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Thread: Mum made her transition yesterday and I feel so sad

  1. #11
    lemon-up's Avatar
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    Daydream Believer , aber's are allowed to grieve and it's so ok to grieve the passing of your mom, it's ok to miss her even tho you know croaking is normal.

    Esther had to go thru it with Jerry , you are not alone

    Just go with it and enjoy the sobbing for the relief it brings. Do not give yourself rules about when it should stop or when you should move forward. That will happen naturally in possibly a few months more or less..... no time limits.

    Also, your sobbing doesn't mean you aren't glad that she is free, frisky and NP> It means that you miss her, and of course you do.

    this is your time to not suppress your feelings , it is respectful to yourself to grieve in your own way.

  2. #12
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Daydream_Believer View Post
    I love all of these replies they really make sense to me! Today I've felt my resistance, I've got angry at myself for crying (again) because it's boring time consuming and there are lots of other things I could be doing.
    Thatīs not a helpful or true perception. Here is what Abe say about crying:

    Crying is always releasing resistance,
    every single time.

    -Abraham Hicks


    from this quote-collection:
    Abe about what tears mean

    I so want to second the replies of the others, that there is nothing that would be wrong here.
    Itīs so crucial to deal in a FRIENDLY, respectfully with what "is", for you.
    Soothing is the name of the game- ALWAYS, and in this case especially!
    You donīt do that in clubbing yourself over the head.
    There is no agenda you would need to accomplish, other than ALLOWING yourself to be where you are-
    and to ALLOW yourself to move through it in the time that it takes for you.

    As lemon said, itīs simply respectful, and loving, to not push yourself.

  3. #13
    songbird's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Daydream_Believer View Post
    I love all of these replies they really make sense to me! Today I've felt my resistance, I've got angry at myself for crying (again) because it's boring time consuming and there are lots of other things I could be doing.

    I feel afraid today of my emotions, I feel afraid I'll never move through this process so again I felt my resistance. My chest hurts and I have felt sick since she transitioned again resistance?

    It makes sense to me that if I stopped pushing against these feelings I will feel better however I seem to somehow have decided that going with the flow means fully feeling my grief which scares me.

    I know enough to know that this is not true so without sounding like I'm not listening how do I now stop resisting?
    YES, i understand what you are saying.
    Your right, fully feeling it CAN feel scarey, to begin with.
    But you will not be feeling it all at once, you will simply be feeling what you are READY to feel at the time.
    Your right it would be scarey to feel it all at once.

    Maybe there needs to be already some steadiness in the mind to be able to be wholly present with the sadness as it comes up.
    But when you are ready, in your own dear time, you will find that being PRESENT with your sadness, will help a great deal. When it comes up, sometimes we do not have a "choice" as to whether we feel it or not, because we ARE feeling it. But we can choose to be as present as we can be with the sensations of the emotions as they move through us.

    Be easy about it. Let things unfold naturally.
    Make peace with where you are.
    Whereever you are.


    Maybe what has happened is that in our responses, we have added to your resistance, because you now think that you should be "doing" something in a certain way. But everyone is different, and my experience may not be your experience. And as abe say, words dont teach, only life experience.

    If where you are is resisting, that is perfectly okay. Make peace with where you are.

    Abraham say that when we are in a negative thought, if we can stop fighting it and accept where we are, then it loosens up a little bit.

    Hope some of this helps.

  4. #14
    Thank you, your replies have made me feel better I know it's 'normal' to cry etc I think that if there is no death and I know mum is in a much better place free from struggle illness and pain why do I feel so sad?

    If I know that actually my relationship with my mum will be much much more now why can't I stop feeling so hurt?

    It seems I just can't make peace with where I am because where I want to be is over there in a much better place able to continue my relationship with my mum.

    If there is no death (which I completely believe) why must I feel so broken, if I know I can still have a relationship with mum why can't I skip the sadness and move into the place where I can tap into mum?

    Just feels so unjust to feel so horrible when all of me knows that she's only shed the physical and it's entirely possible for us to continue to communicate just in a different way!

    Think I've made these points over and over sorry! I just feel annoyed that I've been catapulted into a club I didn't ask to enter.



  5. #15
    songbird's Avatar
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    Remember how you feel is your emotional guidance.

    No feeling is good or bad.

    It is guidance.

    And that guidance is relative to where you are now.

    What feels better and what feels worse, is only relative to where you are now, vibrationally.

    It is all about PERSPECTIVE.

    And how our thoughts match, or not, those of our inner being, right now.

    To feel better, we need to reach for that BROADER perspective.
    To feel better, we need to see the BIGGER picture.
    TO feel better, we need to close the gap within ourselves.

    And that is well and good....BUT it is very Normal to have a strong KNEE jerk reaction to conditions such as the one your experiencing now. Most of us are not 100% consistently in alignment, all the time in our every day lives, and so this would throw most people out into the bushes.

    Your being too hard on yourself.

    Be easier on yourself.
    Listen to abraham ALOT.

  6. #16
    songbird's Avatar
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    Also, be aware that most your post is downstream, except for your "why?" questions, which are pointing you upstream.

  7. #17
    songbird's Avatar
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    Remember there is nothing "unjust" about the way that you feel, it is ONLY Guidance.

    But worth asking yourself if feeling that way, makes you feel better, or worse.

  8. #18
    Super Kitty Marc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Daydream_Believer View Post
    Thank you, your replies have made me feel better I know it's 'normal' to cry etc I think that if there is no death and I know mum is in a much better place free from struggle illness and pain why do I feel so sad?
    Because while those are nice words, that's not how you really feel. You're used to looking to her being there physically no matter how you feel and now that's not an option. It's understandable that it's going to take some time to adjust.
    Quote Originally Posted by Daydream_Believer View Post
    If I know that actually my relationship with my mum will be much much more now why can't I stop feeling so hurt?
    Simple: Because you DON'T know that your relationship with your mother will be much more now. You'd like to believe it, Abraham has offered nice words about all of it, but it's a desire you're not up to speed with yet. That's okay. You'll get there, just relax.
    Quote Originally Posted by Daydream_Believer View Post
    It seems I just can't make peace with where I am because where I want to be is over there in a much better place able to continue my relationship with my mum.
    That's part of it -- you're here, and if you make being here wrong you can't move over there. SOOTHE yourself instead of demanding that you force yourself to be someplace you're not (which you can't do anyway). That's part of what inflames your sense of powerlessness -- rather than allowing yourself to find the relief you CAN reach, you end up tricking yourself into feeling like you can't move at all.
    Quote Originally Posted by Daydream_Believer View Post
    If there is no death (which I completely believe) why must I feel so broken, if I know I can still have a relationship with mum why can't I skip the sadness and move into the place where I can tap into mum?

    Just feels so unjust to feel so horrible when all of me knows that she's only shed the physical and it's entirely possible for us to continue to communicate just in a different way!

    Think I've made these points over and over sorry! I just feel annoyed that I've been catapulted into a club I didn't ask to enter.
    You DID ask to enter this Club. Abraham reminds us that so often it's things we can't control that are the biggest thing that forces us to find our alignment without those conditions changing. That's the key to the freedom we're all searching for.

    The biggest thing that will help you right now is being willing to let life distract you onto other topics that are easier to feel better about than to try to wrestle this to the ground.

  9. #19
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Daydream_Believer View Post
    I struggle to understand Abes teachings of how I can help myself.
    I think that THIS part of your OP points towards how you "asked" for this.

    As Marc points out, we tend to forget what our REAL questions and desires are, and the contrast that we live (and it getting bigger, in ways that we would like to not admit that we "asked" for) is ALWAYS the perfect stepping-stone to fulfill and embrace fully this core-desires.

    So it seems pretty clear here that you really wanted to learn to live unconditional self-love and -friendliness.
    Which is so much more than shallow theory.

  10. #20
    When my mother passed away a few months ago, very suddenly, I was talking to my friend on the phone, who is very spiritual. She tells me, "your mother will send you a sign; perhaps it will be some unusual bird or something like that." Five minutes doesn't pass since that conversations, and a flock of wild green parrots descends on the magnolia trees, stays there, crying very loudly for 5 minutes, and then just fly away. It was the first time in my life I saw something like that.

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