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Thread: Help with soothing thoughts

  1. #21
    Feeling generally good. Stuff is moving, had some really big manifestations (positive as well as negative, but all understandable because of the thoughts that I had )
    I still have a lot of resistance towards other people. Like what do they think of me? What if they don't like my art? Why is everyone around me so closed off and doesn't want to do anything?

    Soothing: What they think of me is in their head and logically speaking I don't have to be influenced by that. Also, I'm very good at reading negative signs even if they aren't there and overlooking positive ones. So I have a warped view of what others might think of me and a not very uplifting one at that. It's more than possible that I beat myself up over things that aren't even a problem for the person that I use to beat myself up with. I want people to like me, that's understandable. But I can't make them. I don't have control over their emotions. So bending myself and my character till I break is not only bad for me, but it couldn't ever work. And people will never know me for who I really am if I continue to act like I do. There's maybe a little danger in being yourself, because being rejected for who you really are is way more hurtful than being rejected for a role you play, but the price that I pay for playing this role is too high. I can take that danger because even if most people would hate me if I am being myself I have already met a lot in earlier years that do. So I can find people like that again, it's not impossible. I don't have to be alone just cause I'm myself. And if I am myself, others around me have more reason to be themselves, too. If I close myself off, how can I blame others for doing exactly that same thing?

    If they don't like what I do, that has nothing to do with me. If they judge me about it, that is about their alignment. I don't have anything to do with that. And of course I want to be successful with it. Every artist wants that, it's normal and it also contains the desire to do that full time. And I know you need other people in order to be successful. I don't know how though. At the moment, it feels best to do what I do for myself and to not tell anyone about it. But I'm aware that's probably because I'm afraid for other people to see it - or to not see it. And I think if I don't change my thinking about that I will never release anything. But then again, maybe it really is inspiration and I should wait until a good opportunity rolls along?

    Soothing "I'm afraid for other people to see it - or to not see it.": At the end of the day, I do what I do because I'm having a blast doing it. It may be a bit overridden by all those hindering thoughts but it's there. So if I continue soothing those thoughts I eventually will work at it ONLY because it feels good doing it and not for others, not because I need an escape, not because I need a career of sorts. And when I am able to do that, I don't need other people's approval. I can be free of all sorts of judgements then. Then it's only me and my art.
    I don't need a career right now. I've barely begun to study. That also comes with a lot of resistance
    cause if I'm back at uni, I won't have nearly as much time for myself, my abe work and my art work... I'm afraid that I'll not be able to manage it and that I neglect either my studies, my art or myself or all three...
    Soothing: It's not that bad. Others manage it too and I've chosen a path that is very suitable for my skills so I don't need to invest as much time as others. I'm gonna have less time for "myself", but that is a good thing because what I really meant there are my compulsive disorders. I still am in the process of soothing them off forum, they're quite the challenge but that's ok, they are getting better. And if I'm able to leave them behind I know I probably could do two majors, my art and a part time job somewhere cause that's the type of person I am. So no need to worry, I'm gonna get the hang of that.
    Last edited by Lessia; 09-25-2016 at 05:22 AM. Reason: I'm a type of person, not a tape.

  2. #22
    Right now I feel... I don't really know, to be honest. Frustration, maybe, or boredom. It's a sort of hazy, blurry feeling which again makes me question my desires. If someone asked me now whether I want something, I'd probably say no, that's how unattached I feel from myself and the things that I wanted even yesterday. It's like "what does it matter anyways".
    But I realize that there's a great power in that. With that detached stance, I'm able to focus more unconditionally towards the essence of my desire (PoE, you hear me? )! For the first time in a long time, I actually feel fun if I think about the things that I wanted for so long. Being on a stage, performing, acting, singing... It's not tied to how's and why's and ever's anymore - at least up until now, when I started thinking about how to write that - but hey, at least I know how it's done now! I don't feel compelled by my wishes, it's more like "that's sooooo cool!" "think more about that, it feels so good!", I don't really want to think "what if that happened", because that feels a little too stretchy and daring right now.

    I also don't know what triggered it. Maybe it's because I had a breakthrough with food - which I'm working on off forum - which made me feel relaxed about that topic for the first time in years. That's it. The thing is, I'M NOT BEING JUDGED BY THE ACTIONS I'M OFFERING. That was my main issue about that. LoA responds to VIBRATION. It's never been so clear to me before. Of course, that's why it's easier now to focus on the essence! It's cause I'm not striving that much anymore. I understand this essence thing on a better level now.


  3. #23
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    I thought maybe youd like this quotes, also! (and I just LOVE your humor )
    Last edited by Lessia; 3 Days Ago at 12:22 PM. Reason: I'm a type of person, not a tape.
    Abraham quotes that are Soothing




  4. #24
    Quote Originally Posted by paradise-on-earth View Post
    I thought maybe youd like this quotes, also! (and I just LOVE your humor )


    Abraham quotes that are Soothing




    Thank you, always with the right quotes at hand!
    And glad you enjoy my silly remarks

  5. #25
    Today was the first day that I ever "got" beyond contentment in a topic close to my heart. And it was so scary that I plummeted right down again But I managed to get back to there again and again. It's really a life changer, to be able to leave the bad feelings and cross the line to the really good ones when you haven't done that for so long. I couldn't do it before because I thought contentment was the best of things available for me, and also because I was scared of triggering that downfall I described.
    But even if I fell down, it made me realize that I can do it. I can feel good. Better than my former contentment-good. I can feel inspired. This is huge because even yesterday, I didn't think there could be something like that for me. It's like suddenly waking up in another world, another body, another mind, even if it looks the same. And the tales are true, the better you feel, the less you care about anything else.
    Now, I'm aware that I'm still only scratching at the surface of all these obscure "good feelings" but still, I'm surprised at how things can be turned around. I'm starting to get it not on a "I read the books and ask the people here" (even though I wouldn't want to miss that), but on a "I'm doing it and so far it's working and more astonishing than I've ever thought" basis.
    Thank you.

  6. #26
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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  7. #27
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Allow me to highlight the key phrase in that post:
    Quote Originally Posted by Lessia View Post
    But I managed to get back to there again and again.
    "I did that!... And I did it deliberately and consciously, because it was something that I wanted for myself...."

    Good for you, you deliberate creator, you.

  8. #28
    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing View Post
    Allow me to highlight the key phrase in that post:

    "I did that!... And I did it deliberately and consciously, because it was something that I wanted for myself...."

    Good for you, you deliberate creator, you.

    Haha oh WB, why did I know you'd like that

    But I agree, it was the best-feeling sentence in that whole post. So empowering.


    And thank you so much for celebrating with me, PoE!

  9. #29
    Soothing time! Badly needed!

    I feel like there's no worth in even trying. I'm not gonna make it anyhow. I lack the skills, I lack the confidence, I lack the charisma, I lack everything I need in order to do what I want to do.

    I think (I'm not entirely sure) that that's around pessimism/boredom.

    To soothe:
    If I don't wanna try now, it's fine. I have plenty of time. No need to press myself at all. I still have the feeling of not being entirely sure whether this is what I want to do and I keep pressing myself to finally "commit" to it or not. Like as in everything or nothing. But that doesn't need to be, especially not in the beginning. I can take my time, also to built up my skills.
    Regarding the confidence and the charisma, I keep telling myself the story that I am not suited for the spotlight, which is something I definitely picked up the way because I can remember performing as a child, solo and with others, and being confidence incarnated, having the time of my life, not thinking about what anyone might think of me. And back then, my skills were definitely worse than they are now and I didn't give a rip.
    I want to tell another story. I don't need to be perfect. I'm still learning and everyone can understand that. I can make mistakes, I can mess up, but that's alright. I can always move on and come back better. I can make progress. I can be better today then I was yesterday. That's huge, cause I felt stuck for so long.
    And I WANT to be on stage. I want to do that. And I want to feel good while I'm there. I want to show what I can.

    Oh that's it. I think I'm not allowed to show what I can. I've always been (well before I crashed so badly) the kind of person that's just good at everything. It even took something out of me to write that because I feel like I'm bragging. But I'm not cause it's just the truth. I don't feel like I'm better than other people because of that, because that's nonsense. But I did have many people in my experience who envied me and therefore bullied me pretty harshly.
    Since then I always had the feeling that I needed to hide myself.

    To soothe:
    I am good at many things, that's the way it is. And there are many people who want me to succeed at everything that I want. I know them, I can name them. And all the others, from today, from before, who envied me, just responded according to their EGS. They were jealous, it had nothing to do with me. I just thought so, that's why it brought me down that much. Regarding that hiding, that's a habit I can observe in my day to day life. I can show a little more of myself. I don't need to mask my feelings, myself, whatever. And I can be good at things without feeling uneasy. I deserve to be good at some things, even if they're small or insignificant to me. And I deserve to be good at things close to my heart.


    I also think that I'm doing some exercises wrong, so let's soothe that while we're at it.
    Even if I'm in the wrong, it doesn't mean I can learn how it's done in the right way. In fact, regarding that specific topic, I had a breakthrough today and even if it feels a little weird while rehearsing, cause I've trained myself differently for a long time, I could feel that it's better for me.


    WOW THAT FELT GOOOOOOD


    Now to the fun part: the manifestations that I attracted! The reason that all was so loud in my face and I needed to soothe that so badly is that I HAVE ATTRACTED TWO OPPORTUNITIES TO PERFORM WITH OTHERS!! It's all very small and between friends and a kind of "everyone shows their talent" thing, but I feel soooo great about that

    Thank you!

  10. #30
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lessia View Post
    Now to the fun part:!
    Quote Originally Posted by Lessia View Post
    WOW THAT FELT GOOOOOOD !
    Fixed that for you. (You had your priorities turned around.)

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