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Thread: Help with soothing thoughts

  1. #51
    I'm doing fine, better than before. It's not perfect, but it certainly is something. I'm also learning how to take a break. I realize that I can work more and more efficiently if I take breaks more often cause I don't push myself that hard and I have less resistance against working if I know I don't have to work that long. I'm realizing that I can be as I want to be and therefore relax more cause it all takes care of itself if I let it. And it's okay if I still worry about it, that will pass if I keep on feeling better. On the other side, I don't need to be worried and angsty anymore. I can learn to be happy again. Might take some time but the realization that I'm able to do that is already the biggest step. I believe I can be happy again. I believe I can have a fulfilled life. But I also don't have to have one right now. Still learning, still growing.

  2. #52
    soooooothing time.

    Firstly, I feel ready now to really take on my work as an artist (and I'm excited about that). Still, I have many thoughts holding me down and making art an unpleasant topic for me, which is, well, not a good feeling place to be in.

    First block of thoughts: the art itself.
    I'm unsure of what I do. I often don't like the outcome. I'm unsure of how it comes out, of my style, of my skills.
    Soothing: I am new at that, after all. I've held myself apart for so many years cause I've always believed it was stupid and impossible. So yeah, I don't have the practice other people had before they started out. But I might have more than some, also I'm an incredibly fast learner. I'm improving visibly everyday, even if I don't practice. And yeah, it's hard to believe, but it's possible, I've shown myself that. And people who tell me I have to practice a certain amount of hours before being acceptable can kiss a badger. They wanted to help me, maybe they were even jealous and wanted to hold me down but that's their lack of alignment. I can be angry at them if I want, but they don't really matter to my and my life anymore because I can choose different thoughts. Still I'm unsure of myself, but that's okay. Already I am better than a lot of the people I admire when they started out and they didn't hold themselves back from publishing so why should I? I want to try to really finish ONE project and then decide whether to show it to anybody. And I want to have fun doing that, not worrying about the impact it'll have on others.

    Which brings me to the second block of thoughts: my impact (or the lack of it) on people. Cause I want to have one, I'd rather be hated than ignored.

    The way I want to make and publish my art is futile. Anyone who did it before was in a better place because there wasn't a flood of people who were doing it like that.
    Soothing: It definitely is right that there were way less people but still there had to be a lot back then. And it's not reasonable to compare myself right now, when I didn't even start anything, to people who've been at it for years. Of course, today the market is flooding with the kind of art that I want to do, but still, I have my unique style. And maybe no one likes this style, but maybe some do. If I like what I do, someone else's bound to. It will be hard for those people to find me, though. I don't really know how to soothe that. Coming with Abe words of "LoA will assemble like and like" is too far of a leap. Supportive people are hard to find on the internet (if you want to publish your art, not on this forum ), I believe that, maybe soothing that first? And I need to soothe that I don't want to tell anybody of what I want to do. Maybe that will make it easier for me to believe that I can have an impact of some sort. So, I know that it's not necessarily easy to open up to people, especially if it's about something you're unsure about and you don't know whether they like it or not. But all of the few feedback I've gotten was more than positive, even from professionals. I can be more secure about myself and my art cause it is right to pursue something you've dreamt about for years! And even if they don't like it, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's bad in any way, also I can always improve. Everyone has their opinions. It would be great, though, to have somebody who likes it and who believes in me. And to come back to the internet, I've already found people who appreciate another form of art that I practice and have shown themselves super nice and supportive. Even though they were only in for a closed community, they're there. It will be harder on other platforms. Will it? Have I tried? No I didn't. And even if, then it might take longer, but people who exist don't suddenly vanish cause you change the platform you're on. There are nice people out there. I can find them, so they can also find me. I can wait. I can't control it anyway except by making the best art I'm able to.

    I don't think people will accept me or my art because I am new to this.
    ​If everyone had this opinion, there would never be newcomers. We still would be listening to Mozart or Beethoven until we knew every single one of their symphonies by heart. There wouldn't be painters, portraitists, composers today cause art would have been completed hundreds of years ago. So yeah, there are many people who just hang on to fame and public opinion, but there also are those willing to give new things a shot. Some of those might even be other artists at the beginning of their career, that would be fun

    I don't know where to start.
    It's overwhelming here, down at the bottom of a mountain I want to climb, but I don't have to climb up in five minutes (or jump on top of anyone's tall building for that matter). Step by step, stair by stair. It'll be so more enjoyable if I could appreciate every step instead of just wanting to be "up there"! It's not bad where I am now. It's bound to get better. And even if I don't find success, I can still create art for me and my family and friends to enjoy, if I open up to them. That would be fun, too. It feels good to be more relaxed about all of this.

    Alright, I don't feel super excited around that all but definitely good and eager for more

  3. #53
    Also just stumbled upon Summerdream's "How or Why" thread, with the perfect guidance. Made my realize how caught up I was on the how, even while soothing.
    Why do I want to make great art?

    Because I've never felt so tuned in before I started making it. Because it feels great if you accomplish something and then look back and feel so proud because you know it turned out so great. Because I want to feel inspired, because I want to express my feelings. Because I want to feel appreciated and I want to be part of so many brilliant minds that create every day and that bring joy and relief in thousand's people's lives. Because I can totally forget everything when I create.

    Why do I want people to appreciate my art?

    Because it feels great. It feels amazing to have a community that backs you. It feels amazing to always be able to reach out on social networks and make someone happy. It feels amazing to know that other people love your art the way you do. It feels happy, strong and together. I love talking to people, I love just writing silly funny things that make others smile and shake their head about how weird I am. I'm realizing I want to make art, yes, but the community is almost as important to me.

  4. #54
    It's been a while. I didn't feel the inspiration to post here as I was soothing my thoughts mostly when they came up, I didn't have one topic to deliberately "work" on.
    Right now though, I feel anxious/worried about my health. I've had these periods of being afraid of "severe" illnesses without rhyme or reason for a long time...
    To soothe: Even when I didn't know all that stuff here, nothing happened, nothing severe that is. I did manifest some major diseases, even deliberately (aren't I a fantastic creator), but never anything mildly life-threatening or disabling. And it felt different then. Right now, I might be worried about something bad, but I'm nowhere near to actually feeling it. If I reach for relief now, and soothe myself to the point where I can feel healthier, everything's gonna be fine. I'm also worried about food or in general the way of living that I choose and its potential negative influences. But I've already shown myself - especially regarding food - a bazillion times that it only matters as much as I think it does - not even that, actually. I've discovered that "negative" effects only show up if you really really want them to. A little worry or even angst has never triggered anything negative, even though it's soothe worthy of course, but I didn't know that back then. I guess that's what Abe mean when they say Well-Being is abundant, the universe really looks out for you especially with health stuff. So I can let myself off the hook for now, that bit of worry doesn't matter that much if you know that you're guarded. Still, I'm gonna shift it to being overwhelmed or even higher because it feels better.
    It's just too much. Health is such a big topic and you have to look out for so much! And all the do's and don'ts and wills and wont's... and it's also tied to luck... I won't ever really know what'll happen cause I don't have all the knowledge I'd need... It's futile anyway. I can't control it. But I'm young and I'm from a family where most of them are so healthy it's almost ridiculous. So I got literally the best outlook. Even if I can't predict anything, from a scientific standpoint it's impossible that anything can happen to me.

    The other topics I've always been writing about are now bobbing up and down somewhere between frustration and contentment. I'm constantly soothing, finding feeling places (I'm really good at that) and looking for beliefs I might want to change. The thing that's constantly surfacing is my self worth or rather the lack of that.
    To soothe: I know I want really "big" "life changing" things, but that's not objectionable. I may want that, that's okay. And the fulfillment of my desires might in this moment more than what I canallow myself but it's all about those little steps. I'm allowing more today than two weeks ago. It seems more possible and less forced and less "I NEED THIS TO PROVE THEM THAT I CAN AND TO BE ADMIRED AND FEEL WORTHY" every day. Now it'd be completely okay for me to publish my art without anyone noticing or buying. Of course, it would be cool, but I don't need it. And if there are only few people, they might compare my popularity with others but that'd be unfair of them, not something I've done wrong. It's their lack of vision that is causing people to compare or hate. There might even be supporters for all I know. And even if there aren't, I'd have done what I wanted and expressed myself and that's what matters.
    THAT'S what I really want. This being able to express myself and to interact with people that like the same things as I do. Doesn't have to be on a large scale.
    I just want to create and want to find people that resonate with it. But I still don't feel ready for that. That's okay, though. That means I'm not ready and there's more to come. It feels like impatience at the moment.

    Soothing to pessimism or higher:
    It's not likely to come. It's not likely to just be good after all I've been through. So many things already have gone wrong. But they've gone wrong because I didn't line up properly and that's what I'm doing now. And that doesn't mean it has to be all good from the start. I don't need to suddenly be the most renowned artist in the world. I can start small when inspiration comes. I actually have the means and the talent to do it. I'm better off than most when they start out. Let's just see where all of that takes me.

  5. #55
    I feel like no one cares about me. I'm frustrated, overwhelmed. I don't think anything really matters anymore. I keep on shrugging things off, things that others would label as "terrible", and don't really know whether I really don't care or whether it does break something inside of me.
    I know my family cares. Sure, they are not the people that I want to care about me, but it's a start. I've never been someone to draw much attention to me and I'm sick of that. Sick of always leaving the lime light to people far less talented or skilled than I am. I'm angry with them, with me, with my lack of courage. I hate being holed up as I am now. I want to be out of here, to do the things I want to do 24/7. Problem is, I don't even clearly know what I want. Art, yes. But should I keep on studying especially because making something out of that is as far away as ever? No idea. I'm frustrated about that too. I'm stuck and I haven't made one step forward in years.
    I keep on reaching for relief but the moment I feel it, a thousand more things come to my attention that make me feel worse than before. I feel like I'm too far gone to be happy again.

    Could anyone help me soothe that? Those are the things that come up daily, almost every moment. And I can't seem to be able to soothe them to a point where I feel it's okay. Right now I just want to forget I ever had anything I desired.
    Thank you xo

  6. #56
    Hello again
    I was away from here because I had tests, stress and I wanted to take a break from Abe to see how that worked out. I got a lot of great results with the old-fashioned action way spiked with a little bit of custom-made beliefs and now Iím back because I realized that it only did come down to whatever I believed (and as a result of that and the actions I was taking, felt) in every moment.
    Also, I just got the most awesome revelation regarding my art. I was trying so hard to be perfect, to learn everything, to discover everything about what I want to do in order to be able to do it good enough and at the same time I was wondering why I didnít get inspiration, why it felt draining to think about it, why I couldn't get a move on.
    I donít trust that Iím already skilled enough in order to do what I want to do, to make this brilliant art that I want to create, thereby suffocating the inspiration and not trusting the easy way. Because I have realized, EVERY little bit of what I have already created that I could label Ągood enoughď to work farther with or to even release, came when I wasn't thinking of making it. It came with ease, without effort, just suddenly something stuck in my head that I needed to bring to paper. But I donít fully trust that, think that it might be considered childish or amateurish. And why? Because I didnít put the hard, sweat-dripping work in it. But now I am realizing that I am only blocking myself. And later, when I really make a living of it, it shouldn't feel hard or draining- that was the other thing that threw me off, the fear that I Ąhad toď keep on working hard with little results or even increasing the hard work.
    But now Iím sick of that and I feel like this time when I fell back into the Ąmuggle worldď really paid of. Thereís so much evidence everywhere, I feel like I was literally smacked over the head with it every single day.

    The "worst" thing still is this grading, like "am I doing enough", "is what I am doing good enough" etc. But that has always been part of me because I have literally the highest standards when it comes to what I am doing in almost anything. Speaking in grades, I have never been content if I didn't have an A. For the moment, it feels like I need to be gentler to myself and be more enthusiastic about what I am doing.
    I want to soothe all that but Iíve tried that in the past and it never worked out really well because this intention of ĄI NEED TO SOOTHE THAT SO IT GOES AWAYď was driving me to do it, not because I wanted to feel better. So what Iím gonna do now is something that Iíve discovered works way better for me, which is taking all the above-mentioned things I came to understand and letting it sink in without many words, reminding me of all this when I feel like Iím falling back into old thought structures and generally not working too hard on it. Kind of taking the beliefs I have seriously while still molding them to a better place. I feel so much better than before

  7. #57
    I love practicing and seeing the results of releasing resistance almost immediately.
    I love that some old friends of mine share the same dream I do which made it able for us to reconnect.
    I am still jealous because they seem to be more talented/already further ahead than me.
    Everybody runs their own race. BTW, I don't know anybody who is as broadly versed in this field than I am. They are all specialized, I know how to do it all. And I'm doing it, I keep working on it piece by piece, even though I still don't think I'm ready yet to finish something.

    Why not?
    Because I still think I'm not good enough.
    But this gets better day by day. Also, there's no need to hasten. I don't have pressure cause I'm independent. I love being independent! It's such an empowering feeling to be able to do what you want to do. Back to the talent, I do know that I am talented- I used to get high praise throughout my school years for these things. I stifle myself by caring about what others may think or whether its good enough. Quite the paradox
    So I can rest a little bit more easy knowing that others may not see me on top of everything yet, but they already say I'm very good. Imagine what they would say if I could find more and more alignment with my talent and all of this surrounding it! Having this sort of security net, I can let go a bit more. I don't have to control myself all the time, I can let it flow a bit more. It's more fun like that anyway, even if I make mistakes! Don't I do it for the heck of it? I want to remind me more often of that.

    Another thing about independency: I'm worried that I don't reach as much people as I could, if any.
    Some people will always see and listen. My closest friends will, for sure. And for the beginning, that's enough. I have supporters on social media, not many, but some very nice and dedicated. I don't know whether they will follow me on the next step of my journey, but it's good to know that they once had my back and there are people out there interested in my art if they find them. And that's the other part I'm unsure about- but I know now it's more quality than quantity. It helps me to think I'm doing that first and foremost for friends and family. If other people ensue, I'd be overjoyed. But they don't need to.
    This also helps in taking the pressure away to be perfect/good enough. Even if my friends would think I'm silly or not talented- which they probably don't really, but still- they'd be still friends who support me in anything. And if they do think I'm silly or untalented- that's their beer.

    I love inventing new things.
    I love creating the art that I like most.
    Even if it's not that refined yet, sometimes I'm blown away at what I did. It's the most amazing feeling.
    I'm in the greatest mood when I think about a collection of coherent pieces of art of mine that I someday want to make. It's gonna be amazing.
    I ADORE thinking about making art for people with mental health issues. I want to create an uplifting community, in which everyone can help everyone.
    I love showing my friends how far I've come.
    I love speaking to people in general. On the internet even more than in real life.
    I'm even excited for college to start again. It's gonna be a lot and maybe even a bit stressing, but I plan to soothe that somewhen later and I believe I can do this and meet my goals (which I did for this semester, btw- with a way more terrible attitude!! )

    I somehow like this very messy appreciation rant mixed with soothing every time I touch something sensitive. I'm so happy right now!

  8. #58
    I feel better and better with every day. I learn how to deal with lows faster and more efficiently. I feel more relaxed and calm than before. Red hot topics become cooler and cooler, while I still feel weird thinking about them, they don't hurt as much as they used to.
    Recently rediscovered focus wheels for me. Don't know why I didn't use them so much before

    I feel anxious. I feel like I'm not in the right place. I feel like I should be in San Diego while I'm still in Phoenix. I feel not good enough concerning my art.

    I want to feel free, confident, feel inspired to work, to have enough time to work on my art and to study and I want to feel good enough.

    I have improved so much only in the last weeks.
    I am a very very quick learner.
    I never needed as much time studying as other people in order to be at the top of my classes.
    I can manage my time more efficiently.
    I did feel inspired sometimes lately.
    Even if I'm not amazing yet, I'm good enough to post things on the internet and get good feedback.
    The internet has always been nice to me and my art, even if I was anxious.
    I can take this step further even now.
    I can be more confident.
    I can do what I want, I know it's not weird, many people with less practice do this.
    I have such an amazing concept of what I want to do in the near future and absolutely no pressure. I'll take my time with it.

    I don't like the feedback some people give me. It's overall very positive and the only thing they ever say is I need to be more easygoing and confident, that I don't use my full potential. I hear this every single time and I'm fed up with it. I ironically feel like they hold me back, they make me feel self conscious because I don't want any negative feedback.
    Mostly the critics are positive. They're not over the moon, which is what's making me so eager to be better because I want to be amazing, not good.

    I want to feel free of other people's opinion. Also I want to know that I'm really good at what I do. I want to be confident, strong and take criticism without it making me sad. I want to be able to be happy about the praise I get and I want to be able to accept it. And I want to accept where I am now, my skills at this point.

    I am still learning. I'm young and mistakes or running against walls are a part of the process.
    They don't mean it in a bad way.
    They want to help me, not hurt me.
    They do encourage me to keep on doing this.
    I get a lot of praise from various people in various fields, so they can't all try to deceive me
    It'll get easier to believe them.
    And then, the criticism will feel less bad and more of an encouragement to be even better.
    I do have a lot of focus on the small negative side, while there is so much more positive feedback!
    I might actually be an acceptable artist without noticing it.
    I can begin to view myself as a capable human being with various skills and talents I enjoy and work on.
    I can discover my potential. And to do that, I don't need to work harder, I can relax more and ENJOY what I'm doing.
    I am where I am and where I am isn't half bad. Positive feedback is often meant seriously. I don't need to eagerly work on my technique without joy in order to someday be okay, technique will hone itself as I rediscover the joy of creating.

    Also, think of all the technique that's been amassed in my vortex

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