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Thread: My Journey of Life, Love, and Motherhood

  1. #21
    Hiiiii Wellbeing and POE!!

    I didnt think anyone actually read the practicing the teaching threads so I didnt think my title change request would be seen/heard lol... but of course, Ask and It Is Given . I will definitely PM one of the moderators once I get a "feel" for my perfect new thread title but my old one definitely doesnt fit or feel good anymore. Progress is beautiful.

    I've been having small mental changes here and there. Just basking in my small creations and I'm finding myself so much more excited to be me. The me now, and the me in the "future". When I woke up this morning, I was actually OTV because my son still doesnt sleep through the night and this has been going on since his birth. As a matter of fact, he wakes up (for food?) at least 3x a night and I have to get up very early in the morning to get ready for class and drop him off for daycare, so more times than not, Im usually waking up pretty grumpy because my sleep has been interrupted so many times due to tending to him so many times in the middle of the night.

    Well, I wanted today to be different. So once he woke me up again, crying, for the last time before I could possibly get up by my own alarm, I just laid in bed for a little bit and decided what and how I wanted my morning to go and how I didnt HAVE to be upset just because he woke me up early. It was only by choice that I CHOSE to be upset that I didnt get enough sleep because I was already "trained" that not getting enough sleep= bad day. WELL NOT TODAY!! So I started up the radio on my phone, got the hottest shower water ready, and began to PARTYYYY. I told myself today was going to be a great day and something great will come to me. I dont know what it is, but whatever happens, Im going to ENJOY this day. Sleepy or not.

  2. #22
    Sooooooo I took my 2nd oncology exam last week and although I passed it, I had just barely passed it, which meant that I would have to perform extremely well on the following 3rd exam in order to get off the cliff of "barely passing" and be able to pass the class without holding my breath.

    Well when I checked my grade for the 2nd exam last week, it was a 72 . I also received a 72 on the 1st exam, which meant that I would have to receive an 80+ on my 3rd exam to be sure that I was in the clear. I stressed/worried/ talked to the peanut gallery about my worries for a day or 2, and then I remembered I HAVE CONTROL OVER ALL OF THIS. I'll be okay whatever the result is. SO fast forward to today, when I was determined that something good would happen to me today, I rechecked my grade this morning and the professor changed my exam 2 grade from a 72 to an 85!! Yay!! There must have been some questions on the exam that were graded wrong, I dont know and I dont care, I FELT better and a beautiful unexpected manifestation flowed right my way! Who knows when the grade was actually changed but today I was open to receiving it.

  3. #23
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Elfengarten, Germany

    So glad with you, for ALL this beautiful successes!

    Desire in the absence of resistance
    accomplishes what humans wanna call miracles.
    We wanna call it desire,
    in the absence of resistance!

    Phoenix, Dec. 2013

  4. #24
    Thank you POE!

    I almost found myself thinking by default again this morning when I woke up and began replaying the "old story" and old routine of blaming someone/something for my limitations, and then I stopped myself and said NOPE, I am a deliberate creator and began to look at the wanted side of the stick.

    I really really appreciate/admire the way my brother treats his girlfriend like a queen. Then something funny happened lol. I was telling myself I would really enjoy dating a guy who had characteristics like my brother. He treats her very respectfully, they go on trips, he texts her "Good Morning Queen" every morning, he has her contact saved under "My Queen", he calls her everyday and text her everyday. I just really really love the way he treats her and I love adding all of those qualities and rockets of desire to my vortex. Well funny enough, after I finished day dreaming about these relationship qualities, 2 random guys wanting to court/date me sent me messages on facebook and they literally looked very very similar to my brother. As far as being bald, having facial hair, etc. It was really weird because the guys that were my type in the past, like O, have a COMPLETELY different set of genetics.

    Speaking of relationships, is it really possible to draw ALL of the qualities from a person in a relationship that I would want.

    What I want in a relationship/ Wouldnt it be nice?
    - Wouldn't it be nice if my boyfriend sent me "good morning beautiful" text messages everyday
    - Wouldn't it be nice if my boyfriend and I traveled together?
    - Wouldn't it be nice if my boyfriend became my husband?
    -Wouldn't it be nice if he was a wonderful wonderful father to my son and our future children?
    - Wouldn't it be if we were both respectful and nice to each other?
    - Wouldn't it be nice if he just called me throughout the day to check on me?
    - Wouldn't it be nice if we posted pictures of each other on facebook and instagram and publicly displayed our love for each other?
    - Wouldn't it be nice if he proposed in this grandoise gesture and I broke out into tears of joy?
    - Wouldn't it be nice if my vortex relationship wasnt not even that far away. What if I encountered it tomorrow? or next week? or even next year when I graduate? And then I could have a surprise engagement party at my graduation party like my cousin did??

    Whoo! I didnt think that would feel that good but I feel really really good. Thanks everyone!

    Oh and I just found out that I passed my class! Yay me!

  5. #25
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Quote Originally Posted by smiling joy View Post
    Speaking of relationships, is it really possible to draw ALL of the qualities from a person in a relationship that I would want.
    Not only is it possible but it's "necessary," if you want the relationship to grow and to joyfully continue, because your list of ALL of the qualities keeps being updated. (BTW, this is true of all manifestations. Your house, your job, your baby, etc.)

    So, rather than ask us for our answer, because you've read the quotes from Abraham just as much as the rest of us, why don't you list all your reasons for your talking yourself out of this thing that you want? And then do your "work" on those reasons.

  6. #26
    Ok so update on those Facebook guys... both of them got blocked. Like they were both extremely rude. I don't remember launching any rockets for any rude guys but anyways, I will happily be single than to have to deal with either of those two. One of them flat out told me he doesn't talk to women with children, he doesn't have time, they don't fit into his schedule. That lead to automatically blocking him. I respect myself entirely too much for anyone to talk to me like that.

    specifically negative
    I thought the universe was lining me up with some potential new mates but that was a blow
    I set off rockets for men who were respectful and nice, those 2 guys were absolutely terrible
    Im sure I'll be fine just as I am, I'm not lonely. I'm not looking for male companionship out of desperation
    Ugh I'm just disgusted that both of them turned out to be bad experiences and the 3rd one didn't even consider replying to my message
    Am I giving off some type of desperate vibe because they approached me

    generally negative

    those guys were trash
    I'm glad they didn't fit my criteria, I would have never given them a chance in real life
    Pretty sure I'm done dating or even considering African Men
    I wouldn't even consider either of those men potential step fathers to my son, and moreso not even a boyfriend. Yuck

    generally positive
    I'm glad the universe gave me this opportunity to fine tune what I'm looking for in a relationship
    There is so much love out there to be given and received
    My son is such a beautiful addition to who I am as a person
    I can feel my vortex growing with the refinement of each person that enters/leaves my life

    specifically positive
    I remember going through this "rejection" stage a few months before I met O
    I had gone on so many bad dates that I thought all hope was lost for me at 22 years old lmao.
    Then I handed over my singleness to the universe, threw in the towel, and went on about my happy life. I was really really happy and single and loving it
    Then I met O and we were so perfect for each other
    I"ll take these "rejections" with stride because I know so so so much better is coming
    Lets enjoy the journey smiling joy!

  7. #27
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Elfengarten, Germany
    a little input:
    It works better when you set your intentions, and also your going-general mostly in EMOTIONAL words,
    descriptive emotional adjectives or emotionally loaden words as "trusting, relaxing, beautiful, delightful, easy"....

    Go mostly for the emotional essence, and for the action-journey or stuff only when that REALLY feels good.
    That soothes deeper, faster, and brings more poignantly wanted results.

    Otherwise you might end up with a mean jerk who calls you "Queen"...

    "Itīs no mind game. Itīs an EMOTIONAL game."


  8. #28
    Once again your words are like a HUGE sense of relief to me POE! everytime I re-read them, even on my old posts, I'm like duh, of course that's what I wanted to do, how come I didn't take that route first! Emotions first, feelings first! ( note to self )

    on another note, I'm tired of "working" on relationships. I'm ready to move my mind to other things. I'll be moving back to the big city in August (I've been going to school in a very small town for the last 4 years) so now the school administrators are allowing me to move to a bigger city in Texas that's much closer to my family! Yay me! My immediate family will still be 4 hours away but it's much better than the 7 hours away they have been from me these last few years. And also, there will be much greater job opportunities, more malls, more parks for the baby, more opportunities for friends

    The apartment I've been staying in for the last 1.5 years has been great size wise and especially cost wise. I would like to get something fancier and possibly even a town house for my exact cost of rent right now but whenever I ask someone in the peanut gallery of places to stay that are in my price range, they laugh and cannot even finish the conversation. Basically implying that my type of prices don't exist in the big city and I should expect my rent to double. (If not triple). But I'm an Aber, and I KNOW the universe can line up the perfect apartment for me in the perfect price

  9. #29
    wouldn't it be nice
    wouldn't it be nice if I could find an apartment for less than $900 a month that had everything that I was looking for

    wouldnt it be nice if I had my own washer and dryer in this new apartment

    wouldn't it be nice if I was no more than 30 minutes driving from my school or rotation site

    wouldnt it be nice if I had stairs!!

    wouldnt it be nice if I could find a two bedroom so my mom could come visit and still stay within my price range!!

    ORRRRR wouldn't it be nice if I could find the perfect 1bd house to rent and then the baby could have his own play room!

    Wouldnt it be nice if i I found a great six figure job after graduation and I didn't have to move again. And then I would begin my new life and find new love in Dallas!

    yay all of this makes me sooo excited to type out!

  10. #30
    As I wake up this morning, the day after daylight savings, I've had a little bit of extra time to sit with my thoughts this morning after the baby woke me up for the 15th time during the night (Aber mom's/dad's: if you have any solutions for getting a 16 month old to sleep THROUGH the night, PLEASE leave your advice for me lol) but as I was saying, I've had time to sit with my thoughts. It took quite some time but I've finally come to a state of acceptance and made peace with my "situation". I was really really angry/hateful/enraged towards my son's father the first year of his life and the pregnancy because he was just so unhelpful and I blamed him for everything, even things that didn't have to do with him, I still blamed him lol. If I was missing a shoe, I mentally blamed him, if someone wasn't around to help me take out the trash, I blamed him. It's funny now looking back at. But as I've had the last year and a half to work up the scale, I've been able to work up the scale, very very incrementally, and bring myself to a feeling of inner peace, which is worth a million dollars!

    There are still days where I slip up and blame him for not helping out as he "should" when he chooses to go hang out with his friends but I've learned to let him be. Consequently, he has begun helping out a lot more without my initiative and I think he enjoys my company a lot more too (especially when I'm not sending condescending messages his way lol). I'm just so so so proud of myself for coming this far. I didn't know I was capable of doing it on my own, and raising a baby, and going to pharmacy school, and being sooo close to graduation. I honestly want to cry tears of joy. I've come so far.

    Things are by nowhere near perfect but I'm enjoying the journey much more than I was a year ago. Good job smiling joy

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