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Thread: Allowing The Money In as an Aritst and Creative Person

  1. #21

    Smile Day 128: More truths

    Contacting the business school, telling them I wanted to withdraw, they replied asking me to spend more time thinking about it before making a final decision. I was extremely resistant because I just wanted this shit to end, and not be bothered with trying to find a way to make payments and all that jazz.

    After I got into bed to take a nap I decided to just try to ponder the questions they gave me to think about. I wasn't resistant to trying and I figured why not? So I visualized and called in one of my guides to talk to about this which often helps me get clear on what is really going on with myself.

    It was weird, my guide was understanding of the situation but also probed me through more questions that I already had all that I needed. As in, I didn't need to try to make a ton of money out the gate and jump through all these hoops. The things that I really wanted to buy with all the money, I already did buy in some way (in a much smaller scale), but I never really let myself feel that was enough, I always needed more and to prove myself. I was talking with her and I told her that I was really scared, and it wasn't even the fear that I would stress myself out again trying to find a client. But fear that things would work out. I would have the money. The real fear wasn't so much failure but the fear that when I have that money, it'll be taken away. It felt like I wasn't allowed to have but so much money at one time and even more so making a lot of it at one time.

    My guide reassured me that the school isn't trying to force anything on me, only trying to reap money from me and that I don't have to do everything all at once to make this work. In fact, I know that was the main reason why my experience has been so horrible, because I felt pressure to be able to pay the next payment and wanted to have that money on time. My guide also mentioned that the school is willing to work with me as it is now and that I don't have to try again in hopes that I get what I want, but just for the sake of trying and giving myself a chance to succeed. Which was true, I just deemed myself as a failure and left it at that, even though I had the practical problem of not having the money. I didn't want to go through that pain again because I went through it many times and it hurts. A part of me didn't know how to mend my own feelings, not feel stressed out with my circumstances but also feel excited to continue. It was so much better to just cut my loses. Honestly I would like to prove to MYSELF that I can do it, EVEN IF I CAN'T CONTINUE.

    My guide really empathized that it's not about the outcome but more about believing in myself and to give myself that chance with the time I do have left. That I enrolled for a reason and it is something that I wanted. To be honest, I would love for this to work out (not on the money subject but on a personal one) and I know my deep fears are running the show. I want to push pass my boundaries and what I think is possible for me and try, I did it many times and I know I can do it again.

    My guide also mentioned that I can do things my way, that I'm not locked in going through this class only doing what is suggested which was a relief. Before I could ask, my guide gave me the three steps I can take just to jump start and try this again. The first one being what I'm doing now, processing and untangling my deep fears about having a lot of money because I know that is what is running the show and nothing else. The second one was to do what I wanted to do anyway. If I want to start selling to people, posting blogs or whatever, just do it anyway. Lastly was to contact people for a free short session and then upsale to a longer one for an affordable price. It's not the huge amounts that I first trying to do but it will help me make the next payment and get practice.

    I feel good about it even though I was skeptical and cautious at first. It's a much better plan than just withdrawing outright which I already know is the reason why a lot of my desires wasn't able to manifest. I let my own feelings about what I didn't want, my fears take over which I responded with withdrawing from the path, only to start over again.

    When my desires did manifest it happened because instead of withdrawing I faced and processed what was really going on in my emotions and stayed focused on the result I wanted. I can't say I was doing the same with this, I was simply observing and responding to it than staying true to my vision. But at least I know now.

    I honestly don't know how this is going to work, or if it will but it was the same way with all my other big desires. There was no logical reason why it would work but I marched ahead anyway knowing that the universe was going to open the doors because that is just how my life worked. It happened many, many times even in the face of intense fear. This is no different and I feel like I faced my own fear about something I always wanted.

    I want to list some truths about this subject:

    I was able to succeed even before I knew this course existed, that is the basis why I was able to attract it in the first place.

    I was born to succeed in this, it's only natural, no one is born to not succeed or not be completely taken care of.

    The path to this is already laid out for me.

    The people that will have the money is already here as we speak.

    I never have to be perfect or do things perfectly to get what I want.

    All of the universe is with me and supporting me on this path.

    All of my friends and family wants me to succeed.

    I guided so many people in what they wanted already, this is just an extension of that.

    I have a whole group of ladies that are supportive to me and on the same path as me.

    SO MANY PEOPLE did what I did and came out on top.

    I can trust my guidance always.

    There is no set way of life I need to go down or up hold, it's all my choice, so I don't have to think I'm pushing against the grain just because the mass of people on the planet didn't choose the path I chose.

    Everything happens in divine timing. (I know this came from my guide)

    I create my own reality, whatever it is that I want, I can get, period.

    I was meant to have a lot of money.

    There is no person or force that will take the money that I have away from me.

    I never have to fear that I have no control over my money.

    I have complete control over money, there is no one controlling my wealth.

    I can appreciate the money I do have now.

    I can praise money for being with me now.

    I never have to be perfect in this journey, that's not required.

    I can follow my heart and intuition on this path.

    I already have the answers.

    Once I do it, I can do it again.

    Life goes on once I get what I want so I can stop pressuring myself to succeed.

    Having a lot of money does feel good.

    I don't have to spend all the money I get once I have it.

    I gotten large sums of money before, and things were fine.

    I can help people through putting myself out there, they are not looking perfectionists.

    I'm truly okay and my life is good.

    I can take this one step at a time.

    I have a plan and damn good one!

    The path is always there for me, I'm never off it.

    This can work.

    I do damn good energy work when it comes to money so a lot of work has been done already.

    Trying is enough, I don't have to hit it on the head.

    I can trust that everything is going to be okay.

    I DO HAVE the time to focus on this as I wanted too, so that is a huge relief.

    I DON'T HAVE TO KNOW how the money is going to come to be relaxed and at ease with this.

    I feel guided to stop here.

    Thank you so much, itís more than enough!

    Much Love,

    Kai <3

  2. #22

    Thumbs up Day 129: i can do it

    This morning, I was still thinking about what happened yesterday and the thought of really putting myself out there and commit to trying. But I noticed that I don't want to commit, I don't want to commit to this and possibly not get what I want. The possibly of failing freaks me out so much that I don't want to risk it. I don't want to try not knowing if I can succeed or not. That is what stopping me, not knowing if I can succeed, me not committing, me not allowing myself to be in the feeling place of knowing this is mine and that no matter what I will get what I want.

    I keep thinking about the short term within the course but my whole life isn't in the course. Even if I decide to leave, I'll still have to put myself out there and possibly fail, I just don't want to make a fool of myself in the course. Or in front of other people. The fact that I currently don't have the money to continue as I thought I would made me feel inferior and infantile, which makes me want to run away from it all. I know that my circumstance has nothing to do to with who I am or if I can succeed, but the thought of people judging me because of my circumstance makes me want to withdraw and not try.

    Okay, so I got down to my real fears and feelings about this... There is nothing or anyone that can truly block my path in this but me. I have the power to move forward in this and get what I want even if there are bumps in the road, even if I don't get the sale the first, second or third time. Iow, the outcome shouldn't take away the whole journey. Because no matter what, I really can do this I just need to move forward even when I face contrast.

    I feel guided to stop here.

    Thank you so much, itís more than enough!

    Much Love,

    Kai <3

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