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Thread: Soothing really strong negative emotion

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    Klassik's Avatar
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    Soothing really strong negative emotion

    Hi leading edge creators!

    I have so many opportunities every day and it makes me feel worthless/powerless/depressed and everything you can imagine in the second it manifests. Good, then I will work on it at home, after the instant momentum subsided. But I am not able to do that. I don't know where to start, what to think, to sooth that. I am sitting sometimes an hour with new thoughts but it's no relief at all, nothing. I try, and I find thoughts, but they not really feeling like relief. That would be understandable if I would find BFTs like worry, when I am in depression or powerlessness, but I am finding jealousy thoughts or hatred thoughts and it don't feel like relief.

    Without the topic itself, what could be the reason for that? When you would be in my shoes, how would you start that? I know what I feel in those moments, but not exactly what I think, because it's too much, and probably that is the reason I am not really able to sooth that, because the thoughts I am thinking are not "tailored" to the causing thought, because I don't have that causing thought.

    Any ideas how I can proceed here just a little bit? Because that is taking so much of my time that I just want to get the train at least started, I don't want to rush to "Awesome!" or "I feel great!", but "I feel angry about that." Just relief.

    Greetings.

  2. #2
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Klassik View Post
    I have so many opportunities every day and it makes me feel worthless/powerless/depressed…

    Although it’s a common English expression, that’s a misunderstanding. “Things” (people, conversations, opportunities, etc.) don’t “make you feel” anything. They don’t have that power.

    It’s ALWAYS the thoughts that you think about those things which “make you feel” however you are feeling. (And I know. You don’t know what thoughts you think but I’ll get to that.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Klassik View Post
    ...and everything you can imagine in the second it manifests. Good, then I will work on it at home, after the instant momentum subsided.

    As you’ve heard from me before, I would add a step in the middle of this story: the step of Data Collection. As you know, I’m a big fan of data collection, which you can do as you’re living your life and having your manifestations. As a reminder, data collection is simply a fancy name for collecting the thoughts that we are thinking, especially as our manifestations are unfolding, so that we can “work” on them later.

    We don’t have to “collect” all our thoughts. That’s not possible. But as we develop a practice of data collection, we start to notice major themes, thoughts that we think often or in a variety of circumstances or which produce some really noticeable emotional guidance. (And I know. You don’t know what thoughts you think but I’ll get to that.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Klassik View Post
    But I am not able to do that. I don't know where to start, what to think, to sooth that.

    When it comes time for me to sit down and do my “work,” I start with whatever thoughts I’m thinking about that situation. Since there’s been a time lag and because the momentum has subsided, my thoughts as I sit down to do my “work” might be a little different then the thoughts I had collected during my Data Collection phase. A little different, perhaps, but the basic beliefs are still there.

    You don’t need to recreate that uncomfortable experience in order to do your “work.” (That would be the opposite of “feel better,” wouldn’t it?) But if one of the thoughts that you had “collected” during your unfolded was “I CANNOT speak to girls” and when you sat down to do your “work,” you weren’t really connecting with “I CANNOT speak to girls,” then an accurate starting place for you to do your work in that moment might be “I often think that I CANNOT speak to girls” or “I’ve noticed that I have a belief that I CANNOT speak to girls.” From there, you can proceed with your “work” without reliving the experience.

    Quote Originally Posted by Klassik View Post
    I am sitting sometimes an hour with new thoughts but it's no relief at all, nothing. I try, and I find thoughts, but they not really feeling like relief.

    I can only go by what you’ve posted in your Practicing thread. Using that as my guide, I see two things going on. The first is a sort of journaling, which can have the effect of reliving the experience and then reactivating the momentum that you had let subside. Once that momentum gets going, what next happens is that the LoA brings to you thoughts which match that momentum, producing the sorts of rants that you’ve lately been posting. And you’ll notice that you might start on one topic in a piece of “work” and then add in another topic of the same vibration and so on. You’re adding new thoughts but, to this Peanut in the Gallery, seem to me to be new thoughts about differing topics, all from the same disk.

    I’ve been noticing a focus on changing your conditions (or people), on fixing your issues or on getting up the Scale (these all go hand-in-hand) which, as I read your thread, seems to me to upstage Abraham’s suggested intention of feeling better. If that’s also going on in your offline “work,” that would contribute to why you’re not feeling relief.

    Quote Originally Posted by Klassik View Post
    That would be understandable if I would find BFTs like worry, when I am in depression or powerlessness, but I am finding jealousy thoughts or hatred thoughts and it don't feel like relief.

    Without the topic itself, what could be the reason for that?
    When our intention is to fix our issues or get up the Scale ASAP, then we can be quick to dismiss the relief that’s available to us in Jealousy or Hatred/Rage.

    Other people have picked up some misunderstandings about “negative emotions” (including those like Jealousy, Hatred/Rage or Revenge). Prompted by their misunderstandings, they think inaccurate (from the standpoint of these teachings) thoughts which then diminish the relief that they actually did accomplish. For these people, they DID feel the relief but they so quickly pissed all over that relief about their thoughts about Jealousy or Hatred/Rage that their relief was short-lived.

    Some other people can approach this “work” as if it’s a homework assignment from school. So, their real intention is to find the “right” answers which will then get them their stuff. Then their “work” becomes a sort of guessing game, trying to rigidly figure out the right answer for Slot #3 on their Focus Wheel, rather than being guided by what feels better to them.

    Quote Originally Posted by Klassik View Post
    When you would be in my shoes, how would you start that?

    I've shared with you above how I start that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Klassik View Post
    I know what I feel in those moments, but not exactly what I think, because it's too much, and probably that is the reason I am not really able to sooth that, because the thoughts I am thinking are not "tailored" to the causing thought, because I don't have that causing thought.
    It’s never about finding “the causing thought.” (If you want that sort of thing, find a psychoanalyst and after 20 years and many breakthroughs, you still won’t find “the causing thought.”) As Abraham tell us often, don’t try to get to the bottom of anything, because the LoA will ensure there is no bottom. (That's why psychoanalysis is the long process it is.)

    As I’ve shared in your thread, the thoughts that you think are simply that, thoughts that you’re thinking, in that moment. They are no more complicated than
    “Holy Hannah! I just CANNOT speak to girls. My throat dries up. My heart leaps into my dry throat. I feel like I’m going to throw up. I am NEVER going to be able to speak to a girl, which means I’ll never have a date and I’ll never get laid (well, except for that one time) and I’ll never have a family. Oh! Oh! She’s coming over! She wants to talk. I can’t talk to her. I’m too old. I have the wrong kind of body. I don’t have enough money. I’m going to say the wrong thing. I’ll sound like freak, just like I did that time and this other time and….”

    There’s no deep dark mystery. And all of those can be considered a “causing thought” to the panic you feel when she comes over and the depression you feel when you think about how you will NEVER have a date (despite your own evidence to the contrary).

    You don’t know what you think? You have pages full of thoughts that you think in your Practice thread. Take any one of them and soothe it and shift it to feel better.

    You don’t know where to start? Take the last rant that you posted in your Practice thread and say to yourself, “These are thoughts that I had thought. They were important enough to me at the time to post them publicly so let’s see if I can take these thoughts here, in black-and-white, and see if I can soothe and shift them.”
    Last edited by WellBeing; 5 Days Ago at 03:15 PM. Reason: Formatting

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