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Thread: My Journey of Life, Love, and Motherhood

  1. #191
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    I so enjoy "sharing" your experiences!

    And thank you- I am really looking for a wonderful Mothers day tomorrow, too.
    Today I felt so inspired to call my oldest, and we talked for 1 hr at least... then he laughed and said that he planned to phone me tomorrow, but now we will not have anything to speak about. Iīm not concerned about this at all! We ALWAYS find so much to talk... My youngest son wanted to come for a visit so much, but he couldnīt because of work. My middle-son will get some significant piece for his car-restauration, but in the evening he will be back and together with my daughter and her tiny family, we will have a very special and fancy BBQ al fresco, in our place.
    I even bought ingrediences for a pink cotton-candy-champagne-cocktail, which I never tried before and I guess it will be pretty sweet, but I NEED to try it!!


    I SO LOVE the wonderful close relationships I have with my kids! So meaningful and happy and funny... And, to be true, quite the opposite of what me and DH experienced with our parents. Our contrast MADE our desire for-, and our willingness to line up with such a happy family so intensely. I bless this contrast, today!




    (thatīs us about 12 years ago)


    I wish you SO MUCH joy with your fotosession! What a significant picture it will be for you in a few years. The time where you turned your life around to paradise on earth!

  2. #192
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    winner! Exact post X! Wishing you SUCH a good and meaningful mothers day, as well!

    (while I loved every single day of my kids being small and needing diapers, I LOVE that diapers are now gone completely, from my experience)

  3. #193
    Thank you both (POE & Winner) and everyone else who has been sending their loving energy to me! The photoshoot with my friend and her children was A LOT of fun (in the beginning )

    . Her children love my son so much and they are always using her as the messenger to me to ask if they can babysit. Even on a school night haha. She has two 16 year old boy and girl twins, and 11 year old son, and a 10 year old daughter. She is actually in the middle of going through a divorce but she is the most ITV divorcee I've ever seen lol. So I love going around to hang out if my workload isn't too heavy. We are classmates so we usually end up studying together while the kids play.

    About an hour after the photoshoot, me and the oldest son began playing a basketball game on his xbox. I grew up a tomboy so he didn't know I had skills, but I still lost hahahaha. It's been about 5 years since I've played that particular basketball game but I get so ITV every single time someone challenges me to a game. And then they never believe I can play because I'm a girl lol. And then my son's toddler tendencies started to set in and he was touching/knocking over/throwing everything IN THEIR house, so he was definitely no longer aligned with being there lol.

    I have one itsy-bitsy-tiny "issue" I'm having trouble aligning with. As you know from my previous post, me and O are currently in court for child suport/custody related stuff. Our court date isn't for another few weeks and I've become perfectly aligned with taking care of my son until then all by myself as I've already been doing. However, I'm not sure or comfortable on what to do with this time in the interim between now and our official court date. O is constantly begging (harassing) me for pictures of our son and is always trying to find out which weekend he can come take/visit the baby for the weekend and he will stay in a hotel instead of my place like he used to when we were together. I'm just uncomfortable with the whole situation because I don't have an "official" court order stating that he would need to return our son to me at a certain time and I'm afraid he won't bring him back period. Like what do I do? If I don't send him pictures, he begins telling me how selfish blah blah blah I am. If I don't allow him to visit, he tells everyone I'm alienatingnhom from his son (even though he disappeared on us).

    Sorry for the unwanted, just aligning with a solution to one of my "kinks" (problems). The "best life version" of me is loving, sends O pictures willingly, doesn't argue or fight for my rights because I know that I am perfect the way I am.... But the current smiling joy, the one with the whole, wants him nowhere around. I'm working on it guys

  4. #194
    By the way POE, I LOVE your family photo! Your such a beautiful woman and I can see the happiness that beams from your eyes. Your children are so lucky to have you. You look like you were meant to be a mother! And a mother that everyone would want!

  5. #195
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    awww thank you, Smiling Joy! happy mothers day!
    I see you, loosing up on your issue, and finding perfectly feeling solutions.

    We would never feel bad about anything, if we didnīt feel the "gap" between a beautiful DONE solution calling us, and us- being focused away from it, and so, not going.

    have fun in the allowing it all in! RELAX into it!

  6. #196
    Dearest POE, hope your Mothers Day was totally fabulous! You have such a gorgeous family!!! My Mothers Day was truly filled with warmth and delight. So blessed!

    Quote Originally Posted by paradise-on-earth View Post
    winner! Exact post X! Wishing you SUCH a good and meaningful mothers day, as well!

    (while I loved every single day of my kids being small and needing diapers, I LOVE that diapers are now gone completely, from my experience)

  7. #197
    Dear IB Smiling Joy, I'm happy you had a fun Mother's Day!!!

    About your "its-bitsy-tiny issue," I find that sometimes aligning with the legal action works wonders with relief. For example, you could align with finding the legal solution and then search online for it. You would then find legal solutions that resonate with you on the "issue" and take aligned action based on that.

    So, first soothe your fears and worries about the topic by reminding yourself that your son is a powerful IB in physical body and well being is the only stream that flows, etc. Then talk to your IB about guiding you to an aligned action that feels good to you. Then do the online search on the topic and look for positive legal solutions that resonate with you.

    This may or may not be the path of most allowance for you. Just remember that you have an IB and plenty of NPFs (that include the IBs of O and your son, etc) eager to smooth things and help you walk the easy, joyful path on this.




    Quote Originally Posted by smiling joy View Post
    Thank you both (POE & Winner) and everyone else who has been sending their loving energy to me! The photoshoot with my friend and her children was A LOT of fun (in the beginning )

    . Her children love my son so much and they are always using her as the messenger to me to ask if they can babysit. Even on a school night haha. She has two 16 year old boy and girl twins, and 11 year old son, and a 10 year old daughter. She is actually in the middle of going through a divorce but she is the most ITV divorcee I've ever seen lol. So I love going around to hang out if my workload isn't too heavy. We are classmates so we usually end up studying together while the kids play.

    About an hour after the photoshoot, me and the oldest son began playing a basketball game on his xbox. I grew up a tomboy so he didn't know I had skills, but I still lost hahahaha. It's been about 5 years since I've played that particular basketball game but I get so ITV every single time someone challenges me to a game. And then they never believe I can play because I'm a girl lol. And then my son's toddler tendencies started to set in and he was touching/knocking over/throwing everything IN THEIR house, so he was definitely no longer aligned with being there lol.

    I have one itsy-bitsy-tiny "issue" I'm having trouble aligning with. As you know from my previous post, me and O are currently in court for child suport/custody related stuff. Our court date isn't for another few weeks and I've become perfectly aligned with taking care of my son until then all by myself as I've already been doing. However, I'm not sure or comfortable on what to do with this time in the interim between now and our official court date. O is constantly begging (harassing) me for pictures of our son and is always trying to find out which weekend he can come take/visit the baby for the weekend and he will stay in a hotel instead of my place like he used to when we were together. I'm just uncomfortable with the whole situation because I don't have an "official" court order stating that he would need to return our son to me at a certain time and I'm afraid he won't bring him back period. Like what do I do? If I don't send him pictures, he begins telling me how selfish blah blah blah I am. If I don't allow him to visit, he tells everyone I'm alienatingnhom from his son (even though he disappeared on us).

    Sorry for the unwanted, just aligning with a solution to one of my "kinks" (problems). The "best life version" of me is loving, sends O pictures willingly, doesn't argue or fight for my rights because I know that I am perfect the way I am.... But the current smiling joy, the one with the whole, wants him nowhere around. I'm working on it guys

  8. #198
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    Thank you Winner, SO appeciated!
    Mine was wonderful
    And I really love hearing from your happiness!

    I just donīt want to hijack SMīs wonderful practice-thread with exchanging of our experiences, that must distract from her work and focus.
    The Playroomīs threads are much more appropriate for that.

    And if someone wants to come for dedicated appreciation and rambling about our daily lives, I welcome them fullheartedly to my "Bliss-thread"
    Being in Bliss. My greatest treasure of all: KNOWING that it is always right.

    (...or of course on any other of my rampage-threads)

    MUCH love to you!

  9. #199
    IM BACK YOU GUYS!

    I had to step back from the forum for a little bit to re-reconnect with myself and strongly pivot on some of my limiting beliefs, also it was finals week, so my exams were leaving me with little sleep lol. But I am so so so proud to announce that I passed all of my exams and I finally made it to the last year of my program! 363 days until I become Dr. Smiling Joy!

    I love having tangible goals such as graduation because it gives me an end goal to focus on knowing that Im getting closer and closer. When I think about certain dates or time periods, ex: graduation or my move out date, I find it easier to put my mind on the end goal knowing that on this specific date, my "result" will come. And then I think about my goals like JOY, and I dont have a specific end date or graduation date for "JOY" but I know I am still working towards it day by day as I progress up the scale.


    OH YES! Ok so Mother's Day was quite beautiful! The biggest thing that I can remember is that I felt so so at peace with who I was that day. And I say that because my Mother's Day last year felt awful because of the way that I viewed myself and thinking I wasnt an "actual" mother due to being unmarried. What a bogus thought! This year, Im still a mother, Im still unmarried, Im still enjoying my journey, Im still as wonderful and pure as my IB shows me that I am, I am still connected to source, and I am still a deliberate creator that can enjoy my journey with as much joy (or sadness) as I choose. And I choose JOY every single time. Oh and my photoshoot with my classmate produced the beautiful pictures. I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE creating memories.

    One thing that Ive noticed, amongst myself is that sometimes I get caught up in "doing" Abe to get a certain result or response. And that is exactly what I found myself doing. Everyday I was working up the scale in hopes that one day, my sons father, would have a "change of heart" and come crawling back to me apologizing for breaking up our family and leaving me, etc....All of these unneccessary false beliefs and ugly thoughts that were holding my cork under water. And one night a few days ago, I finally asked myself, how did I get here?? Why oh why would I put my wonderful life on hold because of someone else?? How come I "had to" stop in my tracks and put my happiness on hold, while he got to live his life?? None of it made any sense why I was stalling on MY happiness because I was waiting for him. And then I finally STOPPED!


    And it was the biggest breath of fresh air I could have ever taken! Finally realizing that I could take MY happiness back and move up the scale just for myself and not for anyone else, felt like the biggest relief I could have ever found. And omg, Ive been sleeping like a QUEEN since I came to that realization. Literally sleeping through the night. OH OH how could I forget to mention, even the baby, the same baby that was previously waking every 2 hours has been sleeping 5-6 hours STRAIGHT through the night since I have discovered MY OWN INDEPENDENT HAPPINESS. Ive been taking some very big steps emotionally these last few days and I could initially feel the resistance in fighting against my old beliefs, but the truth is, the old beliefs no longer serve the new me. The new smiling joy that I am becoming. Those old beliefs manifested the contrast that brought me to this part of my journey. And now my new beliefs will accompany me along the "remainder" of my journey.

    Ive been seeing A LOT of driftwood lately letting me know that what I want is on its way as I align with it piece by piece. Now that I remember, so my IB husband is a man who is a surgeon. I admire surgeons so much. My heart just rings for someone who can build someones body back together after it has been damaged or when it needs to be repaired. And I know I am getting closer because the last guy I dated was a Doctor of Pharmacy, the current guy who is trying to court me is a pediatric doctor, sooo... Im getting close. Its honestly not that important to me haha, but I will laugh sooooo hard if the universe just happens to send a surgeon my way. Ultimately, the man that loves me, respects me, wants to build a family with me, makes my heart sing, etc, is the man I would like to be my husband. Not just a man because he is a surgeon, but I know the Universe is handling the how's.


    Ok how did I get back to talking about men again. Its all about me! Ive also been learning a lot more to just be at PEACE. Peace with and in every aspect of my life, particularly the co-parenting aspect of my life. Millions of people around the world co-parent everyday with ease, millions of single unwed mothers find love and get married everyday with ease, millions of people around the world are HAPPY despite "perfect" circumstances... why should MY life be any different? Am I not a gem like everyone else? I AM. So Ive taken POE's advice and the advice of many of my good LOA friends and I have been nicer and more kind to my son's father. I used to knee-jerk react to every text he would send me and tear him down and remind him of how terrible of a person/father he was and one day I just stopped. Just stopped in my tracks. What result will I get from it? Nothing of good outcome.

    Afterall, If all of my desires already have a "DONE" label on them and they are already in my vortex waiting for ME, as opposed to me waiting for them, why cant I dance my way to my desires?? Instead of fighting tooth and nail to get to the same outcome. As Abe always says (paraphrased), you cant have a happy ending to a journey that had unhappy steps. Or something along those lines. I cant remember the words lol. Please feel free to correct me so I can write down the right phrase in my journal.

    Also, Im still in the process of lining up with my dream apartment. Im finding some close ones here and there but definitely have not found the HELL YES apartment yet. Its coming : )

    Its great to be back

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