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Thread: Soothing really strong negative emotion

  1. #1

    Soothing really strong negative emotion

    Hi leading edge creators!

    I have so many opportunities every day and it makes me feel worthless/powerless/depressed and everything you can imagine in the second it manifests. Good, then I will work on it at home, after the instant momentum subsided. But I am not able to do that. I don't know where to start, what to think, to sooth that. I am sitting sometimes an hour with new thoughts but it's no relief at all, nothing. I try, and I find thoughts, but they not really feeling like relief. That would be understandable if I would find BFTs like worry, when I am in depression or powerlessness, but I am finding jealousy thoughts or hatred thoughts and it don't feel like relief.

    Without the topic itself, what could be the reason for that? When you would be in my shoes, how would you start that? I know what I feel in those moments, but not exactly what I think, because it's too much, and probably that is the reason I am not really able to sooth that, because the thoughts I am thinking are not "tailored" to the causing thought, because I don't have that causing thought.

    Any ideas how I can proceed here just a little bit? Because that is taking so much of my time that I just want to get the train at least started, I don't want to rush to "Awesome!" or "I feel great!", but "I feel angry about that." Just relief.

    Greetings.

  2. #2
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Klassik View Post
    I have so many opportunities every day and it makes me feel worthless/powerless/depressed…

    Although it’s a common English expression, that’s a misunderstanding. “Things” (people, conversations, opportunities, etc.) don’t “make you feel” anything. They don’t have that power.

    It’s ALWAYS the thoughts that you think about those things which “make you feel” however you are feeling. (And I know. You don’t know what thoughts you think but I’ll get to that.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Klassik View Post
    ...and everything you can imagine in the second it manifests. Good, then I will work on it at home, after the instant momentum subsided.

    As you’ve heard from me before, I would add a step in the middle of this story: the step of Data Collection. As you know, I’m a big fan of data collection, which you can do as you’re living your life and having your manifestations. As a reminder, data collection is simply a fancy name for collecting the thoughts that we are thinking, especially as our manifestations are unfolding, so that we can “work” on them later.

    We don’t have to “collect” all our thoughts. That’s not possible. But as we develop a practice of data collection, we start to notice major themes, thoughts that we think often or in a variety of circumstances or which produce some really noticeable emotional guidance. (And I know. You don’t know what thoughts you think but I’ll get to that.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Klassik View Post
    But I am not able to do that. I don't know where to start, what to think, to sooth that.

    When it comes time for me to sit down and do my “work,” I start with whatever thoughts I’m thinking about that situation. Since there’s been a time lag and because the momentum has subsided, my thoughts as I sit down to do my “work” might be a little different then the thoughts I had collected during my Data Collection phase. A little different, perhaps, but the basic beliefs are still there.

    You don’t need to recreate that uncomfortable experience in order to do your “work.” (That would be the opposite of “feel better,” wouldn’t it?) But if one of the thoughts that you had “collected” during your unfolded was “I CANNOT speak to girls” and when you sat down to do your “work,” you weren’t really connecting with “I CANNOT speak to girls,” then an accurate starting place for you to do your work in that moment might be “I often think that I CANNOT speak to girls” or “I’ve noticed that I have a belief that I CANNOT speak to girls.” From there, you can proceed with your “work” without reliving the experience.

    Quote Originally Posted by Klassik View Post
    I am sitting sometimes an hour with new thoughts but it's no relief at all, nothing. I try, and I find thoughts, but they not really feeling like relief.

    I can only go by what you’ve posted in your Practicing thread. Using that as my guide, I see two things going on. The first is a sort of journaling, which can have the effect of reliving the experience and then reactivating the momentum that you had let subside. Once that momentum gets going, what next happens is that the LoA brings to you thoughts which match that momentum, producing the sorts of rants that you’ve lately been posting. And you’ll notice that you might start on one topic in a piece of “work” and then add in another topic of the same vibration and so on. You’re adding new thoughts but, to this Peanut in the Gallery, seem to me to be new thoughts about differing topics, all from the same disk.

    I’ve been noticing a focus on changing your conditions (or people), on fixing your issues or on getting up the Scale (these all go hand-in-hand) which, as I read your thread, seems to me to upstage Abraham’s suggested intention of feeling better. If that’s also going on in your offline “work,” that would contribute to why you’re not feeling relief.

    Quote Originally Posted by Klassik View Post
    That would be understandable if I would find BFTs like worry, when I am in depression or powerlessness, but I am finding jealousy thoughts or hatred thoughts and it don't feel like relief.

    Without the topic itself, what could be the reason for that?
    When our intention is to fix our issues or get up the Scale ASAP, then we can be quick to dismiss the relief that’s available to us in Jealousy or Hatred/Rage.

    Other people have picked up some misunderstandings about “negative emotions” (including those like Jealousy, Hatred/Rage or Revenge). Prompted by their misunderstandings, they think inaccurate (from the standpoint of these teachings) thoughts which then diminish the relief that they actually did accomplish. For these people, they DID feel the relief but they so quickly pissed all over that relief about their thoughts about Jealousy or Hatred/Rage that their relief was short-lived.

    Some other people can approach this “work” as if it’s a homework assignment from school. So, their real intention is to find the “right” answers which will then get them their stuff. Then their “work” becomes a sort of guessing game, trying to rigidly figure out the right answer for Slot #3 on their Focus Wheel, rather than being guided by what feels better to them.

    Quote Originally Posted by Klassik View Post
    When you would be in my shoes, how would you start that?

    I've shared with you above how I start that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Klassik View Post
    I know what I feel in those moments, but not exactly what I think, because it's too much, and probably that is the reason I am not really able to sooth that, because the thoughts I am thinking are not "tailored" to the causing thought, because I don't have that causing thought.
    It’s never about finding “the causing thought.” (If you want that sort of thing, find a psychoanalyst and after 20 years and many breakthroughs, you still won’t find “the causing thought.”) As Abraham tell us often, don’t try to get to the bottom of anything, because the LoA will ensure there is no bottom. (That's why psychoanalysis is the long process it is.)

    As I’ve shared in your thread, the thoughts that you think are simply that, thoughts that you’re thinking, in that moment. They are no more complicated than
    “Holy Hannah! I just CANNOT speak to girls. My throat dries up. My heart leaps into my dry throat. I feel like I’m going to throw up. I am NEVER going to be able to speak to a girl, which means I’ll never have a date and I’ll never get laid (well, except for that one time) and I’ll never have a family. Oh! Oh! She’s coming over! She wants to talk. I can’t talk to her. I’m too old. I have the wrong kind of body. I don’t have enough money. I’m going to say the wrong thing. I’ll sound like freak, just like I did that time and this other time and….”

    There’s no deep dark mystery. And all of those can be considered a “causing thought” to the panic you feel when she comes over and the depression you feel when you think about how you will NEVER have a date (despite your own evidence to the contrary).

    You don’t know what you think? You have pages full of thoughts that you think in your Practice thread. Take any one of them and soothe it and shift it to feel better.

    You don’t know where to start? Take the last rant that you posted in your Practice thread and say to yourself, “These are thoughts that I had thought. They were important enough to me at the time to post them publicly so let’s see if I can take these thoughts here, in black-and-white, and see if I can soothe and shift them.”
    Last edited by WellBeing; 07-14-2017 at 03:15 PM. Reason: Formatting

  3. #3
    Thank you very much, Well Being.

    With "causing" thought I ment the "I cannot speak to girls, BECAUSE...". I read something by you on my practising thread and I had the impression that my thougths I posted there weren't really "workable". Maybe I got this just wrong.

    With what you wrote as "causing" thought it makes it much easier, really. Puh, relief.

    This is so interesting to me, because I always thought that I am focusing on feeling better and not making something happen/fixing something. I can understand that I can slip into this behavior while and short after strong neg. momentum, so I now stopped trying to sooth anything while the manifestation is happening and concentrate now much more on the thoughts in my head and try to focus on something different, if that is possible.

    The climbing the EGS up fast is interesting, too. I understand what you mean, but when I read APoE it reads really like "I go from depression to Hope" in one sitting.

    Right now I have like no success with #22 on this topic "women", when I am on depression. It's like nothing is happening, but I now tried Focus Wheels instead to fresh that up and go back to #22 with a fresh mind. Because, to be honest, on day last week I sat down and inspired by another thread here where one went with #22 from despair to optimistic in one sitting I did that myself slowly and got there - at least I felt EXTREMLY better after that. Of course that took probably more than half an hour but I felt so much better for the next 2, 3 hours.

    You are totally right with the Focus Wheel. I rushed there as fast as I could. Now I took more time (and read the instruction and your instruction as well) and now I felt relief. Sure, it sometimes feels like there is so much work to do and it's not long-sustained (like I will work on that again and that takes sometimes over 20 - 30 minutes per concentrated Focus Wheel) but eventually I am going to make progress here, too.

    Thanks. The last part with the plain "thought" and the Data Collecting was really helpful. Thanks a lot.

  4. #4
    Sorry for chiming in again. You've read my practicing thread, you have read that I got this 'major manifestation' but I am working most of the time on fear/insecureness/jealousy. Why is that even possible, when I can't reach those emotions so far away?

    I just try to understand that. I have - as long I am not in big neg. momentum - no intention to get my manifestation (so I direct my focus more of the time in the direction of feeling better, because sometimes it just kicks in). So, just appreciate more insight here. Just reading now The Vortex to understand that more.

    Greetings

  5. #5
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Klassik View Post
    Sorry for chiming in again.
    No need to apologize. It's your thread.

    Quote Originally Posted by Klassik View Post
    You've read my practicing thread, you have read that I got this 'major manifestation' but I am working most of the time on fear/insecureness/jealousy. Why is that even possible, when I can't reach those emotions so far away?
    Because you don't need to be at the top of the Scale in order to have manifestations. If that were the case, each of us would disappear, because none of us are always, absolutely and consistently ITV. (That's the definition of "dead.") You ARE manifesting all the time. The manifestations you ARE having match the vibration you are offering.

    How did you have your manifestation? You were able to release your resistance enough to allow it through a crack of least resistance. Notice that's a "crack of least resistance," not a "crack of no resistance," because there's ALWAYS resistance--even in NP. But the more resistance you are able to release, the more you'll be able to enjoy what it is you are manifesting.

  6. #6
    What makes me just wondering is that I didn't have practiced that vibration for that manifestation (had that feeling once there after finding a lot of BFTs) and was most of the time no near feeling Hope (expect that day). After that that never happened again, but the vibration can't just rise/drop that fast, I thought. I always thought I have to practice every step and when that new vibration "level" is fixed I can move on, like climbing a mountain. I hope I read sth. about that in The Vortex.

    Greetings, while listening to some good music by Wagner.

  7. #7
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Klassik View Post
    What makes me just wondering is that I didn't have practiced that vibration for that manifestation (had that feeling once there after finding a lot of BFTs) and was most of the time no near feeling Hope (expect that day).
    Perhaps. I don't know, because you haven't told us.

    But you WERE in a completely different environment, with a completely different language and people and customs and sounds and smells, in a completely different country on the other side of the world, having had a different career experience, etc. Don't you think that any (and all) of that distracted you away enough to let go of your "I can't...!" vibration that you've been practicing at home and in your thread? Don't you think that in your distraction, that your friend found a way to approach you over and under and around and through your resistance before you could have your usual knee-jerk reaction, so that she could have what she wanted from your interaction?

    Quote Originally Posted by Klassik View Post
    After that that never happened again,...
    Because you're back and home and you're not distracted in the way that you had been distracted and you've slipped back into your habits of focus.

    Quote Originally Posted by Klassik View Post
    ...but the vibration can't just rise/drop that fast, I thought.
    You're right. In most cases, it doesn't. You had to travel to another country, clear across the globe, to keep you from focusing in the way that you typically focus.

    Quote Originally Posted by Klassik View Post
    I always thought I have to practice every step and when that new vibration "level" is fixed I can move on, like climbing a mountain. I hope I read sth. about that in The Vortex.
    That's something that you might have read on here because it's just like lifting weights. You start at what you can lift and move safely and then you progress from there. As you progress from there, you're training your muscles and your nervous system to safely and effectively build your strength so that you can lift your weights (both in the gym and out in the rest of your life) on a regular and consistent basis.

    Sure, under unusual circumstances, you might be able to use your muscles in a radically different way than you typically use them (the famous example of the mother lifting a car to free or protect her baby). Typically, though, once the unusual circumstances have passed, people go back to doing what they'd been practicing. Which is why we take that training approach. (Marc calls it "climbing the stairs" of his tall building, similar to your "climbing a mountain.") Some people will use their experience from their unusual circumstances to bolster the training that they continue to do. That would be a useful approach.

  8. #8
    To be honest the whole traveling experience was "ok", not good, because I was focusing the exact same as at home. Like, different country, same behavior. You know the storys. (Maybe I get you wrong with what you mean?) And then, last day in the first town, felt some strong relief while doing the work (probably done them more with the intention to feel better, don't know) while taking a walk and boom, manifestation on the same day. Like after a extremely (= nearly 10 years with some rare minor peaks until this) long dry route (?). And I have been to another country (even more distance, even more difficult language and everything, than the U.S.) and it was exactly the same "negative feeling experience". The country, great, the feelings, nah. I also thought, that I take my vibration everywhere I go.

    The good thing about that topic is I study the books more intensively and be more committed to focus on the work to feel better, do FWs with finding relief in each statement and so on. I even read that some of the "professionels" here slided back into "want this manifestation" in the begining and they needed some time to make feeling better the top priority. I definitely seeing some improvement in my work.

    With the bolster: I understand that, to use that to have some relief, but this thought of this experience is somewhere "Hope" and I am most of the time not close to Hope, so I can't "use" this thought until then. Or what do you mean?

  9. #9
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Klassik View Post
    With the bolster: I understand that, to use that to have some relief, but this thought of this experience is somewhere "Hope" and I am most of the time not close to Hope, so I can't "use" this thought until then. Or what do you mean?
    When I said, “bolster,” I mean using your experience to help talk yourself into something that you want, rather than the talking-yourself-out-of-something-that-you-want that you're doing here. For example, you're telling us that you were doing “exactly” what you had been doing but that's not possible. As the old saying goes, “you can never step in the same river twice.” We NEVER do “exactly” what we had done before. We ourselves are ALWAYS different from one moment to the next, because we are ALWAYS expanding. You might be willing or able to perceive that difference but that difference is different. So, you are NEVER doing “exactly” what you had been doing. Add onto that the fact that you have been beating the drum of “not knowing what your thoughts are,” which would make it difficult for you to really know if what you were doing was “exactly” like what you had been doing. Add onto that the fact that you were in a different city in a different country on a different side of the globe with a different language. I would (and did) imagine that those differences added to your experience as well. So, rather than keeping yourself stuck in a vibrational experience you do not want, find ways--any ways--that your wanted experience can be or is/was different.

    I didn't say you were at “Hope.” But I did say that you do not need to be ITV in order to manifest your stuff. You seem to be insisting that you must be ITV to manifest stuff you want and that's not the case.

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