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Thread: I want to feel the love and compassion of my IB

  1. #1

    I want to feel the love and compassion of my IB

    Hello everyone,
    As I said, I'm looking for guidance as my IB would tell me to.
    I hope to be accepted here, I hope to feel the love and compassion as my title says, that IB feel for us all.
    I'm struggling, everyday a little less ,but I still have no enough confidence and happiness to move forward.
    I've been in resistance fore more then 10 years ,since I'm aware of it, I guess my vortex is huge, full, and even though I always felt that suffering was not a normal way to live life, I only recently discovered with Abe I was right.
    Long story short, I don't know how to allow my desires to come to me, my resistance to dissipate, I tried too hard with processes, eccc, and I went into despair because my vortex was getting bigger and everyone around me had success with Abe suggestion,apart from me.

    I'd like to have clear guidance, on what to do, the easy way, I struggled for years, I'm tired of thoughts far from my IB, and I'm exhausted about reality far from my IB, tryink to keep my mood hopeful and hoptimistic no matter what, sometimes it's really challenging, I need that clear view, that only IB could give..What to do when I wake up,during the day, when reality hurts, really, what to do, from now, to allow, my happiness, and all the desires of who I've become,
    If anyone of you feels inspired to..I'm here, with hope and appreciation to release my pain.
    Thankfully

  2. #2
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RebornGirl View Post
    As I said, I'm looking for guidance as my IB would tell me to.
    I hope to be accepted here, I hope to feel the love and compassion as my title says, that IB feel for us all.
    Moderator's note: Since your title didn't say that, I've changed your title to say that for you.

    If you want to find the guidance of your IB, then you only have to use your emotional guidance system to consistently find thoughts which feel better than the thoughts you've been in the habit of thinking. As you do more of that, on more topics, more today than you did yesterday, you will tune yourself back into that understanding of your IB. That's what that "better" means.

    The good news is you were born with that attunement and with that understanding. And your IB is always (24/7) flowing Its Knowing to you. You just have to play an emotional "Hotter/Colder" Game. (I sense you might not be from the U.S. Do you know the "Hotter/Colder" Game? It's a game that I used to play as a kid and that J&E* played with their grandchildren when their grandchildren were kids. If you're not familiar with that game, there's a nice description of that game in AAIIG.) You're equipped to do that.

    Quote Originally Posted by RebornGirl View Post
    I'm struggling, everyday a little less ,but I still have no enough confidence and happiness to move forward.
    When you say that you want "to move forward," Abraham would recommend that the "move[ment] forward" that you're wanting is an emotional movement forward. You can do that. You can use these teachings to find thoughts which still seem true to you yet which feel better than the thoughts you had been practicing. These new thoughts that you will find for yourself feel like relief, or as we like to say here on the Forum, they will feel better. As you do more of that, on more subjects of your life, more today than you did yesterday and so on, you will then be "mov[ing] forward." And that's how you will eventually get to "happiness," as you're wanting in your post here.

    It's helpful to have an understanding of what Abraham teach us before we attempt to apply those teachings, so if you haven't already done so, I would strongly suggest that you carefully and thoroughly read an Abraham book (such as AAIIG or APOE) to get that helpful understanding. It's really hard to successfully do something if you're not sure what it is you're "supposed to be" doing, isn't it?

    Quote Originally Posted by RebornGirl View Post
    I've been in resistance fore more then 10 years ,...
    The good news is that, from the standpoint of this material, it doesn't matter if you'd been doing that for 1 day, 1 year, 10 years, 1 million years. All of your creative power is Now. What you did before is, truly, old news.

    Quote Originally Posted by RebornGirl View Post
    ...since I'm aware of it, I guess my vortex is huge, full, and even though I always felt that suffering was not a normal way to live life, I only recently discovered with Abe I was right.
    Good for you.

    Quote Originally Posted by RebornGirl View Post
    Long story short, I don't know how to allow my desires to come to me,...
    Abraham have written whole books about this. Have you read them?

    Essentially, their "only one answer" is "find ways to feel better without needing your conditions to change first." That's really simple to write right here. Fortunately, each of their books give us practical tools and examples to help us accomplish that.

    Quote Originally Posted by RebornGirl View Post
    ...my resistance to dissipate,...
    What is your definition of "resistance"?

    If you're using Abraham's definition, which is "any thought which feels worse than the thought you had been thinking," then your logic will tell you that the way you allow your resistance to dissipate is to find a thought which feels better than your resistant thought. Don't you love how consistent these teachings are?

    Quote Originally Posted by RebornGirl View Post
    ... I tried too hard with processes, eccc,...
    So, you may have noticed that, throughout my reply to you here, I've been playing formatting games with certain words. I'm doing that because those words are key to these teachings.

    The sole function of the Abraham Processes is to help us--you know what I'm going to say, so say it with me--feel better. A lot of people misunderstand that sole function so they (for whatever their good reason) stop using their emotional guidance system as they do their Processes. In their misunderstanding, they think that the Processes are tools to get our stuff or something else or they simply fall back into a habit of being a "human doing" (as I like to call myself) and turn the Processes into some sort of assignment or--worse--magic spell. And they work really, really hard at doing that.

    When you understand that the sole function of an Abraham Process is to help us feel better and you find yourself trying "too hard" with your Process, that "too hard" feeling is your emotional guidance system letting you know that you have an intention of using your Process in a way that's not helpful to what you really want, which is to feel better. IOW, your "too hard" feeling doesn't feel better which is your clue to tune into your emotional guidance system and reach for what does feel better. Do you see?

    Quote Originally Posted by RebornGirl View Post
    ...and I went into despair because my vortex was getting bigger and everyone around me had success with Abe suggestion,apart from me.
    It's understandable that you would say this. But pop quiz time: How does that thought feel? From the tone of your writing, I'm going to guess that it doesn't feel better. (Are you beginning to see the theme here?) This not-better feeling of yours is letting you know that your IB has a different opinion than the one you're expressing about your experience. You're free to express this or whatever it is that you want to express about this or any of your experiences. However, if you want to tune into what your IB is knowing about this experience, you're going to want to find a different story to tell about this experience. Which story "should" you tell about this experience? You start with a story which still seems true to you yet which feels better than this story you're now telling. When your new story no longer is providing you with relief, then you find a new story which still seems true to you yet which feels better than your previous story. You do that, enjoying the relief from each story, until you find a story which feels wonderful to you to tell and to contemplate.

    Abraham tell us that every subject is like a stick with two ends, with a Wanted/Having-of-It end and an Unwanted/Lack-or-Absence end. We can tell, by how we feel, which end we're focusing upon. You're telling your story, which is focused on the Unwanted/Lack-or-Absence end of the "stick" labeled "my experience with these teachings." It's all right that you're doing that. You have absolute freedom to focus in whatever way you would like. However, your IB is always focused on the Wanted/Having-of-It end of any "stick" that you focus upon.

    So, if you want to understand the perspective of your IB, you'll want to use your emotional guidance to shift your focus towards the same direction of your IB. How can you tell when you are doing that? That's easy. You feel better each time you do that. What might the Wanted/Having-of-It end of this "stick" might be? Well, that's really for you to feel for yourself and I can't say for you. However, for me, I might find relief thinking about if there's a bunch of people who are having success with this material, then it shows me that this material does work and, if it works for them, it's only a matter of time before it works for me, too. Again, you'll have to feel what is a thought which feels better to you so that you can tune into the understanding of your IB, not mine.

    Quote Originally Posted by RebornGirl View Post
    I'd like to have clear guidance, on what to do, the easy way, I struggled for years, I'm tired of thoughts far from my IB, and I'm exhausted about reality far from my IB,...
    Then it sounds like you're ready to take "the vibrational journey" towards your IB. That vibrational journey is key, as I'll explain to you in a second.

    Quote Originally Posted by RebornGirl View Post
    ... tryink to keep my mood hopeful and hoptimistic no matter what, sometimes it's really challenging....
    It is challenging. It's a good thing that this is not what Abraham ask us to do. They don't ask us to do this because they understand that it's not possible (or it's not sustainable) to do something very different with our vibration than what we'd been practicing. So, haul out your copy of the Emotional Guidance Scale. (It's in AAIIG. If you don't have a copy handy right now, you can find a copy here.) Locate on the Scale where the vibration that you've been telling us you've been practicing (Powerlessness? Despair?). Now find Hopefulness and Optimism on the Scale. Notice the big distance between those two points on the Scale? The LoA won't let you leap from Powerlessness or Despair alllll the way to Hopefulness or Optimism. That's a quantum leap in vibration, which is more than "challenging." It's "difficult" or "unsustainable."

    This is why Abraham teach us to take "the vibrational journey." It's like every physical journey with which you're already familiar. You start where you are. You point yourself in the direction that you want. You move in manageable, sustainable, comfortable progressive increments (step-by-step, mile-by-mile, etc.) from where you are in the direction of where you want to be. If you keep that up and if you keep adjusting your direction so that you're always heading in the direction you want, it is inevitable that you will get to where you want to be.

    In terms of Abraham's vibrational journey, you can use the Scale as a sort of road map. Starting with--say--Powerlessness, you can reach upwards towards thoughts of Jealousy. You can be Jealous of all those people who had success with these teachings when you did not, which you sort of did up there. So, good for you. Thoughts of Jealousy of others feels better than thoughts of Powerlessness or Despair, because you're shifting your critical focus away from yourself (in Powerlessness or Despair) towards others (in Jealousy). So, you stop beating up on yourself for a bit, which does provide relief. When thoughts of Jealousy no longer provide you with relief, you can then reach upwards-- What's above Jealousy on the Scale? Hatred/Rage? Revenge? Anger? Blame? Those will all provide relief from Jealousy. You continue on your journey, enjoying your relief every step of your way and you will inevitably make your way to Hopefulness or Optimism or beyond: to Enthusiasm or Passion or Joy or Love.

    Quote Originally Posted by RebornGirl View Post
    ... I need that clear view, that only IB could give..
    This is that quantum leap that the LoA won't let you make all at once. You can't jump to "that clear view." But you CAN move yourself from the view that you have now to a clearer view and then a clearer view and then a clearer view and then a clear view and then.... Eventually, you can journey your way into "that clear view." You just can't leap there, as it sounds like you've been trying to do.

    Quote Originally Posted by RebornGirl View Post
    What to do when I wake up,during the day, when reality hurts,...
    Here's an important distinction for you to hear: It's not "reality" which hurts. It's your thoughts that you're thinking about your reality which hurts. That's key.

    And that's good news, because if you had any ideas about how to change reality, I'm sure you'd be "out there" doing them. So, if you need your reality to change before you could stop hurting, you'd be sort of screwed. However, you CAN (with a little decision and a little focus and a little practice) find thoughts about your reality which hurt less and that would provide you with the relief that you're asking of us. And, even better, those thoughts which hurt you less would be a step on your vibrational journey to the clear view of your IB.



    *You can find a translation of the acronyms and abbreviations that we commonly use here on the Forum in ourGlossary.

  3. #3
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Here's a thought that you might want to contemplate: In coming here, you chose an identity of "Reborn" and you talked about some of that in your first post here on the Forum. Those are wonderful ideas, aren't they? And what's the value in being "reborn"? Isn't it in the reset, in the wiping of the slate clean, in the leaving the past behind? If we didn't want those things, we wouldn't need to be "reborn," right? We would instead simply "carry on," right?

    Now, stick with me here. And also understand that what I'm next about to say, I say WITHOUT any criticism whatsoever.

    Keeping those qualities of "reborn" in your mind, review your OP of this thread. Can you see how you're dragging along a lot from your "previous" life into this fresh new life that you want to be "reborn" into? Now, it's really typical that people would continue to do what they had been doing. That's what habit and momentum are all about. That's why we "croak" and actually become physically "reborn" lifetime after lifetime after lifetime.

    However, you don't need to "croak" in order to truly be "reborn." You just want to practice different habits in the place of your previous habits. Abraham would encourage you to pay attention to your emotional guidance, which will let you know when you are doing one of your previous habits which no longer serve you, because you won't feel "good." In that not-good moment (or later on, when you find a quiet time) you can start to reach for and find thoughts which feel better and explore and focus and practice them, so that you're more likely to practice your different habit. Because it feels better, you know it's a habit which serves you. That's how you truly make yourself "reborn."

  4. #4
    Thank you for your consistent answer, you're right,when I say reborn I feel like carrying the unwanted too much.
    I think I didn't explain it very well, I took the emotional journey 6 7 months ago, and I'm meditating consistently since a month, what I do it's focusing on basic well-being emotions to start positive momentum, ignoring the 3 subjects that hurt me, personal relationship, body and career, even though I feel generally much better, I appreciate the last clarifying contrasts, but the absence of those it's still present, this is why very often I wish I could speak to Abraham or my IB to tell Mr what could give me an happier path and my solutions \desires of course...
    I feel generally fine, but during the day of course I feel the tug of war in my stomach when I'm aware of their absence..

  5. #5
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RebornGirl View Post
    Thank you for your consistent answer, you're right,when I say reborn I feel like carrying the unwanted too much.
    I think I didn't explain it very well,...
    You explained yourself very well.

    Quote Originally Posted by RebornGirl View Post
    I took the emotional journey 6 7 months ago,...
    From what you're telling us here, it might be more accurate to say that you started the emotional journey then, but you have more to go. "You will not get it done."

    Quote Originally Posted by RebornGirl View Post
    ...and I'm meditating consistently since a month, what I do it's focusing on basic well-being emotions to start positive momentum,...
    That's great.

    Quote Originally Posted by RebornGirl View Post
    ...ignoring the 3 subjects that hurt me, personal relationship, body and career,...
    Notice, in this thread, you were actually doing something very different than what you're describing.

    That's all right. It's good to know what you're doing and when. It's good to know when you're doing something other than what you had intended, because if you don't know, how are you going to adjust what you're doing, right?

    Quote Originally Posted by RebornGirl View Post
    ..even though I feel generally much better, I appreciate the last clarifying contrasts, but the absence of those it's still present,...
    Well, as Abraham often remind us, we get what we think about, whether we want it or not. So, it makes sense that, as you keep noticing the absence of those, the LoA has to bring you more absence of those. That's the law.

    Now, I have to tell you that, even though Abraham do recommend that we put our heads in the sand, it's been my experience that we humans don't do that very effectively. And that might be what's going on for you. It certainly seems to be what you're explaining to us.

    So, Abraham teach us a different way. The emotional journey on these issues of yours, so that you can shift your focus away from your current focus on their absence more towards a better-feeling wanted focus. It's all well and good that you've started your emotional journey. It's good that you've started with (perhaps) easier topics than these, so that you can learn and practice some skills. Now, it may be time for you to start your emotional journey on these important topics of yours. That's a piece that I'm not yet hearing.

    Quote Originally Posted by RebornGirl View Post
    ... this is why very often I wish I could speak to Abraham or my IB to tell Mr what could give me an happier path and my solutions \desires of course...
    Notice that, even here, you're focusing on the Unwanted/Lack-or-Absence end of this "stick."

    Abraham would tell you to get happy first and then the solutions come. How are you doing that?

    ETA: The piece you're missing is that you think the manifestations will make you happy. That's understandable. Most people believe that. Many people sit in the HS with Abraham and say, "Abraham, show me the money and then I'll be happy." But the stuff doesn't have the ability to make any of us as happy as most people seem to think.

    Abraham tell the story of how Esther, when she would see a new car, she would say to Jerry, "Oh, Jerry, please, please, please buy me that beautiful car. It would make me happy...for the afternoon." It's not the stuff that makes us happy. It's our alignment which makes us happy. As you actually work at reaching for feeling better and feeling better and feeling better and so on, you will demonstrate to yourself your own ability to direct your thoughts and focus so that you can journey your way to your happiness, whether you have your stuff or not.

    Quote Originally Posted by RebornGirl View Post
    I feel generally fine,...
    Really? Because you wouldn't know that from this thread. And, let me be clear, it's really none of my business what you truly are feeling, but until you clear up your misalignment, until you shift your focus from the Unwanted/Lack-or-Absence end of your various "sticks," you're not going to feel "fine."

    Quote Originally Posted by RebornGirl View Post
    ... but during the day of course I feel the tug of war in my stomach when I'm aware of their absence..
    Great! So, you've been paying attention to your guidance. You know that your "tug of war" is your own resistance. How are you shifting and releasing your resistance?
    Last edited by WellBeing; 22 Hours Ago at 01:17 PM.

  6. #6
    Going general,since today I started focusing more about the subject that works for me , when Abraham says that we could have 5 important subject and 1 going well other 4 not, focus on that 1 going well, it makes me feel good focusing on my family and my dogs.
    Regarding the 3 topics, this is what I'm struggling with as you pointed, I have a belief that there are solutions available, but I'm not sure if cleaning up it's better or not, but when I tried to clean them up I felt a lot of tension, spent months of doing that, this is where most of my resistance comes from,from trying to apply the teachings but getting things worse...
    What do you think about it?

  7. #7
    I intuitively felt that I release some tension about those were a right thing to do, and in doing that with a person who ran a Abe teachings group I had some great movement, but now I don't know how to find the relief in those, I dare not to look at them, they hurt too much.

  8. #8
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RebornGirl View Post
    Going general,since today I started focusing more about the subject that works for me , when Abraham says that we could have 5 important subject and 1 going well other 4 not, focus on that 1 going well, it makes me feel good focusing on my family and my dogs.
    Regarding the 3 topics, this is what I'm struggling with as you pointed, I have a belief that there are solutions available, but I'm not sure if cleaning up it's better or not, but when I tried to clean them up I felt a lot of tension, spent months of doing that, this is where most of my resistance comes from,from trying to apply the teachings but getting things worse...
    What do you think about it?
    Here's the thing: when we here on the Abe Forum talk about "cleaning something up," we mean "finding ways to feel better about that something without needing that something to change first." So, when you talk as you are here in this thread and describe the tension that you're talking about here, it seems to me that you have a very different definition of "cleaning something up," because if you shared our definition of "cleaning something up," your "tension" would let you that you want to be shifting your thoughts in a different direction--or in a much smaller increment--than you've been trying to accomplish.

    Furthermore, you then look to "things [getting] worse," meaning you once again look to the manifestations, when I've been talking about feeling better. This is why I've been playing the formatting games that I've been doing here in this thread. As I mentioned in that ETA: passage in my last reply, the manifestations don't have the ability to "make you feel" better. How you feel is always a product of your own alignment (or lack thereof). You DO have the ability to help yourself feel better (even if that "better" is "a little less crappy") right now, even before your manifested conditions change. That's what Abraham teach us.

    The piece that you're not yet willing to let go of is that you're here, saying "I want to be happy." However, you believe that you can only be happy if you get your manifestations that you want. So, you're out in your life, looking at what's manifesting. However, in your looking at what's manifesting, you keep looking at your unwanted manifestations and giving them your attention, which is asking the LoA to bring you more of what you're looking at, even though you don't want it. Sometimes, on the Forum, we compare this to going to a restaurant and ordering a salad when you really want a steak. The waiter is going to bring you what you ordered. The waiter isn't going to second-guess you and say, "Nah, I know she really wanted a steak, so I'm going to bring her a steak."

    You keep looking at the crummy salad that you've ordered (and that the waiter has brought to you) and you keep talking and thinking about the crummy salad that you didn't want but ordered and, in your talking and thinking about it, you're ordering some more of the crummy salad that you don't want.

    There are 2 primary ways around this: you can withdraw your attention from what you don't want and focus instead on observing manifestations in your what-is that you do want. However, you take your body (for example) with you wherever you go, so it's really hard not to observe your manifested body.

    The other primary way around this is to shift how you're focusing on your manifested condition. This is helpful when you are bringing an largely unwanted condition with you wherever you go. In this case, Abraham teach us to find ways to look at and to focus upon our largely unwanted conditions so that we feel better as we do so. Once again, I'm playing games with the formatting because if you're feeling "tension," that's your indicator that you're not feeling better, as you had intended and as Abraham teach us.

  9. #9
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RebornGirl View Post
    I intuitively felt that I release some tension about those were a right thing to do, and in doing that with a person who ran a Abe teachings group I had some great movement, but now I don't know how to find the relief in those, I dare not to look at them, they hurt too much.
    That "they hurt too much" piece is something that's going to have to change. You're going to have to find a way (either by staying off those subjects or by deliberately and consciously using something like Abraham's Processes) to take those subjects from "they hurt too much" towards a story which feels better to you.

    But the thing is, even in this thread, when you didn't start out by giving your issues words, you were still thinking about them and focusing on them, in a way that's preventing the "love and compassion" that you're talking about. IOW, your IB is (as your title states) feeling "love and compassion" for you and for these topics. The reason why you are not feeling "love and compassion" for you and for these topics isn't because you're living what you don't want. It's because you're thinking thoughts which are very different than your IB's thoughts of "love and compassion" for you and for these topics. As I mentioned above, you can't leap from the "hurt too much" thoughts you've been practicing to "love and compassion." The LoA won't let you make such a big leap. But you can feel better. However, that's something that you will have to be willing to do for yourself. Is that something that you are now willing to do for yourself?

  10. #10
    I'd love to, but, since I started, I tried every process and none of it gave me relief..And then as I previously wrote, I felt more powerless, right now taking this subjects off of my life, I feel more hopeful and calm, but they are not changing, as you said it's my awareness, even though my effort is to avoid them. Do you have any idea or inspiration about what could I try to release the tension?
    Thank you for your understanding anyway...You picked up the point..

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