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Thread: Help with soothing thoughts

  1. #11
    Super Moderator Hands in the Clay's Avatar
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    Feb 2010
    The Perfume Vortex of the World, France
    Quote Originally Posted by Lessia View Post
    I had a reeeeaaally long reply typed out but I'm not really sure whether it got posted or not. Maybe I'm gonna retype it later today, because it was REALLY full of relief and very soothing and I'd like to be able to reread it.
    For now, thank you, pleasedtomeetme! I'm happy that you saw it, your posts are really helping me a lot and I can soo relate!
    Lessia, the forum will log you out if you stay in "immobile" typing mode for a long time. To preserve your long posts, I recommend typing them in a separate document, in Word, for example, then copy-pasting your text into the reply space.

  2. #12
    Thanks, Hands in the Clay. Makes sense

    Right now I feel like I really need help. How do you manage NOT thinking about the things you want so desperately? Iím caught up in not being able to let it go and thinking that Iím never gonna be able to do that and being frustrated with myself because as much as I try to soothe myself, I canít seem to stay in a better feeling place for too long. Distracting myself doesnít work either, as that has a ton of momentum and Iím basically surrounded with it.
    I try to shift my story from ĄIím stuck hereď into something like ĄIím taking a breather and preparing myself for something betterď but as soon as Iíve made this shift, I plummet down again. And my habits of self-doubt donít help either. I really do believe in Abeís teachings, but something in my mind doesnít seem to accept them. Maybe itíd be too easy? Even though Iíve been showing myself over the past years that it can be hard as hell.

    I also feel like Iím striving for attention/approval. Now with my backstory, that is very understandable, but it does not really help me nor does it feel good. But thereís a fine line there. How can I differ between wanting people to hear/see what Iím creating and striving for approval? Oh wait, I think I know it: by the way I feel? But I canít really trust myself. My mind is a bit dazzled and I canít really know whether Iím lying to myself or not. And if I want to find out, Iím just getting frustrated because itís like talking to a very very smart three year old. Stubborn, knows exactly what it wants (thatís why I canít let go) but clever enough to lie about itís intentions.
    I also want to stress that while I really want to feel better and have made that my #1 goal, this part of me that Ive just talked about clings desperately to my desires. Iím so annoyed about that. Itís gotten to a point where Iíd be more happy to be rid of that part than actually achieving what I want.
    I havenít made peace with my mind yet. Thatís probably the problem but I canít see how Iíd be able to do that.
    Well, Iím off to take steps in that direction off forum. If anyone has advice/help/pointers, itíd be so much appreciated. I donít seem to understand how I can work with my mind instead of against it.

  3. #13
    Feeling awesome. I'm happier right now than I ever remember myself being. If something negative shows up, I'm soothing myself until it's not as bad anymore or even good. I still have problems with my "stuff" because I keep thinking thoughts of lack regarding the things that I want - even if it's something really really tiny just because I make a mental effort to align with that.
    So I need to relax more. Trust more. Make peace with where I am. If it never comes, it's actually fine for me right now. I don't have any obligation to the stuff I want. I feel better thinking that than thinking "it will come". Probably too much of a gap there. I also catch myself thinking "If I make peace now, it will come" which doesn't really feel good. I still want to force things. But that's okay, I have learned to go about things like that for a long long time and I can practice other habits if I want (and I do!!), but that will take time. It's all good.

    And again (I know I repeat myself), thank you so much, pleasedtomeetme. You really helped me out a lot.

  4. #14
    Oh and I almost forgot while I was lamenting about how I had "problems" with stuff (hahaha) I actually have manifested so much already but that felt so super normal to me that I didn't give it a second thought!
    For example I've been lining up with food more and more and with every day, my body looks thinner and healthier. And as soon as I dropped my steady focus on a person I really like and really wanted to talk with, we began talking, first only a few words, but the more I relax and the less I cared it got more. And the fact that sometimes I manage to speak to people normally now (especially people I like), without feeling weird or having to feign normalcy because of my social anxieties is mindblowing to me in retrospect but felt completely normal in the moment.
    Guys this is AWESOME

  5. #15

    Good for you, Lessia!!!

  6. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by pleasedtomeetme View Post

    Good for you, Lessia!!!

    Thank you!

  7. #17
    Sooooo, things have been good. I've been ridding myself more and more of my forced actions and thoughts. Though a lot of them are still there, it's getting easier and easier to diffuse them and do what I want to do instead of having to do something I have bad momentum about. I even had enough concentration to READ A BOOK yesterday, which is a thing that I've not been able to do for two years or so! And if you had known me before those really bad years, you'd know that books are my one true love. That was so super relieving, it's hard to find words <3
    On the other fronts, my life's been stagnating a bit. Like, I really want to work, but something's keeping me from it (and I don't mean the Abe work. That I'm trying do do as best as I can whenever something negative bobs up or when I feel like feeling better which is like all the time haha). I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe it's that I doubt that it's good enough to be described as work? That I think that I'm not gonna be able to do something worthy of displaying to the world, so better not start in the first place? Or that I think that I've not been processing enough with my Abe work to yield results that will please me and that will be able to entertain others?
    I'm afraid of jumping into action before I have the energy lined up. And I'm not sure whether it's lined up or not. I feel confused.
    It definitely has something to do with my not being good enough. So let's soothe that.

    I believe that Source has my back. I have to remind myself that I'm being guided every step on the way. So I CANNOT make "mistakes" even if I'm not lined up enough. Anyway, it's not like it's a competition in who's lined up the most. I don't have to be perfect, not in doing Abe work, not in being lined up, not in doing "real" work. And I don't have any pressure of achieving anything RIGHT NOW. I can stall and stagnate all I want until I feel comfortable enough with myself and the things that have been bothering me and THEN jump right in it. I'll know when to take action. Actually I feel the inspiration right now rising up inside of me. I think I still feel confused because I hype the vortex and lined up action way to much, like as if a divine voice should suddenly appear and tell me exactly what it is that I need to do haha So I can relax about that more. And I don't need to take that much score whether I feel good or not, because if I do that, a need for results rises within me that doesn't feel good and that screws up my vibration and manifestation.
    I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to be perfect to anyone. That takes so much pressure off me.

  8. #18
    I overlooked a piece of resistance that's really important. I feel I don't have anything of value to display to the world. I feel I'm always gonna be worse than all those talented artists out there.
    Soothe: Right now I don't have the proper means to work like they do. They have a team of people behind them. I'm all alone in that regard. Still, people won't care or know about that. But I'm just starting out. I just feel like I won't be able to get a basic community behind me that is necessary to be successful in what I want to do. But I'd still be able to do it, like, as a hobby, even if no one cared. That'd would be embarrassing and I'd always be reminded of my failure. People around me won't even know and I could always stop if I really think it was a failure. It would be a shame to not even try though. If I post my stuff on the internet, the probability of meeting the people that watch it is soooo small and the probability of them knowing me from RL is basically nonexistent. I have nothing to loose. BTW, I've decided to join this forum, which I had similar concerns about. This is nothing that I want to keep thinking. I want to stop hiding myself. I want to put my art out there, even if no one cares. Cause I'm worthy of expressing myself, as is everyone else.

  9. #19
    I want something to happen. I want something to happen so badly. Yet at the same time I feel like I'm not ready to release the stuff I've been working on, partly because I'm afraid of jumping into action, partly because I feel like I need more to follow up on that. I know that's yearning and it doesn't feel good.

    I never had a wish like that fulfilled. But maybe this time...? Yesterday someone told me she believes in me and that she sees something special in me. Talent, she called it, and determination. This felt good to hear, but I need to remember that I don't depend on what others think. That is kinda hard, especially if you want to be an artist... I just don't seem to get how you can line up with being successful without caring what others think. But that's okay too. I just have the feeling that if I release my stuff now, no one will care which will make me feel bad. At the same time, I want stuff to happen, so I'm torn apart.

    Realization time: I think if people don't care or don't like what I'm doing, I will feel bad. At the same time, I feel bad even just thinking about releasing it, cause I know (why do I know that? That is just my thought that comes true...) people won't care. Now I know that my thoughts create my reality and that doesn't seem to be a pleasing reality that I'm preparing there. Also I've read in so many threads WB's great statement that nothing "makes us feel". It's just me having a knee-jerk response to conditions, the proof of that being my feeling bad BEFORE anything "bad" happens".But that also proves I would be able to feel good if "bad" things happen. So either way, even if all these teachings were just a nice philosophy, it IS all in my head.
    To soothe: Okay. What if people don't care. I still would be able to go after my passion at the scale that I'm doing it NOW. That is WAY more than other people are able to. I can be happy doing what I want now. And the thought of the future is what's keeping me apart from enjoying it now. That is rubbish, you see, I could be enjoying what I do now SOOO much but I give that up because I feel like I'm working towards a future I would enjoy more but I have the feeling that it will never come! What a hell of a paradox!! I really feel as if I'd been blind. What was I thinking? I have so much to feel good about! I have all the opportunities in the world, I can do what I want but I've been tainting this freedom and this privilege with the need to control what will happen to me later on! And that's why I wasn't sure whether my passion really is my passion because it was so tangled with efforting! But it could be. It could be all so easy. It could be soooo fun!
    This is HUGE. I'm gonna need to think about that one. I don't feel as if I've completely internalized that and its repercussions yet so all of you feel free to give me a virtual slap if I ever seem to forget about that again.

  10. #20
    I don't care anymore. It's not a good kind of not caring though. I just can't go on like this any more. I'm fed up of all the things I once wished. I don't really think of them as desires any more. I don't know what I want any more. It's like a relationship that's gone so wrong that you can't even bother to talk to each other again but aren't hurt about it cause you just know there's no avail in it.
    It reminded me of what I think I heard them say once: desires are life force summoned
    through you.
    Right now I don't feel like there's any life force left in me. I don't know whether that's just the momentum slowing down in order to turn in the other direction or I've given up on the things I want because I don't think I have a chance and because it's too burdening to carry around all of my baggage that comes with them- I don't think I could ever turn that around either. It's just too much.

    Something just clicked in me though. Maybe it IS a good thing I don't care anymore even if it is like "I won't get it anyway". Maybe I can finally feel better and freer (more free? do I even english?) and do the work without one eye on the manifestation even if beliefs and my "baggage" then prevent me from having it in the end even if I feel good and do the work.
    I feel like settling for less. But that's better than being in this windmill of "I need to do something", "I need to make something happen", "I need to feel better".

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