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Thread: True Freedom

  1. #11
    Jewel M.'s Avatar
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    Awesome, bearsbeetsbattlestar!


  2. #12
    bearsbeetsbattlestar's Avatar
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    I did it again, had another just absolutely fantastic meeting!!

    I was there, fully present, totally committed to focusing outward while being tuned in to my opinions and thoughts about others. I am rarely this engaged with others (at least in a business context) and it's so nice. Like I was making a connection with another human being, just by focusing on them. It feels really good, I'm starting to understand the whole 'freedom' thing that Abe discuss in the meditation.



  3. #13
    bearsbeetsbattlestar's Avatar
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    Continuing to reach for BFTs on the topic of my boss:

    Have been thinking about this all day and I seem to have really chilled out a lot. Because actually he's not so bad. I mean he's really very generous a lot of the time to his employees...I'm making WAY WAY WAY more than I ever thought I would and I never even had to ask, he just gave it to me.

    Also he gave me a chance and hired me 3 years ago when he could have easily just said 'no thanks.' He actually created a position for me that didn't exist that at the time wasn't 100% needed.

    The truth is I have no clue if he thinks I'm a good employee, a bad one, smart, an idiot, useless, indispensable, whatever. I'm MAKING MY OWN ASSUMPTIONS about how he sees me and then feeling bad about THOSE.



    ...So why don't I change my assumptions? They aren't really based on solid information anyway. He's impossible to read and his behavior is so changeable and inconsistent that I'd just as soon assume that he thinks I'm amazing! I'm not ready to fully make that leap yet BUT- I'm willing to consider the possibility that I've been totally misreading the situation and he thinks that I'm a good employee and pleasant to have around and he's just a terrible communicator. This is totally believable to me and feels much better.

    I think I can be much lighter and easier about the whole topic now.

    Going forward I'd like to keep reaching for better thoughts but also I'd like to learn to appreciate him where he is, and I'd like to see his more (previously) irritating habits as funny vs. annoying or something to be afraid of. Because there really is a lot of light and humor in the situation if I just align myself with it.

    This is all very exciting


  4. #14
    Jewel M.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bearsbeetsbattlestar View Post
    I did it again, had another just absolutely fantastic meeting!!

    I was there, fully present, totally committed to focusing outward while being tuned in to my opinions and thoughts about others. I am rarely this engaged with others (at least in a business context) and it's so nice. Like I was making a connection with another human being, just by focusing on them. It feels really good, I'm starting to understand the whole 'freedom' thing that Abe discuss in the meditation.


    I love that you had another fantastic meeting.

    Yes...you can be more of yourself everywhere that you are, whether at the office, or elsewhere. That is freedom. There's no place where the fullness of you is not welcomed....this unique you that has a particular flavor....a combination of essences or abilities that no one else has.



    I listened to a tour guide on the street express the quality of a building/a local store in the neighborhood. The street is a bit wretched, dirty, smelly...unappealing, but he had this group of 6 tourists enraptured by the way he described the store. He used lightness and humor...a quiet humor (not overly done) in his description, and therefore the store reflected a different light...it felt like something dear, wanted. When these tourists remember the store, it will be intermingled with this tour guide's essence/the quality he exuded. Even I, who walk through this neighborhood often, am changed....he transformed this street into something other. You are as powerful.

    As you released more of yourself (more of your intelligence, natural humor and appreciation), it filled your office space with more of you...and now it feels more welcoming/comfortable to you. You connected to another human being...to connect/to love/to embrace always feels better...it is very natural.

    I saw a toddler on the street, enjoying a squirrel, and she waved goodbye to it, as her mother hurried her along. The baby girl did not want to depart abruptly from something dear to her, so she waved. Children draw smiley faces on the sun or trees or animals in their drawings, because they sense nature differently than adults...they still feel connected/loved by it all.

    To receive others fully/by paying attention is love...and then others naturally respond to that love, and radiate it back. (I call it love...but it can feel like joy...or softness...benevolence.) It's what the toddler did with the squirrel.

    There's an expression in music or dance of "being in the pocket of the music"....and I have to be "in the pocket", fully present/attentive to life to perceive the depth of it. If I am out of the pocket, life feels flat....I sense nothing extraordinary in it. It does not matter how many sublime/connected experiences I've had before, it's not enough to reengage me with life....I must be "in the pocket"....and then everything feels radiant and miraculous.



  5. #15
    bearsbeetsbattlestar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jewel M. View Post
    I love that you had another fantastic meeting.

    Yes...you can be more of yourself everywhere that you are, whether at the office, or elsewhere. That is freedom. There's no place where the fullness of you is not welcomed....this unique you that has a particular flavor....a combination of essences or abilities that no one else has.



    I listened to a tour guide on the street express the quality of a building/a local store in the neighborhood. The street is a bit wretched, dirty, smelly...unappealing, but he had this group of 6 tourists enraptured by the way he described the store. He used lightness and humor...a quiet humor (not overly done) in his description, and therefore the store reflected a different light...it felt like something dear, wanted. When these tourists remember the store, it will be intermingled with this tour guide's essence/the quality he exuded. Even I, who walk through this neighborhood often, am changed....he transformed this street into something other. You are as powerful.

    As you released more of yourself (more of your intelligence, natural humor and appreciation), it filled your office space with more of you...and now it feels more welcoming/comfortable to you. You connected to another human being...to connect/to love/to embrace always feels better...it is very natural.

    I saw a toddler on the street, enjoying a squirrel, and she waved goodbye to it, as her mother hurried her along. The baby girl did not want to depart abruptly from something dear to her, so she waved. Children draw smiley faces on the sun or trees or animals in their drawings, because they sense nature differently than adults...they still feel connected/loved by it all.

    To receive others fully/by paying attention is love...and then others naturally respond to that love, and radiate it back. (I call it love...but it can feel like joy...or softness...benevolence.) It's what the toddler did with the squirrel.

    There's an expression in music or dance of "being in the pocket of the music"....and I have to be "in the pocket", fully present/attentive to life to perceive the depth of it. If I am out of the pocket, life feels flat....I sense nothing extraordinary in it. It does not matter how many sublime/connected experiences I've had before, it's not enough to reengage me with life....I must be "in the pocket"....and then everything feels radiant and miraculous.


    Wow, thank you

    You really are a jewel!!!



    I have so many more specific things I'd like to feel better about on the topic of relating to others but right now I'm feeling really peaceful about it all so I'm going to just milk it and enjoy it, and dig in if and when the subject naturally comes up again.

  6. #16
    Jewel M.'s Avatar
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    You are welcome! Feeling really peaceful....milking it and enjoying it....sounds delightful!

  7. #17
    bearsbeetsbattlestar's Avatar
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    Today I took a mis-step during a conversation, gave a lazy answer, and then had to deal with a less than happy client. I soothed a bunch right after it happened and then took a nap but I'm still not feeling great about it, and I want to move on and have a happy Friday night.

    My knee-jerk reaction was to tell myself to start being more involved at work, learn more, read more industry books, know more details about the business, so that I can be prepared to answer any question that comes up. But I know this is an action journey.

    My real emotion going on here really isn't about the client, it's more about my guilt at not working harder. Ugh, when I type it the feelings come flooding over me so I know that's really what's going on. Ok, to face it fully without being afraid: I feel guilty and embarrassed that I'm not better at my job. I should be working harder, I'm probably smart enough to be good at this but I don't care enough to actually do it. I have plenty of time, I just can't bring myself to care enough to focus, but yet I spend a lot of time feeling really guilty and ashamed. What the heck is going on here?

    I think I just need some general statements because right now I'm feeling stuck and sad and guilty.

    Generally negative:
    This doesn't feel great.
    Feeling guilty and sad is no fun.
    Hey, sometimes I screw up. I AM FALLIBLE. No need to panic!

    Now I'm feeling some gentleness towards myself, which feels very soothing.
    It's ok that I don't really care about this work.
    This situation isn't going to last forever.
    I have choices here. I just need to line up with whatever I choose!
    I can forgive myself for not being perfect and making mistakes.

    Insight!
    The reason this guilt feels so terrible is because it contrasts sharply with how my IB sees me!!! Oh duh, of course. My IB knows that mistakes haven't been made here, that nothing is going wrong. My IB doesn't see me as lazy so of course when I think of myself as lazy it feels bad!

    More general statements, hopefully getting more neutral/positive:
    Is this really that big of a deal?
    I do have some influence here.
    I can change the trajectory any time I want.
    What if there were a way to learn all the stuff I don't know in a really easy, inspired way?
    What if I just woke up one day and felt like I was doing a great job?
    What if I AM doing a great job but I just can't see it right now- what if I'm only focusing on what I haven't learned yet and I'm discounting everything I HAVE accomplished and learned?

    What if this isn't really a problem at all?
    What if this isn't anything to feel guilty about?

    What if I told myself, 'Ok, BBB, you are actually doing a fabulous job and you've come a tremendous distance over the last 5 years. It's TOTALLY FINE that you're not passionate about this industry and that you don't actually care about any of it. You were kind of funneled into it anyway, it's not like it was a conscious choice. You are totally forgiven for not caring, in fact. And you have full permission to continue to not care free of any self judgement.'

    This feels much better, now that I'm shedding the guilt I can start thinking practically, without being paralyzed by the fear of admitting that I don't really want to be doing this for a living. Enough for now, I'm feeling a little drained.

    I notice that I've strayed from the topic of caring what others think, lol. Oops!

  8. #18
    bearsbeetsbattlestar's Avatar
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    Over the weekend I engaged in some little experiments that ended up being so much fun and incredibly interesting!

    Since in the past I've been so obsessed with what others think of me, I started to wonder what would happen if I deliberately went out of my way to appear either unattractive, or totally unfeminine, or invisible, or whatever. I would stand, waiting for a light change, with my stomach puffed out as far as I could make it to appear heavier than I actually am. I would walk in a really silly way down the street for a few minutes. I would talk more loudly than usual in a public space about whatever I wanted, even if it was stupid (I'm always VERY sensitive about how loud I am in public and often have to repeat myself because I'm a 'low talker').

    I went to the hair salon last night for a cut and I dressed in my most comfortable clothes, 100% athletic gear with gross tennies and my favorite star wars t-shirt, no make-up- even though I knew all the people working there would be groomed and fabulous.

    I went to an event on Saturday afternoon followed by a pub crawl with my bestie and I wore jeans and casual tennis shoes, even though I didn't know where we would end up and could have gone to a fancy place.

    It was AWESOME. Talk about true freedom! I had a blast and I feel likeI'm starting to really chill on the topic of having people (at least, strangers) judge me by how I look. The salon thing was probably the most challenging because I had to sit in front of a mirror for an hour but it was actually fine! And I got a compliment on my star wars t-shirt. Which is 100% correct, because it's an awesome t-shirt.


  9. #19
    bearsbeetsbattlestar's Avatar
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    (con't)
    So the best part about these little experiments is that it wasn't really my intention, exactly, they were just something I was inspired to do in the moment. Which to means that as I'm shifting my feelings on this topic of caring less how others see me in very specific circumstances (in various professional settings, for ex), the good feelings are starting to trickle down (thanks Ronald Reagan, lol) into how I relate to others across a wide variety of interactions.

    This is great news!!

    I mean I've heard Abraham say many times that feeling better on any topic is helpful but it's pretty fantastic to know that, even though I'm dedicated to doing the work for as long as it takes, feeling better about my boss can be like a rising tide lifting all the other boats: how strangers see me, my friends, my husband, clients, checkout people at the grocery store. Or rather to be more precise I should say how I FEEL about how they see me. I.e. not giving a rip.

    All this blather just to say that things are going very well!

    I guess sometimes I just need to work it out by getting it out on 'paper.'

  10. #20
    bearsbeetsbattlestar's Avatar
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    My general thought right now:

    What other people think of me is

    unknowable

    out of my control

    always changing


    Trying to mold my behavior to please others is like trying to hit a moving target that's invisible and btw I'm also blindfolded. Pointless. Might as well just turn inward, be quiet, listen, and then do and say what I feel like doing and saying. There's more wisdom there than I know.


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