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Thread: True Freedom

  1. #151
    JDL's Avatar
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    Its a pleasure to follow how you shift the energy... Keep doing what you are doing...

  2. #152
    bearsbeetsbattlestar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JDL View Post
    Its a pleasure to follow how you shift the energy... Keep doing what you are doing...
    Oh man, I wouldn't stop now for all the gold ducats in the world!!

  3. #153
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    I'm feeling a little light worry.

    General thoughts:
    Sometimes shifts take a little time.
    There's no deadline.
    The worst case scenario here is still pretty freaking awesome. (that one feels really good!!!!!!!!!)
    This is going to work out just fine.

  4. #154
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    I've been doing this work so that I could fix a problem. My main concern has not been my own emotions and feeling good...I mean indirectly yes, I knew I would feel better once the problem was fixed. But this weird deadline that I'd imagined has come and gone and now I feel like I can REALLY relax into the process of feeling better on this topic.

    There's still quite a bit of work to be done. I feel disappointed that it didn't just magically fix itself over the weekend like I was secretly hoping. I don't want to feel negative emotion anymore, I just want this fixed already! The topic is SUCH a painful one and such a bummer. I'm tired of dealing with it.

    It's like I'm feeling some optimism but it's really vague and kind of fuzzy and out in the future...I totally believe 100% that this will be all sorted out, if only I do the work. But I don't want to do to the work and I still have some doubts. So I'm probably in doubt. Yes definitely doubt, worry is too strong. I still feel so much better after the work I did before and the optimism IS there too. So many things have gotten better in a pretty short time, and there's really just this one last piece of the puzzle to fall into place.

    Some general, better feeling thoughts to guide me through my day:
    Things are SOOOOO much better.
    Everything will play out in a way that's just right.
    It will feel natural and easy, as long as I keep doing the work.
    I don't need to wrestle anything to the ground.
    I don't need to force myself to do anything or feel anything.
    There's no 'right' or 'wrong' here, there's just feeling better.
    My job right now is only to look for relief. The more I do this, the more things will all just fall into place in a way that's very satisfying.
    It will all work out in such a lovely and easy way...way more elegant than if I'd tried to force it into place. That's not the way I want things to go. I want it all to be easier. I want to see synergy and connection. I want the solution to work perfectly for everyone and I want everyone involved in the co-creating. And this is what I'll get, I just need to keep soothing.
    This is the work. I'm doing it!
    It's not so scary. The negative emotions pass, if you just let them out. And then you get to feel better! And you get to be your authentic self.
    It's a relief knowing that I was wrong. I love knowing that I get to sculpt and mold the way I feel. Thank god we're not at the mercy of conditions. I might take my sweet time to do the work on a difficult topic but holy cripes, when I decide to feel better about something I do it!

    I just thought of all the other topics I'd like to feel better about and got a little overwhelmed...money, physical health, relationships with friends and family, etc. But it's less because I'm unhappy in those areas and more because I feel the possibility of things getting continually better.

    Ok that's bs in one area: my EOY bonus at work. We're having our compensation conversations in the next week or so and my company didn't have a great year, and I'm worried that my bonus will be shitty. I mean, I don't really need the money but it's more that I'm afraid of being disappointed...like maybe it means that my work isn't valued as highly as I thought. Which is kind of silly because our bonuses are tied to the performance of the firm, not the employee...but still, I believe that if big boss really believes that I'm important he will find the money in the budget.

    General negative:
    feeling like you're not valued SUCKS. The fear of not being good enough, not being thought of as important, SUCKS. It's scary. Ok...well fear is just a feeling. It's not real. There are a lot of assumptions built into those statements that could very well be totally wrong. To pick a few: if I don't get a big bonus, I'm not valued. A lot of reasons why this could be wrong. The whole idea that I need someone else to see me as valuable is totally crazy. I know very well that I do great work for this company and that my job is important. I am important to me. I don't need someone else to give me some tokens that signify how worthy I am as a human being...I am a worthy and awesome deliberate creator and I don't need to give a rip what someone else thinks about me or my worth or anything else. I mean honestly, I'm probably way more aligned with my IB and what's really important than 99% of the people around me! Why would I give my own opinion of myself away to some muggle, some person who lives by default? Who knows what wind is blowing their emotions around at any given moment?

    The fact is I have everything I need, and things are ALWAYS working out for me. A lot of times things happen that I don't quite understand in the moment but when the dust settles it's always ending in a way that was unforeseen but way BETTER than what I would have imagined if I'd been at the wheel.

  5. #155
    bearsbeetsbattlestar's Avatar
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    Moving this here for the sake of clarity:

    When you think about other people and what they think of you, do you understand that what they think of you has very little to do with what you are? It has mostly to do with the habits of thought that they have developed. It has more to do with them as thinkers than it does with you as the subject of their thought.

    This reminder that someone else's opinion of me is actually not that valuable in the first place, in that it has very little to do with me and is more a reflection of them than anything else. I don't really fully believe it right now, but that's fine. At this point I just want to crack it open a little, and just spend some time considering that it MIGHT be true. Maybe look for some examples that might support this statement.

    One might be: some of the most beautiful people in the world are Hollywood actors and actresses- and we can't even all agree on which of THOSE are beautiful or not. There are always some people who disagree based on their own personal preferences. I'm small and brunette, and if I come in contact with someone who likes tall blonds does that reflect on me? Of course not, that's all to do with that other person and their preferences. Or, maybe this person that I'm trying to make a good impression on is a total jerk- a misogynist, or a really violent person, or a depressed person who hates everybody- but I just don't know it yet? Why on earth would I care what a person like that thinks of me? It would be a compliment if they DIDN'T like me, lol. Maybe it's less dramatic; maybe they are just a muggle who has no idea what he wants or why he wants it, and has never cared to examine his preferences in any detail? Just someone who is blowing in the wind?

    I know it's not very kind of me necessarily to imagine that everyone I meet is OOTV and therefore not worth my time and consideration, but it's making me feel better right now. I hope to move on up out of derision soon but for now I'm parking here.

  6. #156
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    It's often said that people notice weaknesses in others that they are most insecure about in themselves.

    If this is true, and I believe that often it is, it is just another example of someone's opinion of me being basically worthless- because it's more a mirror they are holding up in front of themselves.

    For example if I was a heavy person and I met someone who was terrified of being overweight, or super sensitive about their weight, they would probably notice my heaviness first and not see much else. (The funny irony in this example being that I myself am recovering from a lifelong fear of being fat, so SUPER UNSURPRISING that I would use this example, lol).

  7. #157
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    To sum up what I've learned so far on the topic of why other's opinions of me are not useful:

    1. Others opinions are all about themselves, not me
    2. I don't need the good opinion of someone else if I have a good opinion of myself

    OH HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
    maybe the fact that I haven't had such a good opinion of myself is WHY I'M LOOKING FOR THE GOOD OPINION OF SOMEONE ELSE. Like there's a hole (a GAP, as Abraham say over and over, a gap between where I am and where my IB is) and I've been filling it up with the opinions of others but it never works for long, it's like trying to fill a cup that has a hole in the bottom. Well I can throw away that stupid cup now because i know what I have to do, I just need to start loving myself, appreciating myself the way I am, unconditionally, and everything will just sort it self out...I will love others more and better, my path will be easier, I will have more clarity and peace and ease and light.

    I think I've been dancing around this topic for a long time but it was inevitable that it would all lead here. Something tells me all paths lead here: unconditional self love.

    I'm not sure how to get there from here but I feel so much relief that I've just cut right to the core of the matter that I don't even care. I'll figure it out.

  8. #158
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    Quote Originally Posted by bearsbeetsbattlestar View Post
    I just need to start loving myself, appreciating myself the way I am, unconditionally, and everything will just sort it self out...
    I feel like I've come close to this many times in the past but wasn't able to hang on to the feeling for long. So to help me keep my eye on the mission, I'd like a little mantra that I can keep with me throughout the day that will remind me that we are all worthy and beautiful and lovely, EVEN ME...

    (digression but somehow this feels important: EVEN ME, with my lumpy thighs and big arms and round face and slightly crooked teeth and graying hair and even though I'm a little lazy sometimes and tend to not think of others very much, even though I don't call my parents or my grandmother nearly often enough, even though I'm a often a coward when it comes to tackling the REALLY tough subjects, even though many times I'm not a great wife or daughter or friend...EVEN I am worthy and beautiful and lovely, even right now with my old star wars sweater and dirty hair!)

    as a way to ease into it I'm going to remember lyrics from one of my favorite Paul Simon songs:

    'We are entitled by our birth
    to the treasures of the Earth
    No one can be denied these,
    No one can be denied'

    I'm going to listen to this song every morning as I start my walk to work. It's a beautiful song and I've always loved it and felt a real connection to it.

  9. #159
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    Still basking in the afterglow of this big revelation...

    only now I'm starting to question lots of things, which is think is a good thing. Meaning, which of my values and preferences are really MINE, vs. those that I've just kind of absorbed from people around me?

    To use the whole weight thing as an example, do I really think I look best when I'm a size 2? Or do I just think that others will think I look best as a size 2?

    I've never really thought about this before. Where are my preferences and opinions coming from? Are they really MINE? I mean this is kind of an impossible question to answer, we live in the world we live in; if I was born in a different time and part of the world I'd think having a bone nose ring was the ultimate beauty accessory...but still, I think it's worth poking around a little. I've spent my entire life trying to look a certain way because I thought I'd be happiest- but what if I was just doing what I thought others expected me to do?

    I mean it goes for clothes as well, and jobs, and choosing partners or spouses, political affiliations, who are friends are, where we live, what we like to do in our leisure time. I keep saying 'our' but what I really mean is me. I'm sure plenty of people (especially here) have taken a step back and made conscious choices based on their pure preferences.

    I'm not sure if I have any answers here but I'm cracking open the door and starting to ask the questions. I like the idea of turning inward and listening, even if I don't get an answer right away. I mean I guess this is what Abe mean when they say you should look beyond the physical manifestation and find the feeling state you're looking for, and reach for that now.

    On the topic of weight, the feeling state I've been reaching for is one of confidence and love for myself and my body, appreciation, and comfort that I'm 100% A-ok right now, just where I am. (But! there's an element of what other people will think of me embedded in here, and I'm not sure that's such a good thing.) Also presence; I love being present in my body and historically I've avoided that when I didn't like what I weighed. Well the good news is that I've been getting closer and closer over the past few years- I used to hate the way I looked and was in full depression/powerlessness all the time. Whereas now I'd say I'm usually in contentment to boredom. Sometimes even hopeful. So I'm on the right track, which is awesome. And I'm a million times happier and more relaxed in my own skin than I used to be. But I could be a little more deliberate with my focus, I suppose.

  10. #160
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    I got off into the weeds there and ended up more confused than when I started. Another topic for another time, perhaps.

    For now I'm feeling drawn to the idea of discrediting the opinions of others. It's fun to think of slamming a person (in my mind) when I imagine that they are having a judgmental thought about me.
    -What the hell does he know?
    -She's going to judge me when she's wearing THOSE shoes?? LOL
    -There's a 100% chance that that guy isn't in the vortex. He probably doesn't even know what it is, and wouldn't recognize it if it came up and bit him in the ass. Why would I care what he thinks?
    -She's just a muggle, creating by default. Her brain is so clouded with muggle thoughts and muggle concerns she can't get away from herself long enough to have a clear or coherent option about anyone else.

    Obviously I don't want to have disparaging thoughts about others forever but I think this is just the ticket for now, it will help me loosen things up a little.

    Looking forward to this experiment today!

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