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Thread: Help with soothing thoughts

  1. #1

    Help with soothing thoughts

    Hello
    I had a BIIIG mental airplane crash today due to a talk with some people about my future dreams, career goals etc. (And Iíve learned my lesson. Donít talk to anyone until the magic has already happened.)
    So Iím trying to soothe the thoughts Iím thinking in opposition to my desire that those lovely people made me aware of thinking. Thanks to everyone who reads through my mental jungle.
    My biggest dream since I was 4 years old was being an actress/singer. But tbh, that got stifled pretty quickly because other people kept telling me Ąthatís not gonna workď or even Ąyouíre too smart to do something like that, youíre wasting your biggest talentď.
    So I kept dreaming, but I didnít believe anymore.
    Now, years after discovering ĄThe Secretď, Bashar and Abe, crashing a thousand times, calling BS, rediscovering and so on, the desire is still there, even if I still donít fully allow myself to want it because I think itís not gonna be possible.


    So here are things I want to soothe:

    • Wanting to become something like that is delusional. No chance. -> Other people have made it. Itís not completely impossible. Also there a a thousand singer/actresses who arenít well known and still make a living out of it.
    • I wonít be able to be like those few. -> This is only my flawed thinking. Even if the chance is infinitesimally small, it IS there. Ruling it out like that is not the rational approach my thought system wants me to believe it is. On top of that, the Abe approach has never let me down. Though I havenít manifested anything completely yet, Iím seeing mayor evidence. Iím getting better. So from an Abe standpoint, I WILL have exactly what I want if I keep shifting my thoughts and reach for better feeling thoughts.
    • I donít have the possibilities I need nor do I live in the right place for people to be Ądiscoveredď or even supported properly. -> Itís clear that I donít yet have possibilities because Iím not a match to it. So basically same answer as above. And if I can get possibilities to do what I want to do or meet the people I need to meet, the place I live in is irrelevant. If I lived in the middle of Hollywood and wouldnít be a match to meeting George Lucas, I wouldnít meet him. If I live in a german small village and I am a match to meeting him, I will.
    • I should be of a greater service to the world than to be in the show business. -> I am of the greatest service I can be to everyone if I do the things I love. Trying to study something I donít want to and being elsewhere with my thoughts and desires all the time will help nobody.
    • Iím not good enough. No one would support someone like me. No one cares what I do. (this is not the talent-site of things. Just my perception that other people find me terrible). -> I have some friends who definitely would support me. Iím just too shy to actually show the things Iím capable of.
    • Iím too shy to actually show the things Iím capable of. Iím not giving it my all. -> I donít have anything to lose. Iím far past rock bottom. I know what it feels like to have literally NO ONE in my life I can trust. I know what itís like to be made fun of, even by people I label Ąbest friendsď. So I can start to sing, dance, act in front of others like I know I can. And even if I would be bad - which I KNOW Iím not - Iím safe. Mockery hasnít killed me before, wonít start doing that now.
    • If I think Iím good, but actually am not, Iíve been deluding myself all the time. Thatís also part why I donít want to show others, I donít think I can judge myself properly. -> So Iím not as sure of my talents as I think I am. Thatís fine. Actually my teachers always state that Iím very good and learn at an incredible speed, even if I donít give it my all. So itís not about other people and how they see me. Itís about how I see myself.
    • I feel Iím bad at the things I want to do (not contradicting the above. Intellectually I KNOW Iím good, even if I doubt Iím good enough, but I FEEL like Iím terrible.) -> My teachers keep telling me Iím good. Iím allowed to classes my teachers THEMSELVES attend. Thereís no need to hide myself. I cannot be bad. Itís possible that Iím not as good as I could be, as Iíd like to be, as I need to be, but Iím young. And Iím good and fast at learning and improving.



    Iím not really sure. Am I being too conditional here? I soothe myself only with statements about the things going on in my life. If thatís not a good approach, how could I do it differently/better?
    Thank you soo much for reading! I'd love to hear suggestions on how to improve

  2. #2
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lessia View Post
    Now, years after discovering ĄThe Secretď, Bashar and Abe, crashing a thousand times, calling BS, rediscovering and so on, the desire is still there, even if I still donít fully allow myself to want it because I think itís not gonna be possible.
    So, how are you going to soothe this last thought? Can you find a thought which still seems true to you yet feels better than that thought? This would be an example of ďfreestyleĒ Abe ďwork.Ē

    Or you can pick your favourite Process and do that on that thought above and all the thoughts that youíve listed below. How would you like to start?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lessia View Post
    Iím not really sure. Am I being too conditional here? I soothe myself only with statements about the things going on in my life. If thatís not a good approach, how could I do it differently/better?
    Iíve just had this conversation this morning with another Forum friend. Thereís a lot of misunderstanding about Abrahamís idea of ďconditional/unconditional.Ē Abraham talk to us about being ďconditionalĒ in the sense that almost all of us are wanting our conditions to change first and then weíll feel better. So, Abraham talk about being ďunconditionalĒ (and, when they do, they usually mention that they are using that word in a very different way than almost every human they know) to point out that we can feel better--right here and right now--without any of our conditions changing first.

    So, if you can find a way (as Iíve invited you above) to find thoughts which still seem true to you yet feel better, then you are being ďunconditionalĒ according to Abrahamís definition.

    Another important piece to this is this idea of ďconditional/unconditionalĒ is a sliver of Abrahamís teachings. IOW, they donít say ďGet Happy...unconditionallyĒ or they donít say ďGet ITV...unconditionally...and thenÖ.Ē They say ďGet Happy,Ē period. They say ďGet in the receptive mode,Ē period. They say ďGet ITV, and thenÖ.Ē If you need to focus on a pleasing condition in order to feel better, youíre still feeling better. Itís the ďbetterĒ that counts, not how you accomplished it. If you need to take a nap to feel better, take your nap. But if you need to change your conditions to change before you will feel better, you donít need to do that and, in this instance, you would be practising a ďconditionalĒ focus.

    So, let's get back to "work." How would you like to proceed?

  3. #3
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Oh, and here's another way, which might get your focusing juices flowing:

    What you would tell a friend, who has come to you and who has shared with you this story and these thoughts, to help them find their own relief?

  4. #4
    Thank you so much for your quick yet thoughtful reply!

    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing View Post
    So, how are you going to soothe this last thought? Can you find a thought which still seems true to you yet feels better than that thought? This would be an example of ďfreestyleĒ Abe ďwork.Ē
    That's what I was trying to do in my OP. You're correct that I left this one piece out, thanks for bringing that to my attention. A better feeling thought would be, similar to my first point, "Other people have made it. Once I believe in it, things will fall into place. But I don't have to believe in it now. I can take it slow, steadily reaching for BTFs."

    Thank you so much for that part about being unconditional! I really needed that

    I love the "Wouldn't it be nice if"- Process and reaching for better feeling thoughts, which is what I was trying to do here. I just feel like I don't really get the hang of it. I can never tell whether it works, because I feel like tripping over the same thoughts over and over again, even if I felt better for a short time.

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing View Post
    Oh, and here's another way, which might get your focusing juices flowing:

    What you would tell a friend, who has come to you and who has shared with you this story and these thoughts, to help them find their own relief?
    Thank you again! This is awesome :3
    I'd tell them to relax. Opportunities come to you, you don't box your way to them. Just do what you can do in the way you are able to right now, and paths will open if you're easy about it. You can't see the bigger picture, you don't know what's going on behind your back. Every day is a day that your life can change and you're gonna stick around here for quite some time. Something great's bound to happen somewhen.

  6. #6
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lessia View Post
    I love the "Wouldn't it be nice if"- Process and reaching for better feeling thoughts, which is what I was trying to do here. I just feel like I don't really get the hang of it. I can never tell whether it works, because I feel like tripping over the same thoughts over and over again, even if I felt better for a short time.
    If you're feeling better in this moment, then it's "working" in this moment. If you're no longer feeling better in this next moment, then you need to reach for a different thought.

    Don't you love how simple it is?

    So, let's poke at this a little bit. I'm going to take what you've written here and you be you and I'll be your friend who's come to you for soothing:
    Quote Originally Posted by Lessia View Post
    I'd tell them to relax.
    Sure. That's easy for you to say. You're not the one who's wanted this since I was 4 years old. You just don't get how much I want it and how long I've been wanting it and how I don't see how I can ever have this thing that I really, really, really want. You know what? If I don't get it, I'm just going to die. There! I've said it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lessia View Post
    Opportunities come to you, you don't box your way to them.
    I don't know. I've seen the movies and the MTV "Behind the Scenes" documentaries. I've seen "Dream Girls" and "Chicago." Every one of them struggled and fought and lost their loves in order to get to where I want to be. I don't think you know what you're talking about.

    Now, I'm not doing this because any of what you've written isn't accurate. What you've written here is very accurate according to these teachings. I played this brief game with you to shine a little light on some other thoughts that you may have been thinking as you've been trying to apply these teachings to this topic for yourself.

    So, when I mentioned above that, when "you're no longer feeling better in this next moment," what may be happening is that you were successful in shifting your thought previously and then you shifted your focus to think one of these "friend-style" thoughts (that I'd offered in our game). So, that's something to be aware of, too.

    Since your intention is to do the "work" (Good for you), I'm going to move your thread over with our other "work" threads in the Practicing the Teachings sub-forum. That's where our coaching types tend to hang out and they'll find your thread more easily there. Keep up the good work.

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing View Post
    If you're feeling better in this moment, then it's "working" in this moment. If you're no longer feeling better in this next moment, then you need to reach for a different thought.

    Don't you love how simple it is?

    I do. But does it work instantaneously? Because I don't feel better for too long. Is it then time to reach for even better-feeling thoughts? I don't want to rush to much or go all HFS about it. Does it take time for my mind to accommodate to those changes and should I give it time to rest?


    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing View Post
    Sure. That's easy for you to say. You're not the one who's wanted this since I was 4 years old. You just don't get how much I want it and how long I've been wanting it and how I don't see how I can ever have this thing that I really, really, really want. You know what? If I don't get it, I'm just going to die. There! I've said it.
    Oh no, waaay to familiar.

    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing View Post
    I don't know. I've seen the movies and the MTV "Behind the Scenes" documentaries. I've seen "Dream Girls" and "Chicago." Every one of them struggled and fought and lost their loves in order to get to where I want to be. I don't think you know what you're talking about.

    Now, I'm not doing this because any of what you've written isn't accurate. What you've written here is very accurate according to these teachings. I played this brief game with you to shine a little light on some other thoughts that you may have been thinking as you've been trying to apply these teachings to this topic for yourself.

    So, when I mentioned above that, when "you're no longer feeling better in this next moment," what may be happening is that you were successful in shifting your thought previously and then you shifted your focus to think one of these "friend-style" thoughts (that I'd offered in our game). So, that's something to be aware of, too.

    Thank you for that. So I don't only need to shift the original thoughts bit by bit, I also need to be aware of other thoughts coming to my mind that I didn't realize I was thinking before.
    I'm repeating myself, but thank you very much. You're clarifying things for me I didn't even know I had a problem with
    So what I would do is:
    Sure. That's easy for you to say. You're not the one who's wanted this since I was 4 years old. You just don't get how much I want it and how long I've been wanting it and how I don't see how I can ever have this thing that I really, really, really want.
    -> That means I have a lot of momentum going on, which is a good thing. No one knows how they're gonna achieve their "big" goals. In fact, Abe teach that that's not even our work. My work is to feel better, which I'm trying to do right now. In fact, I see that it's becoming an automatic reaction. If a thought or a word doesn't feel good when I think it, I replace it for a better feeling one without effort, it just happens. I'm doing good, way better than the last years. I still want it, but it's not anymore that "I'm gonna drop dead right now if I don't get it this minute"-feeling anymore. It's softer. And that doesn't mean I'm losing my connection with it, it's just slowing down the train before picking up momentum in my preferred direction. It's getting better.

    I don't know. I've seen the movies and the MTV "Behind the Scenes" documentaries. I've seen "Dream Girls" and "Chicago." Every one of them struggled and fought and lost their loves in order to get to where I want to be. I don't think you know what you're talking about.
    -> Movies are made to provoke emotion in the viewer. Wouldn't be very interesting to see everything working out for Roxie immediately - I would know, that's the thing I want to do! So it's clear they're exaggerating or just not making movies about people who just wish for it, and then get it without further struggle. So I won't need to give up anything. There are always going to be solutions. Also, I do think WB knows what (s)he's (sorry I don't know ) talking about. I do think Abe know what they're talking about. And they're telling me to feel better regardless of what's going on and things will start to fall in place. So, that's what I'm going to do. And it's fun.

    P.S: I hope I've used the quote function correctly. If not, well, you're aware of it
    P.P.S: Thanks for moving the thread

  8. #8
    Okay, this'll be about my current beef with social media:
    I care waaay to much what other people think. I care waaay to much about the how. I get inspired to do some fun things, mainly on the internet but then get right thrown out of the vortex because I worry about how and if other people will react to it. Result: no one gives two ***** about me or anything I do.

    So now I got that out of my system let me see what I can do about that.
    - I care waaay to much what other people think/about the how. Angry at myself for doing that!!! (anger)-> I have habits of thoughts that make me let other people's perspectives direct the way I feel. That's not inherently bad. That's just a small hindrance and I have the advantage over other people that I'm aware of it and that it doesn't have to be that way. It shouldn't be that way. It's all their fault for indoctrinating me like that!(blame, pheew)
    - I get inspired to do some fun things: IMPROVEMENT!! YAY!!! So awesome I'm not wasting my life anymore!(relief)
    - but then get right thrown out of the vortex because I worry about how and if other people will react to it (disappointment)-> again with the caring.(frustration) Oh well. If they don't appreciate what I'm doing, it's not my fault. Their can of worms. I can only offer what I'm capable of. I can't control them. (overwhelming) And even if that will be forever like that, that'd suck. But hey, not everybody is made to be liked. Maybe that's what I'm gonna deal with forever. If it is, there's no point in fighting against it. (Pessimism)
    - no one gives two ***** about me or anything that I do: Not really surprising based on the vibration I'm offering. But the fact that it's always been that way does NOT mean it's not gonna change. I'm way more connected and way more inspired than I was even a week ago. It is getting better. I CAN make it. I CAN get my thoughts in order. I am the only person that thinks in my head. I am the only one that needs to give a **** about myself. No point in looking to the outside to do that for me. So I need to feel better about myself. Gonna do that off the forum though.

    Whew, that felt good. I also read pleasedtomeetme's post about her blog today. Awesome stuff. May I just say, you're my biggest inspiration for now!

  9. #9
    Hey Lessia, I just came across that last post- thank you! And great work yourself!❤️

  10. #10
    I had a reeeeaaally long reply typed out but I'm not really sure whether it got posted or not. Maybe I'm gonna retype it later today, because it was REALLY full of relief and very soothing and I'd like to be able to reread it.
    For now, thank you, pleasedtomeetme! I'm happy that you saw it, your posts are really helping me a lot and I can soo relate!

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