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Thread: Soothing myself, doing the work and little steps

  1. #11
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    It's the fourth day and I did process 22 every day and today a Focus Wheel. I feel a bit better everyday. Now I started to write down, what is working, my accomplishments and what just feels good. I did this, because it felt good today. And I'm proud of myself, that I'm at this point now. I also mix it with soothing myself about old habits of thoughts, that came through, making peace with it and the circumstances.
    Would'nt it be nice, if I could just love myself in such a situation?
    I'm reminding myself now. And I'll get better at this. I don't need to make huge jumps of progress. It goes smoothly. I know that.

    I'd love to find things about people, that feel good.
    When I was among people, they just let me be. There were only the thoughts in my head, that made me feel uncomfortable. And even that feeling was just an indicator, that those thoughts aren't what my Inner Being is thinking about me. It looks at me and thinks that I'm beautiful, that I'm the creator of my experiences. Everything is changing. My reality is just a conglomerate of old news. It changes every moment. It just seems to be the same. But it's all new.
    What does it matter, what people think about me? Nothing!
    What if someone would say something nasty about me? Then he would just reflect my own thoughts!
    It's all about my own thinking! And I change that. Subtle. Loving myself more and more. Soothing myself.
    I don't need to be perfect at this. I'm proud of myself. I love myself. Whatever I achieve or not achieve. I love myself, whatever I think I want to do today. If I want to go on playing computer games, to feel better. It's ok.

    If I keep on writing about what I want, about my dreams, how I want to feel. That's ok, too. There's no need to be perfect at this, either. It's just for fun. Just for the feeling. The better I feel, the more I like my life. The more healthy my body gets. That's all there is about.
    I can be happy despite the circumstances.
    I am happy despite my stomach feeling awkward and not knowing which food I trust to be digested properly now. It's ok. It'll get better. It's only about how I feel now.

    Maybe I'll sketch some of my ideas,planning a new painting. And it's ok, if I only get a rough sketch. It's even ok, if I don't feel like sketching and painting at all. Having this idea, this starting point of an idea, that's fun. I love this idea. I love the feeling of it! I love the fun that it's giving me. That's enough! Oh, I love this! That's enough! There's nothing else that matters. Just the fun of this idea. This is fantastic! No pressure any more. I don't need to achieve anything. I can stay with this idea. I can stay in the feeling of fun!

  2. #12
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    Day 5:
    The Focus Wheel was about being happy despite the circumstances. After that I got into the vortex, writing down what I like and love additionally.
    And I think good-feeling thoughts about my choices I made yesterday. I'm happy now, that's all that is important! And I love it!

    I'm glad, that I took my time to think about what I want and only after that called people back. It really gets better! Now I have time to find better thoughts about using public transportation. And I am already looking forward to meeting those people and having a good time. Feeling easier about it. It feels good, that I delayed those appointments. I feel in control.
    And I realized what I would like to do for a change. That's awesome! I now know, where I would love to go together with friends. I'm so joyful! I love this idea! I love, that I realized, what I like! And it's so easy to tell it other people joyfully! That was easy!!! That was EASY!!!
    Yes, it's what I would love to do! I'm so full of love!

    I would love to feel good, if people say something I don't agree with. Or even say something nasty. Wouldn't it be awesome, if I would just feel love for them? That would be fantastic! Amazing! Awesome! I'm feeling love in this exact moment!
    And if I'm falling back into old habits that don't feel good, I just go on, soothing myself!
    I don't have to love all people now. I don't need to feel love, when I go out tomorrow. I don't need to force myself to anything. I don't need to love all the inviduality. I feel good now. That's such a great achievement. And I can feel better, while being among people. With time. With more soothing. And loving myself more and more. Going the easy path! Easy! Easy! Oh yeah! That's it!!!

  3. #13
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    Day 6:
    Did a Focus Wheel on the same topic as yesterday. Needed some time, to feel better. But I did it!

    I decided that I would like to experience something else than sitting most of the time in front of my computer games. I just deleted them. And I know, I will find a way to deal with all those unpleasant thoughts and what-is-now. I'm going on with soothing myself. It's ok what I experienced the last weeks.

    I would love to feel good among people. I'm thinking about the last ones, who did and said things I didn't like. It would be awesome, if I could just feel good about it all. Feeling good and feeling love. I love myself! I'm awesome! It doesn't matter what anybody else is thinking! I don't need anyone to understand why I am like I am. I don't need anyone to like me. I have my Inner Being who loves me. Eternally.
    I don't need to feel comfortable with everyone. I don't need to feel comfortable while going out. Because I won't criticize myself anymore about it. It's ok to be like that. It's ok, that I need my time to prepare myself before being among people. It's ok, if old unpleasant beliefs active themselves and I feel fear and anger. It's ok. I can feel better, when I'm alone or with people I like. I can listen to wonderful music that distracts me a bit. I would love to concentrate only on looking forward to something I like. Or finding beauty everywhere. But it's ok, to still feel fear. It's ok, that those old beliefs are still there. I am like I am now. I can feel happy now. I can love myself now. I can close my eyes and relax. I listen to music I love. I can feel good now.

  4. #14
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    Day 7
    Meditation, Focus Wheel, Process 22
    I'm soothing myself about my health condition. About pain. I wished I would feel better today. But, well, it's like it is now. Getting angry about it, searching for the cause, won't do me any good. I know, it's because of the thoughts I had for the last weeks. I decided to change my perception. And as it happened so often before, my health confronts me with what I have done. So the only way I want to deal with this, is with accepting it. It's like it is now. I love myself.
    I'm not in the mood to play computer games and distract myself with them any more. But I can distract myself with different things. And I can choose to feel better now.

    Trying to find out what feels better. To cancel my appointment for today. And wait until I feel surer about my health. Or just go outside, meet with them and take the chance, that I'll feel better then, because I'm distracted and it might be fun, to be with other people. Neither feels good.
    If I cancel the appointment again, people might be dissapointed. But that's not my fault. It's their decision. My health is now, like it is.
    Sometimes it's easier to get into a better mood, when I meet with others. Or maybe it's happy-face-stickering. Because afterwards sometimes my health issues are worse. So it might be better to look at this first. And feel better about it.
    Yes, I would love to meet with people, because I feel good. I feel healthy and joyful.
    For now my only goal is, to feel ok, with where I am now.
    I don't need all my wishes to come true now. I can feel better now. I don't need to live in that house in the countryside. I love to imagine it. It feels amazing, fun, joyful.
    Thinking about freedom of money on the other hand, didn't feel so good. I was looking at what is and comparing. I'm glad, I recognized this and my feelings made it clear. I don't need to think about this now. I just keep on with soothing myself. And it feels good, to write about it all. It feels good to write and remember the change. That everything changes. It's changing, it's changing.
    I'll feel better soon. My body knows, what it does. I do the rest. Looking at how I feel.
    There's nothing I need to do today other than to feel a bit better. And I do already! I just give it some time to settle in. Everything is always working out for me.

  5. #15
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    Day 8
    Process 22, going from all the way down up to Blame.
    Still in pain. Getting angry about it. Don't know what to do. Maybe get myself somehow to the pharmacy and take some stupid pills. Or ripping out my bowels. Don't want them any more.

    Trying to do my "comedy-therapy": watching stuff that makes me laugh and hoping this helps somewhat.

    Got a call about my job offer. There's a chance it could start soon. Feels a bit better. And I hope until then, I feel better in this fricking body. Or better said, find out somehow how to think good-feeling thoughts, while experiencing this shit.
    I don't know how others do it. How they can have a happy life. How it ever can get easier.
    It's like universe saying: "Oh, you started soothing everything. Here's some more stuff you can soothe. Here's some more that takes you down the emotional scale again. Have fun with that!"

    So Abraham says you can't do anything wrong. Why am I experiencing pain then? Why are my body and my life going haywire?
    God, I don't want to think about this any more. I don't want to think any more. Can't I just go to sleep and never wake up?

    I don't remember what helped me the last time. Maybe I took pills. Whatever...

    If I get to feel better, my goal is to train myself to feel content. Or I could start right now.
    It's good there's the comedy genre, with wich I can distract myself and laugh a bit. It's good there are so many cat videos out there, giving me some sort of relief while laughing. It's good that it's warm outside. Feels better in my condition. There's plenty in this forum about pain and how to deal with it. Maybe I find something I can apply.
    Just want to distract myself now.

  6. #16
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    Just posting this from paradise-on-earth for myself to remember:

    "The most significant thing
    that we want you to focus upon relative to pain,
    is
    that when you are feeling it and focusing upon it,
    it cannot go away.

    And if you
    would… A friend earlier offered a very good word that,
    as you apply it to this,

    we believe it can serve you very powerfully, and that is, as you
    surrender.

    Now,
    it's sort of like relaxing into the pain
    rather than pushing against it,
    rather
    than trying to figure it out or understand it or stop it.
    Just sort of relax and
    go with it.

    In other words, just sort of accept it. Don't tense against it.
    Just
    sort of accept it.
    In most cases it will soften right away as you try to relax
    into it a little bit."


    ~Abraham, Billings, MT, 6/21/03

    Ok, they say I don't need to understand this. But I would like to know, if this experience became like that, because I missed many chances to shift my vibration. Because I made only small steps in accepting my life as it is now and am still battling too much against it. Because I still have times where I run from it all, instead of finding better thoughts. Maybe it's like that. Then, it's something else for me to soothe myself about.

  7. #17
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    Day 9
    Guided Physical-Well-Being-Meditation, Focus Wheel on feeling peacefully and lovingly

    It's a bit easier to stand up today. I watched mostly stuff that made me laugh. And ate a bit more.
    In one of my dreams I was the captain of a ship. The other dreams felt crappy. But that captain-thing was new to me and I like it.

    I read about people having more trouble with their health than me and they figured it out to love themselves and their bodies. To make peace with the conditions they're in.
    I'm just used to feel fear and anger in those situations. I can get used to feel peacefully instead. Peacefully feels like being on the road to feeling love.

    I like that I heard the birds singing this morning and it made me smile. I like that I'm in the mood to do some housework. As long as it feels good.
    My body feels like it feels right now. I can change my thoughts about it. I can feel peace. There's no need to condemn myself. It's just an old belief, that fighting against what-is, would do any good. Look what changes, when I just concentrate on funny stuff. There's still doubt. That's ok. Nothing to worry about or be angry at. It's just like it is. I'm getting used to a new concept that is the opposite of what I was doing most of my life. It's funny to think, that I can change my beliefs like flipping a switch.
    I'm already doing fine! I may still complain a lot, especially while talking to other people. But inbetweeen I remember to make peace with it, to feel better and I distract myself with funny stuff. It's all about the feeling. If I would play a computer game again, I would choose one that definitely feels good and makes me laugh. It's easier to find TV shows and movies. To listen to good music. And to concentrate on the conditions that feel good right now.

  8. #18
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    Day 10
    Process 22
    My stomach feels better. Now I'm dealing with a sore throat. So, here we go again, from anger to soothing myself about it.

    Old thoughts:
    My health sucks. I'll never going to be healthy again. If a part of my body gets healthier, another part of my body breaks down. Despite the times I trained myself to be happy, I still have the same issues. I don't even go to get myself new glasses, because of being afraid my eyesight declined again. I can't go to festivals and concerts because of this.

    Soothing:
    My health is, like it is right now. I already experienced, that it gets better after watching lots of funny TV shows and stuff that makes me laugh. It's good, that my stomach feels better, my eyes feel better. Eating feels better. Standing up is easier. Washing the dishes is easy again. Vacuuming is easy. I'm only starting with making peace with everything. Maybe this is the thing, that finally leads to myself letting in all the health that's waiting for me. And I already had times, when I felt healthier than in all the years before. There's still hope! There's a chance I get this. I can have better feelings. I can think different about all of this!
    Maybe the issues are mostly the same. But they change. They change and that means, they can change to pure health! I know that!
    My eyes get better, when I'm feeling better. And first of all, this means to make peace with everything. To feel more love.
    I can go dancing though. I could have gone to festivals and concerts this year. I know that. Maybe I would have had difficulties with my health. But now, I'm teaching myself to think diferently about it. So let's see what comes up next.



    Old thoughts:
    If I get a job, I have to struggle through health issues and fearing people. Why do I even bother to try to make peace with this?

    Soothing:
    I have found ways to deal with that. And it held some time. As a matter of fact I managed to feel happy despite having to do something that was so annoying, I hated it at first. But I found a way!
    So eventually I fell into the habit of thinking unpleasent thoughts and got ill. But that's why I'm doing this here. That's why making peace with it, is so important. It gives me the ability to feel better. And feeling better means, everything good is possible. Feeling good, while being at work! Feeling good, while being with people. Feeling good, despite health issues and unpleasent thoughts coming up. Feeling love for myself is so much better. I'll rather go this way!



    Old thoughts:
    I need to make pauses, if my health is so bad. But I need to function perfectly in this society. I'm not worthy, if I'm not healthy. And I'll never get a job that I like with those issues. I only stay at home or get boring jobs that aren't even paid well.

    Soothing:
    Apart from me, no one else is judging me. And even if that would be the case, it's not their life! It was ok, to make pauses inbetween cleaning the house. Hell, I was lying in bed most of the time the day before. And I know how it ends fighting against all-that-is-now. I've seen how pain struck people down, while they were trying do get a job and wanted to prove to themselves and the world, that they could function normally. No, that's not how it works! I'm giving this new way of thinking a chance! I don't know, what I would like to work or do in general. And I don't need to know that. I'm glad, I get to the point, where I'm interested in starting to paint again. I don't know, what jobs are out there, that I would love to do. With people I enjoy being with so much, I just can't wait to get to work. Would'nt that be awesome? It's not about efficiency. It's about having fun.
    Or maybe I just win the lottery. I already won the lowest prize! That was a start. I only have to go from dissapointment now to making peace with it. Making peace is the way. Feeling love for myself is the way. However my future unfolds, I know, I want to do something fun. And I love to live my life in abundance.


    My mood is so much better now. Way better than after climbing up the Emotional Scale.

  9. #19
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    Day 11
    Guided physical meditation, Focus Wheel

    My throat is better today and the condition of my stomach let's me be more active, what I appreciate.
    I found some old beliefs, that I want to take a closer look at.
    And after the Focus Wheel I was inspired to look after my balcony door and I somehow repaired it. It closes completely again. And I know a bit more about the functionality of those doors now. Which brought me to another of my strange beliefs, that other people would know it better and woman wouldn't be good at repairing stuff like this. Fun fact is, that my boyfriend didn't get the door repaired. He might know more about the mechanics, but he wasn't in a good mood, when he tried it. I was now and I did it.

    Old thoughts
    I have to please others, do what they like and behave in a good way. What they think is more important, than what I think and want.

    Soothing
    I watched myself being like that. It didn't help anybody, it just made things worse. I don't want to be like that. I want to be happy instead. Because then people automatically like to be with me. And I like myself. It's about feeling good, feeling joyful, having fun. As a child I may have done what I wanted to do. But I thought this would mean to fight against anybody else. It doesn't need to be like this. I know that. What I want and what I like, is most important. It begins with hanging up a poster in my own apartment. Maybe there are people who don't like it or the place where it's now. That's not my concern any more. Because those thoughts don't feel good! It's my apartment. I'm free to do, what I want. I like that poster and I like the place where it is. It has a meaning for me, that most people might not get. And that's totally ok. I like to feel good about that.
    What if I just look after what pleases me? I would feel better, more confident. I would be more healthy. I would wear the clothes I like and feel better about it. I would have fun with that. Yesterday I could have ignored my brooding boyfriend and thought about something I like more.
    I like the way I feel now. More self-confident. Proud of myself. Strong. Happy. Loving myself.
    It's ok, if those old thoughts come up again. I'm on my way to feeling peace and love.


    Old thoughts

    People's opinions are important. They could attack me verbally. So I have to please them.

    Soothing
    I'm not sure, which way to go from here. I still feel the urge to defend myself, if I listen to someone having an opinion I don't like. It's me judging and fighting against others. I get better at reminding myself, that everyone has a reason to think and be like he/she is. I practice to write only answers that feel good. I would like to feel peaceful and love, when I hear opposed opinions or see someone I don't like, because of their behaviour or their clothes.
    It's just my expectation to be attacked. That all people could be mean to me. Why yes, everyone has the potential. Me too. But everyone has an Inner Being of pure love inside them, too. And it's only me, who creates my reality. I decide who I encounter. If I start appreciating what I like about people, I'll get more of it. I can do this, if I feel good about it. No need to rush or force myself to it.
    Even if someone is mean, I have changed. I experienced it before. I knew, when it was time to break all contact. That felt best. And I had help, to make this decision. It still feels like the best option I chose. Yes, I felt anger for a long time. But I'm still practicing. I also feel peaceful.
    So there may be people talking bad about me. Not understanding me. But who does? No one lives my life other than me! I can choose to feel free now. To let them have their opinions. I'll get better at this. Would'nt it be nice, if I just felt love for them? If I remind myself, that everyone can have their opinion, because I have mine. Nothing is right or wrong. The feelings inside me are not about them! They are only about my thoughts!
    It feels like, there's still lot of soothing to do about this topic. It's ok, to stop now. I made some little steps. And that feels good. I have changed! I realize more, what I'm thinking. And I am able to stop those thoughts and change them. I'm on my way!
    I rather like to do something I enjoy now. Just to feel happy. And bathe in that feeling. Sounds good!

  10. #20
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    Day 12
    General Well-Being meditation, 2 Focus Wheels (one on job) and more soothing
    Just got the call, that all is clear for starting the job, I've been waiting for months now. I told them I could start as soon as possible. And yes, I'm ready. I feel the urge to do something. It's all going to be fine. Oh God, this feels so good! For a full year I have a job! Yes, me!!!

    And now I have the ability to soothe myself about everything, that's still causing doubts and fears. For example I was a bit scared talking to my chef to be and was talking rashly and didn't find the right words to say farewell. But that's ok. That's my old me. I'm loving myself. Laughing gently about those old habits. I feel good now. That's what's important. I love it!
    Yesterday I had fun while cooking and preparing dough. It was awesome to do something and be mostly happy about it. And now I'm looking forward to enjoy the sun and warmth.

    And I want new glasses. I would like my eyes to see better. But it's now like it is. Somehow there'll be a way to get those new glasses. Glasses that I like. I like to wear them. And they're long lasting of good quality. My willpower is so strong, I only got side effects from antidepressants, because that's what I believe. I can believe in health, then. I can believe, that my eyesight is going to be better. I'll find a way and go on soothing myself.
    Now it's all about relaxing and being happy about the good news! Yay! I'm the creator of my reality!

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