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Thread: I'm New, I'm Lost, and Looking For Advice on How to Get the Guy

  1. #11
    sunny_day's Avatar
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    Just wanted to say: This thread resonates sooo much with me, as I'm in a similar situation myself... I'm in love with my Fred, we also have a close friendship (for now) and there are many things I have to soothe first... I'm almost in the mood to write about it myself, but don't want to "conquer" this thread

    So I'm reading first and then maybe post afterwards...

    SoulSearcher for posting this! And of course paradise-on-earth (still reading!)
    Last edited by sunny_day; 05-05-2017 at 05:11 PM.

  2. #12
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    Wow! I really made it this far... I read all in one setting! Now I'm quite relieved and know, I only have to line up with my desires and live only in the moment! All other things will come naturally, when it's time...

    I have fears and worries like you, SoulSearcher - especially the fear of him getting to know someone else, who's a better match to him (more interesting, attractive and such)... or even only intensifying a contact he has with someone else (he has lots of them, unlike me), before we have a chance to meet each other... And no, these thoughts definitely aren't feeling good... But they are somewhat automatically there, because we can't simply visit each other at the moment... We live 10.000km apart, he is really busy for the next few months and there are some other things, I know about him, which simply fire up my fears...

    Your thread resonated with me in a million ways, it's fascinating! Once I couldn't open up to others, too! Then I met a man in a discussion board (15 years ago) and baaaaam, I had to open up to him! We soon were drawn to each other, wrote a lot of emails, came quite close, calling us names (like darling), later talked over internet/phone for hours... He was over 10 years older than I and wasn't ready for a relationship... We were a few hundred kilometers apart, couldn't see us for about 6 months, but came together in the end... And today we are best friends!

    Why am I writing about this? Because with my "Fred" it's almost the same again! LOA in action! Only now it's the other way around (in some aspects): He is over 10 years younger than I (almost the same age -& age difference- as I was with my best friend!) and he is the one who isn't used to open up to others... We came quite close to each other over the last 6 months, calling us names (sweetie), talking about a lot of topics including relationships, sexuality, kids etc., even flirting a little bit... I say a little bit, because I don't exactly know what is flirting and what is not, since we can both only use our second language to communicate for now (such a fascinating experience!)...

    At first he wasn't even my type... I was quite happy, because I didn't want to fall in love at all! I enjoyed it greatly, that I could even talk almost daily with another (really attractive!) man for two months and didn't fall in love in the process (for the first time in my life!)... And so I thought, that he not being my type is the greatest thing that can happen to me... The thought of having met a new "best friend" made it possible to open up to him like I wouldn't had done otherwise... But then... some weeks later on our third Skype call (with webcam) it happened, I was over the top! Being on cloud 9, I constantly thought about being together with him and all the other things, too... I simply couldn't stop... (He also is the first man that showed somewhat interest in me, after a lot of "unhappy" years of thought in that regard)

    At this point I wasn't aware, what I was doing thought-wise (especially since there were a lot of "how's" and "what if's" involved, sometimes no easy topics)... and that led, with some discoveries about him, to my biggest contrast in life so far... First I was sooo in love and then the complete opposite! It took a lot of time to get out of this... But now, as I'm better - it was the best that could happen to me I'm so thankful for this experience! Now I finally KNOW, that HE can't make me happy ever, only I can! Since I was so open to him before, I was also open about what I was going through, what I was feeling and it didn't help a thing... In this time he even irritated me big time, since I had the feeling like he would "know" all the answers (little buddha! ) and was so happy all the time! How could he be so happy, when I was so down? I didn't feel like he understood me at all...

    It was horrible to go through all of that (I even needed a break from it all, which also hurt a lot!), but it teached me so much in the end! And finally I experience the opposite side! For the last weeks he is the one who has a time of contrast, doesn't feel good and is sad a lot (don't exactly know why)... And now I'm the one who feels for him, but at the same time I'm not involved (*) in his momentum he has going... Now I get, why he still was happy, as I was down... And now I wouldn't want it any other way ever!
    And since I learned my lesson (my thoughts and perception of things made all of my misery!), I can even "help" him a little bit... I know that his problem are thoughts, too... So I write about my experience/insights and what helped me in this time... What I read in the meantime...

    (*) I only have fears of my own... Momentum of thoughts I have to soothe and let go of some day... As he told me, that he is not good, I instantly thought about why that would be... As I'm so used to my own thinking/feelings I thought it must be because of someone else and almost fell off a cliff myself again...

    For now I'm quite happy that we can't see each other for at least a few months, so I can work myself out of my thoughts/feelings, which don't serve me at all, get happy, enjoying life for myself and be in alignment more often... Accepting all that is, trying to love him unconditionally (more of the time)! Because that feels soooo good!

    As I'm writing this here, I can sense my vibration is changing a lot from moment to moment... One moment I could hug the whole world and scream out loud, that I love him with all my heart...
    And in the other moment there is fear again: What if it doesn't work out between us? And then: What if it is? How do I manage all contrast that I could have to face?

    Like I said, I have lots of soothing to do... Hope I can finally manage to read both "AAIIG" and "The Vortex" completely... I started, but paused again...

  3. #13
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    sunny day I totally understand your "getting it all out and telling it as it is/was, once.
    Doing this deliberately makes you clearer.

    But then, when you realized deliberately what you donīt want (any longer)
    and what you do want (from now on, forwards), it is extremely helpful to not boil the old story on and on, but to only look forwards, where you are going!

    Look through the windshield and be clear in this about what is ahead of you, and what to do about it, and free to enjoy the journey in this way- instead of looking through the floorboard -in an attempt to accurately state "where you are", but missing all the beauty outside NOW NOW NOW, and also not being able to drive fast, because in this way you donīt have power of steering!

    Looking at "where you are" (the floorboard) or even at "where you have been" (the rear window!) is NOT helpful, once you gained clarity where you want to go!

    You do NOT have to entertain anybody here. You donīt have "to give background". You donīt have to be accurate and reasonable. You solely just need to realize where YOU want to go, from here and now. And then, keep stepping- and finetuning on your way.

    Itīs as driving a car:

    -Your focus is your steeringwheel. Where you look, there you GO!
    -Going general is your brakes (and they are essentially, the faster your stream is- aka, how intense your desires are).
    -Going specific is your gas. ONLY use it when youīr ITV!
    -Your emotions are your guidance-system.

    Knowing this, you can get from every place, everywhere. HAVE FUN!

  4. #14
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    Thanks so much, POE!
    Yesterday it felt good to write all of this up, but I got the point you made, as I read my post again today...

    Quote Originally Posted by paradise-on-earth View Post
    sunny day I totally understand your "getting it all out and telling it as it is/was, once.
    Doing this deliberately makes you clearer.
    Yes, writing it all out makes me clearer, lets me see things I haven't seen before or remind myself of not to worry too much. For example my "old" story with my best friend reminds me a lot of not to worry, because my dream came true in the end (when we met -> and that's what I focused on here)! Also to live my life NOW and only looking forward to meeting HIM, when it feels good
    "Distance" is another thing, I see quite different now: Although it may seem far, far away - it really isn't! I'm feeling myself so near to him like he would live only a few kilometers away... Over Streetview I can even walk around the town he lives in and did so already - it felt really great and almost as I would be there! Also I practically could jump on a plane and would see him in only a few hours! It's really funny, I mostly see solutions (new story) instead of problems (old story) here!

    Quote Originally Posted by paradise-on-earth View Post
    But then, when you realized deliberately what you donīt want (any longer)
    and what you do want (from now on, forwards), it is extremely helpful to not boil the old story on and on, but to only look forwards, where you are going!
    A few moments ago a picture/thought came to me: Even our eyes are pointing to the way we should look and think: Only FORWARD! We haven't got eyes on the back of our heads, have we?

    Quote Originally Posted by paradise-on-earth View Post
    Look through the windshield and be clear in this about what is ahead of you, and what to do about it, and free to enjoy the journey in this way- instead of looking through the floorboard -in an attempt to accurately state "where you are", but missing all the beauty outside NOW NOW NOW, and also not being able to drive fast, because in this way you donīt have power of steering!
    That's such a great picture!

    Quote Originally Posted by paradise-on-earth View Post
    Looking at "where you are" (the floorboard) or even at "where you have been" (the rear window!) is NOT helpful, once you gained clarity where you want to go!
    Maybe I could even expand this a little further:
    When I want to go somewhere, it's not helpful to get into my car, sit down, stare at the floorboard, not starting the car in the process and at the same time wondering about why I don't get anywhere. The same with looking in the rear window. I can't get to my destination, when I constantly look in the rear window either. When I'm just sitting in my car, I don't go anywhere. But once I'm driving looking in the rear window all the time will probably cause an accident, because I lost overview what's happening right in front of me

    Quote Originally Posted by paradise-on-earth View Post
    You do NOT have to entertain anybody here. You donīt have "to give background". You donīt have to be accurate and reasonable. You solely just need to realize where YOU want to go, from here and now. And then, keep stepping- and finetuning on your way.
    I get your point
    It's only... I'm just starting to get the whole LOA (through this contrast I had) and even if I know, that I already have all the answers I need, sometimes it's great to go "out there" and get a fresh perspective on things I have going

    There's even one specific topic I wish to get clarity about and/or see it in a new light... Read some threads about it some time ago, but it comes up quite often... But maybe I'll first read AAIIG and The Vortex, before even going there in words...

    Quote Originally Posted by paradise-on-earth View Post
    Itīs as driving a car:

    -Your focus is your steeringwheel. Where you look, there you GO!
    -Going general is your brakes (and they are essentially, the faster your stream is- aka, how intense your desires are).
    -Going specific is your gas. ONLY use it when youīr ITV!
    -Your emotions are your guidance-system.
    I'll keep that in mind!
    Today I need to use brakes for some time... I don't know what happened yesterday... We keep in touch every day over email/Threema (SMS-App), mostly "independent" of each other (time-displaced)... Yesterday we chatted in realtime and had a lot of fun... 2 times in 1 day! It was really awesome! And we even flirted again (a little bit)

    Quote Originally Posted by paradise-on-earth View Post
    Knowing this, you can get from every place, everywhere. HAVE FUN!
    Will do!

  5. #15
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    You GOT that!

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by paradise-on-earth View Post
    You GOT that!
    Just wanted to clarify a bit
    Especially the first "big" paragraph I wrote (working out/distance): I saw it like that countless times before (started last year), but I have to remind myself of that again once in a while

    That's the sweetest thing I encounter with (or through) him... All is possible! And somehow I see, that he resembles a lot of things I wished for before I even met him!

    1. I'm in love with American English for a long time and someday I thought: Wouldn't it be nice, if I get to know someone from the United States/Canada and fall in love with him? Then I would need to use English all the time (given he wouldn't speak German)
    2. Wouldn't it be nice, if he worked from home?
    3. Someday I also wished for someone who is more like myself, more in contact with his own feelings, rather than only analytical...

    ... and so much more

    About 1, just need to tell that story, since it's soooo awesome, how it came to be that we got to know each other:
    My love for American English started in 2005... I watched a TV series and couldn't get enough of it, I needed to watch the next episodes in English... At first I couldn't understand a word, but with subtitles it soon got better, first German ones, then English ones, till I someday (years later) didn't need them anymore...
    Years before this I learned English at school, but wasn't fascinated at all... I learned only the necessary things and so I had lots of gaps I wanted to "fill"... I tried all kinds of programs, but since they all started at the very beginning it was boring as hell

    Last summer I dreamed of one of my favorite actors, who spoke perfect German... I was so fascinated about that and felt myself so attracted to him, that as soon as I woke up I finally wanted to learn proper English! So I searched on the web and found a website, which fascinated me... Some days later I registered and "learned" English, but realized again: I'm already way too advanced... So what should I do? I wrote in the discussion boards and attracted an American, who I soon felt connected to (somehow strange!) He said, that I already have a good level of English... We exchanged emails... I also attracted a Brazilian (the one above), who learned German... Since I wanted to start speaking English and he wanted to practice German, we spoke on Skype... That led to being interested in his native language (Portuguese) very soon... Out of fun I started to learn... First I thought it was a funny sounding language, especially some words... But as soon as I listened to Brazilian music, I was totally in love! So I started to learn seriously... And that's when I met HIM... He answered a lot of questions and soon we started to have more private "chats", which led to exchanging email addresses and so two "former strangers" got really close to each other... In both their second languages

    And that's a really fun way to learn! So much more fun to learn together! Getting to know each other and writing about all things which come to mind and in the process of that learning more English: "Is that the right word?" "No, I think it's xyz, but I'm also not sure - let me look it up!"
    And as I'm progressing in Portuguese, I use more of it, too and I'm really astonished, how much I'm able to use already!

    Since I fell in love with Portuguese, statement 1 changed: From America? Sure! But not necessarily North America anymore There is also South America! And it could be so much more interesting!

    And another thing... Just today I realized something wonderful: I'm as important to him, as he is to me! I only didn't see/feel it before like that! And now I have tears of joy in my eyes!


  7. #17
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    What a wonderful expansive, delightful rampage, sunny_day!

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by paradise-on-earth View Post
    What a wonderful expansive, delightful rampage, sunny_day!
    It is, isn't it? And it went sooo much further, afterwards! I want to be there more of the time

    A bit more clarification about "I'm as important to him, as he is to me", because that was the starting point... Till last year I had some sort of vibration going, which didn't really serve me (or it did... I wasn't really happy with it, but I did my best and felt ok with it most of the time), because people were coming into and leaving my life again rather quickly... Only my best friend stayed... But I definitely wished for something else

    Coming into contact with HIM last year was sort of WOW - we have so much in common (not everything, but that would probably be boring!) and so I dreamed big! And told everyone in my life about him... Someday later I realized, he has a lot of people in his life (blablabla old story! Point was: I wasn't feeling like I'm important to him) and so the contrast slowly began to enter my life (with a big variety of topics)

    As soon as I was recovering from it (he stayed by my side in all that time!!! ), he told me about a friend (one topic of the contrast) and so I asked him some questions about him... It turned out that all my thoughts were complete BS! And so I asked, if his friend knows about me? And the answer was: Yes, he does! And almost all of the people in his life do, too (including family)! Really? Why didn't he tell me before?

    But yesterday it all got way above that... I was remembering one specific girl he had contact with (in December, only online) and I got jealous, because of my thoughts around that... Because I'm open to him about almost everything, I told him about that (he likes that about me, that "I speak my mind"!)... And yesterday I remembered his words back then and finally they got a new meaning! And that's when I realized I'm as important to him, as he is to me! He told everyone around him (even neighbors!) about me... And at the same time: He didn't mention anyone specific to me!

    So, that was only the starting point... Since I know, I'm important to him I got reminded of the situation with my best friend in my past, as we got to know each other... Yes, there were many attractive (and probably interesting) guys all around me! But that didn't really interest me, since I got to know the most interesting guy ever And that's when I thought: Hey, couldn't it be, that YOU are the most interesting woman in HIS life right now? Could there even be a more interesting and more attractive woman than I am? And even if there were! It doesn't mean a single thing!

    This feels really great! And another interesting thing: Soon after we got to know each other and I fell in love with him, I felt like we would be a couple already... Yeah, somehow we are (vibrationally for now)... This feeling I never had before in my life

    I only remember one moment in 2005, as I was sitting here and thought: Hey, HE exists somewhere in this world, we are together, but I can't see it just now! It's like a curtain I need to lift first!

    Last edited by sunny_day; 05-08-2017 at 07:02 AM.

  9. #19
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    Purrrrr Let me milk this!

    Quote Originally Posted by sunny_day View Post
    It is, isn't it? And it went sooo much further, afterwards!
    Thatīs what Abe call "organically unfolding", donīt they!?

    I want to be there more of the time

    A bit more clarification about "I'm as important to him, as he is to me", because that was the starting point... Till last year I had some sort of vibration going, which didn't really serve me (or it did... I wasn't really happy with it, but I did my best and felt ok with it most of the time)
    Isnīt it great that EVERY stance that we are in, is always the best stance that is AVAILABLE to us, based upon "where we are" vibrationally!- Itīs always the perfect "next logical step". Itīs always the right stance, for US, HERE and NOW.

    It is so easy to say:
    No, wait! I donīt wanna be here, or: I didnīt want to be here-
    or: This went wrong.
    But if you could just say, and MEAN:

    Where I am is just right, given ALL that I want.

    I might not understand it.
    I might not be sensitive enough, to the
    vibrational path to UNDERSTAND the benefit, of all of that...
    You can even say: I wanted an easier route.
    Or, I wanted a route that felt more this way, than that way.

    But if you can just accept, that where you are
    is RIGHT, not WRONG.
    That is the thing we wanna say to you!!

    Where you are, no matter where it is, in relationship to
    where you want to be, is RIGHT! Not wrong!

    Itīs RIGHT. Not wrong.

    Because, you are starting where you are!
    And when you are accepting that it is right, than
    immediately, you turn in the direction of what you want!


    from the clip Abraham Explains Benefits Of Old Resistance...



    because people were coming into and leaving my life again rather quickly... Only my best friend stayed... But I definitely wished for something else

    Coming into contact with HIM last year was sort of WOW - we have so much in common (not everything, but that would probably be boring!)
    It would!
    There is such a deliciousness in a balance between harmony and adventure, newness and challenging thrill, and peaceful stability...

    and so I dreamed big! And told everyone in my life about him... Someday later I realized, he has a lot of people in his life (blablabla old story! Point was: I wasn't feeling like I'm important to him) and so the contrast slowly began to enter my life (with a big variety of topics)

    As soon as I was recovering from it (he stayed by my side in all that time!!! )
    ...delightful ADVENTURE, huh?


    Overcoming Resistances is the same as the FUN of the journey!

    You know that path of most allowing,
    or that path of least resistance...
    Weīr gonna say something in a way you have not heard before (...).

    Your journey is more FUN,
    because thereīs resistance on your path.

    It just is! Itīs more fun!
    You donīt REALLY want a straight, swift line to the things you want!
    You think you do. But itīs SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING
    to figure it out, as you go!

    Itīs all about resistance- to be a hands-on-creator,
    to be molding the clay, to get better and better and better
    at this, to see the results, that you get...
    -think about it!

    2015-07-26 San Francisco





    ...from the collection
    Adventure


    he told me about a friend (one topic of the contrast) and so I asked him some questions about him... It turned out that all my thoughts were complete BS! And so I asked, if his friend knows about me? And the answer was: Yes, he does! And almost all of the people in his life do, too (including family)! Really? Why didn't he tell me before?

    But yesterday it all got way above that... I was remembering one specific girl he had contact with (in December, only online) and I got jealous, because of my thoughts around that... Because I'm open to him about almost everything, I told him about that (he likes that about me, that "I speak my mind"!)... And yesterday I remembered his words back then and finally they got a new meaning! And that's when I realized I'm as important to him, as he is to me! He told everyone around him (even neighbors!) about me...
    We really can have EVERY tiny detail of every desire that life causes us to gather!!

    And at the same time: He didn't mention anyone specific to me!

    So, that was only the starting point... Since I know, I'm important to him I got reminded of the situation with my best friend in my past, as we got to know each other... Yes, there were many attractive (and probably interesting) guys all around me! But that didn't really interest me, since I got to know the most interesting guy ever And that's when I thought: Hey, couldn't it be, that YOU are the most interesting woman in HIS life right now? Could there even be a more interesting and more attractive woman than I am? And even if there were! It doesn't mean a single thing!

    This feels really great!
    It certainly does. Thatīs being UNCONDITIONALLY invincible!

    And another interesting thing: Soon after we got to know each other and I fell in love with him, I felt like we would be a couple already... Yeah, somehow we are (vibrationally for now)... This feeling I never had before in my life
    Suprising delight! -THATīs how that feels like.

    I only remember one moment in 2005, as I was sitting here and thought: Hey, HE exists somewhere in this world, we are together, but I can't see it just now! It's like a curtain I need to lift first!

    Abe have once said, this "veil" that many spiritual people are talking about, is just our own resistance. When you move ITV and start to maintain that, than the "veils" lift all by themselves. You start to see through the eyes of source, you start to become ABLE to "receive" and "get" what REALLY is- aka, to translate the vibration into meaningful, joyful and wanted things, experiences and emotions.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by paradise-on-earth View Post
    Purrrrr Let me milk this!
    Of course! Can I get a bottle of it, afterwards?

    Quote Originally Posted by paradise-on-earth View Post
    Thatīs what Abe call "organically unfolding", donīt they!?
    To be honest, I didn't pick up reading AAIIG or The Vortex as of now, I only peeked into APODI and APOE... But "organically unfolding" reminds me a lot of his "comes/will come naturally"

    Quote Originally Posted by paradise-on-earth View Post
    Isnīt it great that EVERY stance that we are in, is always the best stance that is AVAILABLE to us, based upon "where we are" vibrationally!- Itīs always the perfect "next logical step". Itīs always the right stance, for US, HERE and NOW.

    It is so easy to say:
    No, wait! I donīt wanna be here, or: I didnīt want to be here-
    or: This went wrong.
    But if you could just say, and MEAN:

    Where I am is just right, given ALL that I want.

    I might not understand it.
    I might not be sensitive enough, to the
    vibrational path to UNDERSTAND the benefit, of all of that...
    You can even say: I wanted an easier route.
    Or, I wanted a route that felt more this way, than that way.

    But if you can just accept, that where you are
    is RIGHT, not WRONG.
    That is the thing we wanna say to you!!

    Where you are, no matter where it is, in relationship to
    where you want to be, is RIGHT! Not wrong!

    Itīs RIGHT. Not wrong.

    Because, you are starting where you are!
    And when you are accepting that it is right, than
    immediately, you turn in the direction of what you want!


    from the clip Abraham Explains Benefits Of Old Resistance...
    That's a nice one!

    Quote Originally Posted by paradise-on-earth View Post
    There is such a deliciousness in a balance between harmony and adventure, newness and challenging thrill, and peaceful stability...
    And here you described my ideal relationship Which is very welcome to come into my life in "physical matter"

    Quote Originally Posted by paradise-on-earth View Post
    ...delightful ADVENTURE, huh?
    YES! It's so awesome I'm finally experiencing this!
    NEW STORY!

    Quote Originally Posted by paradise-on-earth View Post
    Overcoming Resistances is the same as the FUN of the journey!

    You know that path of most allowing,
    or that path of least resistance...
    Weīr gonna say something in a way you have not heard before (...).

    Your journey is more FUN,
    because thereīs resistance on your path.

    It just is! Itīs more fun!
    You donīt REALLY want a straight, swift line to the things you want!
    You think you do. But itīs SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING
    to figure it out, as you go!

    Itīs all about resistance- to be a hands-on-creator,
    to be molding the clay, to get better and better and better
    at this, to see the results, that you get...
    -think about it!

    2015-07-26 San Francisco





    ...from the collection
    Adventure
    Again: YES! Next time I only want to be more aware, where I'm going with my thoughts and be able to correct them sooner

    Quote Originally Posted by paradise-on-earth View Post
    It certainly does. Thatīs being UNCONDITIONALLY invincible!
    I only have the feeling like I need to train these thoughts again and again, till they are really MINE - I was sooo used to different ones... But this year is such a great one, I can make it! In every area I want!

    Quote Originally Posted by paradise-on-earth View Post
    Suprising delight! -THATīs how that feels like.

    As I read this, I thought: I'm already living the relationship of my dreams to the extent I can at the moment and I always have since I met him! Isn't THAT a nice thought?
    (And in the contrasting time I tried my best to my ability at that time)

    Quote Originally Posted by paradise-on-earth View Post
    Abe have once said, this "veil" that many spiritual people are talking about, is just our own resistance. When you move ITV and start to maintain that, than the "veils" lift all by themselves. You start to see through the eyes of source, you start to become ABLE to "receive" and "get" what REALLY is- aka, to translate the vibration into meaningful, joyful and wanted things, experiences and emotions.
    That reminds me of a wonderful Abraham clip I saw yesterday: "Abraham Hicks - Relationships - Try this new process - Everything is my boyfriend" - have to try that!

    Apropo boyfriend
    Since I know he is fascinated of cars and he told me about his car and the next one he wants to have, I see these brands EVERYWHERE! This year he talked about another one, he now prefers... Only a few hours or maybe a day after that I saw this car here... And after that lots of them, too
    Then I suddenly saw a license plate with his initials and some time ago even one with his initials + BF + (I think) his year of birth

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