account, the payment was taken but its pending. I donít know if they have it or not or what is going on but itís bringing up negative and suspicious feelings. Not towards them, but the situation.

    This is something that I wanted for many years and was able to get into easily and without effort. It really threw me for a loop because I wasnít expecting it at all which was great and I was super happy. At the same time, I felt completely overwhelmed because of all the other things that Iíve already doing or is in line to do. And itís not even that.

    Iím going to be making a lot of money, this is a yearlong course where you build your own 6-7 figure business. Even though my money goals isnít at 6 figures, itís still a hell a lot more money than I ever made in my life, doing something that I love to do, that I know I can do. It feels like everything is in place for me to succeed, but I feel completely insecure with myself.

    Iím afraid that people will look at me and be disgusted because Iím charging high-end prices for what I do. I have fears that no one will want my program or services or really, they will think of me as a greedy person for charging so much to provide my service.

    I guess I feel stuck in being the ďcheapĒ angel card reader. I was so afraid of charging the money that I really wanted to charge and progressing further beyond where I started. Or really, being the angel reader that anyone can afford because I believed no one would want to pay me more because they didnít have the money themselves. I believed that everyone around me was as broke as I was, so trying to charge a service that no one can afford and believing that I had no access to the people that could pay obviously played out in feeling that I couldnít progress in my spiritual work.

    It felt for years that I couldnít be fully supported financially, be happy, grow, thrive and have money come to me easily while doing something that I love, yet not working hard all at the same time. It felt unfair, like I was cheating, that I was keeping all the secrets to myself and basically being a bad person. As if I wasnít supposed to have an easy abundant life.

    Ironically, I felt that way towards all the coaches and spiritual people that were living the dreams I wanted to live. But felt like because I had no money, they didnít care to ďseeĒ me or want to be bothered because I didnít have the money to pay them, and all the real details and information that would lead to success, I had to pay for high price courses, sessions and the like.

    I felt completely heartbroken because I didnít have money to pay for anyone to help me in probably one of the most painful times in my life. That really killed my self-esteem and made me even more worthless than I already felt. It all felt like a really bad joke, you claim to help people but you canít help me. You claim you want to support people but only if they have the money to pay you. It felt like I was being completely judged by what I had financially, and not by the person that I actually was.

    It was really painful and that is where my fear is coming from. I donít want to be that person that only looks at what a person has in their wallet. If I want to help and able too, I want to be able to do that. But I know most of this is purely emotional vs. logical.

    I know that people have to charge what they feel their talents and gifts are worth and I see all of that so clearly now. People paid me easily the higher prices I had for my readings and it was super easy and natural. Everything was all good. And my fears, and emotions behind all this is just my own resistance coming up. It really has no place where Iím at and where I plan to go.

    And this whole thing with these payment hick ups and questions not being answered is bringing up those times again. Where of course they want their money, but they wonít take the time to answer any other question that doesnít involve it. They just sweep it under the rug like itís nothing or doesnít matter, and that is really upsetting me. I donít want to feel like Iím just another person to pay for their program, and they have been working with me incredibly with my situation.

    Itís really not them, itís all my stuff (literally everything) rearing its ugly head. And then my spirit team asked ďbut is it serving you? Is it something that is going to help you? Or is it better to recognize these things and let them go as you see the flawed premises behind them and the inner workings on why it played out as it did?Ē

    They are right, as painful as these experiences where, they are in the past, I didnít even need those people to get to where I am now, I did it on my own listening to my OWN guidance and intuition. I had all the answers, I didnít need money or another person to validate me or my experience, I showed that to myself. This is truly no different.

    I donít need anyone to validate me. I donít need to throw away my intuitive magic because Iím enrolled in this school learning things that I didnít know before. My success doesnít depend on anyone but myself and I know how to get there, itís all good. Everything is working out and always had, truly.

    I can drop all these resistant things that doesnít make me happy or abundant but keeps me in a place of scarcity thinking and feeling that itís wrong for me to be everything I want to be and not think about anyone else in the matter.

    Iím more than able to do this, I just need to get over my own stuff.

    I feel guided to stop hereÖ

    Thank you, itís more than enough!

    Much love,

    Kai <3

  4. #104

    Smile Day 347 Too Stressed Out

    How I feel

    Iím really stressed out, more than I thought I actually was. With all the events and things that Iím doing, I really have very little time to focus on my own personal life. To just simply relax and not worry about having something to do in the day.

    I really just want less things to do, Iím too stressed out and worried about doing this, and doing that and trying to fit in extra stuff in my already hectic schedule. Itís really stressing me out with my new coaching business that I want to focus on. I donít have any idea how my scheduling is going to change with the apprenticeship, so itís hard to determine which days I will have for that, since I want to start taking people in.

    But itís not even that, I feel like Iím reaching my limit to the point that I donít want to be around people, I just want to be by myself and in my own energy. I donít want to be around people and all their energy, ideas, thoughts and just whatever, Iím finding it too tiring having to deal with it day after day.

    I just want to take a vacation from my own life and all this focus on the city and the political nonsense that is going on. I donít ****ing care about all that, itís none of my business.

    I feel stressed because I signed up for too many things that take a lot of time out of my day and energy and it takes commitment. I didnít see beforehand the level of activity I would be doing. I thought it would be fun, and yes I do enjoy it, but not at a level that I feel a fiery passion over. I honestly feel run down from all the running around Iím doing and bouncing from anxiety, frustration, anger, resentment and more than anything wanting to withdraw from everyone, I always want to be alone which is a red flag for me.

    Itís honestly hard to enjoy my days because Iím agonizing over what is coming up and what I have to do and I HATE that more than anything. I like to feel at peace and at ease with myself when Iím my own space, but itís getting challenging to do that.

    I honestly just want to be alone and left alone and donít want to be bothered by anyoneÖ

    To Soothe

    Itís great that Iím recognizing how Iím feeling and putting my alignment first. Iíve been doing a good job maintaining my own sanity. I know the universe supports me with everything I decide for myself.

    I donít have to do everything and I shouldnít expect myself to fulfill every obligation that comes my way. Itís okay for me to pull out or change my mind in the middle of something, I have to look out for myself after all.

    I can tell Iím losing my patience and my overall mood is suffering because Iím a bit crabby in the inside and donít enjoy actually doing all that Iím doing. That is so okay because that is my guidance system telling me that Iím not aligned to my source the way I intended to be when I came in. Itís okay for me to decide that something isnít for me, itís okay for me to decide that this is enough and when I had hit my limit.

    I know things will get a lot better and easier for me, I already put it in my vortex and Iím constantly looking for ways to feel better about what is going on.

    I know Iím dying to have more fun in my days, to be more creative, add more color to my life and enjoy my own time with my own activities. Itís okay to not be okay with everything that is going on around me and want to break away towards something I KNOW feels good and better to my soul. I donít have to tie myself down to something that isnít my highest joy.

    Itís okay to want to watch anime, cartoons, draw what you want and focus on art that actually makes me feel passion and inspiration. Itís okay to not love my city or have a hard time drawing from that perspective. Itís okay saying to the teacher, I have too many things going on and need to drop this, but I do have pieces to add the show. And if it works out or not that Iím in the show, is fine, it really doesnít matter because my alignment is the best prize there is, it is what makes my life what it is.

    Itís okay for me to want to spend time by myself with things that I actually care about that has nothing to do with what is going on in todayís world. Itís okay for me to not care about what is on the news, t.v, or whatever current events that is happening in the world today.

    The universe doesnít care about any of that stuff, it only reads my own energy to myself which hasnít been the best or the way I want it. The universe doesnít read what COULD be but what ACTUALLY IS. And what actually is isnít what I want, Iím not aligned to it so itís my only job to go back into alignment.

    Itís okay to feel all these emotions and to potentially let people down. Letting people down has nothing to do with my alignment, the relationship between me and me is my only job and I feel a lot better basically walking away from some of the things that doesnít give me great joy.

    I feel guided to stop hereÖ

    Thank you, itís more than enough!

    Much love,

    Kai <3

  5. #105

    Talking Day 351: Getting Clear on What I Actually Want

    How I Feel

    To be honest, I feel a bit lost. I've manifested a lot of artistic opportunities, including a 6 month paid internship and a chance to showcase my artwork at one of the famous museums in my city, yet this isn't exactly what I want.

    I love that I'm able to do these amazing things, but typing this all out, a lot of what I'm doing and plan on doing isn't what I actually want, at least 100%. I want to draw and create things that are fun, cute and inspired by Japanese culture, video games and cartoons. The things that I'm currently doing, lack those things. I'm creating, I'm making art work, but that is only half the battle, and I think it's the reason why I feel really uninspired in life overall.

    I'm not focused on the things that I REALLY want to do, I'm just doing things that are being thrown at me, most of which I don't mind but I'm getting more and more clear on what it is that I really do want.

    I feel like it's time to revise what it is that I want and start manifesting THAT. I've already manifested what I thought I wanted, enjoyed the thrill of it and seen the aspects that I actually want that aren't in these current manifestations.

    I guess because I was in the things that I was doing, I had to deal with them and couldn't create something different or change my mind. I felt I needed to be commitment to the things I already put myself into, but I know commitment is more of an action term than a vibrational one. I think that is the reason why I felt so "stuck" in the current what is and had a hard time turning the direction I was in into another, more better feeling place.

    I learned a lot in the last few weeks as far as manifestation goes. Most of which is this: you like what you like, you love what you love, you don't like what you don't like. As such, it's SO MUCH easier to let yourself just go for what you ACTUALLY WANT, than ****ing around with things that you don't like or don't have a passion for.

    I see in not only the things I recently created but in all of my life, I've been cutting myself short as far as letting myself have what I want to have. To like what I like and to simply live out the things that I want to live out. Mostly due to the opinions of others and their thoughts about what I'm doing. Funny enough, the peanut gallery has NO IDEA what is best for me, or know my source, vortex and simply my heart. They don't know, and they never will. But I do, and it's in my vortex, I can feel the passion of it and know the validity of it. Why override my own guidance in compliance to someone else's? Why let myself settle for something I don't really want but sounds good when I really want something else or the WHOLE thing of what I actually want than 10 or 5% of what I want.

    It's not doing me ANY justice and keeps me stuck in overwhelm, second guessing myself and really, stagnation. All the things that I really don't like to deal with in my day to day life, and I know it's because I'm more aware of what other people might think of me than how I want to feel.

    I'm glad I got this out the way, it felt like I hit a plateau but it was a vibrational one where I wasn't allowing myself to move forward because of others. Now I'm changing that and deciding to no only move forward but to go downstream than upstream.

    Soothing Myself

    I'm glad that I did this. Worked my magic in the way I know that works for me and my manifestational process. I'm glad that I got clarity from the things that I either didn't like or wasn't really jumping over the moon about.

    It's true when Abe says, when you know what you don't want, you know what you do want. Surely, I know a whole lot more of what I do want because of all the things that I don't want or simply doesn't fit into all of what I want. I've been getting great clarity over the last week, in contrast of the overwhelm from the week before that.

    I know clearly what I want, the vision I want to see come true.

    I want to be drawing and creating art work that is a lot more aligned to my passions: video games, anime, manga, Japanese culture, spirituality, fantasy, cartoons, fun and cute things.

    I want to be creating works that I can sell to people that also loves all things kawaii. I see myself not only selling really cute and kawaii works that are popular, but I'm being showcased because of those works and how passionate I am about them. I'm getting fan mail, letters and emails about people that also want to be a creative and cute illustrator. I'm getting opportunities to be in art books, art galleries, art shows and exhibits that also matches the type of works I love to create all around the world. I'm meeting people that love my art, wants to work with me and wants to see me succeed even more! Best of all, I'm not only getting paid to go to these events, but the trip to and from these events are paid for, food and spending money included!

    More than anything, I'm passionate about what I'm doing. I love what I'm doing and I'm excited to wake up everyday to draw, paint, craft and create all that I'm creating. I'm surrounded by fabulous works by other artists that not only love my work but are also my mentors, cheerleaders and fans. I'm always getting ready to go to the next anime convention where I meet my followers and fans where I can sell my prints, frames, jewellery and so much more. I'm constantly being featured in magazines, articles, blogs and websites for what I do and all that I stand for.

    I also look so great and as if I jumped out of one of my illustrations. I changed my look to something that I actually loved and people really notice and appreciates my sense of fashion and style. It was nearly effortless and of course so much fun to do! I love putting on different colored wigs, clothes, Japanese street fashion styles and makeup. I love going into my closet and seeing all the fresh, new and unique clothes that I got all around the world. I love posting pictures of my outfits and my fans go wild when they see it!

    I'm having so much fun! I love what I do and I don't regret doing it. I feel so free and proud of the life I created for myself and everyday I see things getting better and bigger for myself and my art. I'm so proud and more than anything happy. I'm living my purpose and I'm enthralled by it all!

    I feel guided to stop hereÖ

    Thank you, itís more than enough!

    Much love,

    Kai <3

  6. #106

    Day 353: Not Being Selfish Enough

    How I Feel

    I totally burned myself out yesterday from the massive worrying I was doing from not only finding a way to pay for my new business course, but with every single thing that is going on around me. I'm really am doing too much and even when I'm not doing something, I'm totally pressuring myself to be perfect and well-rounded in all areas of my life.

    I don't want to do this anymore... Trying to be perfect, trying to jump on every single thing that I think will make my life better or perfect. I keep thinking that I'm not good enough in some way. From the way I look, eat, to the way I go about my day. Everything that I do, I feel that it's not good enough, bad or somehow needs to be improved. I'm not sure if it even has to do with not being happy with where I am... Because honestly I am happy with myself, I like who I am, I love me and I have a lot to offer. There is so much I can do. But if I was to be honest with myself, I feel that there are parts of me other people wouldn't like or feel that I need to improve on.

    For example, food. I love animals, but I do eat meat here and there and animal products. I LOVE milk and dairy and basically have no desire to go vegan whatsoever. I love trying vegan dishes and even cook vegan but I have no desire to change my life style.

    My body... I feel like I have to look thin, have nearly flawless skin, teeth, nails and whatever for people to view me in a good light. Or I guess, even though people appreciate those that put a lot of time into their look, and I do like looking good myself and want to put more time into it. I don't give a flying **** about it at the same time. I'm constantly worried about my body and the weight I put on. I feel like I have to lose weight to be considered more beautiful and attractive.

    My time... People love those that take their own time out to help others. I love helping people but to be honest, I care so much more about myself. I'm not going to put myself out there for anyone just for the brownie points or because it's the "right thing to do." I want and love to be selfish and think about my own needs and what makes me happy.

    I think I just struck a cord...

    All the things that I'm doing, all the pressure I'm putting on myself... I'm not being selfish enough... Not just thinking about myself but the things I'm doing. The things I eat, the way I look, how I spend my time... I'm not solely thinking about me, I'm thinking about other people and what they think of me. I'm not "truly" being selfish. I'm being self-conscious.

    I'm not just letting myself be me, or letting myself be or do the things that truly makes me happy. I keep skipping over my own wants, desires and the things I like for things that I feel that will make other people view me better. BUT THAT ISN'T MAKING ME HAPPY! It's making my life a living hell!

    I like milk... I like animal products and using them in my cooking... I like not looking at people in need and focusing on my own life... I like being lazy... I like making a lot of money without out the hard work... I like things being easy... I like playing video games all day... I like not working... I like not having to workout everyday perfectly. I like my current diet of food... I like what I like...

    I like my life, I'm just doing way too many things that are not making me happy and I need to take the reigns again and reevaluate a lot of what I'm doing.

    I'm not here to be perfect, I'm here to be me. I'm not here to be the healthiest person I know, my body knows exactly what it's doing. I'm not here to be the next Mother Teresa, she's cool but it's not for me. I'm not here to be attractive to people, all the love that I ever could want happens by vibration, not by how I look. I'm not here to be fittest person, I like moving my body and how it feels when I do... That's it.

    I feel guided to stop hereÖ

    Thank you, itís more than enough!

    Much love,

    Kai <3

  7. #107

    Cool Day 354 Going General

    Day 354

    After everything is said and done, I'm realizing more than ever before that life is pretty simple, we just make it complicated with all the extra outside stuff. At this time I just want to start where I am and go general since I've been very specific and running into a lot of resistance of all kinds when I don't have too.

    I'm doing a good job. No matter what happens, or doesn't happen, I'm really making it happen, my life. I came a long way and things are very much different AND better than they were a year ago. I was in a shelter, though I was overall happy, I was completely resistant about a lot of things that I can look back and say, I didn't have to stress out as much. Everything turned out perfectly at the end.

    I'm good enough. My big puffy hair, my body, my eyes, my stomach, everything about myself is simply great. I'm happy that I get to have what I have because I really do love it and where I'm at. I have no reason to change or to improve myself and that feels good. It feels like I'm off the hook, I don't have to try so hard, I can just be where I'm at and feel good.

    I'm on my path. My guidance is always by my side, I never need to worry. No matter what happens I can listen and feel for my guidance and what the next best step is and the answer will be there. I don't have to go far to find the answers that I seek. It's all inside, within me and that feels sooo good.

    Everything is working out for me. It really is. So many wonderful things happened today that completely aligned to not only my desires but really fell into place in a way that I could never come up with or control myself! My alignment and decision to just let go of all my worries and fears transformed into a really fun and amazing day. This is proof that hard work is never required, but a fun and relaxed attitude is. I'm blessed to know the teachings as deeply as I do at this moment.

    I feel guided to stop here…

    Thank you, it’s more than enough!

    Much love,

    Kai <3

  8. #108

    Day 357: Art is My Purpose

    I know that talking about my resistances isn't the way to go to fix them. I know it helps some when I'm in the heat of it, but I notice that it doesn't shift my vibration in a strong enough manner to really put me in a good feeling place. Maybe better than I was, but not in a way that makes me feel so good as if I'm really loving myself. I notice that when I just focus on being positive and speaking about positive things, that is when I get that benefit. So even though I do find talking about my resistance helpful, I know that it doesn't stop there. I have to bring my focus on what is working to produce more of that, than strictly what is not working.

    I never have to go far to find what makes me happy. Art makes me happy. I love doing it everyday even if I don't have time. I love being creative and seeing how a picture will turn out. Even if I have an idea in my mind, it always turns out different and surprisingly better if I allow it to expand as I'm guided. I really love going to my art classes and learning how to draw better. The teachers are amazing, I love my peers and I get so much support from everyone, it's a real blessing.

    I love that I can see my life getting better and better with art as a whole. I love that I know I can try something new in art and not fear the outcome, I can just try. I love that I can feel my own natural inclinations become clearer and clearer everyday. I love that I have these really big ideas and dreams for my art. I love that it's all more than a possibility but a reality at this minute. Art really does make me happy. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

    I love talking about art and how it makes me feel. I can feel my vibration go so high from where I started in this post. It was like pulling teeth, but as soon as I read "I never have to go far to find what makes me happy." I just felt that spark within me ignite. I knew it was art. It shines so brightly in my heart and soul it's hard to deny or miss it. That is what truly makes me happy above all else, no matter what.

    I love art and art loves me. I have so many wonderful experiences with art and it really made me a more spiritual and expansive person. I love art because it's so personal, I can create whatever it is that is in my heart and it'll always be "right." I don't have to try to be the best or get it right, because the fact that I'm doing it is the most right I'll be anyway.

    I can see clearly the vision in my mind's eye of what my destiny with art will and can be. It feels so good. I'm selling it, making it, showing it to others and my whole world is all about it. It's like my core energy is solely focused on art and everything else is in the background, but in a good way. I can feel it, art is my purpose, it's my being-ness, it is who I am and what I'll continue to become, it's my everything. I don't feel any greater with anything else but with my art. I know the truth, I know what it is, I know the power, I know the answer, I have the clarity and I just FEEL it SO STRONGLY. Art is my ultimate purpose in life, and that is it. I love knowing that and FEELING that.

    I've felt that since I was young, art was so strong in me and I hit the ground running with it. It wasn't a fluke, or something random. This IS the reason, this is the WHY, this is the HEALING, this is the BEING, this is EVERYTHING, this is the LESSON, THIS is it, ART. ART IS MY PURPOSE, it's such a unique feeling that nothing else ever came close too, even if I was passionate about it.

    I never have to ask or think "what is my purpose?" because I already know, it IS ART, and always been and always will be. That is my purpose, and that feels so good to know. I know it and I can feel my spirit team and all of the universe gather within and through me when I think about it. I know that is the driving force that wakes me up in the morning and keeps me going when I'm down. That is it... Art.

    I feel guided to stop hereÖ

    Thank you, itís more than enough!

    Much love,

    Kai <3

  9. #109

    Thumbs up Day 359: I am Consciousness

    Day 359

    I want to keep this positive momentum about my art going, after all, this was the reason why I started this whole thread in the first place.

    I'm happy that I'm an artist, it's truly such a gift that I'm always happy to have. What I love most out of everything is my ability to create beautiful things. That I can create what is in my mind and art and give it form, life and emotion. I get to speak this unspeakable language that many people can't grasp even if they studied it for their entire lives. I get to create stories, characters and worlds right from my mind and that feels so good to me.

    I love feeling this fullness when I talk about my art. It feels like my whole body is being filled up with such divine energy, and I feel this tickle in my heart chakra as if it's activating. I can feel this energy just shooting out of my body with absolute joy. It's so easy and it feels so good.

    I can't wait to sell my art in the many places that I dream of selling it, anime conventions, expos, workshops, events, art fairs, wherever. I'm excited to be on my path and just feel this truth about myself and my passion. I can't wait to dream up the next big thing for me and my art. It feels so good I swear it feels like my heart is going to burst!

    I never have to go far... Nope, not at all to know that I'm right where I need to be. THIS feels so good and satisfying. I just love art and it's so meant for me. I can feel everything just coming my way. So many more opportunities and amazing things being drawn to me. This is it. This is what makes me such an amazing artist and have such an amazing artistic life. By simply feeling it and basking in it!

    I'm so open to my own creativity, to the fact that I am what I am and the universe has to respond, that feels good. It feels so juicy to not have to draw at all but bask in the feeling and knowing what my purpose is. My purpose is this, basking in the good feelings. Feeling good always or the best that I can in the moment and always setting my sights on feeling better and better about myself.

    I do feel good about myself. I'm such a wonderful person with such gifts to expand within myself! I feel it so deeply, I know that I'm a loving, love filled person and that I'm meant for such expansive experiences in my life. I just feel this mystical and magical energy, knowing that I'm full of magic, knowledge, wisdom and consciousness. I can feel my inner being, my higher self in me, being me. It's like I know everything without knowing everything, it feels so good!

    I hit a cord, knowing that I'm filled with consciousness... That is such a revelation to me! I'm not just "me" the me I know as "me" but I'm filled with consciousness, all that is. I'm filled with everything that has ever been and will ever be, forever. I am filled with consciousness, the most basic, expansive thing in existence on any level. I'm not just a person or a human, I am more consciousness than anything I'll ever be, and I'm absolutely filled with it. I AM consciousness, I'm not human, I'm consciousness, awareness, being-ness, expansiveness, this beauty. I was never this human I thought I was born into, that isn't all what I am. I am consciousness, this ever living, expanding, evolving thing. I was never human in the first place, but this consciousness. And that will never change, even if the human me does, or my body. I will still be "me" this consciousness that's always open and aware of everything that is.

    I'm hearing: that's the point. The point is that I'm more than I could imagine and the fact that I am means that I can express that in whatever way I choose. I get to choose everything, there is nothing that is off limits to my choosing, being or expression. That is the reason I came into this body, I am consciousness, and I wanted to expand my consciousness. It's like being everything and desiring to be more, to expand more and to feel more.

    The point is to expand more, to just feel more, just be more.

    Not in being rich, being popular or whatever social standards of "being/having more" is but in a much more general sense of the word. Just expansion and letting that intention flow outward and let it draw to you what that is and what that means. That is what I want to do, expand more, to feel more, to simply BE more and to become and feel what and who it is that I am more. Like being me, but more... Forever...

    I feel guided to stop hereÖ

    Thank you, itís more than enough!

    Much love,

    Kai <3

  10. #110

    Day 478: I'm allowed to be selfish

    Day 478

    How I Feel

    Honestly, I feel confused, slightly frustrated, irritated and generally unsatisfied. I wanted so much for my life to be different than what it is today. I put a lot of focus on a lot of things that, looking back, wasn't what I truly wanted, it was only a means to an end.

    But now that a lot of time has passed and I'm getting back on track with my positivity routines, I'm seeing things a lot more clearly. I wasn't being honest with myself, I wasn't checking in with myself and I wasn't focusing more on how I felt in the moment... I was more focused on the outcome I wanted regardless of how I felt, and I can say that ignoring how I felt cut me off from the better feeling actions I honestly wanted to take.

    But all that is over, I'm not in the business program, or have a million of things to do in my week. I have a lot more free time to myself especially having my recent surgery as an excuse to not go anywhere which is nice haha!

    Right now, I'm wanting to get back to myself, to put the focus of all the manifestation work on myself again. I shifted my focus from myself to outcomes and that never works so after doing a lot of introspective work, I just knew that I needed to put that energy into how I feel and how I think about myself. Because truly that is the work and I want real lasting changes and I can only get that if I'm changing how I think and feel about myself. I don't want to keep spinning my wheels anymore, I'm ready to let go of the oars and just go where I feel guided.

    Anyway, I don't feel as good as I want to feel because I'm thinking that before I can be really happy I have to have certain conditions that I don't have now. But going deeper, I don't feel as confident or as sure of myself as I truly know I can feel. I'm wobbling a bit on that and I want to feel more whole more loving of myself.

    To Soothe
    I have the ability to feel better about myself. To focus on myself and to only care how I feel. Life can be easy for me, life can show itself to me that is pleasing to me. I don't have to try so hard to feel worthy or productive. I don't have to try so hard to make things happen either. I can relax into my well-being and let go of the things I don't really care about bit by bit. I don't have to believe that I'm not good enough till I have a job or a career, I can change that thought because thoughts can and do change.

    I don't have to keep looking online at successful people to try to catch whatever successful wind they got. I don't have to keep comparing myself to gurus and coaches that always have a program to sell me. I don't have to fall into believing that if I'm not like them, if I can't afford their services or I'm not living the same lifestyle as them then I'm somehow inferior. I don't have to keep watching people on YouTube and comparing myself to what they have to what I don't have. I know this very subject is emotionally charged with feeling not good enough when it comes to looking at others and looking at myself.

    I know I get angry at myself and think to myself "what the hell is wrong with me?" when I see someone else living something that I want. I know I'm concerned over what people will think of me if I was honest and say to them I have no interest in finding having a job and I choose to play video games, draw, go outside and hang out with my friends forever. I know that is the very thing that I'm frighten about, that somehow someone is going to rip everything right from under me and that I have to find a job and all the "adult" things that I hate doing.

    BUT I GET TO CREATE MY REALITY. I GET TO CHOOSE EVERYDAY FOR ETERNITY. If I don't want to find a job EVER, so what, I get to create that and I'm living that right now. I don't need a job because I can pay my rent easily every month and can take care of all my needs easily. The money that I threw into the business program and things I'm getting back with all of my art that sold in the last few months. I don't need to hold myself to any standard that the peanut gallery has because they are not my source which my well-being flows! I don't need to hold myself back from my well-being, from my feeling good because what I choose is right for me isn't what the muggles do. I'm a conscious creator, I'm supposed to defy the muggle ways haha!

    I can feel good about myself and my life. I can be proud of myself. I can be expectant that life will continue to treat me well (and it does!) I can look at myself with pride and love with what I'm doing. I can be selfish. I can focus on myself and not others. I can proclaim that I'm successful and an expert of my own life and expect life to respond accordingly. I can expect myself to get better at life and all the things that I'm doing and get that. I don't have to keep cutting myself down anymore. It's not worth it and it only makes me feel bad about myself.

    I can take all the time I need to feel myself, love myself and to fill myself up with my own unique energy. I don't need to sacrifice anything for anything that I want. I can have everything that I ever wanted and I can feel good about myself and only do those things that make me feel good, even if that isn't what the muggles do!

    I feel guided to stop hereÖ

    Thank you, itís more than enough!

    Much love,

    Kai <3

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