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Thread: Relationships, Evolving Sex and Romance

  1. #11
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    I appreciate the message around my "stubbornness" What have I been up to lately?
    That's not what I asked.

    I said to you, “...be prepared to answer how you've been applying what you've read in your previous posts or in an Abraham book.” Which you haven't done.

    So, this is more of that hearing what you want to hear, rather than what's being said, that I was talking about. And that's hardly the basis for a productive conversation.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    I have shifted my diet and I am focusing on getting shredded with my fitness. Which I am seeing
    huge gains, it seems simple for me to remove stuff from my diet, do 1.5 hours of cardio per day
    run 6-8 miles per day , watch my food.. and get results .

    I also ran a 5k last week and was in the top 20 of finishers. Lately I have been running 6-8 miles per day
    every other day.. Its been exciting for me .
    This is all lovely but this is not what Abraham teach us.

    These are all actions. Abraham teach us to work with vibration. Abraham spoke about the “action journey” in your book and we have added our insights to their story. Yet, we're having that same conversation all over again, which is why I had replied to you in the way that I did.

    So, again,
    “...be prepared to answer how you've been applying what you've read in your previous posts or in an Abraham book.”

    Because nowhere in your book does Abraham teach you to change your eating or run or any of this.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    I get that all the answers are in the books for my challenges. Perhaps the easy thing for me
    around me or things that are just about me do not have anyone else involved but me in them
    for there I can get results and its not hard to lose focus because I am focused on the end result
    "my sexyness" me being fit, me looking good naked, me being the best I can be and being around positive people.
    So, you need to change conditions so that you can feel better. We've talked about that. What your wife--the wonderful teacher that she is--is showing you is that you can't always change the conditions. As we've told you before, if you need to change the conditions to feel better and you're unable to change those conditions, then you come to the conclusion that you're screwed.

    The whole point of these teachings is that you have the ability to feel better without needing the conditions to change.

    Now, it's understandable that you don't yet understand that because you really havent--at least, on this Forum--learned or developed those skills. But you do have that ability.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    This stuck or stubborness perhaps its around me focusing outside of myself?
    No. It comes from you continuing to do the same ineffective things that we've told you don't work. You keep creating more of the same (which you label “stuck”) because you’ve not yet been willing to change how you've been vibrating. You keep offering your vibration in response to what you're observing, which is fine if you have pleasing things or people to observe. But when you don't, you're in a pickle.

    As I’ve just mentioned, you have the ability to offer your vibration in a way that feels better to you even when you're observing something or someone that's--in this moment--displeasing to you. That's what these teachings are all about. I look forward to you learning them.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    Perhaps I am looking for results in my partner outside of me,...
    You've certainly been doing that in the past and you're talking about it as if you're still doing it, so, yeah.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    ...or perhaps its because when I look outside of me - I see that my wife has seemed to have disappeared from where she was and is in the "exhausted" phase or depressed phase all of the time, she wont go to a doctor , she wont go to a counselor, she can only focus on herself and work and has no time for me...
    That's not “or.” That's simply an explanation of why and how you are looking for results in your partner outside of you. It's a more Specific version of your previous statement.

    Now, if this were something that you wanted, it would be in keeping with these teachings to shift from a General Wanted statement to a Specific Wanted statement.

    But when it's something unwanted (as you're telling us here), that's an unhelpful vibration. You have guidance in the form of negative emotion, letting you know that it's “unhelpful” to you.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    So all of the answers are in the books... what is going on with me, why does everything else seem so simple yet I am missing this on sooo many levels.. ?
    You've got front-row seats, so you can know better than anyone else. But I've already answered these questions--not more than 1 hour ago:

    --You don't seem to have any understanding of these teachings OR, if you do, you have yet to demonstrate any application of these teachings in your posts on this forum.

    --It appears that you want these teachings to be something they are not and, despite our best efforts, we have not yet been able to dissuade you from your distortion.

    --You continue to “do” the same unproductive things, focus in the same ineffective ways, despite your emotional guidance telling you that it is ineffective and despite our explanations of why it's ineffective.

    --You continue to insist that your wife change so that you can feel better and she (wonderful teacher that she is) doesn't want to do that.

    Now, to me, that's very clear. What do you think?

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    Is it possible I need to do something different ?
    I have told you so and in so many words.

    If I were you, I would start by setting aside everything you think you know about these teachings and I would educate myself anew, starting from as clean a slate as possible. I would grab my copy of AAIIG or The Vortex and I would read it slowly and carefully--perhaps, 1 page per day--with the intention of learning and understanding what Abraham actually do teach (NOT what you want them to teach).

    As I did that, I would come here to ask questions to clarify and to understand what I'm reading, not to get my wife in the sack.

    When I have finished that book and understood what I had read, I would pick a Process and start to apply what I've read…to a simple subject, not this one. As I'm doing my vibrational “work,” I personally would probably be reading yet another Abraham book, again 1 page per day, and asking my clarifying questions here at the same time.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    Yes, let me also say that in the last 2-3 days, I have women walking up to me and starting conversations with me and trying to get to know me, yet my wife is tired and has no time for me.. I do generate attraction
    based on who I am being and so how do you attract the one your with when they seem unplugged and checked
    out ?
    We've explained that. You don't tell any of the crappy-feeling stories about these women that you tell about your wife. Your crappy-feeling stories about your wife are sexual repellants.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    Perhaps you can give me examples around if the one your with seems sick or exhausted or depressed.
    Once again, this isn't Hogwarts. I can't give you magic words to get your wife to sleep with you.

    The answer is --and always has been--pay attention to the thoughts that you think when you're observing your “sick or exhausted or depressed” wife and find thoughts which still seem true to you about her yet which feel better.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    I get that I keep focusing on things outside of me,...
    “I get that I keep putting my hand on a hot stove…”

    At some point in time, we all learn that this is something that we might want to do differently.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    when I feel tapped in turned on and inspired, sensual or sexual .. what do I do with that energy when there is no outlet ? Or how do I direct that ??
    Find BFTs about not having sex with your wife or about having no outlet.

  2. #12
    FallenAngel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    ... why is it that I have to do all of this work
    What work are you referring to?

  3. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by FallenAngel View Post
    What work are you referring to?
    Ok, I will take this on to get to B (better) FT, also I need to slow down all of this momentum of
    B ( bad ) feeling thoughts. I seem to be very focused on those that are not making me feel better
    and its has gotten me angry. I have these books on my kindle, yet I am going to re-dedicate time
    to go through each page of these throughly and do theses exercises.

    I spoke with someone today. I think I have to re-route my focus in several ways and focus on
    the BFT's that me feel better, which would include more rest, sleep ( slowing momentum) and
    also meditation and also things that are solutions for me if I did them they would help fuel better
    things in my life.

    Honestly I have let this issue distract me from many of the positive things. I have listen to so
    many audios previously which make sense and perhaps the biggest key is to listen to them expecting
    things to change or even having any expectations. I know there is definitely contrast from where i am
    and what I want to create so I imagine that is a good thing - I just have to keep focusing on the BFT's

    I also have ordered 2 physical copies that I can mark up on my own of VORTEX and ASK and its Given.
    I was reading something today about internet, computers and displays around them being a distraction
    from people and also not as healthy then if you have a copy off the computer. I think this could be helpful
    to make sure I mark it up, practice the exercises and really work my plan and plan my work for BFT's

    I need to discipline myself to feel better and focus on the most focused productive things for me.
    I need to take the attention of other , and if I do focus on that other stuff perhaps being grateful or
    excited or BFTS on the brighter side of things ...

    I have a bunch of work to do - I would say.

  4. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    I need to discipline myself to feel better
    ah ah! sorry but this is a little screwy, and now I understand your reluctance to align...
    it's as if you said, I need to discipline myself to have more sex - you see how screwy that is?
    feeling better, like sex, feels actually pretty good! don't turn it upstream, it is downstream!

    Let's imagine for a moment that someone told you with 100% certainty that within 6 months these problems of intimacy with your wife will be completely solved. How would you pass this interim of 6 months? certainly with anticipation, and also you wouldn't obsess so much about this sex thing that's on hold, you would turn to other aspects of your life, live your life the best way you can. And you wouldn't get exasperated for things not happening, because they're not supposed to be happening, until well, until they happen 6 months from now.
    That's exactly the attitude you wanna have. That self-torturing over this that you do, that's the thing that's screwing it, it's where you lose your edge. If it's done, it's done. You've asked and it's done. So just relax, drink a beer, watch some baseball or whatever else you like, the heck watch some porn! enjoy yourself while waiting. It's already done! you don't have to make it happen.
    Last edited by rose essence; 11-15-2016 at 03:00 AM.

  5. #15
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    Rather than the word "discipline",
    we do like the words "I care how I feel".

    (...) It´s a selfishness,
    that doesn´t feel like discipline to most people.
    To most people, discipline doesn´t seem like
    "serving myself".

    Phoenix Febr. 2014



    The discipline that we would like you to exercise
    is to make a decision that nothing is more important
    than that you feel good,
    and that you are going to find thoughts that feel better.

    Your cork floating
    is the only thing that is worthy of discipline.


    -Abraham


    from the collection
    Discipline


    Also, again I notice how often you use the words "should" and "need".
    Which is a sure-fire indicator that you are trying to motivate/hype/push yourself into feeling better.
    As rose essence said, how screwy is that!

    Let feeling good or finding relief be THE inspiration for it!
    Feeling better IS the gain you´r looking for.

    You "shouldn´t" do anything.
    You don´t "need" to do anything.

    But maybe, you WANT?
    You desire to...? ...There is SO much more power when you put it that way!

  6. #16
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rose essence View Post
    enjoy yourself while waiting.
    Nitpicking here, as well, but it´s so worth it

    ITV, you don´t "wait". But, you ENJOY yourself! You are happy, anyway.
    You care that your stuff comes, but while that unfolds on it´s own, you have so much better to do than "waiting", that things will fall into place.
    -When you feel that you are waiting, you are not doing "the work" properly.

    Because, then you WAIT for conditions coming to rescue you, and that is not how things work.

  7. #17
    FallenAngel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    ...why is it that I have to do all of this work, does she even care about investing time in us?
    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    I am going to re-dedicate time to go through each page of these throughly and do theses exercises.
    So you're asking yourself above why you need to be the one to do the Abraham work. Why does your wife get to go on her merry way, reacting to conditions and ignoring you while you have to be the one who works on the marriage?

    In a sense, all of us in this forum community are in your situation. Each of us Abrahamsers is, for whatever reason, called to and responsive to the leading edge teachings of Abraham and few of us live in a feathered nest, surrounded by others who also work with the Teachings. We each live in a different setting, but Abraham tells us all of the time that there is no crowd out here on the leading edge. We are in the vanguard of thought and by its very nature, the vanguard is few in number. But we are called to it - and look what we get to have: Lives that truly are our own. If we really listen to the call, we get to have joyful lives that truly are our own. So when we do The Work, we don't do it because all of the other lazy bones won't. We do it because in and of itself, The Work is the reward - and a joyful, authentic life is where we get to live. We do it because we are called and because it's such a wonderful way to go through life. Welcome to the leading edge!

  8. #18
    Super Moderator Hands in the Clay's Avatar
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    Beautifully said, Fallen Angel!

    And there's a bonus: You can be, do, or have anything you want.

    But it comes from working on YOUR vibration, not 1) waiting for others to do what you want so you can be happy, or 2) changing your actions to make others do what you want so you can be happy, or 2) doing The Work to change your vibration so that others will behave differently because of your new vibration so you can be happy (which is what you're getting sucked into on and off). You gotta do it for YOU, and the rest takes care of itself, really it does. It is LAW.

  9. #19
    Jewel M.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing View Post
    We've explained that. You don't tell any of the crappy-feeling stories about these women that you tell about your wife. Your crappy-feeling stories about your wife are sexual repellants.
    freedommind15,

    I agree with what WellBeing wrote.

    You complain that you are not receiving love from your wife....emotionally or physically, but with these debilitating stories you tell about your wife (or life), love cannot rise within you....it doesn't touch you. (And every bad story you tell about your wife, is a bad story you tell about yourself....they are related.) Then, from that emptiness, in fear, you look for solace in your wife, or in having a powerful physical body. Your wife in her depression feels empty, and you do too. You are a match vibrationally. You cannot give her anything, nor can she give to you.

    Start from where you are. Tell yourself, "It's okay that I am feeling some resentfulness right now. It's okay to feel a little unhappy right now," .....do you feel how soothing that is? Then, you are truly there for yourself. Allowing yourself to feel some pain is good. It is a restful state of being. A more restful state of being will help you find your way, not so much aggression/pushing. You've said, in the past, that your wife pushes you hard, but that is a reflection of what you are doing to yourself.




  10. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by paradise-on-earth View Post
    Nitpicking here, as well, but it´s so worth it

    ITV, you don´t "wait". But, you ENJOY yourself! You are happy, anyway.
    You care that your stuff comes, but while that unfolds on it´s own, you have so much better to do than "waiting", that things will fall into place.
    -When you feel that you are waiting, you are not doing "the work" properly.

    Because, then you WAIT for conditions coming to rescue you, and that is not how things work.

    It was a slip and it wasn't, because I have to say that I do tend to perceive the time lag and the open gap as being there. I may be in anticipation, much more often than in impatience, if I am doing it right, but I do feel the gap. And it's obvious why, because if I was so aligned that I didn't perceive it when I look at the subject that I am aligning to, I would have already manifested the conditions. That's my experience at least.
    Maybe we're saying the same thing and it's just that for me waiting is a neutral perception of a time lag and for you it's a negative one. Not being english mother tongue I'm not even sure if I'm using the word correctly.
    Last edited by rose essence; 11-15-2016 at 02:58 PM.

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