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Thread: Rejection, processes, moving up the scale

  1. #11
    I'm sitting at a good vibration right now. I think I might call it somewhere between Optimism and Enthusiasm? I would actually call it Excitement. I am working on a new business and I submitted an article to somebody today and they immediately responded and said they loved it, and that they are going to publish it tomorrow morning! I am very excited at this. I was energized by it and spent much of the day and evening writing more articles for submission, as I found this new confidence in my work.

    I am aware, however, that this is a condition. It is a condition that has me feeling good, and I'm going to use the 'B' word...BUT what about when this condition goes away? Should I just ride this good feeling stuff and ignore the 'what if's until the condition actually 'does' go away?

    I guess....how can i disconnect from conditions? I feel like there's a book written about this....

    Or, is it more about getting to the feeling place than being excited at a potential manifestation. I'm just going to stop thinking and reach for some thoughts that feel better and better in this moment.

    I like feeling excited
    I like that I went to bed feeling good last night and woke up feeling good this morning and I had several things work out nicely in my manifestation, including the fact that I plain felt better
    I like this newfound feeling of hopefulness, it makes me feel alive inside
    I like knowing that I can completely ignore the negatives that come up, pretty easily with a bit of focus

    So, just kind of like yesterday, none of these statements are really shifting my vibration. is it that I don't believe them? Hmmm. I think I'm just so focused on the condition. Which is what I do with the idea of 'a boyfriend'. I can make myself feel better about that condition. What's the opposite of focusing on a condition? Is there a specific part of a book i should be reading?

    Thanks for any and all help here.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by jakeysnakey View Post
    I'm sitting at a good vibration right now.
    Yay, you. Srsly.

    Here's something important for you to keep in mind: You created that good vibration. You did that. It's a serious that cuts to ways. If you create your “bad” vibrations, then you create your “good” vibrations, too. It's only fair.

    Quote Originally Posted by jakeysnakey View Post
    I think I might call it somewhere between Optimism and Enthusiasm?
    As they used to say in the '70's, “why must we label it?” You don't get more “Abe points” for Enthusiasm than for Optimism.

    Quote Originally Posted by jakeysnakey View Post
    I would actually call it Excitement.
    There you go. Let's call it “Excitement.”

    Quote Originally Posted by jakeysnakey View Post
    I am aware, however, that this is a condition. It is a condition that has me feeling good,...
    I say this in all seriousness: So, what? (Let that settle in for a moment until I come back to this.)

    Quote Originally Posted by jakeysnakey View Post
    ...and I'm going to use the 'B' word...BUT what about when this condition goes away?
    And do you see how your BUT took a big ol’ dump on your excitement? Let’s examine what you did (without criticism): You used your anticipation of something which hasn’t even happened yet and might not even happen to dampen your excitement right now. With a thought, you turned your “excitement” into “excrement.” Don’t you find that interesting?

    Because, if you create these largely-wanted conditions (and you DID) and you directed your focus on your wanted aspects of these conditions which you created (and you DID), then couldn’t you just as easily anticipate your creation of some other largely-wanted conditions or repeats of this better-feeling ways of focusing to replace this experience? It’s not like (and I’m teasing myself here) “the frickin’ genie from Aladdin” where you only get 3 wishes. If you could create this largely-wanted condition (and you DID), then your logic should tell you that you can again create other largely-wanted conditions to follow this one (unless you allow a BUT to dump on that notion And, again, it’s all right if you do. That’s how we all learn.) And since we're talking about a thought, you could think about this experience (or any other experiences you have created for yourself) “later” even if you had created largely-unwanted conditions.

    That’s all right. As we'd talked about before, you’re not going to change your habit overnight. BUT you knew you were doing your habit this time. You WERE paying attention. Good for you. You want to pay attention, if you’re going to turn this around. So, that was a good step in your wanted direction.

    Quote Originally Posted by jakeysnakey View Post
    Should I just ride this good feeling stuff and ignore the 'what if's until the condition actually 'does' go away?
    Well, that ship has sailed, as you activated your BUT and went down this rabbit hole, didn't it? That, too, is all right because you had your answer to this question here, in the form of your negative emotion.

    As long-time Forum friends will tell you, I personally am not a big fan of “ignoring.” I know Abraham suggest “ignoring” sometimes. But the reality I’ve created is one where I’ve seen many humans do a lousy job at this “ignoring” thing. And that makes sense, really, because “ignoring” sort of runs counter to the LoA. It’s like that bit that Abraham do about “stop thinking about something.” We really can’t do it. The LoA won’t let us simply “stop thinking about something.”

    So, you really have two choices from there:
    • You can shift your topic of focus.
    • You can soothe your what-if’s so that they are less troubling.


    So, I personally prefer two other options (in no particular order):
    • Focus on another topic altogether. AND
    • Soothe your BUT thought about this topic.

    I capitalized the “AND” there because they're not mutually exclusive. You do a little of one and then do a little of the other and so on.

    Quote Originally Posted by jakeysnakey View Post
    I guess....how can i disconnect from conditions? I feel like there's a book written about this....
    Believe it or not, not from Abraham, there’s no book on this. So, you’re off the hook. Srsly.

    I personally think that a lot of people have blown Abe’s comments about conditional/unconditional way out of proportion. Sure, they hammered home that concept at every Workshop for a while, but that’s sort of their program.

    I think that a lot of people blow out of proportion Abraham's concept of conditional/unconditional, to the point that they turn it into an obstacle, when Abraham intended for it to be freeing. Yes, we all have the ability to focus unconditionally. This is a good thing and it's a good thing to know about (even if we're unable yet to do it). Knowing about conditional/unconditional can get us out of our conditional traps (such as when we tell Abraham that we're feeling badly because we don't have a boyfriend). Knowing about conditional/unconditional helps us to remember that we're feeling bad because of the thoughts we think (and the misalignment we're causing for ourselves with those thoughts), not because of the conditions. Knowing about conditional/unconditional allows us to ease up on our need to change the conditions (which, in those moments, we can't do--or we'd be out there doing it rather than writing on the Forum or sitting in Abe’s HS) in order to have a “better” experience.

    This brings us back to my “So, what?” above. Perhaps you were focusing conditionally. BUT Abraham's recommended daily dominant intention is (and has been) “Today--no matter where I go, no matter what I do, no matter who I do it with--nothing is more important than that I feel good.”

    So, look at that intention. There's no fine print or asterisks in that intention. There's no mention about the methods that you feel good. They say that NOTHING is more important than your good feeling. That means that how you accomplished your good feeling is a secondary consideration. What matters is that you felt good, period.

    Do you ride a bicycle or have you seen little kids and their bicycles? We humans aren't born knowing how to ride bicycles. So, we start off with big, stable things like Big Wheels and even then most kids, at first, push it along with their feet on the floor. Then someone teaches them to use the pedals. Then they move to something less stable and with the potential to move faster. And then they move towards a “two-wheeler,” but with training wheels at first. It's only after some practice that they are then ready to learn how to ride on two wheels.

    So, you used your focus on your conditions as your excuse to feel good. So, what? That could be the Abraham equivalent of a Big Wheel. It still counts. As long as you keep in your mind that it wasn't the condition which made you feel good. It was your thoughts (about you, about the condition, about other conditions coming down the pike, whatever) that made you feel good. When you remember that important distinction, then you can reach for and find more thoughts like those in future conditions--whether they are largely-unwanted or largely-wanted or anywhere in between.

    Quote Originally Posted by jakeysnakey View Post
    Or, is it more about getting to the feeling place than being excited at a potential manifestation.
    Youre making this way more complicated than it needs to be. It's about feeling better. That's it.

    And look at the trap you've set for yourself: Re-read your post from the beginning to this point, saying attention to how you feel. (I'll wait....)

    So, do you see how you HAVE a potential manifestation which started off exciting you? And I'm guessing by this point in your post, you're no longer in Excitement. Doubt or Confusion might be apt labels but whatever labels we choose, they're going to label an emotion which feels worse than the Excitement you felt at the beginning of your post. The conditions didn't change BUT your thoughts and focus did. Now, for the purposes of your “work,” you want the “worse" that you were feeling every step of the way as you were composing your post to alert you that you're heading in a direction you don't want to go. Because it wasn't suddenly “worse.” It went from Excitement to worse, then worse than that, then worse than that, then worse than that and so on. It's all right that it did. Keep in mind that those “worse’s” are decision points. Rather than deciding “I'm going to think this thought in order to get to the bottom of this,” you can decide “This thought doesn't feel as good as the Excitement I was feeling and I prefer the Excitement I was feeling. So, I can head in the other direction--in the direction that feels better. That's gotta take me back to the Excitement I had been feeling (or somewhere close or related to it),” you see?

    And, sure, there's a bit of questions and unwanted in our discussions. You want to make that a small piece, though, because that's where the landmines are.

    BUT there's value for you there, even if you do step on one of your landmines.

    Quote Originally Posted by jakeysnakey View Post
    I'm just going to stop thinking and reach for some thoughts that feel better and better in this moment.
    Good for you.

    Quote Originally Posted by jakeysnakey View Post
    I like feeling excited
    I like that I went to bed feeling good last night and woke up feeling good this morning and I had several things work out nicely in my manifestation, including the fact that I plain felt better
    I like this newfound feeling of hopefulness, it makes me feel alive inside
    I like knowing that I can completely ignore the negatives that come up, pretty easily with a bit of focus

    So, just kind of like yesterday, none of these statements are really shifting my vibration.
    Shifting your vibration from what?

    Because you started out your post at Excitement.

    You did take a detour into “excrement.” These thoughts HAVE TO feel better than your worrisome thoughts. Or are you holding back from your relief because your questions haven't been answered? Don't do that, because in doing that you are holding yourself back from the answers your IB is flowing to you, making you “dependent” (not really) on us.

    Quote Originally Posted by jakeysnakey View Post
    is it that I don't believe them?
    You tell us. No one's going to know that better than you.

    Quote Originally Posted by jakeysnakey View Post
    Hmmm. I think I'm just so focused on the condition.
    Then, talk to us (and yourself) about the condition. IOW, “milk it,” as Abraham teach. That's got to feel better, right?

    Quote Originally Posted by jakeysnakey View Post
    Which is what I do with the idea of 'a boyfriend'. I can make myself feel better about that condition. What's the opposite of focusing on a condition?
    Focusing unconditionally, which means understanding that it's not any condition which “makes you feel” this way or that. It's understanding that it's your thoughts and your focus which “make you feel” however you're feeling.

    So, direct your focus based on whatever feels best to in the moment, because it feels better to you to focus that way in this moment.

    To borrow an analogy from Forrest Gump, your brain is like a huge box of chocolates. Some of the thoughts, which are the individual chocolates, you like. Some of those “chocolates,” you really like. Some of those “chocolates,” you don't like so much. And a bunch of those “chocolates,” you really, really don't like. So, pick and indulge in the ones you like. This is the opposite of where you were told to eat the chocolate you had picked from the box. Once you've “tasted” your thought, feel free to put the displeasing “chocolate” back in the box and select a different “chocolate.” With some experience, you learn that you don't really care for nut logs and you only ate those walnut clusters because Grandma did and that you really, really like the ones with the brandied cherries. It's the same thing here.

    Quote Originally Posted by jakeysnakey View Post
    Is there a specific part of a book i should be reading?
    I don't think so. And that's coming from the guy who's often recommending the books. It seems to me more a matter of learning from some experience, which is what you're doing here.

  3. #13
    A little more work, just trying to find some more better feeling thoughts.

    Another year, more wasted time (upstream)
    Well I bought a condo, that's not really wasted time (down)
    I also went through a pretty severe breakup, thats not really waste time (down)
    But i still don't have what I want (up)
    But I'm feeling better about things than i was before (down)
    I actually do believe that I can control how I feel (down), I have experienced it
    It's not really happening fast enough (up)
    What if nothing ever changes (up)
    What if all that needs to change is my vibration (down)
    I know that I can change my vibration cause I have done it before (down)
    Because Abraham says all I have to do is listen to my emotional guidance (down), which makes sense, because ignoring my guidance or acting against it has never worked anyway, and if the worst that happens is that I feel better in the meantime, that's kind of ok (down). And if I can just feel better and better and better from where I am, and I can really avoid all the details (down down down!) and that starts to feel like quite a relief, if I don't actually have to figure this out and c an instead just listen to my guidance. If this isn't supposed to be a struggle and I can always make myself feel happy then what is there even to worry about? What makes me feel even better right now hmm I like my fire and I love my cat and I love that I hear my emotional guidance so so so strongly that I rarely have to doubt it, I know what feels good and what doesn't and I now know that if and when I get off I know how to get back on. I know that the more I keep practicing this the better I feel, and that there really isn't anything to figure out. I know when my brain is feeding me thoughts that don't serve me, and my life experience has taught me that I don't have to listen to any thought that doesn't feel good. I know that in my life I have certainly manifested things that I didn't want by giving my absolutely 100% focused attention onto them, so I know that law of attraction works. I don't have to worry about any of the details at all all I have to do is listen to my guidance, and my life experience has made me acutely aware of what feels good. Listen to my guidance and trust, listen to my guidance and trust, and feel good feel good feel good. And keep practicing becuase it feels good not for any other reason. I can make lists if the list makes me feel good, I can make a vision board if that makes me feel good, I can sleep in if it feels good, I can do whatever I want if I can get into vibrational alignment with it, actually I can do whatever I want period just be aware of how I feel. I can check my email constantly if I want to but does that feel good? I have a choice. Do I want to go out and get hammered drunk with my friends, sure I can do that, does it feel good? Can i reconcile it the next day so I can feel good no matter what? Actually..I can.

    I'm going to stop here, because I feel good, and do a little meditation and get ready to sleep early because that's what my EGS is telling me to do. I'm taking a moment to recognize that i was going down the rabbit hole of wasted time, and now I am feeling much more aligned. I'm grateful for my fireplace and that I have complete temperature control in my apartment, I'm grateful for my cat and that my parents and sister are healthy, I like my soft white blanket, I like my inky pen, I like my iPAD, I like my humidifier, I like my nails and my senses and I like food and I like the people in my life and the city I live in and the people on this forum. I like that I have such vivid dreams. I like that my life experience is pushing me to be more and more authentic and face my fear. I like knowing that if anything I don't like happens, that I can soothe myself back into alignment. I love knowing that I am so connected to source and to everyone around me. I love knowing that I am connected through source to my mother and my father and that they know my love for them. I love my capacity for love.

    Good night forum people xo

    JS

  4. #14
    So in dealing with all this rejection this year, and I feel yet another one right around the corner, well, basically imminently...here is how I get over a guy and move on.

    I notice that my default position when a guy doesnít like me back is that I blame myself. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME and WHAT DID I DO/SAY safe my dominant thoughts. Those are the WORST feeling thoughts and my IB never agrees with them. I know that for me, I have to get my mind OFF these thoughts and feelings of inadequacy in order to move on. The faster I can do this, the faster I can move up the emotional scale and stop feeling like garbage.

    Hereís how I do this:

    First, I delete his number. At least this keeps me from feeling totally powerless cause Iím not reaching out to him.

    Then, I list out everything i donít like about the guy. Often (ie: always) my part in all this is continuing to date guys even though it doesnít feel right. I want comfort and soothing so bad that Iím willing to stay with someone even though it doesnít feel good. By focusing on the things I donít like, or wonít miss, I move from guilt to blame and itís a huge shift. I can allow myself to be as catty and bratty and petty as I want in this process. I get some good momentum going here.

    I wonít miss: that he is judgy, that he isnít really open or vulnerable with me, I donít feel an emotional connection with him, that he doesnít make me feel safe and secure, that he doesnít make me feel like I can open up, that I canít be myself around him, that he doesnít drink and we canít just go have a fun wild night, we can never just hangout and get high and shoot the shit, everything is so calculated, he clearly tried to gain a following and isnít really that great at it, he hasnít really experienced travel, heís not all that communicative with sex, he isnít very aware and took me to see that stupid movie I hated, he doesnít seem to be able to assess how Iím feeling and know when to stop pushing, sometimes some of his clothes are stupid looking, he seems unable to get close to someone given his history, he is socially awkward with me, our conversation is boring, I actually think politics is boring too, he doesnít seem to get me anyway and he probably never will, he is always going to be watched and I definitely prefer not to be in the public eye. We basically will only have squeaky clean fun - that isnít me. I very much prefer the counterculture.

    Once I have established that this ISNT my fault by blaming him, I can beef up myself by making sure I look cute - do my makeup and hair and put on something new. Get a manicure. Just get feeling good about myself.

    And then, get excited about what you know you want, in detail. Basically, reverse the hell out of that train. Iím excited to find a guy that is authentic and deep. Someone who can communicate like itís nothing. Someone who I have a deep easy connection with. Someone who has some edge (like me) and feels understood by somebody like me. I know I want someone who is real and adventurous and exploratory and a free soul. I know that person is out there and Iím excited to find that person and Iím excited that I know how to use my guidance to lead me there. Iím excited to introduce this person to my family and together we feel relaxed and light and easy and airy and natural and fun. I know that I just have to align with this and thatís all I can do is to find thoughts that feel better and better and better and hold them for as long as I possibly can. I am beautiful and I am vibrant and I am deep and I am open and vulnerable and I have such strong guidance and I am such a powerful creator and I have seen patterns in play that show me whatís in my focus and that helps me know what I need to tweak. Iím feeling so much better already and this guy is really nothing to me, I am so much more powerful that what this man is doing or saying that stuff is just so small. I am so vast and I can be so thankful to this man for showing me where my focus is and helping to clarify what is important to me so I can consciously focus on it, I had forgotten to consciously focus and now I have a reminder of why it is so important that I choose the way I think.

    I love my family and my dad and my sister and my step mom and my friends around the country. I love this pillow and my coat and my eyelashes and my new sweater.

    Every time I check and see he hasnít texted and it pains me I can remember that I know I want to be in a relationship that feels secure and the fact that this doesnít is just my guidance system being so damn accurate and precise and strong. And I can turn my attention to *anything* that makes me feel good. Iím excited to work on my business and im excited to get back to my friends and Iím excited to hangout with my step brothers and Iím excited to meet new people back at Home and Iím excited about my new condo and Iím excited for a new year at work and Iím excited about all the abundance I have attracted.

    And I can recognize and note that I have deliberately shifted my focus to help me get over this guy. And the way I focus is completely up to me. I can choose to focus myself away from him if that feels good and if it ever feels good to focus my attention back onto him I can do that too. It is my choice cause I create my own experience.

    Cheers, JS









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