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Thread: In love with my friend

  1. #11
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Oct 2008
    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell32 View Post
    Believe me I focus on things to make me happy...
    Thatís great.

    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell32 View Post
    and I become busy and then the thought will creep in.
    And this is your indicator that you are doing something else than what youíve just told us on THIS topic. Youíre doing something else (such as observing your manifested what-is on THIS topic, which gives you an excuse to practice more of the thoughts which created your manifested what-is in the first place) which practices a momentum of what you donít want. Thatís all right that youíre doing it, but you are doing it, which means that you have the ability to do something else.

    Notice that in your OP you are NOT focusing on things that make you happy about THIS topic. In fact, your OP reads almost exactly the same as the posts that youíve been making about this topic over the years that youíve been posting here about this topic. Thatís the gift youíve given yourself in your many threads about this topic. You have a wonderful time-line showing yourself, in black-and-white fashion, some of the habits of focus youíve been practicing with regard to this relationship.

    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell32 View Post
    I guess honestly if I met all these wonderful men, maybe I wouldn't give two shits but this sexually feeling towards him is insane and I guess yes I am used to men wanting me sexually.

    So, youíd rather ďwinĒ than be happy. Good to know, isnít it?

    Thatís really the crux of it, isnít it? Youíve decided that, as long as thereís a chance that you can ďgetĒ him, youíd much rather ďgetĒ him than be happy. However, thatís backwards from what Abraham teach us. Youíre taking the same attitude as those people who say, ďAbraham, show me the money and then Iíll be happy.Ē Abraham always reply to those people that they have to get happy with the state of their finances as they presently are and then the money will come.

    You, too, can get happy (well, not in this red-hot moment, in the face of the momentum youíve been practicing. But you CAN feel better about him and about your relationship than youíve been practicing.) about this relationship and this relationship will improve. Because thatís the point that youíre missing: you HAVE a relationship with this man. Youíve been beating the drum of how itís a different relationship than the one you want and the many different ways your current relationship is dissatisfying to you. The LoA brings to you more of what you focus upon. Do you know that? When you focus on the many different ways your current what-is is dissatisfying to you, the LoA MUST bring to you more ways it (and other aspects of your life, such as the other men you meet) is dissatisfying to you. Thatís the vibration that youíre offering and the LoA doing what it does: itís bringing to you people and experiences and behaviors which match your vibration. Thatís why this man (whom everyone else manifests as ďwonderful, etc., etc.Ē) is manifesting in your experience as a disappointment.

    Now, youíre having emotional guidance, letting you know what youíve been doing every step of your way. Youíve said above that you ďhave honestly just had enough of feeling obsessed.Ē Thatís actually a good thing, because when you have honestly had enough of this feeling, you can use these teachings and their techniques to start creating a different feeling for yourself.

    However, when you get to that point and we start to discuss these teachings, youíll hear that these teachings and their techniques donít ask us to change the conditions, like youíve been trying. Thatís a good thing because youíve been showing yourself that you have limited influence over who he pays attention to or to whom heís attracted or how he interacts with you. The good news is none of that has anything to do with the feelings you create for yourself. Thatís key and thatís a very different perspective than how youíve been viewing this situation. You havenít yet accepted that your emotions are the product of the thoughts that you think and the relationship of those thoughts to the thoughts that your IB is thinking in that very same instant on that very same topic. Read that sentence over again. Youíll notice that ďheĒ isnít any part of that equation. Heís not in there anywhere.

    How you feel is always about the thoughts that you are thinking. You can use what he does or who he dates or how he treats you or anyone else as your reason for thinking your thoughts, but itís always and ONLY your thoughts which create the emotions that you feel. None of that stuff about him has the ability to create the emotions that you feel.

    So, you have a choice. You can make yourself miserable until he decides to choose you (and continue to poison your experience of the relationship that you currently HAVE). Or you can find ways to feel better about this topic and find more enjoyment in the relationship that you currently HAVE. If thatís a conversation that youíd like to have, then youíve come to the right place. Weíve already touched on some practical ideas above.

    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell32 View Post
    He has also confirmed to me that he finds women sexually attractive otherwise if he was just gay, I think I would have dealt with this by now as id know there is no chance. But that's not the case. He actually admitted to a friend that the found this girl really hot and would consider a girlfriend. Nothing happened but I find that hard to deal with.

    So, as long as you think you have a shot at him, youíd rather ďgetĒ him than be happy. Thatís good to know. Again, that is backwards from everything that Abraham teach, which is to feel better first without needing the conditions to change first.

    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell32 View Post
    Thank you for taking the time on this. Like I said I have been working on feeling better and focusing on other things and then I come back to this feeling.

    Of course, itís normal to come back to this feeling. You canít really stop observing him, his life and what heís doing, since you live with him. But you CAN (if youíd like) find BFTs about all of that. If thatís what youíd like to discuss, why donít you tell us more about what youíve been doing on that score?

  2. #12
    You get what you think about. You have been thinking about the absence of a relationship with this man, and therefore you have been manifesting the absence of a relationship with this man. Find BFTs about this subject (move 'towards' the end-of-the-stick called "presence of a relationship with this man), and you will eventually manifest your desire when you are a match to the vibration of your desire.

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