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Thread: Soothing myself, doing the work and little steps

  1. #91
    LaughingElf's Avatar
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    Something I wished for, when I was in despair, manifested. Now I don't know what to do with it any more. It doesn't feel as good, as expected. Ok. First thing to do: make peace with it!
    Making peace has helped me tremendous in these past weeks. That's where I'm headed now. It is, like it is. There are aspects, that I don't like, but there could be aspects, that I like.
    How do I deal with the unwanted? I only know, that I want to feel better. I take my time and find better thoughts. I have several possibilities. Maybe it's ok, to give it a try. I can still cancel it, when it doesn't feel better. Maybe I'm just to earnest about this. I'm reaching for relief and relaxation. I could be more playful about this. It's not bad. Maybe it is not, what I wanted. But maybe it's a chance to make peace and feel better about it. And in time I will be more relaxed about everything. It's fine. I can do this. :-)

  2. #92
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    I wanted to write here all the positive that's occuring in my life.
    I don't know, what's going on exactly at the moment. I only know, it doesn't feel good. I didn't manage to find better feeling thoughts, to take naps, to relax. Ok. What do I do now?

    I'm not alone in this. That's comforting. The moment I wished for someone comforting me, I got a text message. :-)
    I have several options. Make peace with my fatigue. Try to relax, find better feeling thoughts. Concentrate on new work projects and hope that those will keep me awake and going. Or I could give up, tell my superior that I don't feel good and take off the rest of the day.
    I don't have to decide right away. After work I hope, that I'm willing to take a nap and believe, that I can sleep through the night easily. Or that I work on my vibration. Whatever I do, I want to feel better.

    I experienced many good things. I felt more joy, laughed more. I remind myself more often to feel better. And I do feel better.
    This is only contrast now. I know, practicing being grateful will change my habit of thinking in the end. I know, that I made huge progress, because I reached for hope and it felt natural. I'm on my way up. And if several topics are at a lower vibration, than that's ok. I still made progress! And am doing right now!

    I can think of positive aspects. I can do it. I just test, how work goes for now. There's no need to rush any decision. It's all ok.
    And my body has the ability to regain it's strength and to be balanced again. It's all ok. I'm doing good.

    EDIT:
    Aw, this is like a challenge in a good way. I gained clarity. I had thoughts like: Oh, I won't make it through the day. I won't be feeling better. Oh, I will have trouble to understand the new project. I'm too resistant and everything will be stressful and the new project too complicated, blablabla...

    Now I think about how those thoughts would sound like, if I had felt hope:

    Maybe I make it through the day and become more awake, although I don't feel like it at the moment. I hope, that I get distracted and feel better. I hope, that I think better thoughts about my work. If not today, then another day. Because I'm practicing and this means, one day it definitely will become easier to think positive thoughts.

    Maybe I will feel better. It happened before and it could happen now. This thought feels good!

    Maybe the new project isn't that complicated. I have worked some time here now and gained fundamental knowledge of the working structures. Maybe I can make good use of this knowledge. I shouldn't fuss about this so much. There's no way I would get a really challenging project. I can do this! I came this far, because I have the abilities to work here!
    And I know my superior is very nice and helpful. Her good mood will cheer me up. I hope, that I will be able to see the positive aspects from then on. Maybe it's all.easy and chill.

    Maybe it's going to be a good day.

    I like the cool breeze coming through the window. It's rainy and I enjoy this weather so much. It's perfect for today. The cool breeze keeps me awake. It smells good and fresh. I love it! It's so refreshing! I really like this!
    Last edited by LaughingElf; 3 Weeks Ago at 04:11 AM.

  3. #93
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    Going up on the Emotional.Scale helped me much more, than I expected now. I feel relief both in my mind and my body. It's good to feel less pain and to be able to concentrate on something else.

    I know, I'm dissatisfied with many current aspects of my life. I may not know, what I can eat, that my body will digest properly. I may not know, how to think better thoughts about food and eating. I may not know how to stop becoming thinner. I may not know how to have hope. I just can make peace and stop negative thoughts. I can start to look at things, that are ok.

    It's good, that I can feel a bit better and do some work. It's good to know some people, that like to talk with me and be with me. It's ok, to have a job and something to do. To earn money and have more freedom. I could move to another place any time, if I wanted to. I like this freedom.
    I want to make peace with the uncomfortable feelings in my body. I make peace with the doctors, that I have encountered so far. I make peace with my doubts. I make peace with people, that shy away from me, maybe out of discomfort in my presence. But I'm not in the mood to talk to them either, so it's ok. I'm on my way to feel better. One step at a time.

    One day I will make peace with all pain. I will have hope. And I will feel joyful enough, that I want to talk to people.
    One day I'm open for my wishes. I will feel better. I will accept my life as it is. I will be healthier. I will be grateful and appreciative.

    For now I give up the fight and the grudge against my body. We're going through this together. Maybe it will be painful to eat something. I hope, that I'll find a way to deal with this. To accept it.
    I always have the possibility to go up on the scale again.
    It's ok. Maybe I can take a nap after work. Maybe I can look at aspects I'm grateful for some more.

    I'm going to find a way to get through this day. And then the next one. And so on. I'm in this now. It's ok. It's ok.

  4. #94
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    What if I put a smile on for everyone else everyday and pretended, that everything is fine? What if I told them, that everything is fine, although I hate my life currently?
    Would that be happy face stickering? Or would the smile affect me positively?

    I don't pretend to like my life. I hate it! It hate it so much! I hate all the practice, the self-soothing, the "feeling less crappy"-attempts. I hate it all!
    I hate contrast!
    I hate, that people attacked me, because I made decisions out of fear.
    I hate, that they ignore me, because of my anxiety.
    I hate, what I manifested.
    I hate, that I'm manifesting all the same shit over and over.
    I hate my crappy beliefs.
    I hate this life!
    I hate to live!
    I hate, that I can't just drop dead and go back into non-physical.
    Oh wait, I could. If I could believe it, I would. And I wouldn't be the first one to achive this.
    I don't know, why I wanted to live in the first place. I don't know why my Inner Being is torturing me with its hope so much. Haven't I proved enough already, that I can't make it through this life?
    I feel so lost.
    I would like to transfer all my crappy beliefs, all physical pain, all my life experiences onto other people and then see, how they would deal with it. Yeah, that would be interesting. Would they do better at this or worse? Would they find a way or kill themselves off? I'm really curious! Would someone call me drama-queen again and show me, how it is done the right way or would they give up any hope?

    Time to get on, put that smile on my face and go through another senseless day full of crap.

  5. #95
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    Ok, I'm feeling better. I'm smiling most of the time. Even when the unpleasant things, I manifested through my recent negative thoughts, occur. I just keep smiling.
    It's ok. I can do this.
    When I smile others smile back. That's a good thing.
    I spoke with people, I didn't know before and it was ok.
    With colleagues it's still different. But I keep on smiling. It's ok. When I'm ready, people will show up, conversations will start. It's ok. I will get there in time. Today is only about smiling.

  6. #96
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    It seems to me, as if I'm back to the point, where I began nearly 12 weeks ago. Deep down in depression, staring at all the unwanted and despairing about it.

    I'd love to have help with this. I feel so.desperate.
    I want to believe, that I can find help, that benefits me. I liked to write positive things with someone in an online place, that was a bit closed off. That was nice and helpful. I'd like to have something this again.
    I'd like to have someone in my life, who is there with me together, reaching out for better feeling thoughts.

    I let the momentum go. I will pick up this topic again, later.
    It's ok for now.
    I can bear the unpleasant things, that are now occurring.
    I can feel better.

  7. #97
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    How do you handle those fall-backs? HOW?
    How do you make peace with this?
    How do you accept all this pain?
    How do you accept all those fears?
    How do you keep on reaching for hope?
    How?
    How?
    How?
    How?
    How???

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