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Thread: True Freedom

  1. #1
    bearsbeetsbattlestar's Avatar
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    True Freedom

    In the Relationships meditation, Abraham say:

    If you will release all concern about how others feel about you,
    and focus only upon how you feel about them,
    you will unearth your core understanding of who-you-really-are
    and you will discover what true freedom really is.

    I love this bit of the meditation, think about it often, and would like to dedicate this thread to exploring the idea further!


  2. #2
    bearsbeetsbattlestar's Avatar
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    I'm excited to really be focusing on this finally!!! I've known for a while now that I'm overly concerned with how others see me and think of me, and it impacts pretty much every area of my life. I know that as I chill out on this topic more and more it will have a big impact across the board.

    One thing specifically I'd like to focus on today is meeting new people. When I meet someone new and have an extended conversation with them, it's like I'm obsessed with wondering what kind of impression I'm leaving and I completely miss what they say. I don't even have a distinct impression of other people after they've left... I forget faces and names, because I'm not paying attention to MY opinion of THEM. I often run into people I've met before and I have no memory of it.

    So. How am I feeling about this right now?
    Before I get into the meat of the issue I have to address how embarrassed I feel about this. I can't believe at my age I haven't figured out how to get past this, it's all very high school and immature, not to mention exceptionally shallow. How to go general from here...

    Well, it's not like anything is really going wrong, necessarily. Actually things are going quite well. It's not like I do this all the time with every person in every encounter. And I can't exactly fault myself for not figuring something out when I didn't have the tools yet. This isn't a character flaw, there's nothing wrong with me, I'm not a mess. I'm doing great!

    Plus, I can't get it wrong and I'll never get it done. I'll always be working towards greater understanding on some topic or another, so I might as well get over the whole 'embarrassment of not being there yet' syndrome right now!!

    I cannot WAIT to delve deeper into this topic. This is something that really resonates with me and I'm feeling super jazzed about it!! I even have that little excited buzz in my gut. Have to run but more later...




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    bearsbeetsbattlestar's Avatar
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    Feeling better about a potentially awkward or difficult interaction with my boss in a few minutes: I feel afraid that he doesn't like me all that much. I feel afraid that he regrets hiring me, when he even thinks about me at all. I always feel uncomfortable around him and I'd like to ease this a little bit.

    I know that it's not really about what he thinks or how he feels. I know that as I reach for better thoughts on this (or any!) topic, interactions will be lighter and easier. I know that I'm essentially in charge of how we interact and that I can influence the situation based on my vibe and how I feel. It's not going to get 100% better all in one day, but I can take little baby steps and feel a little better over time.

    I'm not quite there yet, there's still something missing, maybe I'd like to get more specific? Ok the truth is, I don't know what he thinks or feels about me or anyone else. It's ok to feel afraid, but the fear is just telling me that I need to adjust my thinking a little bit.

    I'm still not really feeling better yet, it all seems somewhat too theoretical, like it's not penetrating into the feelings...like I'm 'thinking' through the process and not really feeling it. I think I'm trying to jump too far too fast. Maybe I'll try moving into anger, there's definitely some there.

    I mean, he is kind of a butthead a lot of the time, and he's totally irrational and I disagree with SO many decisions he makes about how to run the business, who to hire, how to interact with clients and a million other topics. It's SO annoying that he can't focus on one thing for more than 3 seconds without getting distracted. I hate it that he spends $$ like crazy when it comes to his own wishes and comfort but is a total freaking cheapskate when it comes to everyone else. I get so irritated having to listen to his stories as he holds court in his office, with us, the supplicants, sitting around his feet like little children begging for crumbs of wisdom. I mean this is a person who has made a lot of mistakes but yet is at the helm of this business and it seems so unfair. I also hate the way he treats me, either like I don't exist or like I'm an annoying fly to be swatted away as quickly as possible. I hate it when he makes me feel useless.

  4. #4
    Jewel M.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bearsbeetsbattlestar View Post
    In the Relationships meditation, Abraham say:

    If you will release all concern about how others feel about you,
    and focus only upon how you feel about them,
    If I am self-conscious about how others are perceiving me, there's too much me in the way....and so I focus entirely on the other person and remain sort of an empty vessel to receive them fully. I am out of the way.

    I keep losing my internet connection while posting here on forum, but then I am reading an interesting book offline…so I have disruptive internet service…but uninterrupted joy. Your boss makes you feel useless, but where do you feel useful…how can you be more useful to you? I see that when one area is not working, it’s almost like the universe is nudging me to focus elsewhere.

    Anyway, I don’t want to interrupt your process….I know you are working this out on this thread.

    I love true freedom!





  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jewel M. View Post
    If I am self-conscious about how others are perceiving me, there's too much me in the way....and so I focus entirely on the other person and remain sort of an empty vessel to receive them fully. I am out of the way.
    Yes!! This is the goal for sure. I think I need to practice and do the work of feeling better before I could even pretend to be an empty vessel. Because right now I'd be too busy sitting there thinking about if others could tell that I'm an empty vessel, lol. I'm not there yet but I will be!

    And actually where I am isn't so bad. I wanted to push earlier but I decided staying in anger for a little while felt nice. And then it kind of dissolved.

    Then the meeting was rescheduled for next week and I was able to enjoy my boss from a distance; he was being really funny and making the whole team laugh. He's really not a bad guy at all most of the time, and anyway I know that this has nothing to do with him.

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    Quote Originally Posted by bearsbeetsbattlestar View Post
    Yes!! This is the goal for sure. I think I need to practice and do the work of feeling better before I could even pretend to be an empty vessel. Because right now I'd be too busy sitting there thinking about if others could tell that I'm an empty vessel, lol. I'm not there yet but I will be!

    And actually where I am isn't so bad. I wanted to push earlier but I decided staying in anger for a little while felt nice. And then it kind of dissolved.

    Then the meeting was rescheduled for next week and I was able to enjoy my boss from a distance; he was being really funny and making the whole team laugh. He's really not a bad guy at all most of the time, and anyway I know that this has nothing to do with him.
    Actually hang on, the ultimate goal is to be fully aware of and confident about my opinions of others, not to be an empty vessel. I get that you were suggesting the empty vessel as a technique, not a goal.

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    Jewel M.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bearsbeetsbattlestar View Post
    Yes!! This is the goal for sure. I think I need to practice and do the work of feeling better before I could even pretend to be an empty vessel. Because right now I'd be too busy sitting there thinking about if others could tell that I'm an empty vessel, lol. I'm not there yet but I will be!
    You are so cute and funny!

    And actually where I am isn't so bad. I wanted to push earlier but I decided staying in anger for a little while felt nice. And then it kind of dissolved.
    Anger is not bad at all....indeed.

    Then the meeting was rescheduled for next week and I was able to enjoy my boss from a distance; he was being really funny and making the whole team laugh. He's really not a bad guy at all most of the time, and anyway I know that this has nothing to do with him.
    Enjoying your boss from a distance...perfect.

  8. #8
    Jewel M.'s Avatar
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    By an empty vessel I meant....purely listening....or being fully present with someone...receiving the full gift that they are.

    Pursue your goal of "fully aware of and confident.....". I didn't mean to distract you....I know this your practice thread.




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    Quote Originally Posted by Jewel M. View Post
    By an empty vessel I meant....purely listening....or being fully present with someone...receiving the full gift that they are.

    Pursue your goal of "fully aware of and confident.....". I didn't mean to distract you....I know this your practice thread.



    Never!!! Love the feedback/thoughts/impressions/etc.


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    It's only been 24 hours since I posted the below but there's already been a big shift.

    I had a meeting yesterday afternoon with two people I'd never met before. I didn't specifically try to do anything differently but I guess the topic was active in my head and BOY was it a fantastic experience. It was the best meeting I've had in a very long time.

    Normally I think about weird things, like suddenly I'll become hyper aware of my hands and how I don't know what do to with them: fold them in my lap (does it look like I'm praying?!), touch my face (so gauche!), prop up my chin with my palm (unprofessional posture), blah blah blah. But not this time!

    It was like I was super present in the moment (amazing and one of my life goals- and is probably the ultimate goal of this whole 'not caring what others think of me' project)- PLUS the added benefit of making brain space to pay attention to the actual topic of the meeting, allowing me to ask really astute questions, joke around with them, commit their faces to memory and basically be totally on top of my game.

    I'm on fire!!!

    I have another meeting this morning and I'm going to do it again, I can't wait!

    I'm so amazed at how I can change how I feel so deeply in just ONE SINGLE DAY. I mean I know I have more attention to give to this subject, more progress to make, whatever, but I mean, this is just astounding.

    The power of deliberate creation!!!


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