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Thread: I have a habit of criticism. Please help.

  1. #1

    I have a habit of criticism. Please help.

    Hi every body. i am not new to the law of attraction or Abraham hicks theoretically but in action I never could use it. It seems that negativity is in my gene. I have a good job now, I am not rich but I can afford my life, I have a good healthy baby that I love, but whenever sth bad is in my life I cant stop thinking all the time about that. I do the processes of Abraham but that’s for some minutes and some days. It is not a surprise that I don’t get result because I realized that I am ootv most of the time. for example my husband behaved me badly recently, and I am criticizing him all day long in my head. Deeply I think if I forgive him and be happy, he would be free and he doesn’t deserve it.it seems that I get the revenge of others from myself. What can I do? How can I set my self free of all negative thoughts and focus on me?. Was there another person who change her/his character and did things really change?
    Please show me a way to start? I really need some clarity and help.

  2. #2
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Moderator's note

    I've changed the title of your thread to focus more clearly on the discussion you want to have.

  3. #3
    thanks wellbeing.

  4. #4
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    Was there another person who change her/his character and did things really change?
    Negativity is NOT in your genes, and NOT your character. Itīs simply a long trained resistance, and because you trained it more than anything else, LoA brings you that, as your "default setting".

    In the moment you stop it, LoA would bring you more of who you REALLY are.

    Here is who you really are:



    You are an extension of Source Energy.
    You are one who loves,
    and you are one who loves to think,
    and you are one who loves to create,
    and you are one who loves to contemplate.
    You’re one who enjoys stimulation of thought.
    You’re one who enjoys choosing;
    you enjoy considering; you enjoy pondering;
    you enjoy fashioning.
    You enjoy putting things together.
    You enjoy figuring things out. You enjoy knowing.

    You enjoy not being sure and then becoming more sure.
    You enjoy the evolution of a thought.
    You enjoy the expansion of an idea.
    You enjoy the expansion of life experience.

    You enjoy the pleasure of being this genius,
    focused in the most creative environment that has ever existed,
    for the fulfillment of things that satisfy you.

    You are liquid love in physical bodies, wanting more than life itself,
    because it is life itself, to adore the vessel that’s you,
    through which this Source Energy flows. You are God.
    You are Source. You are creator.
    You always feel good from your Source Energy perspective.

    You don’t feel regret; you don’t feel doubt; you don’t feel worry;
    you don’t feel shame; you don’t feel guilt; you don’t feel anger;
    you don’t feel hate... You feel joy; you feel appreciation;
    you feel worthiness; you feel eagerness; you feel passion.

    You feel like the little kids feel—watch them: they’re sure;
    they’re arrogant; they’re not afraid.
    You say, “They’re not smart enough to be afraid.”
    We say, they are still smart—and not afraid.

    You say, “But they don’t know enough to worry.”
    And we say, they know everything—and they do not worry.
    The children are still more vibrationally imbued with that
    feeling of passion and joy—and that is what this work is about.

    It’s to assist you in returning to the natural state of Well-being—
    the natural state of being that is really You.


    San Rafael, CA 2004

    Deeply I think if I forgive him and be happy, he would be free and he doesn’t deserve it.
    Well, maybe he really doesnīt "deserve it", but donīt YOU deserve being set free?
    Itīs as the old famous equation with the prisoner and the watchman. One seems to be imprisoned, and the other seems to be free. But really, they just sit on 2 sides of the same door- and so, both are not really free, arenīt they?

    Abe say, source never forgives, because source never judges to begin with. And when you do, then you feel the discord between you and YOU! You feel the pain of having yourself pinched off from who you really are.
    So, the only interesting question is, if you are willing to GET HAPPY, no matter what. Unconditionally- choosing happiness over being right!

    When you do that, then you can allow yourself to drop judgements and criticism- not only about others, but really about yourself, as well. Itīs an old truth, that we never blame others for what we donīt blame (maybe even without realising) OURSELVES for.
    Set others free, because it will free you.
    Allow yourself to explore step by tiny step how source "looks at all things"- with love, without judgement, always.
    Drop -slowly, step by step- the stance that source never would choose, and allow yourself to close the gap between you and source/your IB... simply because it FEELS so much better than blame, criticism and being annoyed.

    This EGS that I have pulled together from Abeīs teachings might make things even clearer for you. Find your stance (probably at "Worry & Blame"?) -see where you are on the "map of the soul", and how to get where you really want to be:



    DELIBERATELY dealing with "MISTAKES"


    You KNOW that all is well. You are in deep, unconditional love with everything. Nothing can scatter you, nothing can kick you out of the Vortex. You focus on the wanted only- and the wanted is devine, worthy beyond description. You are one with source, one with everything.
    = Joy/Knowledge/Empowerment/Freedom/Love/Appreciation


    You are "in love" with the contrast. You want to think it through, dig in deeper, reap more and more benefit from it. You feel blessed by itīs formerly unknown sense and gifts.
    = Passion


    You are happy, that this happened (without your original intent) or that it turns out other than planned. You enjoy the difference, you feel, maybe, inspired and are eager to help this progress even more.
    = Enthusiasm/Eagerness/Happiness


    Your have a clear vision that the opinions / behavior of you or others will turn out great- even if they seemed to be "wrong" in the first place. You donīt feel bad about it, at all.
    = Positive Expectation/Belief


    You feel frisky and easy about the idea that the opinions /behaviors of you or others could turn out well, anyway.
    =Optimism


    ENTRYWAY INTO KNOWING THAT ALL IS WELL
    (Entry to the Vortex)


    You get the idea, that your /others behavior /opinion canīt be really judged as good or bad. You see that it has (maybe) unwanted results, but you feel hopeful that there could be more to the story than only this.
    =Hopefulness


    You are ok with your- or others behavior / opinion. You donīt judge it as bad, but there are no deeper feelings of interest, worth or love, either.
    =Contentment


    Feeling good, being really "all right" feels not safe. Dealing with "mistakes" neither. So you donīt go either there nor there, you donīt allow yourself to really feel or move too far. You feel dissatisfied, hungry.
    = Boredom


    Knowing something went wrong or could ever go wrong does not feel good. You try to prevent against the pain with guardedness / already getting used to bad-feeling vibes / not really reaching for good feeling vibes.
    = Pessimism


    That you or others made a "mistake" feels irritating, up to overwhelmingly uneasy. Youīr mixed up about your own and others worthiness.
    = Frustration/Impatience/Irritation, Overwhelmed


    A "mistake" of you or others
    feels scary or disappointing to you, your trust in your or/and their worthiness is scattered. You feel sad and doubtful.
    = Disappointment, Doubt


    You feel vulnerable because of your /others "mistakes". You try to change or deal the issue by action and lots of negative thoughts around (what makes you feel even more negative and vulnerable)

    = Worry, Blame, Discouragement


    You feel aggressive (maybe even in a dangerous way) against others or yourself, who are "wrong". You fight against the sensed disfunction in trying to control, suppress, change or not repeat the "bad" behavior and opinion, or forcing others to do so.
    = Anger, Revenge,
    Hatred/Rage


    The flaw or mistake feels quite normal- because you and your life feel wrong, anyway. You "know" that life is unfair, broken, painful. You feel disgusted by this new proof of your own/ others unworthiness.

    = Jealousy, Insecurity/Guilt/Unworthiness


    Any fault does not surprise you and you donīt really care. Youīr chronic state of disconnection with yourself and the higher truth feels "right" in being wrong or that things go wrong. Your whole life feels as a mistake and worthless, and you have given up to deal with the reasons.
    = Fear/Grief/Depression/Despair/Powerlessness



    from the thread
    "The map of the soul": Specific EGS-Scales

  5. #5
    thank you so much paradise-on-earth for your response.
    "choosing happiness over being right!" that is so true. i always want to prove myself right. and happiness in something that i should learn because even when i had great achievements in my life i was not really "happy".
    I don't know if i don't do the processes, and just read a general description like what you wrote from abraham will help me to stablish some basic good beliefs in me and it help me to align with source? (because doing the processes doesn't seem real to me, for example when i do the rampage of appreciation i really don't feel that, i just list something)

  6. #6
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mahsa View Post
    thank you so much paradise-on-earth for your response.
    "choosing happiness over being right!" that is so true.
    There is something about "being right" that you also might want to let sink in

    Abe say, we all defend our "rightness, because we innately feel that we ARE RIGHT.
    Our stance matters so much, and we really have the right to choose our own unique preferences that DO matter more to ourselves than all others. That is RIGHT.

    And source backs everybody up in that. We ALL are "right"! And in this myriads of different valid preferences, we all can get exactly what we want- as long as we get into alignment with what feels good to ourselves, here and now. Only when we push against others, we pinch ourselves off.

    Also, when we feel disempowered, it is RIGHT for us to choose anger and blame, because they feel so much better. Source understands that completely and guide us into blame, to guide us out of jealousy and disempowerment. So, all of this is valid.

    Just donīt get stuck there. Because, ease and hope -and then optimism and joy feel even better!

    i always want to prove myself right. and happiness in something that i should learn because even when i had great achievements in my life i was not really "happy".
    Because itīs not working that way. We must build (allow) the happiness "from inside out", instead of trying to get it from the outside (aka from conditions) inwards.

    We must achieve happiness vibrationally FIRST- and then, this inner happiness will bloom in manyfold manifestations outwards, that all feel full and and precious as well- as the confirmation of our happiness. And that FEELS "invincible", stable and authentically happy.

    But when you try to get it from the outside in, the manifestations feels as a hollow mask, providing "shallow", empty stuff- just as you experienced.

    I don't know if i don't do the processes, and just read a general description like what you wrote from abraham will help me to stablish some basic good beliefs in me and it help me to align with source? (because doing the processes doesn't seem real to me, for example when i do the rampage of appreciation i really don't feel that, i just list something)
    You are right (and itīs great that you allowed yourself to realize this!). When you are in "Blame", you are vibrationally nowhere near "appreciation". And so, you cannot FEEL appreciation- the jump is too far. So, the rampages and visualizations donīt help from OOTV!

    As I said, take small maintainable steps from where you are, that really give you RELIEF, even when they are still OOTV.

    There is a lot of sweetzone OOTV- as long you are POINTED towards the Vortex! The EGS shows you which stance is closer ITV than where you are. You could feel it out if you want to look at things from there (Abe called that process 22, where you slowly work yourself up the EGS).

    That works for many, *I* personally donīt like it. Abe have invented for those as me the newer processes of going general and setting Grids (you might look at them here- feel invited to share on them!- Drop what doesnīt work, for you. This is really totally up to personal preferences)


    The new and improved Go-General, INCLUDING Grid-Setting

    What conditions do I "need to change"? -I find the EMOTION instead of the condition!

    Itīs RIGHT, not wrong! Finding the stance of how my IB sees things.



    -There is no right and wrong process, pick what CALLS you and what gives you FEELABLE relief.
    In the books are several processes that are helpful from the lower stances, as well.

  7. #7
    FallenAngel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mahsa View Post
    ... if i don't do the processes, and just read a general description like what you wrote from abraham will help me to stablish some basic good beliefs in me and it help me to align with source?
    YES!

    All of those processes are merely tools that can help you do one thing: feel a little better. They are not the only way to feel better and they are not mandatory for this Work. Once you have a basic understanding of the Teachings of Abraham, further understanding can be its own means of feeling better, too. Learning is ongoing and each one of us has moments of newer and deeper clarity with this Work - that's why the workshop recordings (or the live workshops themselves) can be so exciting. Abraham always calls it "co-creating at its best" because even Abraham, Infinite Intelligence itself, is developing an understanding as it/he/they talk with us in the workshops.

    There's rather a misconception that in order to do the Work right, we need to read books cover to cover, churn away at the Abe-approved processes and get ourselves to meditate every day - a very academic approach, and even monastic, but not necessary. Those processes can help train your mind to reach for better feeling thoughts, which is a new skill for many of us at the start of our Abraham adventure, but those processes are just tools, not essential equipment. The whole purpose of the Teachings is to help us understand why taking our minds off of what we see in front of us and just focusing on feeling a little better can move mountains. How we take our minds off of what we see in front of us and just focus on feeling a little better is completely up to us: whatever works is whatever works. If something isn't working for you, DON'T DO IT. Personally, I find the focus wheel activity to be excruciating. Process #22 sounds like trigonometry to me - and not in a fun way. The "ABC game" leaves me cold. I just don't resonate with the processes and long ago gave up trying them - but - I do have lots and lots of practice in reaching for a better feeling thought when I feel my mind drift in the negative direction. Like PoE said, criticism is not in anyone's gene's, it's just a very well practiced (and very well modeled) habit of thought. The processes help a lot of people to re-train their mind, but the processes are not the Work. Reaching for better feeling thoughts and maintaining our stability with them, no matter what, is the Work.

  8. #8
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    wonderfully put, FA!
    You only must FEEL what calls you, aka what works for you.

  9. #9
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    I just found this quotes...


    See, you are not walking around and
    are feeling less than love.
    You walk around and are thinking thoughts,
    that GIVE you the feeling of less than love!


    Orlando, March 2013




    Wonderful variety of "being right".

    From the physical perspective,
    most of you believe that your beliefs are the right ones,
    and if you disagree with someone,
    then they must be wrong.

    But from the Nonphysical standpoint,
    it is not seen as right and wrong.
    It is seen as the powerful diversity
    that stimulates thought,
    and from the Nonphysical perspective,
    you enjoy that diversity.

    -Abe 2/15/97




  10. #10
    Jewel M.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mahsa View Post
    It is not a surprise that I don’t get result because I realized that I am ootv most of the time. for example my husband behaved me badly recently, and I am criticizing him all day long in my head. Deeply I think if I forgive him and be happy, he would be free and he doesn’t deserve it.it seems that I get the revenge of others from myself. What can I do? How can I set my self free of all negative thoughts and focus on me?. Was there another person who change her/his character and did things really change?
    Please show me a way to start? I really need some clarity and help.
    Hello mahsa,

    You are making your husband the source of your good, and therefore you are upset that he behaved "badly", but you are the source of your good....when you know that, then he can be as misbehaved as he pleases. He is free of your wrath, but so are you.

    He does not have to be perfect for you to live joyously, nor do you. How to free yourself of these negative thoughts and focus on you....you do exactly that, focus on you. What do you love to do? Do that. Even if it is something small. It will distract you from the negative thoughts, and they will lose some of their momentum. Sometimes we are not upset for the reason we think we are.

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