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Thread: In love with my friend

  1. #1

    In love with my friend

    Hey guys,

    So this is a little complex and I really need help unraveling this.

    I have falling in love with my good friend and we live together! I have known him for over 5 years and we have kissed occasionally drunk but nothing else. He is a bit of a wild flower but we do have a good friendship. However now when we go out drunk we argue a lot and he seems so nasty towards me. I have even caught him saying that he 'doesn't like me anymore' to another friend. But yet when we are not out drinking we are awesome and when he works away which is alot, he texts and/or calls everyother day and we are fine.

    To add to this, I get completely jealous. He has so many female friends and more so now than ever. And I get even more when he flirts with others. I know, hes not mine so I have no right but I'm so used to it being him and I or he would kiss me drunk and now I've turned into a raging jealous crazy woman! And when I see him with his other female friends, he looks at them like queens. But he sees them occasionally but with me I could see him everyday at points and sometimes with cook and eat together and then go to our separate rooms. Its like we are married for years without the sex! Its just the thought of him kissing or sleeping with another woman makes me feel sick.

    From what I understand with Abraham is people respond to you from what you give out. So my secret jealous and controlling energy is rubbing off onto him right? I am pushing him away?

    I just want to build our friendship back stronger again, and yes I am sexually attracted to him so id like more. Even though I know hes not my husband, I feel like something has been brewing for years and needs to come to surface. I don't want to be jealous or out of control anymore . Obsession is so bad for you and I feel like it consumes me!!

    Please help me turn this around, I know if I stopped caring it would change but the churning in my stomach is insane.

    Thank you so much xx

  2. #2
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    So, let's start this conversation with an update of how you've been applying the answers you've already received about this question to this situation. How have you been applying these teachings to this situation? How have you been attending to your emotional indicators of Jealousy, which is on the Scale?

  3. #3
    I say to myself 'how does this serve me'. And I know feeling this way makes me feel ill. I honestly feel completetly out of control sometimes.
    I keep saying to myself, focus on the good stuff and want makes you happy. But I truly just want him and have become obsessed. I have met other guys along the way but a few and they are either narrsasitic, have gf already or not interested.

  4. #4
    I have honestly just had enough of feeling obsessed. Gosh I know I sound pathetic but I am caught between what I know about Abraham and how anything is possible to rage for not having him.

  5. #5
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell32 View Post
    I say to myself 'how does this serve me'.
    A more helpful question to ask yourself would be "How can I feel better, right now?" And if you answer yourself, "I'm not sure," then a helpful follow-on question to ask yourself would be "These are the thoughts that I'm thinking about this topic. What thoughts can I find which would still be true and yet feel better about this topic?"

    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell32 View Post
    And I know feeling this way makes me feel ill.
    Isn't that your emotional guidance? What do you know about your emotional guidance? How do you create your emotional guidance? What does it mean? What purpose does it serve?

    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell32 View Post
    I honestly feel completetly out of control sometimes.
    That makes sense. In all of your threads about this topic, I haven't heard how you are exercising the control that you do have, which is the control of your focus and the control of how you feel, which is what Abraham teach us.

    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell32 View Post
    I keep saying to myself, focus on the good stuff and want makes you happy.
    The thing is that you've been practicing a very different focus about this topic, and for some time. This is like Abraham's train, going 100 mph in this direction, and now you're trying to suddenly go 100 mph in that opposite direction. You know, from your driving of vehicles, that this is difficult to safely or comfortably pull off. At best, it's hard on the contents of the vehicle.

    You also know, from your driving of vehicles, that a much more comfortable and effective approach would be to slow your vehicle down in its current direction. When you're at a safe and comfortable speed, then you redirect or refocus your vehicle. Once you have stably redirected your vehicle in the direction that you want, you can then concern yourself to increasing your momentum in the direction that you want. This is "the vibrational journey" that Abraham teach us to take. That's the whole point of the Phoenix to San Diego story. You're trying to "beam" yourself from Phoenix to San Diego and this isn't Star Trek. You have to make your journey in a different fashion than you've been attempting.

    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell32 View Post
    But I truly just want him...
    That's the problem. You've been approaching these teachings as some sort of vibrational voodoo to "get" him, when Abraham's "only one answer" is to teach us to feel better. In the grand scheme of things, from the broader sense of your Vortex, you want a mate who wants you back and he's already told you that he's gay, which rules you out, my dear. And if you go on to say that you "love" him and will use these teachings to change him, then that's really not the definition of Love.

    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell32 View Post
    and have become obsessed. I have met other guys along the way but a few and they are either narrsasitic, have gf already or not interested.
    Attracting other unavailable men, are you? Don't you find that interesting? Why do you think that is? (And I'm not asking for an in-depth psychological analysis. There is nothing about that, in this material. The answer is very simple.)

    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell32 View Post
    I have honestly just had enough of feeling obsessed. Gosh I know I sound pathetic but I am caught between what I know about Abraham and how anything is possible to rage for not having him.
    You're distorting these teachings, twisting Abraham's words into meanings that they didn't say.

  6. #6
    Believe me I focus on things to make me happy and I become busy and then the thought will creep in. I guess honestly if I met all these wonderful men, maybe I wouldn't give two shits but this sexually feeling towards him is insane and I guess yes I am used to men wanting me sexually.
    He has also confirmed to me that he finds women sexually attractive otherwise if he was just gay, I think I would have dealt with this by now as id know there is no chance. But that's not the case. He actually admitted to a friend that the found this girl really hot and would consider a girlfriend. Nothing happened but I find that hard to deal with.
    Thank you for taking the time on this. Like I said I have been working on feeling better and focusing on other things and then I come back to this feeling.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell32 View Post
    Believe me I focus on things to make me happy and I become busy and then the thought will creep in. I guess honestly if I met all these wonderful men, maybe I wouldn't give two shits but this sexually feeling towards him is insane and I guess yes I am used to men wanting me sexually.
    He has also confirmed to me that he finds women sexually attractive otherwise if he was just gay, I think I would have dealt with this by now as id know there is no chance. But that's not the case. He actually admitted to a friend that the found this girl really hot and would consider a girlfriend. Nothing happened but I find that hard to deal with.
    Thank you for taking the time on this. Like I said I have been working on feeling better and focusing on other things and then I come back to this feeling.
    Hi tinkerbell 32, in the past when I had a situation that I couldn't put down and over which I had a lot of emotional vacillations, it was always because I was not really identifying/accepting "where I really am" (emotionally). I didn't know how I really felt, because my feelings were all over the place, so I couldn't really feel better. The best way to know how I really felt was to ask myself "What if X never ever happens?" The feeling I got when I asked myself that always told me where I was emotionally, my starting point.

    Almost always I was in the EGS range of grief to blame, occasionally anger. Which was, funnily enough, always kind of a surprise, I always would have thought I was much higher...in hopefulness, even. Big mood swings are indicative (IME) of avoiding "How I really, really feel about X". I called it "gaming myself" but I believe in AH terms it is called Happy Face Stickering.

    If you ask yourself "What if I never ever get this man?", your feelings will reveal your starting point, and from there on, once you know how you really feel, finding better feelings and aligning more and more with what you really want becomes so much easier. I was once afraid to find out where I really was, because I thought that accepting lower range emotions and working up to a slightly better but still low emotion was a kind of settling, that I was basically agreeing to not have what I really wanted. This is not true! What's true is that the more honest you can be with yourself about how you feel, the faster you can move up the EGS, the faster your physical life mirrors your changes. It's pretty wonderful!

  8. #8
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    Sounds to me, that you are MASSIVELY relying on the action-journey and the conditions!

    I have been there and done this and for me, it all tied up in a knot, until I was in pain so much, that I gave up on "the stuff", which includes "getting him" for just a little while.

    You CAN NEVER give up on a desire.
    But you MUST start to give up- step by step, on your resistance.

    Soften your "neediness" and your jealousy by ingraining that itīs not "him" that can ever fulfill you.
    That is looking for love in all the wrong places, it really never ever works.
    Even if you "get" him (to kiss you, sleep with you, marry you...), you take yourself with you, and then you will be married and still have the same needy emotions.

    So, clean yourself up.
    Stop needing conditions for just a while, and learn to REALLY get happy in a maintained way no matter what,
    and to REALLY focus (without wobbling as soon you look at him) on the essences of what you want.

    Make this an emotional journey, instead of an action-catch-me-if-you-can- or intellectual journey.
    Care for NOTHING as much as for feeling good- or at least relief, now, now, now, now.

    And then.

  9. #9
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by tinkerbell32

    I have honestly just had enough of feeling obsessed.
    Focusing in a way that feels bad and having huge momentum on that, feels terrible.
    But you could- as easily as you are obsessed in a negative way now, get obsessed with feeling good.
    Itīs just a matter of where you look, how you focus, what thoughts you choose, how much airtime you give your thoughts.

    You need to TRAIN that.
    Just as you have trained yourself into this misery that you are currently in.


    "We want you to be obsessed with feeling good!"

    Abe

  10. #10
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    Let go in the right way!

    We DONīT want you to let go of your desire.
    But sometimes, you have to let go of thinking about it,
    in order to let go of the resistance of it.

    You NEVER let go of something you want!
    Itīs in your Vortex, and itīs making itīs way to you,
    or gets ready for you, to be ready for it.

    But sometimes, you have to- in essence- let go of something,
    meaning stop thinking and talking about it, because everytime
    you pick up the stick that is that subject, you activate
    the RESISTENT end of it. So, if you just can let go
    of it, like "Iīm not going to think about it for a while"-

    -THEN the resistance subsides, and THEN you can start
    moving toward it, again.


    2017 04 01 Boca Raton

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