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Thread: Anxiety or gut feeling?

  1. #21
    Jewel M.'s Avatar
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    You are welcome, jaideep_v!





  2. #22
    Hey sorry I haven't gotten back for a few days. To catch everyone up we have officially broken up, she got all her stuff from my house, and I mistakenly begged for her to stay but of course that didn't work. I know it's for the best and I will come out of this stronger, but now I've just felt numb? Almost. It's a feeling that's hard to explain. So lately since I have no idea where I'm at on the scale, I don't feel depressed or angry of anything I've been trying to focus on dogs animals nature and all other things that are easy to feel good about. I'm working on getting more air time with those before I go back to feeling numb. Slowly but surely I know I'll have more air time and I'm expecting with that air time, more things to feel good about are going to show up and I'll stop feeling numb. Then when I'm not feeling numb I'll be able to zero in on how I feel about specific topics and raise my vibration with those. Right now I'm not even sure on what I want, so with more air time focusing on things that are easy to feel good about, I'm hoping that I'll start to get some inspiration on things that I want. I know I want a house and all these other things, but none of that seems to matter to me right now. I just am focusing on getting my point of attraction pointing up and getting that air time more and more so that I can start allowing more things I enjoy and want into my life. Maybe I need to start trying to focus on getting my point of attraction to contentment? That would surely have to feel better then numb. Depression surely feels worse and even anger and blame feels worse. Even when I try to blame my dad for being the way he is and it rubbing off on me it feels like that blame turns inward onto myself and that does not feel good at all.

    It does not feel good to tell the story of my friends not being good for me anymore. I can see how I contradict every point and try to look for a fault in it, and that's the opposite of what I should be doing. A new story I can tell about my friends would be, that I have fun with them and were similar with the way we think and things we enjoy doing. We can find new things we like to do and still find a way to have fun doing them.

    I can start finding new thoughts to think about my friends that feels better to me so in the end im not always focused on the things I don't like and want changed. I believe a lot of this is thoughts I have on the inside about myself and I feel so separated from my IB that I need to change my thoughts to start to feel that connection again. Can you show me how I can start doing this while I'm feeling numb? It's almost like I don't have the energy to try and change my thoughts not knowing where to even start so I just feel like I'm running on a treadmill chasing something that I don't even know what it is, or why I'm chasing it. I feel I'm chasing to feel connected to myself again and to love myself again, but to do that I have to stop feeling numb and find where I'm at and accept it to start moving up.

    It feels like I haven't been in the vortex for over a year. I remember feeling in the vortex several times daily and trying to ride that high flying disc as long as possible and it was such an amazing feeling! Maybe that should be my goal, just focus on getting back into the vortex through whatever method I need. I feel I can get into or close to the vortex when I sit and pet my dogs, but it feels that only last a few minutes being the numbness and other feelings start coming back. Any tips on that? How to ride that wave longer and longer and keep those thoughts at bay on the back burner until I'm in the vortex ready to open them back up with a better fresher state of mind? I know I can change those thoughts, I just feel riding the vortex for longer and more often would go a long way into helping me along the way. I just feel like the numbness comes on a lot faster than I would like and I allow myself to feel it, but I've accepted where I'm at, which is a start, atleast I feel I've accepted it and I know I just need to slowly work my way up, but it feels difficult while being numb. When I'm not numb I have hope and can see a light but than I go back to numb and everything just looks gray.

    I do do "that thing I do" quite often. After reading over all my posts again I can see how I battle every positive thought I put out with a what if type scenario. I need to stop focusing on what could happen and just focus on what I'm feeling and those better feeling thoughts I presume?

    So to stop arguing for my limitations I need to just simply feel what I feel and be okay with it and just reach for the better thoughts? To get out of this numbness just focus on easy things to feel good about and let the other things fall into place on their own? I need to stop trying to think what's going to make me happy and not feel numb and just focus on easy things so more things can come into my experience? If I'm close or off please clarify for me but I feel I'm starting to get on the right track.

    I guess I can't find relief in blame or anger because I feel numb and I'm not sure what feels like relief anymore. I know I'm making things more difficult and harder than needed, but I've got the momenteum going and it's time to get that momenteum in the other direction! It's time to feel connected to myself it's time to feel the source inside of me instead of feeling like I can't find it and like it's no where in sight. It's time to feel better and feel good and allow other things to come into my life I deserve it! I deserve to feel connected to myself and source!

    I'm determined to get this changed. To feel better. To stop feeling down and depressed and if not that than numb. It's time I start living the life I want and feel the way I chose and want to feel. It's time to stop putting so much effort into thinking these bad thoughts and just allow the good thoughts to come to me! I'm sick of all this energy and nothing change I need to just let go and let good flow through and to me! I just need to keep this momenteum going for longer and longer and higher and higher. I can't feel it for 5 mins than go back to numb like what's been happening. When I go numb it's hard to find relief in much when everything just looks grey and feels bleh.

    Jewel, I am working on believing and seeing I am my life jacket. I know and and believe it but I don't show it if that makes sense? I know and believe it's true, but I guess I don't believe I know How? That's not true but I have no idea how to explain what's going through my head. Maybe its time to start thinking about puppies again...

  3. #23
    Jewel M.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greenergrass View Post

    I do do "that thing I do" quite often. After reading over all my posts again I can see how I battle every positive thought I put out with a what if type scenario. I need to stop focusing on what could happen and just focus on what I'm feeling and those better feeling thoughts I presume?

    So to stop arguing for my limitations I need to just simply feel what I feel and be okay with it and just reach for the better thoughts? To get out of this numbness just focus on easy things to feel good about and let the other things fall into place on their own? I need to stop trying to think what's going to make me happy and not feel numb and just focus on easy things so more things can come into my experience? If I'm close or off please clarify for me but I feel I'm starting to get on the right track.
    If you feel you are starting to get on the right track...then you are close, because the feeling tells you. Trust it.

    I guess I can't find relief in blame or anger because I feel numb and I'm not sure what feels like relief anymore. I know I'm making things more difficult and harder than needed, but I've got the momenteum going and it's time to get that momenteum in the other direction! It's time to feel connected to myself it's time to feel the source inside of me instead of feeling like I can't find it and like it's no where in sight. It's time to feel better and feel good and allow other things to come into my life I deserve it! I deserve to feel connected to myself and source!

    I'm determined to get this changed. To feel better. To stop feeling down and depressed and if not that than numb. It's time I start living the life I want and feel the way I chose and want to feel. It's time to stop putting so much effort into thinking these bad thoughts and just allow the good thoughts to come to me! I'm sick of all this energy and nothing change I need to just let go and let good flow through and to me! I just need to keep this momenteum going for longer and longer and higher and higher. I can't feel it for 5 mins than go back to numb like what's been happening. When I go numb it's hard to find relief in much when everything just looks grey and feels bleh.

    Jewel, I am working on believing and seeing I am my life jacket. I know and and believe it but I don't show it if that makes sense? I know and believe it's true, but I guess I don't believe I know How? That's not true but I have no idea how to explain what's going through my head. Maybe its time to start thinking about puppies again...
    Of course, you know how.

    See how you give yourself encouraging or discouraging thoughts on various subjects.
    When you give yourself encouraging words, you are a good friend to yourself....a loving companion.
    When you give yourself discouraging thoughts.....you do the opposite.
    So now that you are where you are.....after a relationship breakup....you can give yourself encouraging words about where you are. They can be slightly encouraging words....like, "I'll find my balance...it's okay that I don't feel fantastic right now." You are just inflating a little air into your deflated balloon (self)....that will eventually soar.



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