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Thread: Soothing myself, doing the work and little steps

  1. #1
    LaughingElf's Avatar
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    Soothing myself, doing the work and little steps

    I'm going to write here, additionally to my private practice. And trying out, if this supports me. Feel free to swap ideas and to comment.

    -----

    Today, my life is as it is now. My beliefs are how they are right now. It feels good, to feel better.
    It's ok, that I don't know, what to do with myself today. I'm writing here. Even if it's not in my native language. I'm doing it and it feels good.

    I'd like to do something that's fun, meaningful and feels easy. That would be great. Maybe there's something, I would really love to do. Maybe it's a job, I would like to do. Maybe it's even so much fun, I would feel good, being together with other people and having to deal with them.
    But right now, it's ok, where I am. Sitting here. Finding thoughts that feel better.

    I don't need to take my old beliefs head-on. If I feel like it, I can find better feeling thoughts about people. Would'nt it be nice, if I would feel good, while I'm thinking about people? I already did it a few days ago. Surrounded by people I didn't knew, feeling awkward, there was a woman who smiled at me. Although we both didn't knew what to talk about, I appreciated her beautiful top. I managed to feel a bit better. I observed the other people. Having fun together, laughing. That felt good too.

    Then they were talking about other people, judging them. And I thought about being judged myself. Would'nt it be nice, if just would feel love for all of them? Or that I would feel so good, I would be too occupied with thinking thoughts, that are way too much fun. It happened once, when I really felt happy and someone was grumbling next to me. I was so distracted and like "Did he just say something?" Haha, I love that! I really can have fun, while being together with other people.
    And my wishes become clearer. It was funny. I didn't feel like going through all those people and fetching stuff for myself. And after that thought I was asked instantly by someone who wanted to fetch it for me. Yes, I don't need to do something, that doesn't feel good to me. But I like to think about, feeling good und self-confident, that I would do it joyfully.
    Sometimes I already feel like that. It's ok. I'm on my journey. My Inner Being loves me. And I even have people in my life, who love me. Who want me to be happy.

    I don't need to force myself to do anything today. It would be nice, if I would feel fun and ease while painting. But if I'm not getting there today, it's ok. It's ok to relax. To be here and feel better. Realxing. Breathing. Listening to music.

    For all the crappy thoughts that come up, I have my tools. The Emotional Guidance Scale. The Focus Wheel. I'm armed to the teeth!

    The shuffle mode chose one of my favourite songs at this right moment. Singing about source and repeating the line: I find my way home. I find my way home.

  2. #2
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    I clicked on a song in my playlist and now I'm listening to:
    "create in my life the wonder that you are.
    this day, open my mind.
    I don't wait until tomorrow, I start to live.
    allow me to know of everything there is."

    The next song starts. It's more powerfull. I like the voice of the singer, shouting. Shouting it all out. Switching from a softer voice to a harsh one, playfully. So energetic.


    I spent hours and hours with my computer games. Not willing to stop. Craving for more.
    While thinking about it, I started soothing myself. And I got from desperation, to feel ok with it. I remember to not criticise myself for this, but to love myself instead.
    I think of the "emtpy gas tank" Abraham talks about. I see myself, as I react to other people. I don't like, the situation where I was overwhelmed by old habits. While talking to a friend, I don't know very well yet, the old beliefs came. Fear came alarming. Yes, I wanted to remove the smiley sticker and look at what's beneath there. I don't like it. And that's ok. It's only natural, that it gets bigger momentarily, when I look at it. It's only old habits. And me loooking at what I don't want.

    I can train myself to look at, what went good. Oh yes, a lot went good! I had fun. I managed to feel better, while being with my friends. I got to the point, where I laid down relaxed on the sofa, joking around, laughing, feeling good. All was good at that moment. I would have liked it to go on the whole night.

    At home I jumped right back into the virtual reality. I like that it feels better, than reality. I see now, what I'm craving for.
    It feels better to do something that's interesting, that makes fun. To feel like having success. To be joyful about the things I like. To built something. To get better, while playing and having fun.
    That's how I want painting to be again. Just fun. Nothing else matters.

    I like the character I play in one of the games. She's so positive. And sees the good in people, even when they are mean or even kill others (virtually). She gives everyone a chance. She's loving and tough at the same time. I love how she reacts. It's all programmed, I just choose what seems to be the best option, not knowing exactly what's she's going to say. And sometimes I'm amazed by her answers. I love how friendly she is. Even when people are rude to her. She's playful. She can be funny and be in a high vibration, leading her team, comforting them, when they have doubts or feel bad.
    You get your crew and have the chance to talk to them, get to know them. She has her own room, but whenever she goes out, she can choos to be with people she knows and likes.

    It's like that time when I was stationary in a hospital for some time. I got to know the people, that where on the same corridor thanks being together in the therapy sessions. Eventually I was so bored to be alone, I just went outside looking if someone is there, who wants to play a game or something like that. It was like having your own little family among thousands of people you don't know. I love the feeling, that there was always the chance to meet someone who wants to talk, to play games, to have fun. To go out to town together. I appreciate that experience. I appreciate the fun we had. I appreciate having met that man, who loved to make friends with all kinds of people. I admired him for being in such a high vibration about this topic. And people loved him. I love him too, until this day, like a brother that I never had. Even if he might have misunderstood my feelings. I still think about him. I wonder if he found his way and got happy again, appreciating his wife, and the love they had. I'd love to meet him again. But it's ok, if not. I love what he represents. That his example reminds me of my own true nature. Of my own love.
    I am love. Maybe I can experience this again. Having my little family of wonderful friends around me. To love being with people. I'm going there. Step by step.

    It's ok, when I'm not there yet. And if the computer games are more fun at this time.
    I don't think about gaming all the time. It's different than before. For example I think about painting. About how much it would help me to literally back off from the details and go general. Yes, exactly like Abrahams says. I improve my painting process by zooming out of the detailing view and looking from a further point of view at it again. It's all the same! Isn't that awesome?

    It's even ok, if there are a lot of grammar or spelling mistakes in my text right now. It feels so good to just write my thoughts all down. To feel, that here are people who understand. Who know. It's like that small universe from the hospital. I might not know you. But it's all good. We all have something in common. And it's the loving Inner Being everyone has.

    I appreciate that I can communicate with others thanks to the internet. That I have some people I can talk to, that live further away.
    I appreciate the people I know, who live near by. I appreciate that I spent some time with the over the last weeks. I appreciate how friendly they are to me.
    I appreciate all the people I have met in my life, I liked to be with. I appreciate social networks that give me the chance, to talk to some of them, when I want to. When it feels better to talk with people. I give myself time. I know I can do it, if I feel really really good. And I know, that I might back off again completely, when my vibration is very low. I'm not criticising myself any more. I'm not complaining, not feeling guilty. I don't need to explain myself. I just love myself.
    Yes, that feels better.
    I love myself! I love who I am right now! I love myself with all the crappy beliefs and behaviours. I see all the strong aspects of my character. I am like that virtual character, I'm playing. I have all that love, that strength. And there are people out there, that I will meet and call my best friends, my family. Maybe it will take some time. Maybe it will be tomorrow.
    It's all good. All things are always working out for me.

    Another fun aspect about the gaming is the money part. At the beginning I was angry, how little money I got and that I couldn't afford the stuff I wanted. Eventually the time came, where I didn't think about that any more. I got distracted by doing some missions and having fun with that. I was surprised, when I got the message, that my inventory is nearly full. I had to sell some things. Shortly I went from poor to excessively rich. Now I look at the shop items and I can afford everything. And their stuff even isn't the best any more. I can get the good items otherwise. Haha, I like that! It feels so easy and fun.

    Wow, look how many things I found to feel good about today! I'm getting better at this every day! I even start soothing myself while meditating. This is really something.
    Whatever I'm going to do, I can feel better about it.
    I feel the loving presence of my Inner Being. All the love. The joy. She's loving me. Every single moment. Never criticising me. Never! All love. Love! I feel her arms around me. This other me, this greater me. I'm never alone. I'm never helpless. She's always there for me. I can feel her.

  3. #3
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    All down to depression and desperation again.
    Wishing for help, but not knowing where to look or how to even hope for.
    I hate my life! I hate hope! I hate fear! I hate myself! I hate this world, this society. this f...ed up health system. Crappy confrontation therapies, self-help groups with the intention to overcome fear and swallow pills, therapists who don't even understand me. Going to therapy once in a few weeks, left alone the rest of the time. It's all talk or just action focused, nothing helps.
    And I know, this is not only my experience. It's my belief. I hate my beliefs! I hate them! I hate law of attraction! I hate to sit all alone here in this bullsh... appartment, feeling like this. I hate to do the work. I hate the times, when I was full of hope, even happy. When I thought, it's all going to change. And then the next dissapointment came. The next fallback into old behaviour, fear-thinking. I wished to get to know new people. They came. But it weren't the ones I wished for. Just reflections of the crap in my own mind.
    If you never can do it wrong, then why is it, I'm still in this mess, not seeing any chance to change it? My hope is gone. Or is it? Why I'm still clammering to this? Why am I still thinking, the Abraham-philosophy is the only thing, that can change something?

    Why am I even bothering?

    Do I have to meet somebody again, telling me, I should stop, running after my wishes? Stop hoping. Getting me so mad and angry, that I go on being angry for weeks, even months. Better be angry, than desperate.

    I don't know where to go from here. I don't know, why I wake up in the morning. I don't know, what to do, all day. How to be happy despite the circumstances. How to concentrate on good-feeling things. How to believe that help is on it's way. That there's someone, something, that could help me. I don't feel, like I can do it on my own. I'm trying for over three years now. Three years of happy times getting crushed again and again. Someone else would say, I achieved to have some happy times. I should be proud of them. I should believe in getting there again.
    But why should I? When the next thing is desperation again? When all the flawed beliefs come up, saying hello, here we are, time to do something about us. And the crappy feeling you got, is for free!
    When dissapointment jumps right at you. And then you here Abraham saying, you just need to modificate your wishes. Oh? Is that so? I managed to even believe in a wish. To get me up to feel better and better. and now, when I expected too much again and realize, my beliefs are still crappy, I just need to try again? What kind of sick joke is that?

    I'm sick and tired of all those dissapointments. I'll never get what I want. Not from where I stand now.

    No one is there to help me. The few people I know, don't understand how this feels. they all have their own problems. And there's no hope to find someone else or even so called experts, that are suitable for really helping me.

    Maybe it never gets better. My life stays like this forever. Being a lousy unemployed being, sitting alone all day at home, whining and wishing for an end.

    I don't think that I can get myself to believe in my happy thoughts again. To think, that everything will be all right. I don't know how to not expect change. How not to long for it. How to try to be happy, to even feel happy and than the next mess comes up. I don't believe, I will ever get, what I wish for. And that I can get to the point, not caring about it any more.

    I coul at least be at that job know. Concentrate on doing this for a year. But I went down on the Emotional Scale, the last time I did that job. I got sick and got stuck on seeing all the things I don't like. Everyday facing fear while going out on the street on my way to work. Everyday finding better feeling thoughts about my work. About being with people, and being afraid of them.

    I thought, I would be doing better. I thought, it would get easier. But this all is just so overwhelming!

    I don't want to wait any more! I don't want to practice any more. I don't want to wish for anything any more!

    It's not going to come anyway. I just get some little stuff. And even then, I'm still doubting it all. I must be crazy.

    Playing computer games all day and feeling sick and depressive afterwards, isn't how I want my life to be. To fear all the things I don't want to experience, isn't what I would call a fun life either. Even fearing to go to the bathroom, for I could be bothered by hearing the neighbours. Why do I even have to live here anyway? Oh, wait, I made the glorious decision out of desperation and the riduculos hope to have more people I like around me, to move to a city. and now I don't believe I can get out of here again, without getting financial freedom somehow. I should be thankful, that I even get money for living. But what if I would be in a country, where you get nothing? Would I have found a solution? Working now in a job, I despise, like I did before. Or even in a job, that's ok, but my negative thoughts are eating me up, so I get sick. Maybe I would have killed my self a long time ago. Now I'm just sitting here, clammering to the little hope that is left. Maybe happy-face-stickering it all, with believing, something could change. Should I bury this hope? It's the only thing that has kept me alive all this time. I even don't know, why that's a good thing. When death is said to be so much better and this life feels like a sick joke.

    So I tried to climb up the Emotional Scale. I don't know. Feels like still being at anger. Or discouragement. I don't care. I don't care about all of this! I'm just tired. I just want this day to end. This whole week, this whole month, this year, yes all my lifetime. For I'm done with the suffering. I wrote myself the perfect drama movie and I'm the star of it. Like those TV-shows, where you watch people getting through a lot of crap, then getting along with it, being full of hope and happy, and then the authors decide, it's only interesting, when the next hell unleashes. Yay, let's give them hope and crush it. Again and again. Like there's a ginosaji after you. Again and again. With a spoon!
    Thank's for watching. Be sure not to miss our next new episode, coming soon!

    Hello infinite intelligence? How are you? Oh, happy and full of love all the time? Well, f... you! You know how I mean that, because you know everything. I'm the creator of my life. So applaud for my wonderful creation! Isn't it nice? Am I being sarcastic right now?
    I'm still used to sarcasm, don't I? I really thought, I was over that. And I really thought I was happier sometimes and made peace with so many things.
    I see a - what do they call it in English, a repdigit? Never heard that word. 08:08 says the clock. What are tellling me? That I did soemthing right. All righty then! Then I guess everything is going well now? Oh, you got me. I still don't believe that. Going out, buying a lottery ticket and winning the jackpot. Then having fun with buying the house of my dreams in the place I like best. Being happy the rest of my life. And before that, making peace with my now, being happy despite all circumstances.
    No, still not believing.
    Just a bit more angry, than desperate. Hurray! What a wonderful day to come... I can't wait for it... to be over...

  4. #4
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    I feel better, since I wrote here.
    I like the thought, that here are many people, understanding what it's like to practice the teachings of Abraham. Who know the ups and downs. Who feel the same. Even some of you have made similar experiences. I don't know you (yet), but it feels comfortable.
    And I like, that everybody is free to read and reply to this. I'm not bothering anyone and still am among others. That's great. It's what I need now. My little place to be.

    Another thing I realized again today is the resistance to tell people, that I feel better or good. They could misunderstand, that everything is allright in my life. I wonder, why this seems to be so important to me. Maybe it changes, when I go on writing here regularly.

    I see the light at the end of the tunnel again. Still playing computer games. But I also painted a bit. And the anger helped me to fulfill a wish and I allowed myself to spend money for it.

    In one of the Abraham books I found a beautiful sentence today. It really spoke to me. Soemthing like, allowing the unwanted things, so that the wanted things can come.

  5. #5
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    So it's all about the old belief, that I won't get, what I want. Looking at the unwanted and thinking, it's never going to change to the better.
    But it's changing. Gentle, soft changes occur.
    It's not about achieving to make peace with it all today. I started with some things. Allowing them to be like they are. Maybe it'll take some time, until I get to the point where I really make peace with it. I appreciate the first step. I appreciate that I wrote down some things that felt good. I appreciate that I chose to listen to music, when fear told me of my old negative beliefs. I appreciate I called someone today, just asking something. They offered their help, if I needed someone to talk to. I appreciate the offer. For now, here is my place to feel safe. To talk and know, it's understood.
    I appreciate the different perspective a talk with someone else can provide me.

    I appreciate the funny stuff you can find on the internet. Pics of funny cats or parodies. I love those moments when I can't stop laughing and tears fill up in my eyes.

    I want to belief that everything I want, I'll get. There's nothing to worry about. I want to belief, I can feel better. And that's all that's needed. I can fell a little bit better. Now. Now. Now.
    I love you all. I love to love. I feel so much relief. I appreciate it.

    Just found this in Sui's thread and posting it here again for myself:


    Isnīt it nice to know when itīs just time to give up?

    What are you giving up?
    Are you giving up the desire? NO!
    Are you giving up the struggle? YES!

    Are you giving up the desire? NO.
    Are you giving up the effort? YES.

    Are you giving up the desire? NO!

    Are you giving up the angst? YES.

    Giving up the struggle - this feels good!
    Giving up the effort - this feels good, too. Still some tiny resistance there. If it's too easy, isn't it boring? No, because it's much more fun to experience abundance in all aspects and just experience the things I enjoy.
    Giving up the angst - How do I do that? With little steps. Reminding myself to belief. Feeling better. Soothing myself. All is well. They even said that in the computer game. And showed me some of my wishes and I felt how powerful they are. There's so much energy in them, I'm really amazed how strong they are. There must be huge energy summoned in my vortex. Now it's my job, to feel better, belief more and allow itall. Everything that is now. Allow it to be. The unwanted and what I like. Appreciating it. Feeling better. And better. Loving myself more.


  6. #6
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    I like about my computer games, that they distract me from what is and my old beliefs. I like that they remind me of my wishes and letting me feel them even stronger. I like the funny situations the programmers created, that make me laugh. I like how self-confident my character is. How easy it is to speak with others. How she's in control. I like the illusion of having those virtual characters as friends. The feeling, that there's always someone I can talk to. I love how they care for each other.
    I like the inspiration I got for what I want to buy next for lunch. I like how funny this came to be. (is this grammatically corrct? sounds awkard ) - Is this a deja vu right now? -

    Yeah, I was in the mood to cook lunch today with fresh vegetables.
    And I deinstalled two of my games. I like that better. I want to get into the mood to do something else. Until then, it's ok to stick to the current game a little longer.

    I found some songs yesterday, or better said, they found me and the lyrics are like source directly speaking to me. So amazing! Music is amazing! It's so much fun to listen to it and instantly feel better - even feel happy.

    I'm looking forward to the thing I ordered. Maybe it comes tomorrow. I'm positivley surprised how fast this is delivered.
    Had some awkard thoughts about if I go down to take the delivery from the mailman or order him to come up. There's fear. Those thoughts don't feel good. I decided to say, that I'm coming down, if he/she doesn't need to go up to someone else. I intend to feel love for myself, however I'm going to act and react in this situation. It's a normal situation. It's allright. I'm not judging myself. It's just old beliefs jumping out and dancing around in my mind. I just go on with my practice.

    My current practice is to ask myself what I want to believe. For example I want to believe, that I can feel good and self-confident among people. I want to believe, that I can have fun with painting again and this can become normal, like it was, when I was a child. I want to believe that I can trust law of attraction. I want to believe, that I can be happy now.

  7. #7
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    Okeeeey, trying to understand source. And what I sent out.
    I waited for the mail all day long and found out it was delivered to the business on the groundfloor next to my house. I was very angry at first. That's my old reaction. Now I begin to realize, maybe I had some wishes that were fulfilled this way. I didn't have to struggle with the decision any more, if I go down or let the mailman come up. I didn't have to speak with him/her. Instead I was lucky there was still someone around in the business. A very friendly woman. There was also a very large dog. I had no fear of it, although it barked at me at first and then stood directly in front of me looking at me excitedly. The owner was a bit nervous, because the dog wouldn't listen to her. But I was so focused in finding out, if my packet was here, I just let the dog be, smiling, talking a bit and ignoring it for most of the time. And I expected the dog to be friendly. There was no doubt about it!
    Just realized this now. Damn, I'm strong-willed!!! This was a sure thing!

    We found my packet at last. She told me, that sometimes the packets are delivered there, maybe out of convenience. Her friendly words helped me to calm down a bit. A wrote an e-mail to the delivery-sevice and changed my words, while writing to more friendly ones. Maybe I get a bit of clarification from a response. But it doens't matter any more to me at this point. I feel so much better now, with a deeper understanding!

    This was an interesting experience. I wanted to better understand how source finds the path of least resistance, even if we think something went wrong. And I got an answer.
    I want to remember this and hope to react calmer next time something like this happens. Yes, it feels like I soothed myself better and faster today.
    I love that! And I love myself! I love the friendly woman who found my packet. I love the beautiful neighbours, I met today in the starway. I love that big dog that seemed to smile at me! I love myself! I found wonderful words, that give me relief! I'm awesome! I'm great!

  8. #8
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    Feeling like shi..
    People trying to contact me. I know they want to know how I am. If I got the job. What I'm doing all day.
    I'm doing nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Just hoping this Abraham stuff helps. Hoping, hoping hoping.
    For years and years and years.
    Why am I doing this? Why?
    All those happy moments. For what?
    I'm still here.
    Still afraid of fricking everyone out there. Not believing there's something like a job I'd like to do. Not even managing to do something fun in this fricking free time. I'm free. Yes, I have the luxury of doing nothing. Of being nothing. Every day. On and on and on and on.
    Little steps. For what? Little steps that I can go out to get my mail without having those stupids thoughts - maybe next year. Still sitting in this damn apartment. Still writing about what I want over and over again.
    I don't want to live like that any more.
    It feels good, to have a foothold here. A stable place, where I can look at my thoughts.

    What shall I say to those people who care for me? They just get worried. Thinking I can't help myself. Maybe they're right. All that time and my life still looks like crap.
    I wish for support that really helps me. I want to believe, that this exists.
    I don't want to talk to them today. I just want to be left alone. I know, they worry, cause I don't answer the phone. If I lie and tell them all is well, it would be like always. I pretend that everything is going to be better. Only to wake up sometime and see that it's all the same.

    Yes, my life sucks! My life sucks! It sucks to be like this! It sucks to think like this! It sucks to not know what to live for. For what I'm getting up everyday.
    Why do refugees even come here? It's better to be dead, than to suffer from this psychic horror.

    This seems so stupid. Shall I write down my little steps of "success"? oh, today I went to fetch my mail. Hurray! Look at me, I even stepped outside without makeup on my eyelids.
    I shouldn't compare myself to others. Only thing is most others are not crazy afraid of people in general and have such stupid thoughts.

    I feel lonely. I feel bad. And loa has the perfect opportunity to bring me more of it. Ten years...seperated.
    Nearly 25 years of being a negative coward like this. Isn't that ironic.
    What has changed?
    I have some moments I really believe, everthing will be allright. I'm happy.
    And then, I'm facing reality and here I go again.
    I'm running away from life. Happy-facestickering. Do I do it all the time? Is there really something changing to the better? Is there?

    I wish I could just fall asleep. I'm beyond being tired. I'm just pissed.

    Is there really a chance to be happy? Do do something that is fun everyday? To feel safe among people? To even like to be around them? Is there???

  9. #9
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    I'm glad I slept so much. I'm glad I got up on the Emotional Scale to anger, automatically. I'm glad I got the things done, I wanted to do today. I'm glad, I go out, when I have a goal, like going to the bank.

    I did the phone call I feared to do for weeks. I had an "I don't care"-attidude. And got through immediately to my surprise. Also I stated clearly what I wanted. All went smooth. It was a matter of two minutes. That was easy!

    Contrast still makes me mad. Silly things. But I get better at soothing myself about it. For example did I forget to write down something I needed for the bank. But then I decided to look it up on the internet, not caring for the fee. Found out there's free access to the internet, where I was at that moment. Went to the bank again. All done. That was easy!

    Searched for something in a store. Heard a women asking another for something she bought and the other woman mentioned where she got it from. I don't know what it was about. Eventually I went there too and found what I was looking for. That was easy!

    Yesterday I feared I wouldn't hear the doorbell and even forgot how it sounds, because I don't get much visitors. Today someone rang and asked if I ordered something. I didn't, but now I know how loud my doorbell is.

    I still don't know what I want to say to the people that tried to call me. But I'm feeling stronger now. More relaxed. Even listening to some positive sounding music. That's all that's important now.

  10. #10
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    Starting a 30 days challenge with the process 22, today. With the option to use the Focus Wheel instead, when I feel like it.
    It helped me once. I think it's time, to do it again.

    I want to shift my vibration and my habit of looking at things. Not all is bad in my life. I may not know, what I would like to do all day, for work or whatever. But I know, I want to feel good. I want to feel enthusiastic, happy. And I can achieve that. I don't have to think about the future. Just go back to practicing how it feels to trust. Ease, trust, relaxation, well-being.
    And go on with soothing myself about what is.

    I am now who I am. I behave and react now, like I do. It's ok. I can figure out how to make peace with that. How to be happy nonetheless. I can stop criticizing myself and love myself more. Soemhow I can make peace with my old habits of thinking. Somehow I can be happy despite the circumstances. Somehow I find help or help finds me.

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