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Thread: How to help another who's in a dark place & lashing out

  1. #1

    How to help another who's in a dark place & lashing out

    Dear abers.

    How to help another who's in a dark place & lashing out?

    My sense is the answer is simple - hold my own alignment and see them as well yet I would appreciate any input.

    A friend, who I love dearly, is lashing out, similar to what Eckhart Tolle would describe as the pain-body in full flight. They have destroyed people's lives in the past in a sort of vengeance streak. I have watched them walk willingly into the darkness before, and even laugh that they have a Darth Vadar streak (To me it's all about pain). There is no point speaking to them as I can tell they are no where in the vicinity of being able to hear it anyhow and, for my own protection, I feel I need to keep a distance and turn my concern into prayer and positive expectation. They are also connected with negative people who do not wish them well, seeing them as their true friends (law of attraction at work!!) My worst fear is that they would end their life (and yet I know from an Abe perspective that they would be re-emerging into pure positive energy and it is nothing to mourn).

    I wish to soothe myself and soothe them (whether in their company or away). If there is any video or thread that covers something similar, I would appreciate you pointing me in it's direction.
    xx

  2. #2
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Roisin View Post
    How to help another who's in a dark place & lashing out?

    My sense is the answer is simple - hold my own alignment and see them as well yet I would appreciate any input.
    You are correct. That is the “simple” answer. I suspect that the reason why it seems sort of hollow to you (and, therefore, you're not yet willing to accept it) is because you need to first find your alignment before we can talk about holding you own alignment. There are many places in your posts when you offer the words, but what you're feeling and vibrating is something different. Now, that's all right. That's just the alignment “work” you have ahead of you.

    For example,
    Quote Originally Posted by Roisin View Post
    A friend, who I love dearly, is lashing out, similar to what Eckhart Tolle would describe as the pain-body in full flight.
    I have no doubt that this is an accurate description, from your current perspective. But you could find a better-feeling, accurate description of what's going on here. We never use the phrase “lashing out” to describe behaviors we personally find acceptable. Yet, your IB isn't judging good behavior in the same way. It's up to you too find out what your IB is thinking about this situation. For all I know, your IB see him reaching for his relief in the behavior you're calling “lashing out.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Roisin View Post
    They have destroyed people's lives in the past in a sort of vengeance streak.
    That's not going to feel “good” to think that. Is there a way of telling this story so that it's still true to you yet which feels better? That's the “work.”

    We can continue this same sort of analysis throughout your post, but you get the idea. It's not a question of a clip or a thread, but me of doing the “work,” as you've already guessed.

    How will you start?

  3. #3
    Wellbeing, I'm so glad that you got back to me. You always present me with my own take on a situation, in such a way that brings clarity. Yes, the pain/worry I'm feeling right now is because I'm not in alignment - my IB sees this situation as perfect right now....and so I am choosing to do likewise...I trust that it will unfold in the right way for the highest good of all.
    His 'lashing-out' is his way of reaching for relief - a very good thing really and if he continues to reach for relief, he will be at hope soon.

  4. #4
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    Here is a quote-collection that helped *me* so much, and this quote probably especially:

    Quotes about UPLIFTMENT and HELPING OTHERS

    Go yourself, where you want THEM to be!


    You have rendezvoused with out-of-alignment people,
    because there is an active vibration within you,
    that has awareness of out-of-alignment people.

    So are we going to talk about the people, or you?

    Hot Seat: I guess about me.

    Abraham: Yeah!

    Hot Seat:
    I guess I want them to follow me. I want them to join me.

    Abraham:
    They already did!
    [Laughter] They already did!

    Oh, you’re saying you want to take them some place else.
    Then go someplace else.

    Hot Seat: Ok.

    Abraham: Did you get that?

    Audience: Yes!

    Abraham:
    Because it’s really easy to evaluate the conditions
    that are manifesting, and think that now, now,
    here we are in this place we really don’t want to be-
    with momentum, and we want to head off in a different direction.

    Well, you are not going to do that.
    You are not going to do that.
    The train’s already going down the track.
    And it’s going to go where it is going.
    So, you are going to start over the next day- in a different way.

    So what is the emotion, that you are looking for,
    in these relationships with these others?
    What’s the somewhere else you want to go, in emotional terms?

    Hot Seat:
    Want to go to alignment. Want to go to the ease.

    Abe:
    Want to go to fun. Fun. You like fun with others?
    You like clarity and fun all mixed together?
    You like really smart funny intelligent clear-minded others, to play with?

    Hot Seat: Yes!

    Abraham:
    So go there. Think about how that feels.
    Think about how that feels.
    And think about it, when you first wake up in the morning.
    Think about how that feels, get some momentum going on that,
    for two or three or four or five or six or seven or eight or 30 days.

    Get some momentum going about that and then watch
    the way you begin realizing entirely different scenarios.
    Because your point of attraction shifted.
    And so, therefore, what you attracted shifted.

    Hot Seat: That’s awesome.

    Abraham:
    So now, here’s something else and this is really good.
    You are really, really going to like this.

    So as you got that just now, you all felt it in one way or another.
    And it sort of gave you a sense of “here I am,
    the Center of my Universe, and I’m attracting from the environment around me
    these kinds of people, clear-minded, fun, inspired, creative, happy, expansive others.”

    Ooo! Doesn’t that feel like a good crowd?
    “Oh, there you are!”
    [said to the audience to great cheers and applause]
    So it feels interesting that, “Here I am, a person and I’ve attracted a person,
    and I’ve attracted a person, and I’ve attracted a person,
    and I’ve attracted a person, and I’ve got a good party going on.”

    Well, we would like you to realize that there’s a potential party
    in everybody you know.
    So when you get there, you attract it from that one and that one.
    Iow, you are not looking for a whole different group of people.

    You are not reaching to the Universe and selectively sifting
    through people to bring different people to you,
    you are tuning yourself to the attraction of the best of all of them.

    And we want you to give yourself credit for who you already assembled,
    because you haven’t been making mistakes.
    Nothing’s going wrong!
    You are in the process of molding this into place.

    And there is so much positive momentum
    in every single relationship you have, that with a little tuning
    you can tune it into something that will be really delightful
    for both of you, you see.

    But the key is,
    you got to stop asking them to make the changes,
    you gotta make ‘em.

    You gotta find the emotional change in yourself.
    And some of them, they will come with you.
    Some of them will bounce off and go somewhere else,
    because it’s just too big of a gap.

    But most of the people you know will come with you.
    Most will. Because you’ve already vetted them.

    They came to you.
    You’ve been a positive attractor for a long time.
    Everyone of you has been a positive attractor for a long time.
    You’re just freaking out in the specifics of it.

    Do you see what we’re getting at?
    You’re freaking out in the manifestational phases of it,
    because you have a misunderstanding of how this works.

    So you’ve been attracting all these wonderful people around you,
    and then you say, “Oh, these aren’t the scenarios that I want.”
    And then you get really specific about the stuff you don’t want
    and you put your umbrella up and even though they are there,
    ready to deliver to you the love and the clarity that you want,
    ‘cause their Inner Beings are there with them,
    wanting to give you the part of them that you most want,

    you don’t let it in-
    because you are predisposed to who they are
    .

    Oooo. Oooo.
    Do you know how many opinions or attitudes you have
    about people around you,
    that do not then let them give who they really are,
    and what you really want from them to you?

    Because your perspective of who they are is already so cemented
    in terms of your vibrational practice,
    that even though all of them want to give you something different,
    you don’t let that part in.

    You only let the parts in that you have practiced.

    People will rise or lower to your expectations, 100% of the time.
    That’s how powerful you are. Don’t you love knowing that?
    So you say to your friend that you are mad at,
    “You know, I’ve really turned you into a bitch.
    I remember when what I attracted from you was so sweet.
    But not anymore. Not anymore.
    And I intend to do something about that.”

    Good. Really good!


    Boston, Oct. 2014





    When you see someone living something awful,
    a rocket of desire for their resolution shoots out of you.
    And then, if you start focusing upon their resolution,
    you'll start feeling better right away.

    And now, you're part of the current that is part of the solution.


    ---Abraham

    Excerpted from: Asheville, NC on October 24, 2004





    Don´t cling to mismatches, because "you care".

    Your car is a mis-match to who you are!
    It´s trying to work itself out of your experience!
    But for some reason, you´r willing to keep something that
    doesn´t feel good, up, really close to you. And why would you do that?
    You might be confused and think, if you do enough focuswheels,
    it will become new again. But it won´t.
    You see, harmony isn´t making something that doesn´t work, work!

    Harmony is aligning with WHO YOU ARE,
    and allowing LoA to bring alignment,
    or things that are in alignment with you, to you.
    Happens in relationships, it happens in work-environments.

    Sometimes, it really is about LETTING GO of things
    that don´t please you, to make rooms for things, that do.

    HS: WOW.

    Abe: Not just cars.


    Alaskan Cruise, July 01 - 08, 2016, from the clip
    Abraham Hicks 2016 - Let go of the things that don't please you to make room for things that do




    Leave them alone.
    Mind your own business.
    Get out of their experience.
    Trust that they are wise.

    Chicago, Sept. 2012

  5. #5
    songbird's Avatar
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    Oh Paradise.......I love that blue quote so much, so good....it made me forget the question! fun.

    Roisin,

    You can trust that you have clarity and know what to do already.

    The only thing that I would add would be to remember, that when someone is in anger and lashing out, it is because they are out of alignment and throwing a fit because they feel so bad, and want to feel better. They are trying to move up the scale as best they can, without understanding their emotional guidance consciously. In their anger and lashing out maybe they are feeling better than maybe their depression. But remember that in their disconnection they are not powerful....they are disempowered.

    Source loves us un conditionally , because source does not look at WHAT IS.
    Source loves never looks at what is. Source only looks at our expansion, at where we are going, because source knows that we are eternal. So the more you can step back into that broader perspective the better you will feel.

    All the best.

  6. #6
    songbird's Avatar
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    Also, maybe something that would help you, would be to let go of thinking in terms of "helping" them think in terms of helping your self, and your own alignment. Slight fine tuning!

    And remember that they have their own CONNECTION within that is calling them.

  7. #7
    DanC's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=WellBeing;979627] is because you need to first find your alignment before we can talk about holding you own alignment.

    Thanks WellBeing for your input on this topic. Always enjoy your feedback. That statement is true for me and I forget sometimes that I first have to find Alignment before I can maintain it.

    Thanks Roisn for bringing up this topic. Looks like a lot of us could relate.

  8. #8
    Thank you all...such soothing, I have reread all the posts here several time. I send you so much love and appreciation. x

  9. #9
    Jewel M.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by songbird View Post
    Also, maybe something that would help you, would be to let go of thinking in terms of "helping" them think in terms of helping your self, and your own alignment. Slight fine tuning!
    Roisin, I agree with songbird.

    Every experience is good. I enjoy learning from what comes to me….and I see how marvelous this Universe is. If your friend's behavior worries you, worry/fear was already present in you before you met this experience. This experience is simply highlighting it. You can look into other areas of your life and see where you’ve been worried, and soothe those feelings. Then his behavior will not feel problematic.

    I was with my sister and mother, the other morning. They criticized what my relatives were doing….and carried on endlessly about it. It was the fifth time in two days that I had heard them complain about the same thing the same way. (What was the point? Did it make them feel better about themselves to see others as faulty? I didn’t know.) Anyway, what stood out was that it was the fifth time they held the same rant. And suddenly, I thought to myself, “Do I complain about the same stuff over and over again even if just to myself?” The moment I thought that, my sister and mother stopped talking. One went into the bedroom and the other into the kitchen. Then I got it…I had attracted that behavior from them, for my benefit…and once I understood, they stopped. I saw that I had been complaining inwardly that it was getting hotter and hotter out, and that I was not ready for heat. I made a list of any complaints I could think of…and then added what I was already doing to resolve them. I saw that the complaints were still louder than the solutions…and that the solutions needed more emphasis. They were like seeds sprouting….and I needed to gently nourish those seeds more.



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