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Thread: What is wrong with me focus wheel Kinda thing

  1. #1

    What is wrong with me focus wheel Kinda thing

    There is something wrong with me; I want to know that I am absolutely perfect as I am.

    I am truly unlovable, there is something wrong with me that makes it impossible for people to truly love me when I am being my real authentic self; I want to know that I am worthy of all the love there is in the universe, deep, powerful, everlasting love, and I want to know that I already have it every day no matter what I do, I want to feel like I am totally surrounded by love and I want to bask in the joy of that relief.

    Nobody really loves me, maybe they never will; I want to feel confident that I am loved, that I always have been, and always will be.

    Im going to work with statement #2:

    i am truly unlovable and there is something wrong with me; I want to feel confident that I am loved and I want to bask in that essence every day (summarized)

    Up the emotional scale we try....

    i am unlovable and there is something wrong with me (unworthiness)

    Others have loved me before (wobble, don't believe it)

    there is is something wrong with me (same repeating thought)

    people who dont know me intimately seem to like me (better)

    people say that they like me (slightly better)

    sometimes i I can tell people admire me, but I know they don't actually know me and if they did, they wouldn't like me (worse)

    my mom and sister feel the same obligatory love and occasional like towards me, but when they don't really like me all that much a lot of the time (worse)

    my dad loves me but he really just feels guilty (worse)

    marc (ex bf) loves me but only because I'm at a distance (same)

    Everybody's love is so conditional, and I just can't meet the necessary conditions to get it very often (slightly better)

    maybe everybody's love is always conditional to everyone (slightly better)

    but why why does everyone else seem to have complete love? (Same)

    does everyone ekse just love themselves so much that they are happy? (Same)

    what am i doing wrong? (Worse)

    maybe im just so selfish and cold (worse)

    wouldnt it be nice if I didn't need other people to love me (slightly better)

    maybe people are just fickle like abraham says (slightly better)

    maybe everybody is fickle and everybody's love is conditional (slightly better)

    but then why why do other people claim to have more love than I feel I have (worse)

    how do I ever find love if I don't find it in someone, and give it to myself? Is that really fulfilling? (Same)

    wouldn't it be nice it the love I can give myself felt exactly like what I was looking for? (Better)

    i dont really know how to gice myself love

    what if doing this vibrational work is part of giving myself love ? (Better)

    wouldnt it be nice if all I had to do was choose thoughts that made me feel better and I would find what I'm looking for in that? (Worse, I can't do that)


    guys, I just can't any seem to be able to talk myself into believing that loving myself is all I need. I still pretty steadfastly believe that I need/want others to love me!

    Help me get beyond that!!

    Then, btw, the dialogue turns to "I must be codependent, I must have this disorder or that disorder cause I want other people to make me happy etc etc etc...back to "what is wrong wth me?"

    i reqly need help getting out of this.

    Thank you all so much.

  2. #2
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Moderator's note

    Since this is a "work" thread, I've moved your thread to the Practicing the Teachings sub-forum with our other "work" threads and where our coaching-types tend to hang out.

    If you'd like to learn more about the various sub-fora here on The Abe Forum, please read their descriptions on the Forum Home page as well as this post:

  3. #3
    Super Kitty Marc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jakeysnakey View Post
    There is something wrong with me; I want to know that I am absolutely perfect as I am.
    So part of the trouble you're running into is that it's impossible for you to go from point A ("There is something wrong with me") to point B ("I want to know that I am absolutely perfect as I am.") all at once. LOA simply won't let you do it and you're setting yourself up for failure when you try to tackle that. The more you try to EFFORT your way up the EGS, the more vibrational backlash you get that just feeds into where you are.

    The piece you're missing is that you don't have to make that sort of a jump. You don't have to get all the way to, "I know that I am absolutely perfect as I am," all you need to do is to STOP doing, "There is something wrong with me" or at least soften it. The quickest and most direct way of doing that, especially when things are really throbbing is to get off the subject. Go take a nap. Meditate. Go pet your cat. Once you're in a place where you don't have quite so much momentum, now you can do a little work. Now keep in mind, all you have to do is do something OTHER than "there's something wrong with me." That means you literally have an ENTIRE UNIVERSE of topics you could focus on. Choosing ANY of them allows that momentum of "there's something wrong with me" to subside. That can be a topic that's here on the planet, "Gee, these kittens are really cute!" or not on this planet. "This space probe just sent back these AMAZING photos of the Big Red Spot on planet Jupiter." It can be something very physical -- "Gold is a very soft, non-reactive metal, and it's shiny too!" or it can be something abstract -- "The sum of the square of the hypotenuse of a triangle is equal to the sum of the square of the other two sides (A squared + B squared = C squared)." You can choose ANY other topic, and virtually every topic you could possibly choose is going to feel BETTER than trying to wrestle with the topic of relationship right now.

    Take some time practicing feeling better by focusing on other things. Give yourself some time. Then, when you've regained your balance and proven to yourself that you have the ability to feel better, then you can start to work on this topic more directly.

  4. #4
    Hey Marc - okay that was very helpful, but another question:

    When Abe teaches how to do a focus wheel, isn't Esther saying that you should elaborate on where you want to be, and try to 'get on the wheel' of it? Say anything that resonates with what you truly desire in order to get on the wheel? Or, are you suggesting that my wheel is spinning so fast that I can't possibly jump on it with relationship, and that I have to slow the train way down first? That maybe I'm too far down the emotional scale to get on the wheel by trying to do a focus wheel?

    I know you suggest napping and stuff, but sometimes I literally feel like this is all I can think about.

    PS - I literally just moved from Tempe AZ a few months ago, too bad we didn't cross paths!

  5. #5
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    I know you're asking Marc here, but since you've posted this same question in both of your Practicing threads, it sort of seems that you'd like an answer now. Since I'm around, I'll give it a shot.

    First off, you might find my take on the Focus Wheel Process helpful to you:
    Quote Originally Posted by jakeysnakey View Post
    When Abe teaches how to do a focus wheel, isn't Esther saying that you should elaborate on where you want to be, and try to 'get on the wheel' of it?
    If you've read that post, you'll see that I see the Focus Wheel as a representation of our vibrational journey. (I'll use the standard Phoenix to San Diego example here.) Finding a center-of-the-wheel statement is like programming your destination into your GPS system. (That's why I called it the "destination statement" in that post.) You're identifying that you want to be in San Diego. Abraham ask us to make sure our center-of-the-wheel statement includes some emotional words, because our destination is an emotional destination. They want us to feel our way around the Wheel, rather than think our way around the Wheel. It's easier to feel our way towards our destination when our destination already includes a whiff of that feeling in it.

    A lot of people here on the Forum like to skip over the top-of-the-page statement, which I should call the "origin statement." (And since that was a brand-new idea for me and since I link to that post a bit, I might go back and add that brand-new idea to that post later on!) I personally think that's an unhelpful short-cut. I think it's helpful to start any journey where you are. Our origin statement does that. Not only that but chances are you have a whole bunch of thoughts about where you are active within you at the time you're doing your Focus Wheel. Distilling (either all or some of) them into a single origin statement is the first step in your Focus-ing. (Get it?)

    Once you're set up with your two statements, the Process is to take your vibrational journey from your "origin statement" towards your "destination statement." The first step is to get on the Wheel. For me, that was at first the trickiest part. I think it's helpful that you are learning this Process now (rather than when it was first introduced) because now, as a result of the lessons that Abraham have given us doing Focus Wheels, you now know of techniques like Going General and the SN/GN/GP/SP Process, which are outgrowths from Abraham's lessons to us about Focus Wheels.

    So, one way to get on the Wheel is step from your origin statement into a more General place. That was one favorite trick of Esther, who at one time did hundreds of Focus Wheels a day. That slows your momentum down enough to get you on the Wheel. (And remember that the metaphor for the Focus Wheel was the merry-go-round we sometimes see in playgrounds. You could only get on those if you slowed them down, right?) As with all the Abraham Processes, only use statements which seem true or easily believable by you AND which feel better. So, you get on the Wheel with--say--a more general statement (than your "origin statement") and then start to feel your way from your latest statement on the Wheel, reaching towards the feeling of your "destination statement" at the center-of-the-wheel.

    Quote Originally Posted by jakeysnakey View Post
    Say anything that resonates with what you truly desire in order to get on the wheel?
    This is a second approach that Abraham sometime take. When you use a memory of something which matches the emotion of your "destination," that helps with those two criteria of our on-the-Wheel statements: we tend to think of memories as "true" (check!) and they conjure the emotion of destination (check!). This approach can be particularly helpful when we have no real experience with our issue. One example I recall was a Focus Wheel that Abraham did with a guy who had resistance about getting married because he'd never had a "real" romantic relationship before. Abraham used his ongoing, satisfying relationship with his business partner (and some other friends) to get on the Wheel and then used the Wheel to talk him into identifying how his issue was similar to these successful relationships until they arrived at the true feeling of the "destination statement" about his romantic relationship.

    I've done them both ways. FWIW, I tend to do my Focus Wheels the first approach, but both work (because Abe only teach us things which work).

    Quote Originally Posted by jakeysnakey View Post
    Or, are you suggesting that my wheel is spinning so fast that I can't possibly jump on it with relationship, and that I have to slow the train way down first?
    That's clearly for Marc. It's not for me to put words in his mouth.

    Quote Originally Posted by jakeysnakey View Post
    That maybe I'm too far down the emotional scale to get on the wheel by trying to do a focus wheel?
    From my experience, because I look at the Focus Wheel as a representation of our vibrational journey, I believe that we can do a Focus Wheel no matter where we are on the Scale, because we can always take a vibrational journey from any place on the Scale. I like my perspective because, from the Original 22 Processes (from AAIIG) we have limited options for the very bottom of the Scale, when we're wanting our Processes the most. That being said, I'm not really likely to do a Focus Wheel when I'm in the top portion of the Scale. (For me, there are more fun things I could be doing.)

    Quote Originally Posted by jakeysnakey View Post
    I know you suggest napping and stuff, but sometimes I literally feel like this is all I can think about.
    Here's a great little cheat code for you: Pay attention to how you use the word "feel" and make sure you're using it only to describe either an emotional sensation or a physical sensation, things you actually feel. Because here, in this statement, you're not actually feeling this. This is simply a story that you are thinking. This is just a thought that you have about that experience. Do you see the difference? As you know from these teachings, you have the ability to think a different thought.

    And I hear you. I know exactly what you're talking about. And part of that might be momentum. In which case, Marc's napping and stuff is really, really helpful. Doing a Process in the midst of strong, unwanted momentum usually adds to that unwanted momentum. So, you might find it helpful for you to ask yourself (and honestly answer) "What is my reason for thinking about this?" You'll often hear an answer that's different from Abraham's "feel better," which is your clue that you'll want to readjust your intention.

    Whilst it might seem to you that you simply cannot think of anything else, you CAN. I had an experience of that for myself just yesterday. It took me some meditation, some come-to-Jesus conversation, some decision to feel better and some focus. I didn't fix my problem or get my stuff (or even get an idea of how to get my stuff). I didn't even get ITV. I certainly didn't get to "absolutely perfect." But I did stop making myself feel crappy and created some relief for myself, which was my intention. And that's all we need to do, according to these teachings.

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