Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Being in a love relationship with boyfriend that I donīt envision as future husband

  1. #1

    Being in a love relationship with boyfriend that I donīt envision as future husband

    Hi everyone.

    I am at a point in my relationship where I see clearly resistance. I also see lots of love, afection, kindness, respect, appreciation. He is my friend besides my boyfriend.

    I focus on the positive aspects, true things that I appreciate about my boyfriend... and things are getting better to me, life is better to me, I really feel good most of the times. I would like my relationship to evolve, for example: I would like my boyfriend to appreciate my family and family to appreciate him - but this seems impossible. Though they talk to each other, my boyfriend brags to me how much my family doesnīt like him.

    Well, I love my family! I let him talk and express himself, I understand him, but what he says makes me feel blocked. I canīt do anything just letting me being inspired to show him otherwise, or I just change to another topic like fun about other things.

    I always wanted to find the man of my life and stick with him forever more. Today I heard Abraham saying in a workshop that is possible and that time will come but eventually there is a path to it.

    I try to do my best, accept my boyfriend as he is, I focus on the positive aspects for example: our hability to talk any topic and express our thoughts openely, our connection and intimacy, our conversations, the fun together, the discovering of new places, knowing that he is always there to hear me, knowing that I am appreciated... Also, I believed in my boyfriend, I belived this one is my only one man but I am losing hope because I donīt see real evolution that supports our relationship.
    There are times when I think that, for the now he is alright and our relationship also at the moment, but other times not.

    Enventually there comes a time, where some strong resistance and desire emerges and it makes me clear that I donīt know what to do. I just know that I donīt envision him as my future husband. I just know this. But for now, I live this mixture of emotions. And I enjoy being and talking with him, I do, a lot.

    What do you know can be of value to me to handle my emotions regarding what I wrote above this?

    I feel indecisive and I will not act just being with him and enjoying and appreciating. I donīt really know what to do. I would like things to work but I am not feeling hopefulness anymore.

    What does abraham say about this topic? How to align?

  2. #2
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    15,301
    Quote Originally Posted by Feelinggoodgoodfeeling View Post
    What does abraham say about this topic? How to align?
    They've written whole books about these topics (because you've touched on a variety of topics), all of which cover your "How to align?" question. You might want to start with The Vortex​, which is all about relationships. Check it out! Better yet, give it a careful and thorough read.

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing View Post
    They've written whole books about these topics (because you've touched on a variety of topics), all of which cover your "How to align?" question. You might want to start with The Vortex​, which is all about relationships. Check it out! Better yet, give it a careful and thorough read.
    Thanks for the quick reply.

    Well, I have been thinking about reading that book with time and care. I never did that, and I feel it is precious about relationships.

  4. #4
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    15,301
    Enjoy your reading!

  5. #5
    Super Kitty Marc's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Tempe, Arizona, USA
    Posts
    9,533
    Quote Originally Posted by Feelinggoodgoodfeeling View Post
    I would like my boyfriend to appreciate my family and family to appreciate him
    Even though the answer to this question might seem obvious (but it really isn't), but WHY? Why is it any of your business how your boyfriend feels about ANYTHING? Why is it any more consequential than him preferring a different flavor of ice cream than you do?
    Quote Originally Posted by Feelinggoodgoodfeeling View Post
    - but this seems impossible. Though they talk to each other, my boyfriend brags to me how much my family doesnīt like him.
    Again, so what?
    Quote Originally Posted by Feelinggoodgoodfeeling View Post
    Well, I love my family! I let him talk and express himself, I understand him, but what he says makes me feel blocked.
    Again, WHY? It's great that you love your family. What's wrong with letting him have a different experience with them, or they with him?
    Quote Originally Posted by Feelinggoodgoodfeeling View Post
    I canīt do anything just letting me being inspired to show him otherwise, or I just change to another topic like fun about other things.
    Sure you can, you have the ability to make peace with the fact that your boyfriend (and your family too) has his own thoughts, opinions and feelings that sometime differ from yours.

    Quote Originally Posted by Feelinggoodgoodfeeling View Post
    I try to do my best, accept my boyfriend as he is, I focus on the positive aspects for example: our hability to talk any topic and express our thoughts openely, our connection and intimacy, our conversations, the fun together, the discovering of new places, knowing that he is always there to hear me, knowing that I am appreciated... Also, I believed in my boyfriend, I belived this one is my only one man but I am losing hope because I donīt see real evolution that supports our relationship.
    Whose evolution are you talking about? Are you just using that as a euphemism for, "I don't see my boyfriend changing to suit my preferences"? Focusing on positive aspects isn't necessarily one the same thing as "accepting him as he is." In fact, everything you're talking about is really the opposite of accepting him as he is, isn't it? Now that's okay that it's what is going on. It's just a matter of owning it and then deciding where to go from here.
    Quote Originally Posted by Feelinggoodgoodfeeling View Post
    Enventually there comes a time, where some strong resistance and desire emerges and it makes me clear that I donīt know what to do. I just know that I donīt envision him as my future husband. I just know this. But for now, I live this mixture of emotions. And I enjoy being and talking with him, I do, a lot.
    What sort of person do you envision as your future husband? Are you expecting that your future husband won't have his own separate thoughts, feelings and preferences and that the two of you will agree about everything?
    Quote Originally Posted by Feelinggoodgoodfeeling View Post
    What do you know can be of value to me to handle my emotions regarding what I wrote above this?
    Virtually every book that Abraham writes touches upon the issues you bring up. In addition to The Vortex, APoDI and APoE are great at giving examples of using the processes that Abraham has given us on a variety of topics.
    Quote Originally Posted by Feelinggoodgoodfeeling View Post
    I feel indecisive and I will not act just being with him and enjoying and appreciating. I donīt really know what to do. I would like things to work but I am not feeling hopefulness anymore.
    Negative emotion always means that you're looking at things in a way that differs from the way your Inner Being does. You have the ability to feel your way to better and better feeling perspectives. You may not be feeling hopefulness right now, but you have the ability to feel your way back that place.

    Quote Originally Posted by Feelinggoodgoodfeeling View Post
    What does abraham say about this topic?
    Even if we accept the premise that there's just something intrinsically wrong with your current partner (which I don't necessarily agree with), they've said something to the effect of, "What's wrong with enjoying things for the sake of data collection and sex?"

  6. #6
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Elfengarten, Germany
    Posts
    68,887
    Fggf, I hear you (who wouldnīt). But the advice you got REALLY is SOOOO valid, as soon you stop seeing any of this as a bad ugly thing. See it as inspiration for you, to -totally unconditionally- line up with YOUR DREAM.
    Allow yourself to love him anyway, while you are stubbornly focused on what makes you happy, vibrationally.

    A short story out of my recent own life- me, DH and 2 of our sons had a drive to the mountains over the weekend. One of my sons is not so easy to love quite often. And again, he challenged all of us to our borders of what we could take, and while it didnīt come to a blow, I felt poisoned and worn out when I went to bed that first day. We all want to do a long road-trip with all family next summer, and this weekend got called the test-run for the big vacation.

    When I went to bed, I saw no chance for the longplanned dream-trip next year! But I hadnīt trained me into Abe for nothing. I went to Forum and looked a bit through the quotes, and felt the soothing, as *I* myself allowed this quote to touch and soothe me, and allowed to be turned around into what Abe advice here:

    The art of drawing others in

    It all starts with EXPECTATION.
    It's not about action, it's about expectation.

    It's not about rigidness.
    It's not about holding the reigns back.
    It's not about getting people to conform.
    It's not about getting people to comply.

    It's not about being the biggest, and the baddest, with the biggest bombs.
    It's not about being able to affect the greatest punishment on people, or on anyone
    because they disobey, or because they disagree.

    It's about finding, personally, something
    that you care about and focusing on it
    and affirming it from your high-flying disk enough
    that you get momentum going, so that your power of influence

    then sweeps people WILLINGLY in.

    Ahh... because unless you have swept them WILLINGLY in, you HAVEN'T CONVINCED THEM. NOTHING HAS CHANGED.
    So, what is the power of influence?

    The POWER OF INFLUENCE is ALIGNMENT, and ENERGY, and VIBRATION.
    It's having the energy that creates worlds flowing to you and through you.

    There's a powerful, POWERFUL influence that comes from that kind of alignment, you see. And in that kind of alignment, what others are then INSPIRED TO,
    aligns them with the GOODNESS and the CORE that is THEM.

    Ooh, did you follow that?
    Did you follow, did you follow that, you see?
    And everything else is sort of SUPERFLUOUS, isn't it?

    Abraham




    ...and then I shared the quote with DH, too, and we both looked at each other puzzled, that we had allowed someone to "downlift us" away from what we REALLY want- which is a joyful journey, a loving and respectful view on life, a deep trust that everything we ALL (!!) desire is possible in ease. We gave up "on this being a problem", and relaxed into expecting the solution.

    We had a wonderful sleep, and in the next morning, it simply was all gone. Our travel went on more than just smoothe. It was fantastic! It all had cleared out, as if it had never been.
    We still had completely different preferences about different things, but that was no problem anymore. It just made life more colorful and rich! We had all clicked in to unconditional love, and unconditional appreciation of one another, and the day was beautiful- and closer to each other than EVER.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •