Quote Originally Posted by nicky View Post
well, I want to be able to change my thinking without writing anything down,...
It's all right that you have this desire but you should know that Abraham actually encourage us to write out our “work.” Abraham have said, even recently, that doing the “work” with pen and paper helps us to better slow down our thoughts and allows us to shift and to focus on our thoughts in a more tangible way.

That being said, if this is your intention, “you can be or do or have” what you desire. However, from what you're telling us about your current experience, your desire would be a longer-term (as opposed to an immediate) goal. When you learned to walk, at first you had to hold onto something to be able to take those first steps. It's no different with anything else that you've learned, including this material. Just because you started out walking by holding on to something doesn't mean that you would always need to hold on to something in order to be able to walk. It's the same thing with this “work.”

Furthermore, if you've watched any adult with an infant learning how to walk, they don't help the infant’s learning process by demanding that the infant do something that the infant isn't able or ready to do, like you're doing here with yourself, insisting upon yourself to do your “work” in a way you're not yet able.

As we’d told you* before, knock that off. That's an approach that's unhelpful AND that approach doesn't feel better when you do it.

Quote Originally Posted by nicky View Post
...and I want to feel like I'm in control and in charge of my own thoughts.
Just like walking, this is something that you practice yourself into being able to do. Such a practice is easier and more comfortable to do when you shift your focus away from what’s going “wrong” or what you don't want towards what's going “right” or what you DO want.

Quote Originally Posted by nicky View Post
The only reason for why I'm not already feeling like that is when I intentionally try to think about some problem in my life, I don't feel so bad,...
Perhaps you don't feel “so bad,” but you don't feel “good” or “wonderful,” which is how your IB is always “feeling” about every subject you're living or focusing upon. Abraham teach us to work towards and to eventually practice that alignment.

Quote Originally Posted by nicky View Post
...but, when those problematic topics "naturally" comes up for me, then I feel bad.
That's momentum. A subject is always going to feel milder or less intense than when it's unfolding into a see it/hear it/smell it/taste it/touch it experience. When you bring it to mind, even if you're recalling a specific event, it's more abstract than when you're observing all the details of its physical unfolding.

Furthermore, when you say it “naturally” comes up for you, that too is momentum. What you're saying is that you've focused in such a way consistently enough and for long enough that

Quote Originally Posted by nicky View Post
So that's why I'm not sure if I know how to deliberately focus my mind,...
You're focusing your mind here. I would even say that you're “deliberately” focusing your mind because you're “deliberately” telling us about your experience. If you can do that here, you have the ability to do that with every topic.

Quote Originally Posted by nicky View Post
...because if I could make my mind focus on one of my "problematic" topics, then I think I would feel as bad as when they "naturally" comes up.
I come to a different conclusion than you, as I've just explained.d

Quote Originally Posted by nicky View Post
i've found a video where Abraham said that we can never stop thinking as long as you are awake, so I agree with what you say about that I'm already focusing.
Then you've just contradicted yourself. If you agree with Marc on this point, then your premise (that you can't focus or that you can't deliberately focus) is flawed to begin with.

*Moderator's note: I’m just going to address you as E&F until the evidence starts to point in a different direction.