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Thread: Releasing my shame about my baby

  1. #31
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    Aber mom's/dad's: if you have any solutions for getting a 16 month old to sleep THROUGH the night, PLEASE leave your advice for me
    This helps SO much to just relax:
    Have a family-bed. It was absolutely the Path of least Resistance for me and DH!
    We had all our 4 kids with us, from birth until they desired on their own to be "big" and have their own bed, or a bed together with a sibling in close age. No nightly tragedies, no crying, never any running around or even arguing or fighting- just all of us feeling dear, close and cozy. And this also allowed the kids to grow up and become ready to be on their own far away from the parents, in their unique, organic way.
    For our sexual privacy, we had an extra place in the guest-room. Also, for sure, our kids didnīt get "spoiled" in any way by this! Completely to the contrary, they became so stable, social and confident.

    But really, FEEL what ever feels as relief or even really joyful for you, here and now- and leave out what anybody else- as me or society, thinks about it.


    Big kudos once more. I think you are doing so good!

  2. #32
    Hi POE!! Everytime I get a notification that you responded to one of my threads, it makes me so happy. I guess I'm just very receptive to your answers lol.

    The baby actually still sleeps in bed with me. I've been meaning to move him to his own room since he was about 5 months old but he is still a baby to me haha, I don't know if he can be by himself just yet. Will he ever stop being a baby? Lol. But there seriously hasn't been a single day where he hasn't woken up in the middle of the night for more milk. I feed him more solids now before he goes to sleep to try hold him over, I even segment intended sleeping through the night without waking up sleep walking to get milk from the fridge, but his vibration to wake up a few tims must be more dominant than mine lol. And he doesn't stop crying until he gets his bottle, I really don't get it.

  3. #33
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by smiling joy View Post
    Hi POE!! Everytime I get a notification that you responded to one of my threads, it makes me so happy. I guess I'm just very receptive to your answers lol.
    awwww... What a beautiful compliment! So appreciated!

    The baby actually still sleeps in bed with me. I've been meaning to move him to his own room since he was about 5 months old but he is still a baby to me haha, I don't know if he can be by himself just yet. Will he ever stop being a baby? Lol.
    Certainly And, isnīt that a wonderful excuse to enjoy the time while he still is a baby to the fullest, and relax into this closeness that you have now- as long as it really feels loveliest, easiest, joyfullest?
    But there seriously hasn't been a single day where he hasn't woken up in the middle of the night for more milk. I feed him more solids now before he goes to sleep to try hold him over, I even segment intended sleeping through the night without waking up sleep walking to get milk from the fridge, but his vibration to wake up a few tims must be more dominant than mine lol.
    two things... first, trust that he is wise. And also, that he gets you.

    Second: Just relax, and once more, take the path of least resistance!
    If its taking the action and getting more milk for him- so be it.
    If itīs laying low and just soothing himself (and yourself as well) and NOT take action- so be it!
    You choose what feels better, right now. And then, again. Donīt make it about hard rules, feel it out in each new situation.
    He will not starve in the night.
    Or: You will not suffer really much by getting the milk.

    Just choose, what feels better, easier, more sweet- or less hard.

    And he doesn't stop crying until he gets his bottle, I really don't get it.
    Lets phrase that a bit differently: He doesnīt stop crying until he feels lined up! Itīs maybe not your job to "make him happy" with milk.
    But you can help him mightily in soothing your OWN discord aka splitness, making any decision- and then lining up with it.

    As animals, small kids are not very willing to cover up their frustration when they are with those who have split energy. I guess he is MUCH more reacting to your unhappy expectations, than to his own hunger. Start to expect things being differently.
    Start telling a new story- in the day, not in the middle of the night when things already went south.

    Start imagining the two of you happily sleeping all night, and looking at each other happy and loving, by waking up refreshed and peaceful.

    YOU get to choose it all! Stop reacting to the negative momentum that both of you trained!
    Set a new, much more joyful tone, and TRAIN it, until it is "normal".


  4. #34
    I've taken the last few days to internalize what POE wrote in response to my last post and I just want to say it's all starting to make sense now. She really emphasized my unhappy expectations of being woken up by my son multiple times during the night and as much as I want to say that I "wished" that he would successfully sleep through the night, I know KNOW that my underlying vibration was already in expectation going into the night ready for him to wake up every 2 hours and already expecting me to wake up half alive/barely energized from having such a crazy sleep schedule. And of course, that's what I have been experiencing the last 16 months. No sleep and waking up feeling like I never went to sleep to begin with.

    I had a lot of split energy on expecting him to sleep through the night so as of yesterday, I changed my focus to how I wanted to wake up. Even if I had to get a bottle of milk and soothe the baby 2,000 times (or so it seems) a night. I knew I wanted to wake up energized, my eyes wide open, and excited to take on the day. And not even quantum leaping all the way to happy, but I just wanted to wake up feeling "awake" and not that dreadful feeling of not getting enough sleep.

    Well... **insert drumroll**.. there was success! When I woke up this morning, I woke up feeling refreshed and ready to enjoy my day. And the "weird" thing is, I don't remember the baby waking up multiple times in the middle of the night. I know he did because there was an empty bottle sitting on my dresser in the morning when I woke up, so I know he did drink at least one bottle throughout the night, but I (guess) since my focus was no longer on the feeling of dread waking up to his cries to drag my feet to the fridge at 2am, 4am, and 6am, then I just don't remember it. All I remember is waking up feeling refreshed and awake.

  5. #35
    Now that I'm on the topic of success stories lol, I want to soothe myself on some unwanted contrast that I experienced yesterday and move myself towards another success story today. At the beginning of January, I took my son to the ER (emergency room) at hospital because he had the flu. He was very very sick and his pediatrician is always giving me a hassle for bringing in walk-in/unscheduled appointments. At least the women at the reception desk do :/ ok so within the last 2 weeks, I have received 3 seperate bills in relation to the ONE hospital visit. All charging for the same thing but from 3 different institutions/labs and it doesn't make ANY sense because I should only receive ONE bill from ONE hospital. Not 3 different bills totaling over $3000 just for the flu.

    Ok enough of the action/old story/unwanted

    I want to tell the story of how I will go up to the hospitals business department today and be greeted by a friendly employee who will walk me through the process of why I received so many bills. I also want her to tell me that I was triple billed by mistake and the actually price of my son's emergency from visit is only 1/4th of what I thought the actual bill was going to be. I always run into friendly people wherever I go anyways, so this should be easy peezy

  6. #36
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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  7. #37
    Update: so my son's hospital wasn't a mistake like I hoped lol, but they did offer to give me a 25% discount if I paid the whole balance off at once. $400 still did not feel like the path of least resistance to me so I'm looking for other options to ask the hospital on how to reduce the bill. My son's dad (O) is already taking care of the first $900 bill, and even though he can afford the second and third bill, it's not my intention to just run him dry just to give all his money to the hospitals outrageous ER bills. However, I did run into. Very very very nice receptionist and she made the process a lot easier for me.

    Its been a few weeks since I've written about where I am on the EGS, and I wanted to take this time to write where I truly felt I was. Today, I'm at boredom. Boredom with "trying" to manifest a change in my relationship with O. Boredom in replaying the fight/argument between me and O's sister from almost a month ago, bored with even some of the rocess to manifest a change, I just want it to come natural

    BOREDOM

    I'm so bored of my current circumstances
    Im so bored of replaying the argument with N in my head. I hate that I lost my friend, but I'm happy that I learned to stand up for myself
    I'm bored of visualizing O treating me like how I would want my vortex relationship to be. Can't it just come natural without me hoping he would become my "Prince Charming" for a lack of better words
    Im bored of checking my account everytime I want to make a big purchase that I feel would be something to treat myself. I want to treat myself without fear of going over my balance.
    Im bored of being an only parent. I would love for Cameron to have a father figure that lives with us and raises him consistently on a daily basis.
    Im bored of only taking trips with myself, I would love a companion, a male companion, who would love to embark on life's adventures with me
    Im bored of waking up to no text messages like the "Good morning Queen" text messages that's i would like
    Im bored of going to class every day. Can I just graduate already?
    It just all seems so boring and I'm ready for a change. A big big change.

  8. #38
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    A big big change.
    It IS a big thing that is not only ahead of you- but since long you are right in the middle of itīs unfolding!

    Itīs allowing the "tipping point" from looking at life from OOTV (feeling need, being a victim, not having what you want...)
    -to looking from ITV (feeling appreciation- even for the contrast, because it is what makes you clear and sets you in power to create what you want instead, being in charge as you acknowledge your freedom to choose your thoughts, your focus and your actions... and HAVING what you want more and more and always at least vibrationally!)

    Thatīs the "quantum shift" the world is talking about. We will get there globally in tiny steps, as more and more people are "awakening" to their power- as you do, in their daily normal life, day by day more.

    I so love seeing this un-conditional light-ness, worthiness, ease, beauty and love becoming bigger and bigger for you as you unfold- itīs so tangible.


    The tipping point is so much closer
    than anyone of you knows,
    because itīs a rare one of you, who is willing to stay
    SATISFIED long enough,
    to let your thought turn to a thing.


    2016-11-12 in Dallas

  9. #39
    Thanks for the WONDERFUL feedback POE!! When I received the email notification with your response this morning, it put me in such a great mood (especially since the baby spent all night kicking me even after I re-positioned him numerous times lol). And all day, I just kept thinking about the "tipping point". It literally echoed in my mind that something BIG, or life changing, or monumental was about to happen. I took my son to the park and we basked in the sun and played on the swings and went grocery shopping. It really was a wonderful day.

    I had a really violent nightmare 2 days ago which was completely the opposite of my normal good/neutral dreams, so I looked up the meaning of this dream and it was exactly as you said, that something new/big was about to occur in my life. I usually dont devote myself to dream meanings or horoscopes or things like that, but this time it kind of clicked. So yea, im not really sure what the big change is but I will enjoy the journey on my way to it.

    Another thing that you said POE that really resonates with me is that I am truly learning to APPRECIATE the contrast. A year ago I woke up angry, resentful, cold in demeanor, and I had a genuine hatred for O and his sister. I truly felt like motherhood was a burden, I argued with O daily on his failure to take care of his family, and I resented my son to a certain degree. but NOW, that life is behind me. I havent argued with O in over a month, I love and genuinely enjoy every moment me and my son get to wake up together, and Im very happy that I got another chance to finish pursuing my degree.

    I wont say that I spend most of my days completely ITV, actually there are still some very "weak" moments that I am shifting, but I can say that a wedding ring no longer determines my self- worth. I'll be 27 this year and I honestly dont know if I'll ever get my dream wedding and my vortex husband, but I do know that I have shot SO SO many rockets of desire into my vortex that I no longer have to push against it. I dont have to argue for my limitations or force O into giving me what I want. He's not my path of least resistance and he definitely is not the venue to receiving everything that I want

    Whew, feels good to get that off my chest.

  10. #40
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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