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Thread: Relationships, Evolving Sex and Romance

  1. #21
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    Ok, I will take this on to get to B (better) FT,...
    Since you're clarifying, let's really clarify:
    “...B (better) FT (thought),...”

    I'm not nitpicking. This is an important distinction, because up until now, you've been reaching for a better-feeling action (that was your earlier list today), rather than a better-feeling thought.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    also I need to slow down all of this momentum of
    B ( bad ) feeling thoughts.
    You “slow down…this momentum of...bad… feeling thoughts” by reaching for BFTs (Better Feeling Thoughts, as we typically mean the acronym). So, it's not “also.” These are one and the same thing.

    So, let's talk about this for a second. How would you go about slowing down your unwanted momentum? What actual, practical steps would you do to accomplish this for yourselfm

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    I seem to be very focused on those that are not making me feel better and its has gotten me angry.
    Just the way Abraham teach us.

    So, you've shown yourself another example that things work the way Abraham teach us. Good for you.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    I have these books on my kindle, yet I am going to re-dedicate time to go through each page of these throughly and do theses exercises.
    I think that's wise of you to do that.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    I spoke with someone today.
    This might be a part of the problem.

    Now, I understand that your desire is strong. But it seems to me that you're asking this one and asking that one and asking this other over there and…. You've been doing that here so it wouldn't surprise me to learn that you've been doing it elsewhere in the world-wide Web and beyond. And, of course, you’re certainly free to use all the resources available to you that you think will be helpful to you. I don't want to limit you in any of that.

    But when we assemble a consensus, the opinions and directions of that consensus can conflict or distort. It’s like gathering a bunch of iPods on speakers in one room, all on different stations, all on shuffle. It quickly becomes hard to derive any enjoyment or benefit from the cacophony.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    I think I have to re-route my focus in several ways and focus on the BFT's that me feel better, which would include more rest, sleep ( slowing momentum) and
    also meditation…
    Once again, these are all actions. “BFTs” mean better-feeling thoughts.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    ...and also things that are solutions for me if I did them they would help fuel better things in my life.
    We have explained how trying to “solve your problem” keeps the “problem” active in your vibration. So, the LoA must bring to you more “problem.”

    It's like going to a restaurant and, in your conversation with the waiter, all you do is talk about how much you don't want a bologna sandwich, how you hate bologna sandwiches, how you had the bologna sandwich at this restaurant the last 5 times you were there and you hated those sandwiches for this reason and that reason. If that's the entire conversation that you have with that waiter, chances are you're going to get another bologna sandwich. That's not the perfect analogy to use here but perhaps you'll catch my drift.

  2. #22
    I have re-read the Vortex book..and I am now reading the Ask and its Given Again.

    At the moment I seem to be circling because vascilating between Frustration, Pessimism and Boredom.
    I get that in order to create a new reality you have to believe a thought you tell yourself over and over that you want to become the
    reality. I get that I need to tell my self this thought from a place of having what I want, and that coming from the gap of not having
    this thought will not necessarily attract what I want. I get that if I keep getting into the better feeling thought of having what I want
    and how that would feel for long enough that I will attract that into my space either through the relationship I have or a new relationship.

    This impatience I have , how do I get it out of my way ? How do I feel good now when I feel so far from where I am ?
    I focus on that feeling and that thought that I do have it vs..how I am feeling ?

    Where Am I ?
    Reading, Reviewing the Exercises and Trying Not to speak with many about where I am.
    I have caught myself in the past going into these focuses of not having and then sharing
    which I have stopped doing, I have stopped sharing these concerns with my wife. I have
    focused on things that give me better feeling thoughts, things I am achieving and things
    that make me feel much better between exercise and and fitness and new opportunities..

    I have this really strong desire for passion. Lately my wife seems to just go to sleep - at
    night, and I fall into the frustration / anger cycle, of why am I being ignored ? Why is she
    stuck in not connecting. how do I break this cycle ? Do I refocus my energy elsewhere ?
    I keep hitting this loop .. I keep meditating, this past week I even did sound therapy and
    felt amazingly grounded and centered .. Yet its been 6 months since sex ...

    I have backed off on ideas about forcing wife to see a doctor or a marriage counselor.

    I get I need to do the exercises more and more, I keep reading and refocusing my
    energy on positive better feeling thoughts and experiences..

    If I want sex and passion in my life , its been a while physically however I have been
    mentally going to experiences in sex that me and my wife had, in my mind as I am
    breathing and relaxing, I have been dreaming of these experiences and also kind of
    imagining them happening...to the point where I feel soooooo allligned, turned on and
    high on JOY and pASSION level of emotion ...

    As I think on this level I have kissed my wife thinking of how we used to make out .
    On thanksgiving I pulled her in the closet and gave her a kiss and we have been kissing
    much more, hugging more..but its stopped there, when I get to trying to move past
    that my wife pulls away , then I try and get back into the better feeling thought and relax
    again.. Its kind of frustrating so then I go back to anger and frustrating ... Then I have this
    huge desire for sex ... how do I create that happening for myself... Can I actually create this
    happening if I walk around saying :::

    I am an amazing guy
    I am highly desired sexually
    Women want to devour me ( in a playful better feeling place - I am married )
    I am sexy - etc etc etc ...

    Perhaps part of me is struggling with is when does all of this show up ?
    How long does this take ( Impaticience )
    Why cant this happen now ( its been 6 months )
    Perhaps I need to do all of this for 90 days before I ask _ where does it show up ?
    How does this happen ? Can it happen ?

    Any tips, I am really trying to get into that feeling of having what I want
    in my imagination and feeling, then I feel really turned on and really tapped in ..
    Then I jump out of it , going ok, I feel like a powerfully passionate man...Unga Bunga !!
    Wife: What are you doing ? ( Turnover )

    Me: Ok, get back to that feeling of having what I want : relax , relax , relax ...
    I want to snap this pattern so badly ....

    Any advice from what I am trying to manifest ?

  3. #23
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    I have re-read the Vortex book..and I am now reading the Ask and its Given Again.
    Great.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    At the moment I seem to be circling because vascilating between Frustration, Pessimism and Boredom.
    I can't tell you how you feel. Part of learning this material is learning how to work effectively with our own individual emotional guidance system. That being said, from the perspective of this Peanut in the Gallery, all of your posts seem to indicate that you're much lower on the Scale than that. If I were to guess, I'd guess Powerlessness, Anger and Blame.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    I get that in order to create a new reality you have to believe a thought you tell yourself over and over that you want to become the reality.
    Whilst it's true that we create our reality with our thoughts and if you want a different reality, you have to find a way to think different thoughts, you're leaving out of your summary here Abraham's idea of the vibrational journey. You can't simply jump from the thoughts that you've been thinking about this situation to “My wife finds me irresistible and jumps me at every opportunity.” The LoA won't let you do that. As you go on to point out to us, you've been showing this to yourself for the past 6 months, because this is the approach you've been attempting since you've arrived with us. But this is not Abraham's teachings.

    That's The Secret. Abraham teach us differently because this method doesn't always work, as you've been showing yourself.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    I get that I need to tell my self this thought from a place of having what I want,...
    Are you sure you haven't been reading The Secret?

    Abraham talk about finding the feeling place of your desire. And it's true that if you could find ways to find a feeling of satisfaction with your marriage, the LoA would bring you more things you would find satisfying. If you could practice that feeling (not pretend, but actually feel true satisfaction about this bit and that bit of your marriage for long enough and consistently enough, you could even manifest a satisfying sex life for yourself.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    ...and that coming from the gap of not having this thought will not necessarily attract what I want.
    I'm not following you here.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    I get that if I keep getting into the better feeling thought of having what I want...
    Again, you're leaving out the vibrational journey here.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    ...and how that would feel for long enough that I will attract that into my space either through the relationship I have or a new relationship.
    You've been trying to do this and it hasn't been working out for you, has it? This is why we keep telling you to find ways to FEEL BETTER about your wife and your marriage.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    This impatience I have , how do I get it out of my way ?
    By finding ways to FEEL BETTER than your thoughts of Impatience.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    How do I feel good now when I feel so far from where I am ?
    If you can't feel “good” (and that's understandable from what you've told us), then FEEL BETTER.

    That can look like remembering all the other skills that you've learned and remembering that there's a learning process and then there's a learning curve of trial-and-error to become proficient in your new skills.

    Or it can look like BFTs about your wife and your marriage. Or-- well, you have a book of exercises to help you with that. Pick one and do it.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    I focus on that feeling and that thought that I do have it vs..how I am feeling ?
    As you know, I don't believe that when you find “that feeling,” it FEELS BETTER to you. And you've just told us so, with your statement about how you're aware that your fat from it. So, if you ask yourself, “how am I feeling?,” your answer has to be “worse,” so you know that you're moving towards what you don't want, rather than moving towards what you do want.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    Where Am I ?
    Reading, Reviewing the Exercises and Trying Not to speak with many about where I am.
    I have caught myself in the past going into these focuses of not having and then sharing which I have stopped doing,...
    You haven't “stopped doing” it here, which leads me to believe that you're probably doing it elsewhere as well.

    And, yes, bringing others into a conversation about your unwanted will add unwanted momentum to that topic, but you're asking your own unwanted momentum anyways as you think about this topic from your Unwanted/Lack-or-Absence focus. This is the piece that you want to shift.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    I have stopped sharing these concerns with my wife. I have focused on things that give me better feeling thoughts,...
    Great!

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    I have this really strong desire for passion. Lately my wife seems to just go to sleep - at
    night, and I fall into the frustration / anger cycle, of why am I being ignored ? Why is she stuck in not connecting.
    And there you go, again, doing that thing that you said you “stopped doing.”

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    how do I break this cycle ?
    One step at a time. It's a practice.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    Do I refocus my energy elsewhere ?
    Or find a better-feeling way to focus on this.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    I keep hitting this loop .. I keep meditating, this past week I even did sound therapy and
    felt amazingly grounded and centered .. Yet its been 6 months since sex ...
    And there you go, again, doing that thing that you said you “stopped doing.” And this the you've added in taking negative score of what you don't want.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    I get I need to do the exercises more and more,...
    The Processes can certainly help you to refocus, which is what you “need” to do. Because, as you can see, you keep going back to your same unproductive focusi on what you don't want.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    If I want sex and passion in my life , its been a while physically however I have been mentally going to experiences in sex that me and my wife had, in my mind as I am breathing and relaxing, I have been dreaming of these experiences and also kind of imagining them happening...to the point where I feel soooooo allligned, turned on and high on JOY and pASSION level of emotion ...

    As I think on this level I have kissed my wife thinking of how we used to make out .
    On thanksgiving I pulled her in the closet and gave her a kiss and we have been kissing much more, hugging more..but its stopped there, when I get to trying to move past that my wife pulls away , then I try and get back into the better feeling thought and relax again..
    Well, that's a little late, then, isn't it? You've already tried to push down a road with momentum, into your action journey of trying to force yourself on your wife. That's part the point of “relaxing again,” so it's not aurorae that you feel emotions like Frustration and Anger.

    But notice how in this bit of your story, you're once again taking a negative score. You're counting how you didn't have sex with your wife when you could just as easily and accurately count how many kisses you shared with your wife. Which of these is which end of your stick?

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    Its kind of frustrating so then I go back to anger and frustrating ... Then I have this huge desire for sex ... how do I create that happening for myself... Can I actually create this
    happening if I walk around saying :::

    I am an amazing guy
    I am highly desired sexually
    Women want to devour me ( in a playful better feeling place - I am married )
    I am sexy - etc etc etc ...
    You tell us. I'm going to guess, “No,” though because I'm guessing that a number of these statements don't help you to feel better about your situation and because you don't believe a number of these statements.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    Perhaps part of me is struggling with is when does all of this show up ?
    How long does this take ( Impaticience )
    Why cant this happen now ( its been 6 months )
    We've explained that. Its not showing up because you keep focusing on what you don't want, which means the LoA keeps bringing you more of what you don't want, which is why it's taking 6 or 9 or 24 months.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    Perhaps I need to do all of this for 90 days before I ask _ where does it show up ?
    How does this happen ? Can it happen ?
    I still hear you continuing to turn what you're reading into what you want it to say, not what it does say.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    Any tips, I am really trying to get into that feeling of having what I want in my imagination and feeling, then I feel really turned on and really tapped in ..
    Just to be clear, when Abraham talk about being “turned on,” they are not talking about the state of sexual arousal that you seem to mean when use that phrase.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    Me: Ok, get back to that feeling of having what I want : relax , relax , relax ...
    I want to snap this pattern so badly ....
    That's you focusing on what you don't want, which you've just told us that you've read not to do. That's why it feels like Impatience.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    Any advice from what I am trying to manifest ?
    I'll repeat what we've been telling you: stop “trying to manifest” and start finding ways to feel better about this situation.

  4. #24
    Jewel M.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post

    I have this really strong desire for passion. Lately my wife seems to just go to sleep - at
    night, and I fall into the frustration / anger cycle, of why am I being ignored ? Why is she
    stuck in not connecting. how do I break this cycle ? Do I refocus my energy elsewhere ?
    I keep hitting this loop .. I keep meditating, this past week I even did sound therapy and
    felt amazingly grounded and centered .. Yet its been 6 months since sex ...


    Restate this to:

    I seem to just go to sleep (go unconscious…forget about my positive focus) at night…I fall into the frustration/anger cycle…of why am I ignoring my inner guidance. Why am I stuck in not connecting? I keep hitting this loop. I keep meditating, this past week I even did sound therapy and felt amazingly grounded and centered, but I keep reminding myself it’s been 6 months since sex…and forget that centered feeling.”

    Why are you reminding yourself constantly that it has been 6 months since you had sex? That sounds very heavy...6 months. 6 months was actually a moment to moment experience. Always think of right now...not the past. Now is where your power is....now is where Source is. Now....your wife could be different. You are carrying your old wife in your mind constantly....you don't even know who your wife is now. Your new wife actually kissed you in a closet....frisky isn't it....and is kissing and hugging you more. She is responding to the new you that is evolving.

    Stop thinking of sex as a bedtime experience. Think of it as an any time...any place experience. Use your bedtime more wisely. Think of the joys of your day. Feel appreciation for all that you have. Relax your body fully...and drift off into sleep.

    At every moment of your day, you have choices about what to think/feel and do. Just slow down and notice them. Yes, the old you reacted a certain way....but the new you has a fresher choice.



  5. #25
    So its now 2018. A new year.. I have been focused on other better feeling things in life. Like things that bring a better feeling thought. This would include breathing, meditation, working out - self love and also focused more on career. I have made great progress around career and all when it comes to work and purpose where I am headed.

    I did have sexual encounter in November on a positive note as well as one in December.

    I just downloaded about 50 different videos and audios for Abraham and Hicks in order to redirect my thoughts and feelings too. I feel I have thought millions of thoughts of what I desire... Perhaps I am looking for some other way to reduce resistance and allow the desire from my vortex to happen.

    Lately - I also have been looking at not initiating affection/sex unless I truly feel aligned with it and feel the connection.

    I wish someone could SAY something to me in a different way - perhaps there is some other EXERCISE TRICK / I can do in order to distract myself from what I desire. I desire this passionate sex life - where I am frequently connecting on a physical level. I also have opened this up to me just connecting with people and not being so attached to the specifics of this... I keep putting desires out - YET I need to reduce the resistance.

    If anyone out there has ever had a similar situation - in which their wife/husband shut off sexually - there seems to be this blockage of energy and I have even removed any expectation or attachment to any specific outcome. I want to turn on the flow more ..

    Many funny things have happened along with signing and writing million dollar checks on a work set, which is like getting paid to do the exercises. This caused about 3 weeks work for me. In addition I got many cool things accomplished for my career. As I have taken the attention off that which I kept complaining about before ..

    I guess I need to do MANY more exercises here. I really want to OPEN the flood gates when it comes to SEX/PASSION And JUICYNESS coming back into flow..

    So perhaps if anyone can share anything you have done in past relationships - in which you were turned on and tapped in a partner just was NOT, how did you get the flow again ? Love to perhaps hear it again .. Time flies by .. WOW ...

    I have listened to this video on the topic one over and over . Probably 50-100 times
    (No links to non-official Abraham-Hicks Publications videos, thanks.)
    Last edited by WellBeing; 2 Weeks Ago at 12:26 AM.

  6. #26
    Super Kitty Marc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    So its now 2018. A new year.. I have been focused on other better feeling things in life. Like things that bring a better feeling thought. This would include breathing, meditation, working out - self love and also focused more on career. I have made great progress around career and all when it comes to work and purpose where I am headed.
    Great. So if you focus on these things that are easy to feel better about, and STOP focusing on the absence of what you want, that negative momentum would stop.

    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    I just downloaded about 50 different videos and audios for Abraham and Hicks in order to redirect my thoughts and feelings too.
    Having different conditions to observe are helpful to a point... but they don't do anything to shift your vibration. Once you go back to the subject of sexuality, you're right around where you usually are.
    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    I feel I have thought millions of thoughts of what I desire...
    You haven't. You've thought millions of thoughts of the ABSENCE of what you desire. You're constantly beating the drum of, "I don't have this thing I really want. I don't have this thing I really want." That's why you don't have what you want, and you can tell by the way you feel that you're focused on the absence of what you want.
    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    I wish someone could SAY something to me in a different way
    We'll certainly try to approach it differently, but this is really just you doing with us what you're trying to do with your desire. You're saying, "I wish the conditions would be different so I could feel better by observing the different conditions." It just doesn't work that way. You've got to find ways to feel better first and then the conditions respond to the improvement in the way you feel.
    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    perhaps there is some other EXERCISE TRICK / I can do in order to distract myself from what I desire.
    A couple of points: First, it's not about distracting yourself from your desire. If you could think about your desire and feel good about it when you do it, then all would be well. What you have to distract yourself from is the ABSENCE of what you desire. Second, there aren't any tricks to it, it's about PRACTICE just like developing a certain level of fitness or a particular body part is about practice. It's going to to require practice to focus on other topics even though it's easy to focus on the absence of what you want.

    The other piece of it is this -- you don't always have to get off the subject. You have the ability to think about this topic in ways that feel BETTER.
    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    If anyone out there has ever had a similar situation - in which their wife/husband shut off sexually - there seems to be this blockage of energy and I have even removed any expectation or attachment to any specific outcome. I want to turn on the flow more ..
    You can't get to where you want to go that way. You don't need to to turn on more flow, all you need to do is stop BLOCKING the flow. You do this by making peace with the fact that she is where she is. Do your best to start feeling better about her regardless of whether she's responding sexually. No one wants to be treated only as a vehicle for someone's sexual gratification.
    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    Many funny things have happened along with signing and writing million dollar checks on a work set, which is like getting paid to do the exercises. This caused about 3 weeks work for me. In addition I got many cool things accomplished for my career. As I have taken the attention off that which I kept complaining about before ..
    See how well that worked? Why not do the same thing on this topic?
    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    I have listened to this video on the topic one over and over . Probably 50-100 times
    (No links to non-official Abraham-Hicks Publications videos, thanks.)
    It's great that you've found an Abe video addressing the topic specifically. Here's the rub, though -- listening to video is great, but it's not the same as actually APPLYING what they're talking about. It's like watching an exercise video but not actually doing the exercises. You're not going to get any results that way.

  7. #27
    Quote Originally Posted by Marc View Post
    Great. So if you focus on these things that are easy to feel better about, and STOP focusing on the absence of what you want, that negative momentum would stop.


    Having different conditions to observe are helpful to a point... but they don't do anything to shift your vibration. Once you go back to the subject of sexuality, you're right around where you usually are.

    You haven't. You've thought millions of thoughts of the ABSENCE of what you desire. You're constantly beating the drum of, "I don't have this thing I really want. I don't have this thing I really want." That's why you don't have what you want, and you can tell by the way you feel that you're focused on the absence of what you want.

    We'll certainly try to approach it differently, but this is really just you doing with us what you're trying to do with your desire. You're saying, "I wish the conditions would be different so I could feel better by observing the different conditions." It just doesn't work that way. You've got to find ways to feel better first and then the conditions respond to the improvement in the way you feel.

    A couple of points: First, it's not about distracting yourself from your desire. If you could think about your desire and feel good about it when you do it, then all would be well. What you have to distract yourself from is the ABSENCE of what you desire. Second, there aren't any tricks to it, it's about PRACTICE just like developing a certain level of fitness or a particular body part is about practice. It's going to to require practice to focus on other topics even though it's easy to focus on the absence of what you want.

    The other piece of it is this -- you don't always have to get off the subject. You have the ability to think about this topic in ways that feel BETTER.

    You can't get to where you want to go that way. You don't need to to turn on more flow, all you need to do is stop BLOCKING the flow. You do this by making peace with the fact that she is where she is. Do your best to start feeling better about her regardless of whether she's responding sexually. No one wants to be treated only as a vehicle for someone's sexual gratification.

    See how well that worked? Why not do the same thing on this topic?

    It's great that you've found an Abe video addressing the topic specifically. Here's the rub, though -- listening to video is great, but it's not the same as actually APPLYING what they're talking about. It's like watching an exercise video but not actually doing the exercises. You're not going to get any results that way.
    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    Many funny things have happened along with signing and writing million dollar checks on a work set, which is like getting paid to do the exercises. This caused about 3 weeks work for me. In addition I got many cool things accomplished for my career. As I have taken the attention off that which I kept complaining about before ..
    See how well that worked? Why not do the same thing on this topic?


    Can you give me an example of how I could do an exercise like that on this subject?

  8. #28
    Jewel M.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    I did have sexual encounter in November on a positive note as well as one in December.


    And how did you manifest these two encounters?
    What was your mood during this time?
    Perhaps more stimulated with your career?
    Feeling more alive and passionate about it?

    Isn't the basis of sex....stimulation...a feeling of aliveness and passion?
    Wouldn't that be attractive to a person around you?
    Wouldn't she (or anyone) want to be closer to you?
    You would be like a breath of fresh air.
    And so it does not surprise me that you had two sexual encounters.

    See how all that is happening to you works in your favor.
    Aliveness in your career....can lead to aliveness in your sex life.


  9. #29
    Super Kitty Marc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by freedommind15 View Post
    Can you give me an example of how I could do an exercise like that on this subject?
    Why don't you start with telling us how you were able to take your attention off those things you had been complaining about.

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