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Thread: Anxiety or gut feeling?

  1. #1

    Anxiety or gut feeling?

    Hey all I'm back again.

    My question is how do you know when it's your gut telling you something to follow or if it's your anxiety talking? I have struggled pretty badly with anxiety the past year so I've been going to a doctor and have been taking anxiety meds. Sure they help a lot but I don't want to rely on them for my life. I want to sort this anxiety thing myself, sure I can use the meds to help through the thick of it, but I want to accomplish this on my own.

    I have been with this girl for about a year and a half and obviously at the beginning everything was amazing. Honeymoon phase ended and here we are the same way we've been for the past year. I stay because I believe I truly love her, I know I'm scared to be alone which is part of it so I've been working on my self esteem and insecurities to see if I still feel this way after fixing those issues. It has been a challenge to say the least. I always think she is doing things behind my back, she never invites me to her family gatherings, I won't be seeing her today on Christmas because she'll be with her family I said I would go with her and I just get an excuse as to why not to go. It makes me feel unwanted, or maybe not good enough. A lot of this is insecurities which is why I'm working on them, I've been trying to be okay with myself I know I'm a good person deep down and i just need to let it out. I'm not ready to love myself yet because that's a big jump from where I'm at. Is this where all my anxiety is coming from?

    I'm not even sure where anxiety would fall on the EGS. Powerlessness? Because it feels so over powering that it's just controlling me, but I know I have control over it, so why do I struggle so much to get better with it day by day? It feels i do better than I'm right back where I was. I'm assuming that's to big of a step even though I'm attempting to take baby steps?

    So than I would assume I'm at insecurity on the scale and work to feel jealous or rage, but they don't feel better to me. When I feel insecure I feel extremely upset, jealous, mad, unworthy, so many different emotions all on different points on the scale. It feels my life is a mess more than ever but in reality I know it's not as bad as I talk it is. It's all in my head because inside I don't believe the things I tell myself, I believe im worthy, nice, caring and all that but I tell think all these anxious thoughts that make me think do I really feel that way about myself or do I really think I'm unworthy etc?

    I know I've came here for all these common problems I've had before and they all stem from the same place, but I keep coming back hoping something will smack my like a ton of bricks and bring on that chance I desperately want, yes I feel desperate a bad feeling to feel but that's where I'm at with trying to change.

    Do I leave her so I can work on myself and elimanite some of the causes of the anxiety and wait for a relationship until I improve myself or Do I continue to feel these thoughts in this relationship in the hopes that I will improve and the feelings will become less and less? Some days I'm so happy with her and feel it's meant to be and others I have the worst thoughts thinking I'm going to get so hurt. It seems that I need to be around her to feel any sort of ease about her and I'm not okay with that. But as everyone knows I'm terrified to be alone. I'm very anxious as I write all of this.

  2. #2
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    Choose first what brings RELIEF- and then.



    ..."Leaving the bench does make me feel better."
    And we say: Then, that´s the right action, isn´t it!

    And sometimes, there is action that is required,
    but if you will let the route of all action be:
    WHICH ACTION FEELS BEST?

    -and then, once you got away from the bench, where you are
    not longer worried about the monster per se-
    he´s not breathing down your neck right now, this minute-
    NOW begin envisioning the future more as you want it to be,
    and before you know it-

    monsters will not have access to you.
    They´ll zig, while you´r zagging.

    Does that mean all the monsters will go away?
    No!
    Monsters have a right to live, too.
    And... one man´s monster is another man´s pet.

    from the clip
    Abraham, He'd Prefer Not Doing What Currently Brings Money In...



    When you feel fear, it´s not source, warning you!
    It ALWAYS ALWAYS means, you are disconnected from source.

    Let´s say, you are in a situation, you didn´t know you where,
    but you are in a situation where there is something to be feared.
    There is a hungry bear, or a forest-fire on it´s way to your camp,
    or, or, or, or, or. So, your guidance-system is CALLING you
    to some place else:

    Well, what happens is, you get filled full -you find yourself full
    of an impulse, to do something!
    And it is NOT SCARY!!
    It´s an impulse to do something!


    "Why are you packing up?" -"Because I´m leaving."
    -"Why are you leaving?" -"Because I want to!"
    -"What´s this about?" -"Come with me!"

    Iow, you are NOT feeling afraid or paralized.
    You are feeling EMPOWERED, and you are going somewhere-
    because your IB is calling you more to where you WANT to be,
    then to where you are, which is where you don´t want to be.

    (...) When you are in a moment where you feel FEAR,
    THAT is because you are standing in your now, and your IB
    is standing in your real now, and so you are misunderstanding
    the difference in the vibration.
    Your IB is ALWAYS calling you to the higher emotion.

    WHEN YOU FEEL FEAR,
    that fear that makes you tremble,
    YOU ARE NOT IN SYNC WITH YOUR IB.
    That fear ALWAYS means,
    DISCONNECTION from SOURCE.
    ALWAYS.

    And it ONLY is, what it means.
    And any of you who have been in tragerous positions,
    know that! Your adrenalin flows, you can leap tall buildings
    with a single bound, you find yourself capable of
    doiung things that you didn´t know you were could do-
    and when people say "thank you for your bravery!"
    -you usually say, you heros that live that:

    "I wasn´t brave! I just did, what anybody would do!

    I just did, what anybody would do, given the connection I had,
    and the feeling and impulse I had- that was UNDENIABLE!
    "

    You know this, don´t you!

    San Diego, August 28, 2016, from the clip
    Abraham Hicks 2016 - Don't try to justify the fear you feel NEW



    Here is a whole quote-collection, that can define what anxiety really is:
    Fear and Courage


  3. #3
    Super Kitty Marc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    My question is how do you know when it's your gut telling you something to follow or if it's your anxiety talking?
    If you're meaning "telling you something to follow" in the sense of the sort of inspiration that Abraham talks about, it's really very simple: Inspiration feels GOOD. Inspiration feels like, "Oh, this is interesting," or "This feels really good when I think about it," or, "I can't wait to do this!" There's really no comparison between anxiety and inspiration.

    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    I have been with this girl for about a year and a half and obviously at the beginning everything was amazing. Honeymoon phase ended and here we are the same way we've been for the past year.
    And that's to be expected for two reasons: First, you can't maintain a different vibration that's completely different from what you're used to, so it's inevitable that you'd go back to what you're used to doing. Second, the yearning you had because you thought it was about the absence of a relationship wasn't actually about the absence of a relationship -- it was really just about you not yet practicing alignment.

    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    I stay because I believe I truly love her, I know I'm scared to be alone which is part of it so I've been working on my self esteem and insecurities to see if I still feel this way after fixing those issues.
    But there's the rub -- the vibrations of love and fear are complete opposites. So while you can say that you believe you truly love her, if you're scared then you're not offering the vibration of love. You're offering the vibration of fear. Now that's fine, just use that as a clear indicator of where you are.

    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    I'm not ready to love myself yet because that's a big jump from where I'm at. Is this where all my anxiety is coming from?
    ALL your anxiety? Probably not. One of the things you use as your reasons not to feel good? Most likely. There are likely a number of different topics that you're used to focusing on that don't feel good and you've used those topics to train your point of attraction.
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    I'm not even sure where anxiety would fall on the EGS. Powerlessness?
    On the "feels bad" side of the scale. It's not really that necessary to get more specific than that, is it?
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    Because it feels so over powering that it's just controlling me, but I know I have control over it, so why do I struggle so much to get better with it day by day? It feels i do better than I'm right back where I was. I'm assuming that's to big of a step even though I'm attempting to take baby steps?
    If you're "struggling," then it's because you haven't quite gotten that you don't have to do nearly as much as you think you do. If something's overpowering, then go take a nap. Abraham talks a lot about momentum and they use the analogy of a car rolling down a steep hill -- once it's really going, you're not going to stop it, it's going to keep rolling down the hill. So when something is "overpowering," that means you've been focusing on it for a while and letting it build momentum like that car rolling down the hill, which is the wrong time to try to do the work. That's the time to take a nap, meditate, or focus on other topics. Then, once you're feeling better you can do the work to smooth out these thoughts before they gain all that momentum.

    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    So than I would assume I'm at insecurity on the scale and work to feel jealous or rage, but they don't feel better to me. When I feel insecure I feel extremely upset, jealous, mad, unworthy, so many different emotions all on different points on the scale. It feels my life is a mess more than ever but in reality I know it's not as bad as I talk it is.
    Perhaps you're not at insecurity, you're at blame. Or you've activated a piece about which you're not at insecurity. Relationships are big topics, there are a lot of moving pieces that we can view differently.

    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    It's all in my head because inside I don't believe the things I tell myself, I believe im worthy, nice, caring and all that but I tell think all these anxious thoughts that make me think do I really feel that way about myself or do I really think I'm unworthy etc?
    Keep in mind that LOA isn't responding to your words, it's responding to what you MEAN. How you feel is your always accurate indicator of what you're actually offering vibrationally, so you tell us.
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    I know I've came here for all these common problems I've had before and they all stem from the same place, but I keep coming back hoping something will smack my like a ton of bricks and bring on that chance I desperately want, yes I feel desperate a bad feeling to feel but that's where I'm at with trying to change.
    You're never going to yearn your way to what you want. This isn't a Twilight movie where if you prove that you want it badly enough that what you want will come to you. Things won't ever work that way.
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    Do I leave her so I can work on myself and elimanite some of the causes of the anxiety and wait for a relationship until I improve myself or Do I continue to feel these thoughts in this relationship in the hopes that I will improve and the feelings will become less and less?
    I'd go with option 3) "do the work to feel better and then I know that things will improve whether I'm in this relationship or not."
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    Some days I'm so happy with her and feel it's meant to be and others I have the worst thoughts thinking I'm going to get so hurt. It seems that I need to be around her to feel any sort of ease about her and I'm not okay with that. But as everyone knows I'm terrified to be alone. I'm very anxious as I write all of this.
    You're around her and you don't feel ease, and you're already anxious, so you're ALREADY hurting. That's the piece that you need to realize that doesn't make sense -- how you feel isn't about her, it's about how you use your focus. If you were to focus on a subject that isn't thorny and stay focused for 10-15 minutes, you'd notice that your vibration will rise. That's because how your feel is and always has been about your focus.

  4. #4
    Thank you both for the replies. It really helped clarify what inspiration feels like, where most of my "gut feeling" is fear. So I guess I need to work on not feeling afraid? I know I need to just feel better and the rest will come, but I think my point of attraction is pointed so straight to fear that everything turns into a thorny subject at times. Here's an example I just wrote to try and get an opinion on how I can improve on my thinking towards it.

    I get negative feelings when my girlfriend texts other people, because I point towards fear and that causes me to think the worse. It causes me to feel jealous insecure and other emotions I'm not positive about, but they don't matter it's just negative. I get the same negative feelings when she sees other people. I don't think it's me not feeling good enough, it's just a negative feeling that's turned into a limiting belief that I am trying to work on lifting away. I start to think the worse when she won't stay out late with me or anything because she says her mom will yell at her for getting home late, 8 or 9pm. She's 22. She says it's her culture so I say okay and just leave it now. But she'll stay out late with other people. Way past 8 or 9, this makes me feel negative feelings that I would like to turn into positive feelings somehow. I just feel powerless? Over it sometimes and that causes me to never see the solution because my vibration is so low over it and not high enough for the answer to come to me. I think of other things to make me feel better and raise my vibration and feel better, but we all know our minds wander back and I go back into that spiral. It's difficult to not think about when it happens several times a week. I know I am very dependent on her and that is something that needs and I want so badly to change. It's like when she's not with me she'll take a while to text back hours at times, but when she's with me she's always on her phone texting. What practices can I do to fix my feelings towards this because I focus on other things to feel better but it's not bringing the lasting change that I'm seeking. What am I suppose to be striving for when I can't find what will make me feel better about these situations even when I'm in a higher vibration? It brings me back down when I try to look for the answers from a higher vibration, so how am I suppose to find those answers when even looking for them from a higher vibration to only bring my vibration back down? Even if I just let it be and keep focusing on better feeling things it happens again so I get reminded of it and the emotions come back into play. It feels I'm going crazy over things that should be last on my mind. I try to see other people but she's always on my mind, It won't shut it off.

    I have been rereading AAIIG and things are starting to come back to me, but this has me all wrapped up and can really bring me down some nights, tonight being one of them as all of these are happening right now which is what inspired me to write. I really appreciate all the patience everyone here gives me.

  5. #5
    Also, it's like I try to do all these things back to her to show her how it's feeling, but we all know that doesn't feel good to myself and we all know it's not fixing things.

  6. #6
    Super Kitty Marc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    I get negative feelings when my girlfriend texts other people, because I point towards fear and that causes me to think the worse.
    Right, because your fear is pointing out that you believe that how you feel depends on what she does in the moment that you're thinking it. That's actually really helpful guidance because it's proof positive that your IB is offering a very different perspective that's nothing like what you're offering. So when you offer those thoughts and you feel those pangs of negative emotion, at least mentally you can step back and realize that your IB is there saying, "It's not like that at all!"
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    It causes me to feel jealous insecure and other emotions I'm not positive about, but they don't matter it's just negative. I get the same negative feelings when she sees other people. I don't think it's me not feeling good enough, it's just a negative feeling that's turned into a limiting belief that I am trying to work on lifting away.
    The thing about a belief is that it's just a thought you keep thinking. Another helpful way of looking at it is that it's an emotional reaction you keep having or vibration you keep offering. Often times we make a bigger deal out of it than it really needs: "But I have a LIMITING BELIEF." When you realize that it's just a matter of, "Oh, this is just how I'm used to feeling," then it's something you can do something about. Then it's simply a matter of practicing a slightly different emotion about the subject, and then practicing that until it's easy for you to feel.
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    I start to think the worse when she won't stay out late with me or anything because she says her mom will yell at her for getting home late, 8 or 9pm. She's 22. She says it's her culture so I say okay and just leave it now. But she'll stay out late with other people. Way past 8 or 9, this makes me feel negative feelings that I would like to turn into positive feelings somehow. I just feel powerless?
    You're not going to turn it into positive feelings instantly, which is why you're stuck.Part of the issue is that when you try to make a vibrational jump you can't make, you can feel that you can't make that jump and you fool yourself into thinking that you can't move at all. If you'd aim for "less negative," then you'd start to get make some progress.

    Here's what I mean: So if you're feeling fear or powerlessness, then anger and blame usually give you relief. When you're at the bottom of the scale, the order of the day is to get the blame off yourself and turn it outward. It's not a stretch to say, "Hey, it's not right that she'll stay out for other people but not me," or "It's not fair that she isn't paying attention to me the way she should." The object of your anger/blame doesn't even need to be her. It could be something like, "Why didn't my family teach me to be more independent?" or "Why does our society put us in the position where we're relying on other people?" Now whether that feels like anger to you or closer to blame, it's not all that important. The key is that in turning the blame outward, you're regaining some of your power.
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    Over it sometimes and that causes me to never see the solution because my vibration is so low over it and not high enough for the answer to come to me. I think of other things to make me feel better and raise my vibration and feel better, but we all know our minds wander back and I go back into that spiral.
    What you're pointing out is that while distraction is a helpful tool in your toolbox, it's not that effective unless you're able to stay off the thorny subject. It's sort of like having a really messy room in your home. You can go to other rooms that aren't as messy as an escape, but if you keep going back to that room, it's still going to be messy. Either lock that door and don't go back, or it's time to start cleaning things up, even if it's just one piece at a time. That's why when we talk about reaching for thoughts that feel better, we mean thoughts that feel better ABOUT THE SAME SUBJECT.
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    It's difficult to not think about when it happens several times a week.
    Difficult, especially at first, but not impossible. Like anything new, it gets easier the more you do it. It's certainly the case that the less time you're focused on her and instead on topics that are easier to feel better, the easier it is for things to flow to you. As you practice turning your attention to other things, you get better and better at it.
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    I know I am very dependent on her and that is something that needs and I want so badly to change. It's like when she's not with me she'll take a while to text back hours at times, but when she's with me she's always on her phone texting.
    As we talked about before, this is really helpful because it shows you that a change in the condition really doesn't fix anything. When she's not around, you're dissatisfied because she isn't texting you promptly. When she is around, you're dissatisfied because she's on her phone. Whether she's there or not, you're still not satisfied. Now that's okay, I'm not saying that as criticism but rather to point out that how you're feeling isn't about the condition. It's about you being in the habit of looking for something to be dissatisfied with. Now the key is that it's not something that changes by wanting it to change "so badly." You'll never yearn yourself into things changing. Rather, it changes by you actually doing something differently. So in a moment when you're not all balled up, take a little time to try to soothe yourself about what's going on. Maybe that looks like, "Hey, it's rude not to text me back for hours." Maybe it looks like, "Hey, maybe it's not such a big deal if you're not texting me back immediately." Maybe it looks like, "Does when you text me back really have anything to do with anything?" Maybe it looks like something else. I can't say for sure what will feel better to you, but you can start reaching for thoughts that still feel true but feel a little better.
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    What practices can I do to fix my feelings towards this because I focus on other things to feel better but it's not bringing the lasting change that I'm seeking.
    A couple of points: First, your feelings about this aren't broken, so there's nothing to "fix." As long as you keep offering the same sorts of thoughts, you're going to keep feeling the same way. That's as it should be. If you put your hand on the hot stove, it's supposed to hurt. If you want the pain to stop, you've got to take your hand off the hot stove. The same thing is here -- you've got to start reaching for some different thoughts. Second, As I've said, distraction is helpful temporarily, but you're not doing anything to feel better ABOUT THIS TOPIC. Maybe that's moving up the EGS, telling a better feeling story, playing the "Which thought feels better" game. Maybe, after you wake up or after meditation, it's remembering what you like about her or what things were like in the beginning. It's up to you to start finding some ways that allow you to offer some different feelings than you're used to.
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    What am I suppose to be striving for when I can't find what will make me feel better about these situations even when I'm in a higher vibration?
    It's always about feeling better. That's all you can ever do.

    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    I have been rereading AAIIG and things are starting to come back to me, but this has me all wrapped up and can really bring me down some nights, tonight being one of them as all of these are happening right now which is what inspired me to write. I really appreciate all the patience everyone here gives me.
    Part of the issue is that the time to do the work isn't when you're "all wrapped up." That's when you take a nap, or go for a walk, or meditate, or do something else. You do the work before you let yourself get on that runaway train.
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    Also, it's like I try to do all these things back to her to show her how it's feeling, but we all know that doesn't feel good to myself and we all know it's not fixing things.
    That's reaching for revenge, which is natural when you're used to hanging around in fear and powerlessness. Now if you'll reach for the FEELING of revenge deliberately, rather than taking action, and you'll enjoy the RELIEF that it gives you and let that be enough for now, now you're on your way. It's when you take the action and then retreat back into unworthiness that you keep yourself stuck back in powerlessness.

  7. #7
    Jewel M.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    It's like when she's not with me she'll take a while to text back hours at times, but when she's with me she's always on her phone texting.
    greenergrass,

    So you are never truly with her, nor she with you.

    When she’s there, you imagine that she’s with someone else….enjoying someone else’s words. You introduce those thoughts to yourself….when all you need to do is simply relax and be with her….while she’s texting or doing whatever she’s doing.

    I get a lot by quietly observing people….just receiving them fully. I do this with strangers as I’m outdoors. I do this with trees and animals. I do this with everyone….and in that quiet observation I feel connected to all. No one feels like a stranger. Everyone feels like family…or better stated, familiar….meaning Source in me recognizes Source in them. I do not need to speak to them, nor have them fully noticed me….yet I’ve received it ALL….what I want to feel about them….that they are perfect and lovely….so adorable.

    While I’m quietly observing…I am not judging anyone…declaring anything about them. I am simply perceiving all through this inner quiet. It’s simple, like when you were a child and did not know language yet…yet you perceived…and what you perceived was so fresh…uncolored by your opinions yet. And so I return to that simple state…where I allow life to show me what it is anew…instead of deciding.

    You can see how adorable your girlfriend is…just sitting there texting on her phone. You can admire her. You can enjoy that she is there.

    Before, I learned the value of quiet observation, all I had was my thoughts about people, and those thoughts hid a lot from my view….so that I always felt something was missing…and that much inequality existed.

    But now I see equal beauty in all….

    There’s no need for jealousy….everyone you envy is equal to you. No one can have more or less than you.

    There’s no such thing as loneliness….we are all connected….all intertwined…all equal….so there’s no need to lean hard in any direction.

    I can see this in a few seconds of quiet observation.

    You can certainly do this for a few seconds…..receive her more fully.

    A few seconds will fill you up.

    Life is enough.

    Time is enough.

    All are enough.




  8. #8
    Why do things make so much sense when you describe them, but I have the most difficult times applying them? Some topics I'm so much better with than others, I guess it's because this is a topic I've practiced the wrong way for years that it's going to take some time, practice, and good effort to turn into what I want.

    So when my IB is telling me it's not that way at all while I'm so anxious I feel I can't move, that's the time for me to think of something else? Or is that when I tell myself it's not this way, I just believe it's this way, but it's all controllable I can change the way I feel at any moment I chose?

    I have been trying to think of better feeling thoughts and feeling a different way that brings relief, but it seems that most of the thoughts I think do not bring relief and it makes me feel even more anxious that I'm always going to feel this way, even though I know I won't, and makes that runaway train even faster. Why am I having such a difficult time finding thoughts that feel better? Why does it seem that I always revert back to something that feels worse? I'll get on a roll that makes me feel better, than something happens and all those feelings slap me even harder.

    I have been aiming to try to feel less negative and not shoot straight up for the top, but it seems that even blame and anger do not bring relief. This is what confuses me so much, that I feel I'm so low on the scale so I aim for a little higher with thinking thoughts of anger or blame, but they do not seem to bring me ant relief, sometimes those thoughts send the train at lightning speed and bring a 1000 thoughts into my head on what could be happening on how I could be getting hurt which sends my anxiety though the roof.

    This is a room that I want to clean up. I tried locking it away but it just kept opening and I've realized I need to clean it up otherwise these issues will always arise in any relationship. That type of thought brings me relief and anxiety if that makes any sense or is even possible?

    I try to focus on other things, but in my life right now I'm not where I want to be. So it's difficult for me to find things to feel great about that can really keep my mind off things. I feel this relationship is the best thing in my life right now which is why I'm working so hard to change my thoughts and why I became so dependent. I can't even think of things that bring me a lot of joy and fun anymore and it's really rough. I just want to have fun in life again, that's what I truly want is things to come into my life that will bring me joy and fun. I'm tired of the negative person I have been, I want fun things and relationships to come into my life, because the friends I have now just don't seem to fit in my life anymore with the direction I want to go, but I'm terrified of being alone as we all know. Which is why I want new things friends and all to come into my life that bring me joy and fun, but I keep focusing on how and how will I ever find that when I don't do much other than go to work? I know I have to trust the how will come, but it's difficult when I'm this low as you all probably know. I'm at a breaking point in all areas of my life and I just want to find something to take my mind off it and find feelings of relief and signs that things are coming that I want.

    You're completely right about the condition not changing anything. I always think once she texts me or I see her all these feelings will go away, but they don't because my thoughts haven't changed. I need to start looking for the better feeling thoughts and I'm reaching and reaching for them, but they seem to not be around and it's making me lose the motivation to find them. It's making me feel like I'm so deep and stuck in this rut it's going to take an army to get me out of this hole that I know I've dug myself into. That's the worst part is I know I've dug myself here so I know I can climb out it's just becoming so hard to find the motivation to climb out. It feels like there's not many thoughts that are bringing me relief even anger and blame dont feel very much like relief. They still make me feel bad and keep sending me on the runaway train. Why is it becoming so difficult to find any thoughts of relief?

    Sometimes I feel like I'm in love with the idea of her but than I tell myself it's the anxiety talking and to follow my heart so I do. I know if I found someone else these same issues would eventually show because it's all my thoughts creating it. I know I have to change my thoughts for my reality change, but how can I when those thoughts of relief just are not showing or I'm not able to find them? My doctor put me on meds to help with my anxiety and calm me down, and it helps. It feels like it's the only time I'm calm and not anxious and can actually feel any relief. I just feel like taking and relying on meds to help me see these thoughts is just going to slow my progress. It's acting as a crutch and I don't want to use a crutch. I want to be able to feel relief and find those thoughts without the use of meds, so I can always do it and learn to deal with bad feelings and let them pass and than work on it, but right now it feels like my meds are my only escape route. It's the only time I feel calm and relaxed and not anxious anymore. Even on them I'm still anxious at times but right now with where my life is it's the only thing that brings any sort of relief. What are your thoughts on this?

    How do I reach for the feeling of revenge without actually doing it? Just think about it and than start to think higher up? How long do I focus on revenge because eventually that starts feeling bad to. Especially if I act on it I see it didn't change anything and didn't get the result I expected and it sends me back down. Or I'll think of revenge and than I'll start feeling bad about thinking it and it'll bring more thoughts in that carry me back down. Am I looking the wrong way or am I just blind to the answers? Do I retreat back to unworthiness because I act on the revenge and than since I don't get what I was expecting I think that things will never change and that I'm stuck here? So instead I need to focus on revenge without acting on it, than start thinking better after that? I just want this spiral to desperately end im starting to head back down it so I'm going to step away....

  9. #9
    Super Kitty Marc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    Why do things make so much sense when you describe them, but I have the most difficult times applying them?
    That's because I'm not standing in the same vibrational place that you are. It's somewhat like the way Abraham is able to stand in their place of clarity and give us their perspective, though I'm not suggesting I'm in the same vibrational place that Abraham is.
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    Some topics I'm so much better with than others, I guess it's because this is a topic I've practiced the wrong way for years that it's going to take some time, practice, and good effort to turn into what I want.
    Practice? Yes. A bit of time? Sure. Effort? How about saying that you'll have to feel your way through, instead?
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    So when my IB is telling me it's not that way at all while I'm so anxious I feel I can't move, that's the time for me to think of something else?
    Yes. When you've jumped out of an airplane without a parachute, that's not the time to do the work. Do the work earlier, before you're at the place where you're "so anxious that you feel you can't move."
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    Or is that when I tell myself it's not this way, I just believe it's this way, but it's all controllable I can change the way I feel at any moment I chose?
    Well, you can't really change the way you feel at any moment. When you've gotten a lot of momentum
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    I have been trying to think of better feeling thoughts and feeling a different way that brings relief, but it seems that most of the thoughts I think do not bring relief
    So give us an example of what you're focused on, how you feel and the thoughts you're reaching for.
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    and it makes me feel even more anxious that I'm always going to feel this way, even though I know I won't, and makes that runaway train even faster.
    Which is exactly how I described in my last post about how trying to make a bigger jump than you can make just heightens your distress.
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    Why am I having such a difficult time finding thoughts that feel better?
    Because you have momentum that you've practiced.
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    Why does it seem that I always revert back to something that feels worse?
    Have you ever been in a hot tub and then jumped into a cold pool, or vice versa? You're going to notice the temperature difference more that way than if you had just gone directly into the hot or cold water.
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    I'll get on a roll that makes me feel better, than something happens and all those feelings slap me even harder.
    First, are you getting "on a roll" about this subject? I suspect not. I suspect that you're finding ways to distract yourself and then Second, I suspect that a chunk of this is about the way you're pushing against the way you feel. You don't feel better by wanting SO BAD to feel better, you start to ease up on the way you're feeling by recognizing that the emotional feedback you're getting is appropriate for the thoughts you're thinking. The hot stove is SUPPOSED to feel bad. So when you start pushing against that feedback that's actually working perfectly, it makes sense that those feelings are going to intensify. Rather than pushing against how you're feeling, start making peace with where you are. Yes, you might not like the way you're feeling, but start recognizing that negative emotion is your friend.
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    I have been aiming to try to feel less negative and not shoot straight up for the top, but it seems that even blame and anger do not bring relief. This is what confuses me so much, that I feel I'm so low on the scale so I aim for a little higher with thinking thoughts of anger or blame, but they do not seem to bring me ant relief, sometimes those thoughts send the train at lightning speed and bring a 1000 thoughts into my head on what could be happening on how I could be getting hurt which sends my anxiety though the roof.
    What may be going on is that you're actually approaching the wrong topic. If a big chunk of your distress is actually about your panic that you think you're not able to feel better, rather than about the relationship, then trying to reach for better feeling thoughts about the relationship aren't going to work. Maybe that's what's going on, maybe not. Only you can tell.
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    This is a room that I want to clean up. I tried locking it away but it just kept opening and I've realized I need to clean it up otherwise these issues will always arise in any relationship. That type of thought brings me relief and anxiety if that makes any sense or is even possible?
    Sure it makes sense. Relief in the possibility that you could find a way at soothing what's going on, "anxiety" or fear that you don't believe you'll be able to do it. Goes right back to what I just talked about, doesn't it?
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    I try to focus on other things, but in my life right now I'm not where I want to be.
    Then focus on other things that don't involve where you perceive yourself to be in your life. It's a big universe, pick a subject that isn't about you. Physics, art, music, animals, food, nature, architecture, literature, sociology, sports, philosophy, history, geography, mathematics, science fiction, woodworking, biology, movies. Kittens, bubbles, apple pie, your favorite song, favorite comedian, super heroes, anime. There's an entire physical universe as well as plenty of purely intellectual spheres from which you can choose.
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    So it's difficult for me to find things to feel great about that can really keep my mind off things.
    No it's not. You don't need to find a subject that feels great, you just need to find a subject about which you're not balled up about. You're literally better thinking about the chair or sofa you're sitting on than you are about the relationship. Or you could think about green, or grass or greener grass.
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    I feel this relationship is the best thing in my life right now which is why I'm working so hard to change my thoughts and why I became so dependent.
    It's not, and that thought is the SOURCE of your anxiety. The sun is MUCH more significant to your well being than this relationship. Gravity is also MUCH more significant. The air you breathe, the food you eat, the home you live in, the relatively peaceful society in which you live that allows you to go about your day without incident. All of these things are SIGNIFICANTLY more important than your relationship by just about any reasonable measure. The notion that your relationship is the best thing in your life is what you're using that fuels your insecurity -- oh no, she's texting someone else, maybe she's more interested in someone else, etc.

    It also raises the question -- why not start finding other things to enjoy so that you don't have to put all this pressure on your relationship? Beats waiting around to see how long it takes for her to text you back. Go out, do something. Even if that's to the park or the library, or the movies, it's time to start finding other things to do and enjoy. Explore, try things, get a hobby.
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    I can't even think of things that bring me a lot of joy and fun anymore and it's really rough.
    This is a great statement because it illustrates exactly what I've been talking about. If you set your bar at joy and fun when you're down at fear, you're guaranteed to fail because LOA doesn't give you access to joy and fun from that vibration. There are lots of topics out there that are going to feel a lot better than fear, even if they don't feel like joy and fun. As I mentioned, you're better off thinking about the chair you're sitting on than on a topic that brings you fear. Thinking about your chair might feel like boredom, but boredom feels a heck of a lot better than fear. And in your boredom, you could tip the scales into contentment and even a little bit of interest. You could think about who was involved in crafting your chair. You could imagine a single craftsman making your chair, or a big factory and everything that goes into how that runs and the history of the company or the machinery that's in the factory and how it was invented, etc.
    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    I just want to have fun in life again, that's what I truly want is things to come into my life that will bring me joy and fun.
    That's where things aren't working. You want something to come into your life that will bring you joy and fun, but things don't have that ability. Nothing can buck your current. You have the ability to ease up and focus on other things that aren't thorny. As you do that and start spending more time on those topics, things will improve.

    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post
    I'm tired of the negative person I have been, I want fun things and relationships to come into my life, because the friends I have now just don't seem to fit in my life anymore with the direction I want to go, but I'm terrified of being alone as we all know. Which is why I want new things friends and all to come into my life that bring me joy and fun, but I keep focusing on how and how will I ever find that when I don't do much other than go to work? I know I have to trust the how will come, but it's difficult when I'm this low as you all probably know. I'm at a breaking point in all areas of my life and I just want to find something to take my mind off it and find feelings of relief and signs that things are coming that I want.
    As Abraham says, you're looking for love in all the wrong places. Relationships and friends aren't going to swoop in and change things for you. If you don't do much other than go to work, THEN START DOING OTHER THINGS. Stop waiting for other people to fix that for you -- they won't -- and start exploring. Go to the library. They've got lots of books about lots of different subjects. Pick one, whether that's a subject or a book. Use that experience to help jump off into more, even if that's deciding that you'd like to select a different subject or a different book. Have some curiosity. Pet some animals, go look at beautiful things, go play mini golf. Seriously, get a hobby. That's really the best course you can take right now -- cultivate other things in your life and discover that THERE'S PLENTY OF ENJOYMENT TO BE HAD that doesn't depend on what someone else is doing. Then, from that more stable place, watch how much easier the topic of relationship will be for you.

  10. #10
    Jewel M.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marc View Post

    It's not, and that thought is the SOURCE of your anxiety. The sun is MUCH more significant to your well being than this relationship. Gravity is also MUCH more significant. The air you breathe, the food you eat, the home you live in, the relatively peaceful society in which you live that allows you to go about your day without incident. All of these things are SIGNIFICANTLY more important than your relationship by just about any reasonable measure. The notion that your relationship is the best thing in your life is what you're using that fuels your insecurity -- oh no, she's texting someone else, maybe she's more interested in someone else, etc.

    It also raises the question -- why not start finding other things to enjoy so that you don't have to put all this pressure on your relationship? Beats waiting around to see how long it takes for her to text you back. Go out, do something. Even if that's to the park or the library, or the movies, it's time to start finding other things to do and enjoy. Explore, try things, get a hobby.

    Quote Originally Posted by Marc View Post
    As Abraham says, you're looking for love in all the wrong places. Relationships and friends aren't going to swoop in and change things for you. If you don't do much other than go to work, THEN START DOING OTHER THINGS. Stop waiting for other people to fix that for you -- they won't -- and start exploring. Go to the library. They've got lots of books about lots of different subjects. Pick one, whether that's a subject or a book. Use that experience to help jump off into more, even if that's deciding that you'd like to select a different subject or a different book. Have some curiosity. Pet some animals, go look at beautiful things, go play mini golf. Seriously, get a hobby. That's really the best course you can take right now -- cultivate other things in your life and discover that THERE'S PLENTY OF ENJOYMENT TO BE HAD that doesn't depend on what someone else is doing. Then, from that more stable place, watch how much easier the topic of relationship will be for you.
    greenergrass,

    I agree with Marc...find some stimulation elsewhere. It will inspire you more, truly.

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