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Thread: Feeling stuck in disempowerment

  1. #21
    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing View Post
    I'm going to cut to the chase here and maybe this will all be clearer to you. (And I'll answer your question, as well, but that'll be further along.)

    What I hear that's causing you to “cycle" up and down (and giving you your excuse to think your thoughts of Powerlessness) is you’re willing to write (and think) thoughts which you don't really believe. But as you were finding out in the “work” that you’d posted above, when you don't really believe your words, you aren't shifting your vibration. Your words feel (and sound) like “blah, blah, blah,” rather than “better.” It seems that part of the reason why you're willing to do this is that you're making getting to the top of the Scale (or “ITV”) more important than the “feel better” that is Abraham's only one answer.

    Even though you're not really effectively shifting your vibration, you're still looking at all the pretty words that you've written and thinking that you've shifted your vibration. It's like you observe the pages of “work” that you have written and you observe the words of “hope" that you have written and declare “I'm at Optimism.” However, if you were to honestly use your emotional guidance system, it would tell you that you are truly at a different place on the Scale. Saying we're at “Optimism’ or ‘ITV” doesn't make it so. This is why Abe tell us the story about HFS’s.

    Then when you get a reality check (either your actual vibration gathers enough momentum to overcome your label of “Optimism” [or whatever] or you have a manifestation which matches your actual vibration) you tell yourself your story of “cycle.” If what I'm describing is accurate (only you can know for sure) then you're not actually cycling, you've just been using (and believing) inaccurate labels for what you're doing with your vibration. We can play that game for a while until the LoA, the ultimate truth-teller, keeps matching our actual vibration, which means it keeps upping the ante, and our guidance gets “bigger” and “bigger” until it shows us--in a way that we can't refute--what we're truly doing with our vibration.

    You asked me about “sidestepping,” what Abraham call “ignoring.” I’ll repeat again that I am not a big fan of “ignoring.” It’s not that Abraham’s “ignoring” doesn’t work. Of course, it works, just like everything else Abraham have given us. It’s just that we humans don’t implement Abraham’s “ignoring” all that well.

    The primary reason I’m not a big fan of this approach is because we humans don’t “ignore” in the way that Abraham ask us to ignore. IOW, “ignore” might be one of those words where I play my silly capitalization games to indicate the difference between what we humans typically mean by “ignore” and what Abraham mean by “Ignore.” What Abraham mean by “Ignore” is removing our attention from an issue by placing our attention completely on some other topic which is easy for us to feel better about. We humans--especially, now in this day and age of multitasking and attention “disorders,” etc.--never really do that. Instead, more often than not, we go through the motions of paying half-a-mind to our better-feeling topic whilst chewing on our issue. So, once again, we’re not really shifting our focusing (nor, therefore, our vibration).

    Another reason why I’m not a big fan of the “Ignoring” approach is because we humans wait too late to do our “work.” We tolerate negative emotions until we’ve manifested conditions we don’t like. Then, because our conditions are right up in our faces and we have to “deal with” our manifestations, it’s really hard to “ignore” our manifestations. You know precisely what I mean by this, with regards to your job, about which you’ve spoken here on a number of occasions. Most humans would rather replay all the reasons why they hate the tasks of their jobs, or their co-workers, or every last mean thing that their boss has said to them than they would to give as much attention as they can to their thoughts about that woodworking project which is gives them so many opportunities for satisfaction or that excellent dinner that they cooked for themselves last night. And even if we would, most of us have jobs which require a certain amount of attention from us, lest we not lose our hand to--say--a mail sorter.

    Since it’s really difficult for us to Ignore our jobs when we’re in the midst of them, then I personally prefer the approach of finding thoughts which feel better to think about the job I’ve chosen to go to every day. That way, as I pay attention to the job that I’m doing (if only to keep both my hands), I can manage my vibration and feel better as I do the job that I’ve chosen to go to that day. And notice once again, I’m simply talking about “better,” not “being on the right side.” (As we’ve talked about before, that’s another “thing that you do,” which you then use to bolster your story of Powerlessness. It’s not that you don’t have power. Of course, you do. It’s just that you’re working against the LoA, rather than with the Laws of the Universe.)

    My last reply commented directly and specifically on the “work” you presented to us. You chose the Find a Better-Feeling Thought Process. That’s fine. But if your intention was to truly “feel better”--the name of your chosen Process implies--then my question to you (about the million of things you could be thinking about in that moment) was a valid question. So, it asks the question, “Why were you doing your Find a Better-Feeling Thought Process?” If it was truly to “feel better,” then finding a better-feeling thought, even on a different topic, would have fulfilled your intention, created relief from the crappy feeling you were reporting in your OP and demonstrated to you the power you DO have. This brings us back to my earlier question to you, “How are you defining [or measuring] your ‘power’?” Abraham would have us measure our power by the relief that we can accomplish for ourselves and they ask us to be very liberal and generous to ourselves in identifying our relief wherever we can find it. It seems like you are using different criteria by which you are measuring. Then, to make matters worse, you are judging yourself (and your vibrational “work”) by these unhelpful criteria. It's all right, if this is what you'd been doing. But if this is what you have been doing, you now know about it and you can make different decisions (or not) about what you do.

    In a lot of ways, the “work” that you posted here seems to me to probably be a huge “side-step,” where what may have actually been on your mind (and, therefore, active in your vibration) is how you don't like your manifested conditions(s) and you've been working on that topic for a while and you don't see any way (through action or through vibration) forward on that topic and then using your lack of “progress” (either manifestational or vibrational) as your excuse to tell your story of Powerlessness and judging yourself at the same time.

    This reminds me of an old joke in my country:
    A woman is walking down the road at night time, when she encounters a man who is searching frantically for his car keys around the area under a street light. The woman kindly joins in to help his search.

    After searching for some time, she stops and suggests a different approach: “Where were you when you last remember you had your keys?” she asked the man.

    “When I locked my car, after parking it,” the man replied.

    “Which of these are your car?” she asked him.

    He pointed to a car that was at the other end and the other side of the darkened road.

    Puzzled, she asked him, “Then why are we searching over here?”

    The man answered, “Because the light's better over here.”

    Now, the “light” might be better on the “I don't like what I'm feeling it how I've been doing my 'work’ ” topic of your posted “work.” But the “car keys” (the relief that you really want) might be more likely found at the other end and other side of the road where you left the manifested conditions (your job?) that are the actual subject of your attention. And I'm not talking about doing any analysis here. This is simple awareness and self-honesty.

    To answer your question--“Do I side-step or do I Process?”--why does it have to be either/or? Why can't you do them concurrently, just like you might do a Focus Wheel now and then Find a BFT (on the same topic) an hour later and then meditate and then maybe Move Up the Scale tonight and then…. That's why I began my previous reply pointing out the art of allowing. Sure, you can paint a wondrous painting with only a single brush. Many have. But others have painted equally wondrous paintings using a variety of brushes, palette knives, trowels, spatulas, and fingers to paint their paintings. Abraham's Processes are like the different brushes, palette knives, trowels, spatulas, and fingers. They're just tools.

    “When do I use this tool or that?” You play around with it, see how you [b]feel[/] and learn for yourself what produces the art that you want to produce--both in painting and in this Abraham business.



    I really really appreciate your replies .


    Yes, I agree with all that you say about :
    Being willing to write and think thoughts that i dont really believe, and therefore im not actually shifting the way i think i am shifting. That resonates. And what you said about using TRUE and BETTER/WORSE evaluations - ive noticed that that helps too.


    On this subject ,Im recognising that I have had significant successes on subjects which are less all encompassing/ more self contained . For example : if i am annoyed with someone, i can almost always feel my way to genuine relief, if i am feeling worried about eg, my weight , i can find a better perspective . But the subjects that really bother me, this feeling of disempowerment , and ( usually) my work situation (theres been a change there) : i get very confused and cant see the wood for the trees, and its these very heavy pervasive subjects where i seem to be more prone to blah blah blah thoughts. Also, as you have said, the wanting to quantum jump AND, not making peace with where i am, and the thinking/writing thoughts i dont really believe :they ARE all part of the same root cause. That really resonates too.


    So your suggestion that im not cycling but rather mislabelling, makes sense too.


    The only thing that doesnt quite fit is: i have had periods when i have that genuine feeling of very strong connection, in the morning when doing my practise, where i feel total clarity, really know my power. And sometimes its just a one off, other times i may be there for a few days or a week, and when i fall out of it THAT,(i can see now) is when the desperation to get “back there” starts, and then i try to fly back there rather than accept where i am and then take the stairs.


    What you said about making getting to the top of the scale more important than feeling better: Yes , of course. I see it now. ..thank you.


    AH......as i am writing this things are coming to me:
    I just got it that.......i have a belief that i have to be at the top of the scale to do the work. Its like i think i have to be feeling my power to use it (the right side of the equation).
    (I can see how i developed that belief because many times i really wanted to be appreciating but wasnt in the vicinity of it, or I wanted to do a focus wheel but felt too powerlesst to do a focus wheel.)
    But of course, im using my power all the time if i am BFTing with honesty, from wherever i am on the scale. It just feels different at different points.
    And i think im starting to see: i do this quantum jumping also because i get very confused about how to make peace with hwere i am, or dont even remember i need to do that first. While I know the answer is always “feel better” but there are times when i cant even remember that.




    I want all of my effort to go into making where i am a bit less awful ,as you say.
    I have done some work on this and feel like i have shifted to being able to recognise more that , of course it’s understandable to want that empowered feeling , i have also come a really long way over the last five years.


    I just rediscovered a quote that i found on this forum that really helped me make peace with where i was back last January when i went through this same pattern : essentially its that “ you dont have to be in the vortex to make significant changes”. I KNOW this is true because it has been happening to me already. This together with recognising my progress to date, is the most soothing of the thoughts i can find .


    I see what you mean about the processes ie feel your way. And at times i have bee doing that, (focus wheels and BFT, BOPA, and others).
    Also , now i can see more clearly that side stepping does work for some issues : ie i can completely focus away from a subject. But it doesnt work for me on THIS subject. Good thing to know.


    (As a side issue: my work circumstances changed : as the work load increased from October to Xmas , i got quite distracted and made some mistakes that then led to my managers putting me on a non-delivery ,indoor job as a temporary measure . While initially i worried about being in trouble, the tables turned and now my managers are the ones under the spotlight not me. ( I had been doing the work on this subject and it turned out well ,but im not sure of what i actually did?!) I wanted them to offer me redundancy : and it is looking very probable that that is whats happening ). And while i had some worry over what i will do instead, i have done some soothing mysef over that and have some ideas about about self employment as a stop gap).




    Anyway thanks again for your reply.

  2. #22
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by loholt View Post
    I really really appreciate your replies .

    I’m glad you find them helpful, which is what I’m hoping them to be.

    Quote Originally Posted by loholt View Post
    Yes, I agree with all that you say about :
    Being willing to write and think thoughts that i dont really believe, and therefore im not actually shifting the way i think i am shifting. That resonates. And what you said about using TRUE and BETTER/WORSE evaluations - ive noticed that that helps too.

    So, then this is another form of the mislabeling, too.

    IOW, what you’re describing here is a strategy where you’re not effective in your “work.” That’s all right that you are not being effective in your”work” and you can do things about this to become more effective. But this is a very different thing than the “powerlessness” you’ve been labeling it. It’s like someone who attempts to walk, but in their attempt to walk, they climb onto their hands rather than their feet. If they have an outcome from that they don’t like, they are free to tell themselves the story that they are “unable--or powerless--to walk.” They have that right. But that’s simply an inaccurate story. It’s not that they are unable or powerless to walk. It’s more accurate to say that they are attempting to walk with a strategy that doesn’t help them to walk.

    Quote Originally Posted by loholt View Post
    On this subject ,Im recognising that I have had significant successes on subjects which are less all encompassing/ more self contained . For example : if i am annoyed with someone, i can almost always feel my way to genuine relief, if i am feeling worried about eg, my weight , i can find a better perspective . But the subjects that really bother me, this feeling of disempowerment , and ( usually) my work situation (theres been a change there) : i get very confused and cant see the wood for the trees, and its these very heavy pervasive subjects where i seem to be more prone to blah blah blah thoughts. Also, as you have said, the wanting to quantum jump AND, not making peace with where i am, and the thinking/writing thoughts i dont really believe :they ARE all part of the same root cause. That really resonates too.

    So, why are you not using these experiences here to talk yourself out of your inaccurate “powerless” story? When you're walking, should you fall.down, you don't tell a story of “I am powerless to walk.” And even if you were to indulge in such a story, that story would quickly be revealed to be bogus once you pick yourself up and start walking again. Why is this not the case here?

    You're well aware that your thoughts and your stories of Powerlessness doesn’t feel any form of “good.” That’s why you brought it here to the Forum. (It’s very rare that we question our “good” feelings.) You also know that Abraham teach that negative emotion (such as the emotion of Powerlessness) means that whatever thoughts/stories we’re thinking to produce our moments of negative emotion do not agree with the thoughts/stories our IB is thinking about that very same topic in that very same moment. Now, you’re saying that you have moments and memories where you experienced your power. You can use your moments and memories to talk yourself out of the “false” (from the perspective of your IB and your Wanted) story of “powerlessness.” IOW, just because you have moments when you aren’t recognizing your power (and isn't that a better-feeling way of communicating what you're experiencing?) or you’re mislabeling what’s truly going on doesn’t mean that you don’t have power. If you had power before and now you don’t, where did it go? You’re still the same person. Did someone zap you in the middle of the night? Did some fairy steal your power? I’m being deliberately silly here to get you to start thinking.

    As I pointed out to another Forum friend just the other day, we all have our good reasons for telling our stories. Our stories seem true to us. But our negative emotion, as we tell some of our stories, lets us know that there is another story that the wiser, larger, Source-connected part of Us is telling--a story of our wanted--about that very same topic. We can (and want to) feel our ways to that story, rather than simply repeat our inaccurate, bad-feeling, habitual story.

    Quote Originally Posted by loholt View Post
    The only thing that doesnt quite fit is: i have had periods when i have that genuine feeling of very strong connection, in the morning when doing my practise, where i feel total clarity, really know my power. And sometimes its just a one off, other times i may be there for a few days or a week, and when i fall out of it THAT,(i can see now) is when the desperation to get “back there” starts, and then i try to fly back there rather than accept where i am and then take the stairs.

    How does desperation FEEL to you? IOW, in this very story, you’re telling us that there are times when you respond to your emotional guidance by not making peace, by not doing what you know to be effective from your mornings, by insisting that you make quantum leaps which you know do not work. When that doesn’t work (which is should not, according to these laws of the universe) you start “judging” yourself and telling yourself your story of powerlessness. If you were talking to Abraham, this is probably where they’d say--firmly yet lovingly--“cut it out.” Again, this isn’t “powerlessness.” This is you doing a bunch of stuff which you yourself know not to be effective. You’re not powerless. You’re simply doing stuff which doesn’t demonstrate your power because it ignores a variety of the principles of the universe. That’s very different from “powerless.”

    Quote Originally Posted by loholt View Post
    AH......as i am writing this things are coming to me:
    I just got it that.......i have a belief that i have to be at the top of the scale to do the work.
    That's just one of the ways that you insist upon being at the top of the Scale, when you never intended to spend all of your time here at the top of the Scale. (If your intention was to constantly be at the top of the Scale, you would have stayed on that cloud with Abraham.) And you can know this to be true because your insistence (to be at the top of Scale) doesn't feel any form of “good.”

    You’re pushing against your Step 1 moments, rather than Making Peace with Where you have put yourself for that moment. Everything else is your action born out of your pushing against. And it feels like “pushing against”, “desperation”, “judging”, or “Powerlessness,” because you're trying to effort your way into alignment, which isn't possible. And then you add insult to injury by using this as your excuse to tell your bogus story.

    Quote Originally Posted by loholt View Post
    Its like i think i have to be feeling my power to use it (the right side of the equation).

    Well, you DO need to acknowledge that you have power in order to use it, just like if you didn't acknowledge your power to walk and I demanded that you walk, that's not likely to have a pleasing outcome.

    So, if you force yourself (Can you feel the action to overcome your resistance in that?) to sit down to do a Focus Wheel on your job (for example) when you Believe that you have no ability to manage your vibration or that your vibration doesn't matter,

    • First off, you'll be having your emotional guidance as you think those Beliefs of yours (letting you know that your IB and everyone who’s standing in your Vortex does not agree with your Beliefs) and,
    • Secondly, your intention then becomes “fixing my bottom-of-the-Scale problem.” You’re in fixing mode rather than receptive mode.


    Then you're just wasting your time. In fact, you’ve done the reverse of what you did with the “work” that you posted here and you're like the drunk in my joke, looking for your car keys under the street light when they're more likely by your car, in the opposite side of the darkened end of the street.

    Quote Originally Posted by loholt View Post
    (I can see how i developed that belief...

    How you developed any Belief doesn’t matter, in this material. There is no excavation in this material, no analysis. All your excavation and analysis do is provide you with opportunities to practice your Belief and your reasons for your Belief, which helps you far less than you think.

    Quote Originally Posted by loholt View Post
    ...because many times i really wanted to be appreciating but wasnt in the vicinity of it, or I wanted to do a focus wheel but felt too powerlesst to do a focus wheel.)

    In that case, do your Focus Wheel on your feeling of Powerlessness or Find Better-Feeling Thoughts than your thoughts of Powerlessness.

    Quote Originally Posted by loholt View Post
    But of course, im using my power all the time if i am BFTing with honesty, from wherever i am on the scale. It just feels different at different points.

    You’re using your power all the time, even when you’re Step 1-ing. That’s the point. That’s what makes your “powerless” story so bogus. That’s why I asked (and you never really answered) how are you measuring/identifying your “power.”

    The only reason why it feels different at different points on the Scale is that you’re willing to think different thoughts about “your power” when you’re at different points of the Scale. And I’m not just talking about what the LoA makes available to you (although there is that). You have a strong story that certain points of the Scale are appropriate and others are inappropriate for you. Because of this story, you are willing to think your thoughts of judgement when you’ve placed yourself in one of your “inappropriate” places on the Scale. When you’ve placed yourself in one of your “appropriate” places on the Scale, you think different, better-feeling thoughts. Your own “work” will be easier if you soothe some of that.

    Quote Originally Posted by loholt View Post
    And i think im starting to see: i do this quantum jumping also because i get very confused about how to make peace with hwere i am, or dont even remember i need to do that first.

    Then you might want to ask us your questions about how to Make Peace with Where You Are (although the name gives you some clues, doesn’t it?).

    And this is a value of being where you were when you opened your thread, because now--thanks to this conversation--you have yet another reminder of the importance of Making Peace with Where You Are, not only as part of the Abraham “method” for everyone but for you in particular.

    Quote Originally Posted by loholt View Post
    While I know the answer is always “feel better” but there are times when i cant even remember that.

    No, that’s not it. It’s just that you think that powering through your resistance is possible. Eventually, you’ll get tired of beating yourself up and try the different (more effective and more comfortable) way.

    And isn’t that thought (“...there are times when i cant even remember that”) a thought of powerlessness? It’s all right that it is and you’ll have your own guidance to let you know that it is. (You don’t need me.) But if you want to to experience less powerless, you’ll want to practice less thoughts of powerlessness. So, a question for you: is that thought (“...there are times when i cant even remember that”) a Wanted or Unwanted thought for you?

    That’s easy. We both know it’s an Unwanted thought for you. So, what’s at the other end of this stick for you? Isn’t it “...there are times when I CAN remember that”? And isn’t that true for you. After all, that’s why you added the “...there are times when….” IOW, if you want more of your experience of your power, you’ll want to stop giving your power away. You’ll want to start paying attention to the thoughts that you think and how those thoughts feel to you as you think them.

    Quote Originally Posted by loholt View Post
    I want all of my effort to go into making where i am a bit less awful ,as you say.

    You can say that better. Because there is NO effort in this “work.” That’s why I put the word, work, in quotation marks. If you have effort, then you know that you’re back to your old tricks, which aren’t effective.

    Quote Originally Posted by loholt View Post
    I just rediscovered a quote that i found on this forum that really helped me make peace with where i was back last January when i went through this same pattern : essentially its that “ you dont have to be in the vortex to make significant changes”. I KNOW this is true because it has been happening to me already.

    That quote is accurate.

    Again, we’re at the difference between “know” and “Know (KNOW).” You cannot tell your story of “powerless” when you Know/KNOW that quote to be true. So, it might be more accurate (and less effort and better-feeling) for you to say “There are many times when I do know this quote to be true. I’ve even had personal experiences to show me that this quote is true for me. I’m not yet at the point where I Know/KNOW this quote to be true for me, but I’m looking forward to the time when I do Know this in the same way that I Know that the sun will rise again tomorrow morning….”

    Quote Originally Posted by loholt View Post
    Also , now i can see more clearly that side stepping does work for some issues : ie i can completely focus away from a subject. But it doesnt work for me on THIS subject. Good thing to know.

    Again, that’s the beauty of having a variety of tools in your tool box. You can use them all together.
    Last edited by WellBeing; 3 Weeks Ago at 07:04 PM. Reason: Formatting

  3. #23
    Quote Originally Posted by songbird View Post
    The piece that may help is the understanding of "momentum".
    Understand that when you are aware of something "heavy" as you wrote; that it is always because it has gained some momentum....we have to have been thinking about it, and not noticed the very first thought about it....and so using the understanding of momentum....Abraham are teaching us that its easy to stop the momentum at the top of the hill, in the early subtle stages. But not so easy when we are trying to stop that car at the bottom of the hill!!

    And so, yes, when you notice its heavy, and has got some strong momentum going, that may not be the time to stop it.

    Abes new teachings are "how do you stop doubt?"...."Before it gets started"!
    Which is they are saying when we wake up, get the positive momentum going early on, so that we are stable in our alignment first and foremost. And THEN, when you notice the EARLY subtle stages, THEN the momentum is light enough that you can EASILY turn it around.

    But often, when something has alot of thought/momentum behind it; then when we try to "clean it up" (like they used to teach us to do) often we just DIG IN, and ADD to the negative momentum.

    Nowadays, they are teaching us to be easier about it.
    To Go GENERAL.
    TO not take the "issues" and wrestle them to the ground.
    But instead, to focus on things that are EASY for us to get into alignment about.
    ...Our love of the planet, children, cats, and dogs.....what ever is easy for us to feel good about.

    And then to use THAT AS positive momentum.

    BECAUSE, and this is the KEY.
    BECAUSE, we UNDERSTAND, that LOA will take care of EVERYTHING ELSE.
    LOA will take care of what comes to us.
    All we ever need to DO.....


    Is to feel better.
    Is to affect our POINT OF ATTRACTION, in the present moment.
    It doesnt MATTER what we use as our focus


    SO....in answer to your specfic question....YES, when you try from a heavy place to do the work, often what happens is that you ADD momentum to that vibration.
    SO...YES, its "better" (or rather EASIER) to get into a lighter mood (GO GENERAL or focus on lighter things).

    But, not neccesary that you do the work on the hot issues.
    Just practice LOA, just be in alignment more of the time, and see what happens.

    For example; someone is bothering you....get into alignment and trust that by changing your point of attraction everything changes that comes to you. You do not have to get in there and "sort it out", you ONLY have to get into alignment. And if a topic gets you out of alignment, then focus on things that DO get you into alignment.

    AND TRUST.....LOA with the rest.

    Remembering that everything that comes to us is because of our point of attraction, here and NOW.
    So we dont need to go back and clean things up, we only need to be here and now, and aware of what we are doing with our emotional gap NOW.

    Because when we are balanced in our alignment, THEN only good can come to us.

    ....Get OFF the hot topics.....for a little while.....Get on the easy topics......and see for yourself what happens.


    Hope that is helpful.

    PS....Listen more to Abraham because they always explain it clearly!!
    Thankyou, This is extremely helpful Songbird.
    When you say, Abraham now teach to get the positive momentum going early on, You’ve reminded me That’s EXACTLY what ive been trying, but failing to do.
    I have been able to do this in the past.
    It feels like, i have hit a period where, for whatever reason where ive been unable to achieve that higher disc in the morning, and then got hung up on it, and now becuase all my attention is on that, that is what im creating more of. But without that higher disc feeling in the morning i dont know what practise to do. As you say , everything seems to be pointing towards: either make peace where you are and do the BFT from there, as wellbeign says, or get off that subject, go really general, focus on things that are easy to like, stabilise in that freq and see where that takes you.
    Thanks very much xx

  4. #24
    Hiya Wellbeing,
    Thanks for your reply:Just thought I would post this quickly before i reply to your post as i was in the mood to do the work:






    Making peace with where I am..


    Make it a bit less awful..
    Feel what i really feel....dont skip past it.




    Feels like an uphill climb.
    Not sure what to do.
    Not sure if i can learn to be more honest about how im really feeling.
    How do i make peace with where i am when where i am is clearly not ok.?


    Does ANYTHING feel a tiny bit better? A BIT less awful?


    One thing: it does feel better to remind myself that i can makes progress even if im not ITV..I know this is true from experience.. T/B
    Also, this new tool: T/U, B/W, is helpful in checking how it feels rather than skipping past real feelings, it definitely helps. T/B
    At least i have had success in the past, on easier subjects. T/B
    I can’t deny that my quality of life has improved a lot. And ive done that using these tools T/B
    I havent had massive physical manifestations. T/W
    but i have had very significant ones that have made my life much easier/feel much better. T/B
    But I haven’t been successful re work. Or my relationship with alan. U/W:
    Wait a minute: just because i havent had THE BIG result that i want on these things, it doesnt mean i havent made progress on these; i have, i have come a long way on almost all aspects of my life. T/B
    I could be sitting here saying: “i have been trying to practise Abes teachings for 5 years, and with no success”.....thats not the case...T/B
    I dont have to get to happy clappy..just a bit less crappy!!! T/B


    If i was learning another new skill, say, woodworking , or learning a new language , i would not be so harsh on myself : i would give myself time to learn: not expect myself to do it all at once. T/B


    I am very hard on myself..I want to be easier on myself.


    Now my life is actually much easier than it was in the past; its a time when i can i can use the go general tool more easily: I didnt have any success with that in the past because painful issues surrounded me everywhere i went: now i can get some relief going general.
    ?U/W?
    (This statement flagged up another belief; “im not very good at going general” which flagged up a question ive been wondering about: “ maybe im not very good at going general because of my ADHD?”).... ahhhghghghg crap..


    No wait...that cant be right..i had a period back, maybe January, when i was going general quite a bit and I remember it was helping a lot... i remember thinking i could use this as my main practise and it could be easier. T/B


    Ok, so im not convinced that i can do this ie be more honest ..Even now I’m wondering am I kidding myself. But.....at least i can see that its not the tool itself thats flawed, that its about learning to use it properly.


    If i can be honest / feel my way on some subjects, maybe i can on this subject too?


    Wait, what is the subject now? Its not powerlessness, as WB said, its learning to use these tools. Im obviously not powerless, because ive made all these changes,and i can continue to make changes from outside the vortex too. T/B


    Maybe i am already learning a little bit: because ive noticed: when i just re-read these statements , if there are times when ive kidded myself its more likely to stand out more when i read back over it. T/B


    I wonder if there are other people on the Abeforum that started out kidding themselves, but they got better at being more honest? There must be. I could do a search around that. I could ask people for any really good/comprehensive posts on that subject. B


    Being out of the vortex now, compared with being out of the vortex 5 years ago,is a very different feeling. Where i am now is comparatively pretty good


    Its ok to be doing the work from where i am now....
    Its alright... this isnt what I thought it was.
    Not sure what i was on about now..
    Its ok...i can do my work from wherever i am...i can feel my way..
    I might not get it right every time , but i will get better at this.

  5. #25
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by loholt View Post
    Just thought I would post this quickly before i reply to your post as i was in the mood to do the work:
    Great! Good job.

    Quote Originally Posted by loholt View Post
    Ok, so im not convinced that i can do this ie be more honest ..
    Come at this from a different angle:
    Am I not honest about other things?
    Am I in the habit of not being honest in my conversations?
    Have I never been honest in any of my thoughts or words?
    Am I in the habit of not being honest about all topics or just some topics?
    Can I think of some times or characteristics or environments when I'm more likely to be honest, to speak/think my truth and some times or characteristics or environments when I'm less likely to be honest?
    Is there a pattern that I can see there?

  6. #26
    Hiya All,
    Not sure if this is what you meant, Wellbeing, but if its way off could you guide me further please?

    Quote
    “Come at this from a different angle:
    Am I not honest about other things?
    Am I in the habit of not being honest in my conversations ?
    Have I never been honest in any of my thoughts or words?
    Am I in the habit of not being honest about all topics or just some topics?
    Can I think of some times or characteristics or environments when I'm more likely to be honest, to speak/think my truth and some times or characteristics or environments when I'm less likely to be honest?
    Is there a pattern that I can see there?”
    End quote


    Im not a person that is out to deceive or trick people for personal gain, and I value honesty and openness in myself and others . But I used to be more honest and open, than i am these days, because of these two things :
    1) LOA beliefs/beliefs about what is really going on in the world/ the shift. I fear being judged as crazy. I will usually openly speak about this if i know the other person/people have some interest or are very open minded. I know very few people who know about LOA, and the “shift in human consciousness”. None of my family, apart from a nephew i see occasionally know about the shift , and he doesnt believe in LOA.

    Increasingly i am trying to be a bit more open about my beliefs if its relevant to the subject of conversation. For eg., i might say to someone i know a bit in work “i believe we create our reality thru our thoughts/beliefs“ (the reply last time i said that was “are you feeling alright ? “ !!)


    (2) me and my partner will be splitting up , probably in the next couple of years. We decided several years ago to stay together for the kids sake until they left education : but, because the kids didnt know about that until a year ago, i couldnt tell anyone about that: and even now only a very small number of people know about it.
    (So previously I couldn’t talk about it because the kids didnt know, but now, in theory i could, except my partner isnt happy about me doing that).


    3) With close relationships, i try to be as open and honest as i can , for the sake of the relationship. The main exception in close relationships: i would tell white lies, for eg about liking a gift that was bought for me, cos i dont want to hurt someone’s feelings. Im sure i do fib more than that but im saying its my intention to be as honest as i can.


    4) I tend to hold back when im feeling strong negative emotion
    I tend to be a blurty when it comes to strong emotions (i believe this may relate to my adhd) : if i get very hurt or angry or overwhelmed about something i can blurt out very strong words and cause a lot of damage so I tend to try to keep it in, then address it later, when ive calmed down. (Sometimes i keep it in for too long, because i haven’t recognised how im feeling*, and end up getting really angry and having a melt down. Very rare tho .)
    5). Being polite in situations with strangers/acquaintances, is another situation in which i hold back on my truth. (By the way, Im British, so the politeness thing is really over the top!).



    • i think i may have more difficulty than most people, especially other women in recognising what im feeling, and i think part of that was family upbringing/being encouraged to ignore my feelings a lot.
    • I had social anxiety and low self esteem ( related to my inattentive ADHD ) for many years and that was all about fear of being judged plus not being able to listen as well as i wanted to. Im not completely over that but much much better. Im getting there.

    I can see that i am better at being honest wit myself than i used to be, as a result of doing this work. And on subjects that feel less extreme i still can often feel my way fairly easily.

  7. #27
    Right now i feel confused .what to do?
    Im not where i want to be: knowing my power.
    And it feels like a distant dream, not sure i will ever get there.
    But , I only have to feel better where i am,,make it a bit less shit....
    This is less awful than i felt when i was misunderstanding what was really going on.
    Feeling pissed off about not being “up there” is natural. Who wouldnt be after feeling that amazing feeling...Yes very understandable.
    I am where i am.
    The one thing i do like about the feeling of saying that is...it just came to me: when i am accepting of where i am, i am closer to getting where i want to be (to be in a position where i can start taking the stairs ) than i was before i accepted where i am. You cant do the work until you acknowledge where you are, and then soothe it..
    Ive been here before and its starting to come back to me.
    This is feeling better.
    This is a very key thing for me...
    I CAN BE WHERE I AM...NOTHING TERRIBLE IS HAPPENING HERE.
    WHEN I GET IN TOUCH WITH “HERE” and drop the idea “i dont want to be here” then it feels like, the possibility of energy moving,. Shifting.
    I am where i am...if i can be where i am, and ok about it, allowing of it, then i can gently move.
    In fact Ive been more in this EXACT place of not accepting where i am, this year, more than ive been anywhere else.
    So its going to serve me very well to get better at making peace with where i am: soothing it, making it a bit less awful, and acknowledging how i really feel. Now i can see , i have been trying to run up the stairs with the “dont want to be where i am’ ball and chain still round my ankle...yep! That’s it..
    And just like that feeling of relief i used to get, when, in work i used to feel that overwhelmed feeling as i looked at the pile of stuff to be delivered at the start, WHEN I ACKNOWLEDGED AND ALLOWED THAT FEELING TO JUST BE WHAT IT WAS, THEN THAT AWFUL STRUGGLE AGAINST “WHAT IS”FEELING LEFT ME, LIFTED, AND THEN I COULD SEE THAT IT WAS THE STRUGGLE AGAINST “WHAT IS” THAT WAS THE REAL PROBLEM , RATHER THAN THE REAL, RAW “SENSE DATA” FEELING OF THE ACTUAL THING: the concept is the problem, not the real experience....
    Im getting that understanding coming clearer..
    This is good...
    Remembering that experience in work, of letting the feeling be what it is, and initially, just let it up raw, unadulterated, as it is, is the first stage: until i do that, seeking relief doesnt work. At least on heavy/practised feeling-situations.

    THATS A GOOD START, REALLY GOOD THING TO REMEMBER.

    Thanks for helping me get to here guys .

    I would love to continue to do my work on this , here on the forum and get peoples feedback, if thats ok ?

  8. #28
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by loholt View Post
    I would love to continue to do my work on this , here on the forum and get peoples feedback, if thats ok ?
    Moderator's note: That's one of the main intentions of the Abe Forum. So, yes, it's absolutely "ok." I'll just move your thread to the Practicing sub-forum, where our "work"
    threads live and our coaching-types tend to hang out.

  9. #29
    Thanks wellbeing

  10. #30
    I am where i am. Feels better.
    Lighter ...
    I am where i am..its alright.
    Im not feeling amazingly powerful, really clear about creating etc. But it alright
    Just like, when i feel overwhelmed about the delivery pile, when i recognise and allow the feeling up without modifying it, let it be raw, it feels like letting go of the oars, letting go of the struggle.
    For now im just going to feel into that feeling and let it be...
    I know i dont need to stay in it more than a minute. But, i want to be really familiar about letting it be, seeing the difference between the overlwhelment PLUS THE STRUGGLE , VERSUS ,JUST THE OVERWHELMENT.
    And similarly with this current situation: its the feeling of “i dont want to be so far away from empowerment/clarity as i am”, versus that plus the STRUGGLE OF fighting “what is”.


    I am still at the bottom of the stairs though
    Ive got a big, uncertain climb to the top.
    not even clear about what to do, how to do it, if i can do it, but ........
    I can be there and fight with it,
    Struggle against it, and stay there or i can be there and soothe myself , make it a bit less awful.....soothe it, let mysef feel what i feel.
    It feels now, not dissimilar to the feeling in work. Overwhelming,.. plus confusion on top. At least in work, I KNEW what i had to do, and how to do it & that i could do it.. i just didnt want to do it.
    Now i feel, i still have to take the stairs and not even sure where to start. Not sure if i will confuse myself along the way again, lose track of where i am and start quantum jumping again.. these are the worries going through my mind right now.
    Feels like a long way.
    Not as long as staying stuck where i am cos im struggling against where i am and mislabelling it...
    Yes’that IS a Huge improvement ...


    I want to feel a bit better. Genuine relief.
    Where to start. . Confused.
    Worried, will i kid myself again?
    No this is different because ive made peace with where i am.
    But that is such a slippery thing, have i really ?
    Yes i have...t doesnt have tht suffocating heaviness about it that was there before.
    Good...i recognised that core feeling when i am pushing against what is, its SUFFOCATING..&. thats definitely gone....
    I can breathe easier. Still dont know whee im going ! But i do feel like my load is much lighter .




    That’s a great anaology, thats exactly how it feels:
    Like the difference between
    1) being on a long journey, through dark woods at dusk with no light, and a heavy load, and keeping falling into quicksand.
    Versus
    2) on a wide path , with just enough light to see that there is a path, and i can feel my way with this stick i have brought along...
    Yep
    That’s a much better feeling place to be...


    So....now what.
    Ah! Now im recognising: im thinking,,,,”Now i have let go of that , i should be feeling great,,, and im not.”
    Im still confused.


    Soothe that. .....
    I want to feel a bit better.
    Its just one step at a time.
    I dont have to get anywhere special..i just have to feel a little better.
    And this does feel much better than where i was.
    And i can recognise that I DID make peace with where i was, let go of the oars, and i am ready to start feeling around for relief.


    I can take it easy.
    No rush...is alright....
    Actually feels in the dark. Confused. But not with that heaviness.


    That’s ok though.
    its the struggling against what is that feels awful, much more than the “what is” itself .
    Its ok....i will get a little bit clearer as i go along.
    Its alright that i havent got perfect clarity right now.
    I would like to be clearer about what to do, but i dont feel heavy like i did, so ...im still sort of enjoying the relative relief of letting go of the heavy load.
    Breathe a bit....
    Better...
    I like saying “i am where i am and its alright” and being able to mean it.
    Maybe if i dont push this too much, maybe ill come back, tomorrow and take it a little bit further.
    Yep,...no rush..
    Just enjoy this relative relief...






    FEEL FOR EASE.
    I feel like reaching for ease....
    I dont want any “have to’s” or “shoulds”. Just ease.easy...
    Downhill.
    Easy..
    Ease..
    Light.... lettign go of the oars. Feels lovely . Feels easy, comfortable, do-able.
    Nice.feels like, its all alright.
    Soothed. Easy....kind to mysef
    Luxury of time, no rush.
    Nothing much to do.
    Nothing to sweat about .
    Ease.....’’breathe deeper. Relax ...
    Soft. Relaxed . Basking..
    Comfort . Soothing..
    like log fires.
    Nature.
    Llandegla forest,on my bike.stoppig fr a rest and being still..easy...






    (LATER)
    I just fancy playing the wouldnt it be nice if game..it feels soft, easy..light...


    Wouldn’t it be nice if....we have fun, harmony , lightness at home today.
    Like yesterday..that pillow fight! Fun! Easy..nothing to do.
    Won’t it be nice if i find something good feeling to do in work...
    Wouldn’t it be nice to feel in the mood to do some good feeling things, watch uplifting videos. Nature videos
    Wouldn’t it be nice to feel a bit more appreciation .
    Wouldn’t it be nice to get a bike ride in at the weekend .
    Woudnt it be nice if C starts to feel better.
    Wouldn’t it be nice to Swiss cheese all the things i love about her...
    Wouldn’t it be nice to practise that video game a bit on my own so then i can join in with the kids with it.. its so funny.
    Wouldn’t it be nice to feel like playing the glad game at bedtime tonight..Won’t it be nice to feel like basking in my pillow .






    BIT OF CLARITY;
    Im not so bad at knowing what im feeling: its when I am pushing agaisnt what is, not acepting it, and not even knowing that is what im doing,and from there, trying to race up the stairs...
    When i have made peace with where i am, soothed it. Feels like i have more awareness of true feelings.
    This is very different. Feels different
    Good

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