Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: My marriage as my manifestation / attraction. What to do?

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Location
    Boston, Lincolnshire, United Kingdom
    Posts
    2

    My marriage as my manifestation / attraction. What to do?

    Firstly I would like to say that I am really grateful for every information I found on this forum. It's really saving my life I think.

    It's my first post here and to be honest its one of not that many posts that I ever wrote anywhere in the internet sphere. I just feel now that this is something I should do. Maybe for some, one, tiny bit of information which I didn't found yet or maybe just for getting this all out from my head.

    My story even short is pretty interesting. At least I think that.

    I am with my wife 13 years. 7 years married. We have 6 years old son. We had our anniversary last Saturday. All these years we have been pretty all the time in love, happy to be with each other. Few years back we both started to learn more about self-development and law of attraction and positivity. This, in turn, manifested eventually in a big change in our lives. Four years ago we moved from a small village in Poland, where we both lived since our births, to a small town in the UK. Moreover, we both manage to start a business here, and both are doing good. Maybe not great but we both are doing what we like and what even more important we don't have any bosses. So looking to that from this point, it is going well. Of course in daily life, it's much harder to not being focused on unwanted and forget how much did we achieved.

    But the main problem is that a few months ago we started to have issues in our relationship, and my wife started to change. Change dramatically.
    Firstly she stopped initiating sex and stopped to saying that she loves me first, and stopped giving me hugs. We were spending less time with each other because she is working a lot. In this month's slowly unnoticed by me situation changed to this point that I am doing all house chores, I am spending time and caring for our son for 90% of the time and I am basically doing everything else. Bills, shopping etc.

    She started going out with friends more and more, to the point a few weeks ago where we had bigger fight, and when she told me that she feels controlled, that I am not her dad to tell her what to do and that she doesn't feel anything to me anymore and want to move out. The funny thing is that this fight, as all past fights recently, ended in the same manner. We both agree that these are out manifestations, that we focused too much on unwanted and that our beliefs from childhood are also taking big parts in our feelings and thought now. And all we can do is to try to feel good as much as we can, try to focus more on positive aspects and see where do we get with that. At this point from financial reasons, we can't separate, so we still live together. And it is all messed up pretty good. There are no signs of affection from her and when she is at home she spends most of the time with the phone in her hand. And I mean a lot of time. I mean most of the time. Even few our without break. She stopped caring for our son, and when he wants something from her (mostly attention) she sometimes says: "You won't be telling me what to do".

    My view on all of this is that I created/attracted all of this gradually, focusing too much on unwanted. I and because all of that I was forced to start really doing vibrational work learn much more and apply much more. And for the first time actually, I was able to move my Vibrational set point DELIBERATELY from worry to contentment, hopefulness and to deliberately go to the Vortex few times for longer spans of time, for the first time in my life to be honest. From the Vortex I see everything clearly, I just KNOW, why all this happen what beautiful lesson it is, what I want and even what I should do with my life. And I am not worried at all. Unfortunately, there are times out of the Vortex. And Oh Boy! It is real pain! I mean real bottom of the scale where I even have thought about ending all of this (i mean life). What for the most of the time sound stupid for me because I know what feeling are, that all this stories and pain is not real, and that eventually, everything gonna be good. One way or another. It's just hard because a few months ago I had a loving, caring wife, and not me and my son are treated like air or even worst. Where I am not on the bottom I know that my beliefs about myself are playing a big role in that. Being not worthy, insecurity etc.

    I tried to work on my beliefs, feeling, self-image, with EFT, Faster EFT, Focus blocks, Focus wheels, Bashar techniques, Quantum living., MC2 methods any few more. I am listening Abraham videos on youtube most of the days now. But I don't see or feel much of the change in this matter. I am trying to think about my wife only in positives and when I see something that triggers me I say to myself "I love you for that". That somehow helps a little bit, but on the other hand, when negative momentum starts and I can't stop it, I think judging, the victim thought for a longer time. Now I feel somehow stuck with the situation and just don't know what to do next. I feel tired.

    Maybe you have any thought, experiences or ideas for me what to do, how to act and what to
    change? Thank you in advance. Lukas

  2. #2
    Super Kitty Marc's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Tempe, Arizona, USA
    Posts
    9,573
    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    Firstly I would like to say that I am really grateful for every information I found on this forum. It's really saving my life I think.

    It's my first post here and to be honest its one of not that many posts that I ever wrote anywhere in the internet sphere. I just feel now that this is something I should do. Maybe for some, one, tiny bit of information which I didn't found yet or maybe just for getting this all out from my head.

    Welcome to the Forum.
    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post

    My view on all of this is that I created/attracted all of this gradually, focusing too much on unwanted.

    That's certainly the case. Even more than that, virtually every human on this planet has been trained to rely on conditions for the way they feel. Usually that happens early in life when we're taught to conform our behavior to please our family. When you realize that it's impossible to control the conditions and manage how others feel, then your only option is to start tending to how you feel regardless of what the conditions are.

    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    I tried to work on my beliefs, feeling, self-image, with EFT, Faster EFT, Focus blocks, Focus wheels, Bashar techniques, Quantum living., MC2 methods any few more. I am listening Abraham videos on youtube most of the days now. But I don't see or feel much of the change in this matter.
    Fortunately, there are easier ways of feeling better. Usually Abraham's first recommendation is meditation. Another suggestion is to start spending more time focused on subjects that are easier to feel good/better about. The more you discover that you can feel better regardless of what your wife does, the less pressure you put on that topic. Then you have the ability to feel better about those more troublesome topics that you're used to focusing upon.

    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post

    I am trying to think about my wife only in positives and when I see something that triggers me I say to myself "I love you for that". That somehow helps a little bit,
    Here's the heart of what isn't working. Now saying the words, "I love you for that" might help a little bit in the sense that you're momentarily distracting yourself from whatever it was you were focused on, but it's not helping you actually shift things. The issue is that LOA isn't paying attention to your words, it's responding to what you MEAN. How you feel is the reliable indicator of what you really mean. So when you're "triggered," you're getting accurate feedback on where you are vibrationally. All of that is just fine. The issue is that when you use the words, "I love you for that," you're trying to make a big vibrational jump and LOA won't allow you to do that.

    I describe that as being at the ground floor of a very tall building and trying to leap to the very top all at once. Your knowledge of this physical experience tells you that this isn't an approach that can possibly work. No matter how much effort you use or how developed your leg muscles are, gravity is simply too powerful. As you know, every tall building has (usually several sets of) stairs. They allow you to start where you are move gradually to whatever level you want to go. This is the key to working with LOA.

    So as I mentioned, using the words, "I love you for that" might sound nice, it's not what you really mean. Rather, you feel however you feel and that's where you're starting. You can't leap all the way to "love," but you can start with how you actually feel and reach for thoughts that feel BETTER. Now "BETTER" is where some people get hung up because they think that BETTER means light, fluffy, pretty sounding emotions. Especially when you're lower on the EGS on something, BETTER doesn't look light and fluffy. BETTER could look like anger or blame, or disappointment. You've talked about how you've moved up the EGS before, and that's what we're talking about -- instead of trying to make a leap you can't make, it's practicing a vibration that you can reach easily but that feels BETTER. If you'd like, we can walk you through that. It's best if you pick at first something smaller that comes up that's not overwhelming, to get some positive experience of how to do the work. A good example might be, when X happens, I feel Y. The most important piece of it is how you FEEL. Then we can help show you how to reach for thoughts that feel BETTER.

    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post

    but on the other hand, when negative momentum starts and I can't stop it, I think judging, the victim thought for a longer time. Now I feel somehow stuck with the situation and just don't know what to do next. I feel tired.
    It's natural to feel tired when you're trying to leap to the top of that tall building, no? It's also natural that when you've set something in motion and added to it, that momentum is going to have it's way with you. The key is addressing things before you've let that momentum run away with things.

  3. #3
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    15,417
    Welcome to the Forum, LukasRG!

    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    Few years back we both started to learn more about self-development and law of attraction and positivity.
    Let’s begin here. One of the things that sets these teachings of Abraham* apart from many in those big broad fields of conversation that you’ve mentioned is Abraham’s concept of the vibrational journey. Abraham understand that the LoA doesn’t allow us to think thoughts that are very different than the thoughts that we’ve been practicing. So, when you’re not in the vicinity of positivity, then positivity isn’t a meaningful, in-the-moment objective for us. As I like to say, the LoA won’t let us jump instantly from crappy to happy, on the same subject.

    That’s one of the reasons why Abraham have offered us their Emotional Guidance Scale, so that we can use it as a sort of road map on our vibrational journeys. We might not be able to instantly go from crappy to happy on a subject, but we could move from thoughts of Powerlessness to thoughts of Anger. That vibrational shift would produce relief for us (letting us know that we have actually shifted our vibration) and would have taken a meaningful step towards the positivity and those delicious-feeling emotions at the top of Abraham’s Scale. If we continue to keep progressing, in our manageable, sustainable increments, from thoughts which feel (not “sound”, not “look like”, not “seem”--feel) “worse” to thoughts which feel “better” to us, the we are using our emotional guidance system to guide our vibration up the Scale towards our wanted.

    The converse is true as well. When we start focusing/thinking/vibrating so that we feel “worse,” we know that we are heading in a direction that we don’t want, so that we can then reorient ourselves.

    Now that reorientation will be easiest when we’ve practiced some skills of reorientation (That’s where Abraham’s many, many Processes are helpful.) and when we catch ourselves in the early, subtle stages. Two things which tend to trip almost everyone up when they are first learning this material:

    • They try to jump further than the LoA will let them (i.e., from “crappy” to “happy”).
    • They wait until they’re in the midst of momentum or a manifestation and then try to turn their vibration around.


    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    My view on all of this is that I created/attracted all of this gradually, focusing too much on unwanted.
    I say this gently to you here, but you still are focusing on your unwanted. Now, that’s NOT a criticism. I’m bringing it up here because when we do this, we fool ourselves into thinking that we need to change the conditions that we’re observing in order to feel better. Which is what you’re talking about here with your wife. Now, almost everyone in the world has been trained to do this with relationships, but it’s a flawed premise that cannot work. You cannot Abe anyone into being someone you can simply observe and have a good experience. No one came to this world to be that for anyone else, because we all came into this world knowing that how we feel is ALWAYS a function of our own alignment with our IB**.

    You see, your IB never condemns or judges your wife for being on the phone or for what she’s says to your son. When you do that (and I get it; you have very good reasons for your doing that) you are holding yourself apart from your IB. The reason why you might feel angry (or whatever your negative emotion) towards her, when she does these things, is because you’re condemning or judging her, whilst your IB is not. So, the solution to your vibrational gap isn’t to get her (through your words, vibration or other mumbo-jumbo) to be different. If you want to feel better, then you’ll want to close your vibrational gap between the two parts of You (the vibration from your physical self--the thoughts that you think--and the vibration of your IB who is ALWAYS focused on your wanted).

    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    I and because all of that I was forced to start really doing vibrational work learn much more and apply much more.
    Great.

    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    And for the first time actually, I was able to move my Vibrational set point DELIBERATELY from worry to contentment, hopefulness...
    Great, some more.

    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    and to deliberately go to the Vortex few times for longer spans of time, for the first time in my life to be honest.
    Great, even more.

    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    From the Vortex I see everything clearly, I just KNOW, why all this happen what beautiful lesson it is, what I want and even what I should do with my life. And I am not worried at all.
    Great, yet again.

    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    Unfortunately, there are times out of the Vortex.
    BUT if you were able to get yourself into the Vortex (and you did) and you were to do that well enough that you could sustain it some (and you did), then this is much less of a problem, isn’t it?

    IOW, when we learn how to walk, in the beginning stages, when we fall down, it’s a really big deal because we don’t know that we did what we did or that we are able to sustain it. But you’ve just told us that you know what you did, that you know you are able to do it, and that you know that you were able to sustain it. Furthermore, you know from your own life experience that anything you practice, you can do more easily, more readily, more of the time. So, why is this different?

    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    And Oh Boy! It is real pain!
    So, pop quiz time: Is this (and the passage that follows) your focusing on your wanted or your unwanted?

    Do you think, from your studying and from what you’ve accomplished, that focusing on your unwanted helps or hinders your ability to get ITV where you see everything clearly, where you see the beauty of your life, where you sense your path forward towards what you want, where you are not worried at all?

    Now, going back to what I said earlier about the two things which trip almost everyone up as they learn this material, there are times--particularly, at the beginning--when we just let it get too far. That’s when we are--as Abraham likes to play with us--out of the airplane without a parachute. Their recommendation to us at that time is “Hang on; it’ll be over soon.” And it will be, if we don’t add to our negative momentum. In those times, take a nap or meditate or distract yourself. When you’re vibrationally stable once again, then you can use the skills you are developing to guide yourself back towards the Vortex.

    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    I mean real bottom of the scale where I even have thought about ending all of this (i mean life). What for the most of the time sound stupid for me because I know what feeling are, that all this stories and pain is not real,...
    Yes, these are just stories that you tell yourself. But the pain is real, in the sense that you’re experiencing. And you WANT the pain to get your attention, so that you can do something about it. That’s why Abraham tell the story of the hot stove. And you want to get picky, to discern when you’re feeling the slightest whiff of “bad,” so that you can do something about your vibration in those early, subtle stages when it’s easiest and when you have the most vibrational options.

    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    ...and that eventually, everything gonna be good.
    So, here, I’m going to suggest that there’s a bit of that jumping from “crappy” to “happy.” We humans are sloppy with our words. We say “know” but usually we mean something very different than the vibration of Knowing. You Know that the sun will come up tomorrow morning, even if you can’t see it. You Know that, when you let go of something in your hand, it will fall “down” instead of “up.” If you compare your feeling of these things that you do Know, you’ll see it’s different from the feeling you have when you offer the words “...and that eventually, everything gonna be good.” Because, if you truly Knew (and it’s all right if you don’t) “...that eventually, everything gonna be good,” then we wouldn’t be having this conversation, right?

    So, there’s a vibrational gap that you have going on there, because your IB does Know “...that eventually, everything gonna be good.”

    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    One way or another. It's just hard because a few months ago I had a loving, caring wife, and not me and my son are treated like air or even worst.
    If you need her to be different so that you can feel better, then you’ve given away your power. Not only that but you’re trying to rob her of her power to be who she wants to be.

    The power of these teachings is that they remind us that we have the ability to feel better no matter what we’re observing. Abraham teach us to make our relationship with our IB our most important relationship. When we do that, all of our relationships with our others will either reflect the love and the care that we experience with our IB or the LoA will not bring those others to us.

    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    Where I am not on the bottom I know that my beliefs about myself are playing a big role in that. Being not worthy, insecurity etc.
    That’s great. As you study these teachings, you’ll see that Unworthiness and Insecurity are indicators of what you’re doing with your vibration.

    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    I am listening Abraham videos on youtube most of the days now. But I don't see or feel much of the change in this matter.
    You’ve just told us something different above. Isn’t getting ITV for perhaps the first time in your life much of a change? Isn’t that important to you? How about the clarity of that? How about your ability to sense your way forward that came from being ITV? How about your experience of not worried at all?

    Where are you looking for your “change”? It might just be that you’re looking for “change” in all the wrong places.

    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    I am trying to think about my wife only in positives…
    So, this is why I started my reply where I did. Your post here seems to indicate a habit of focus on your wife (and what she’s been doing recently) that’s different than this. The LoA won’t let you instantly jump from how you have been focusing and thinking about her to “only in positives.” That’s too far of a leap. But you can take your vibrational journey, with the intention that you feel better no matter what she does.

    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    ...and when I see something that triggers me I say to myself "I love you for that".
    And can you feel the stretch, the angst, the gritted-teeth quality of that? Don’t do that. The LoA doesn’t hear your words. The LoA doesn’t speak Polish or English or even use words. The LoA only responds to your vibration. You may think to yourself “I love you for that,” but if you really mean a vehement “...you selfish b*tch,” guess which piece the LoA will respond to.

    So, don’t reach so far. Find thoughts which seem true to you yet feels better than your knee-jerk reaction thoughts.

    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    That somehow helps a little bit, but on the other hand, when negative momentum starts and I can't stop it,...
    Don’t try and stop it. It sounds like you’ve been listening to a lot of Abraham clips so you may have come across some where Abraham describe momentum with a story about a car perched, out of gear with no brakes, atop a San Francisco hill. They point out that when the car is first nudged, there is little momentum. It slowly creeps forward and at that moment, it’s easy to comfortably stop that car.

    However, if you’re at the bottom of the hill and the car is barreling down the hill, if you try to stop that car with your arms outstretched, the momentum of the car will carry you off into San Francisco Bay. That’s not the time to stop it. That’s the time to get out of the way of the car.

    In terms of this situation, this is the time that get off this subject, to let this momentum peter out. Take a nap. Meditate. Pet your cat. Play with your son. Find something that’s easy for you to feel good about that is unrelated to your wife, to your relationship, to what was going on. Then when your momentum has petered out and when she’s not in your face, you have the opportunity to start up another momentum for yourself about some of this, so that you’re calling something else to you than the manifestation that you’ve just described.

    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    ...I think judging, the victim thought for a longer time. Now I feel somehow stuck with the situation and just don't know what to do next. I feel tired.
    It’s a good thing that you found these teachings because you can use them to feel better about this situation that you believe you are stuck with. That’s got to be of benefit, don’t you think? And it would certainly feel better than “tired.”


    *I’m not sure how much know about these teachings. If you haven’t already done so, I would strongly recommend that you read an Abraham book. Although your English is excellent, many Abraham books have been translated into a wide variety of languages, so you might find a version in your native tongue, which might be more comfortable for you.

    **You can find a translation of the acronyms and abbreviations that we commonly use here on the Forum in our Glossary.


  4. #4

    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Location
    Boston, Lincolnshire, United Kingdom
    Posts
    2
    Wow! thank you guys for your answers. It's an amazing feeling being able to read this, knowing that this is written especially for me. I see now even more, how much I need a real friend with whom I could talk about my problems. I have none. And this is probably one of the reasons for my insecurity and fears of being alone. Thank You again!

    This situation (manifestation) is getting pretty weird now, but first few thoughts


    Quote Originally Posted by Marc
    When you realize that it's impossible to control the conditions and manage how others feel, then your only option is to start tending to how you feel regardless of what the conditions are.
    I realize that. But only from the Vortex in the fullness, and then when I am going down on the emotional scale about this topic, the voices in my head are taking more an more control. And these voices are judging, criticising and wanting her to change. The good thing is that they not taking all the control. I mean there is always this observer who says from time to time: "It's all not true, you are thinking something else from what your IB is thinking". And then more voices.. And so on...

    Quote Originally Posted by Marc
    Fortunately, there are easier ways of feeling better. Usually, Abraham's first recommendation is meditation.
    I am practicing meditation for a few years now, most of the time on a daily basis, for 10-30 min in a day. But it's not helping me much. I can never disconnect from the mental chatter completely and eventually, my thoughts are taking control. I have tried many forms of it. Maybe I should start real lessons with the real teacher?

    Quote Originally Posted by Marc
    Another suggestion is to start spending more time focused on subjects that are easier to feel good/better about.
    Yes. I understand that. The problem is that I can't find many other things now, on which I can focus my attention. 90% I am at home alone, or with my son, or with my wife. And all of it is always remind me of how the situation changed to unwanted. I took steps to change that in a big way. I just put my willingness to volunteer at the volunteer center.I am waiting now for the response. I also booked spaces for three different classes in my town, Taekwondo, Modern Jazz dance, and Mindfulness Course. I am looking to meet new people and taking my attention of the unwanted subject.

    Quote Originally Posted by Marc
    Here's the heart of what isn't working. Now saying the words, "I love you for that" might help a little bit in the sense that you're momentarily distracting yourself from whatever it was you were focused on, but it's not helping you actually shift things. The issue is that LOA isn't paying attention to your words, it's responding to what you MEAN. How you feel is the reliable indicator of what you really mean. So when you're "triggered," you're getting accurate feedback on where you are vibrational. All of that is just fine. The issue is that when you use the words, "I love you for that," you're trying to make a big vibrational jump and LOA won't allow you to do that.
    I am doing this only from higher emotional states, mostly from the Vortex. It feels pretty good then, not like I lie. The problem is that if I watch her, looking to the phone screen (she looks like a zombie ) for next two hours and hearing my son asking her to play, I just can't stay in this state for longer. I need to react, stop my vibrational, mental work and go play/take care of our son. I mostly it is too late then for me to get back. Negative momentum started I and can't even run from that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Marc
    If you'd like, we can walk you through that. It's best if you pick at first something smaller that comes up that's not overwhelming, to get some positive experience of how to do the work. A good example might be, when X happens, I feel Y. The most important piece of it is how you FEEL. Then we can help show you how to reach for thoughts that feel BETTER.
    I would Love that. Ok, so for the example when My wife is taking my son to bed to read to him before the sleep I after 15 minutes I walk to the room and see her sitting on the phone (after few hours doing that before this moment) and him walking naked trying to get her attention I feel anger and I blame her.

    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing
    I say this gently to you here, but you still are focusing on your unwanted
    Yes, the main aim of this thread is to answer the question: How to not focus on unwanted, when I have this before my eyes and a lot of time can't hide, run or not watch. I can't stay in the Vortex for long when I observe this. So I assume that there are some emotional blocks/ beliefs which are triggering me automatically.
    I don't want to change her. At least not in the normal way. I want to change my reactions, my feelings to hear, despite her physical activity, and this way change her behavior. And if it won't change, it doesn't matter for me, because I know that the goal is to feel good. I know that it is all about me and only me. All that I say/ write about her is only for the context of the situation.

    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing
    If you want to feel better, then you’ll want to close your vibrational gap between the two parts of You (the vibration from your physical self--the thoughts that you think--and the vibration of your IB who is ALWAYS focused on your wanted).
    Exactly.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wellbaing
    So, pop quiz time: Is this (and the passage that follows) your focusing on your wanted or your unwanted?
    Yes, I know the answer. That's why I am looking for help. To find practical ways to this situation where I often can't stop the momentum of focusing on unwanted and can't hide/change the focus to something else.

    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing
    Because, if you truly Knew (and it’s all right if you don’t) “...that eventually, everything gonna be good,” then we wouldn’t be having this conversation, right?
    Simple and wise. Yes, you are right.

    Quote Originally Posted by WellBaing
    You’ve just told us something different above. Isn’t getting ITV for perhaps the first time in your life much of a change? Isn’t that important to you? How about the clarity of that? How about your ability to sense your way forward that came from being ITV? How about your experience of not worried at all?
    Yes, my set point changed and I am able to get into the Vortex more and I am able to stay there for longer time. But this is when she's not home, mostly. The issue is with that one subject that almost always is getting me out of the Vortex and not much is changing.

    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing
    Where are you looking for your “change”? It might just be that you’re looking for “change” in all the wrong places.
    I think that I am looking for a change in me. My self-image. My paradigm.



    I just finished "Ask and it is given" book and "The Astonishing Power of emotions" audiobook. I have heard 100's of videos on youtube, tried almost all of the processes and did the 30-day challenge with few of them recently. I am listening to Abraham mediations daily too. I also have rest of the books on my shelf waiting to be next.


    I am just on so freaking rollercoaster now that I sometimes think that this is all a dream (It is in some way).

    So now the time for the weird thing. Yesterday after I wrote this first post, my wife asked me to help her in her hairdressing salon to attach new tv to the wall. I went there, we had pretty good time without negative emotions. After that, at home, she did use the phone only for short while and we watched the movie together in the evening. We had really, really good time with a lot of laughs, a little bit like when we started to see each other when we were young. I don't even know how that happened, but we had sex after that. Really good sex. First time since she told me that she wants to move out. Wow! But after that, she told me that it was like friend sex and it doesn't change anything. Everything is so unreal now. Any thought on that?

  5. #5
    Super Kitty Marc's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Tempe, Arizona, USA
    Posts
    9,573
    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    I realize that. But only from the Vortex in the fullness, and then when I am going down on the emotional scale about this topic, the voices in my head are taking more an more control. And these voices are judging, criticising and wanting her to change. The good thing is that they not taking all the control. I mean there is always this observer who says from time to time: "It's all not true, you are thinking something else from what your IB is thinking". And then more voices.. And so on...
    Right, thoughts are indicators of how you feel. So if you're getting lots of thoughts of judgment and criticism, then that's a reflection of where you are vibrationally, which matches the way you feel. Your job is to start trying to reach thoughts that soothe how you're feeling. The words of your "observer" are true and they're nice words, but they're not shifting the way you feel. That's why I pointed out that it's not working.

    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    I am practicing meditation for a few years now, most of the time on a daily basis, for 10-30 min in a day. But it's not helping me much. I can never disconnect from the mental chatter completely and eventually, my thoughts are taking control. I have tried many forms of it. Maybe I should start real lessons with the real teacher?
    Perhaps. Or maybe you need something that's a little more active. Personally, I like picking a simple, easy, meaningless topic, like "bubbles," and then focusing on that topic for 15 minutes. Maybe that's picturing bubbles, or imagining how air bubbles sound when they gurgle up from a water cooler, or imagining a child playing with soap bubbles as they float by. When your mind wanders (and it will), just bring your attention back to that topic. It does take some practice. If that doesn't help, then working with a teacher might be helpful.

    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    The problem is that I can't find many other things now, on which I can focus my attention.
    Really? Because you have a universe full of them. Art. Music. Science. Nature. Physics. Math. Grammar. Animals. Colors. Shapes. Sounds. Stars. Poetry. Memories. Food. Wine. Nursery Rhymes. Sports. Philosophy. Geography. Photography. You literally have an entire Universe filled with thoughts, ideas, concepts, objects and events from which you can choose. Pickles. There's one. Kittens. There's another. Modernism. Yet another. Saturn. Still another. Shakespeare. I could do this all day.
    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    90% I am at home alone, or with my son, or with my wife.
    Which just goes to show you that you have plenty of time on which you could be focused on any of a myriad of topics.
    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    And all of it is always remind me of how the situation changed to unwanted. I took steps to change that in a big way. I just put my willingness to volunteer at the volunteer center.I am waiting now for the response. I also booked spaces for three different classes in my town, Taekwondo, Modern Jazz dance, and Mindfulness Course. I am looking to meet new people and taking my attention of the unwanted subject.
    That's great. Just keep in mind that you don't need new people or different conditions to focus on other subjects. You can be at home by yourself and focused on how beautiful your favorite song is, or how much you enjoy a particular dessert, or contemplating whether Kansas really is flatter than a pancake.

    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    I am doing this only from higher emotional states, mostly from the Vortex. It feels pretty good then, not like I lie. The problem is that if I watch her, looking to the phone screen (she looks like a zombie ) for next two hours and hearing my son asking her to play, I just can't stay in this state for longer.
    So don't watch her looking at her phone. She has figured out how to distract herself, you could take lessons from her.
    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    I need to react, stop my vibrational, mental work and go play/take care of our son. I mostly it is too late then for me to get back. Negative momentum started I and can't even run from that.
    Which means you need to do the emotional work to feel better about her when she's not around, so you're not waiting until negative momentum sweeps you away.

    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    I would Love that. Ok, so for the example when My wife is taking my son to bed to read to him before the sleep I after 15 minutes I walk to the room and see her sitting on the phone (after few hours doing that before this moment) and him walking naked trying to get her attention I feel anger and I blame her.
    Okay.

    I feel angry when she's not paying attention to our son. (Starting place)
    If she would just look up from her phone and paying attention to our son, I would feel better. (also what you're used to)
    She shouldn't be spending so much time staring at her phone.
    I don't really know why she's spending all that time staring at her phone.
    I suppose it doesn't feel good to be judged, criticized or to be described as a "zombie." Even if I'm not saying the words, I'm doing it with my vibration.
    Maybe she's trying to distract herself. I suppose she could trying to distract herself from us and our criticism.
    If I'm unhappy when I focus on the way things are with us, maybe she's unhappy when she focuses on the way things are too.
    It's too bad that we're all unhappy with the way things are.
    I suppose it's natural to want to avoid feeling bad.
    I can't really blame her for wanting to feel better.
    I guess demanding her attention just makes things worse.
    Maybe this is the best solution she's been able to find so far.
    I can relate to where she is right now. We're both looking for ways to feel better.
    She has been reading to our son. She isn't ignoring him completely.
    I does feel good to stop the criticism.
    I can see now that some of the negative emotion I've been feeling hasn't been her fault, it's been about what I've been doing.
    It feels a little empowering to recognize that I can feel better without needing her to change.


    Now I don't know if that conversation feels better to you, but that's an example of what better feeling thoughts might look.
    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    How to not focus on unwanted, when I have this before my eyes and a lot of time can't hide, run or not watch.
    Part of this is self inflicted. You really can turn your attention to other things much more than you're doing. You also have the ability to soften the way you're seeing things when she's not around.

    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    I can't stay in the Vortex for long when I observe this.
    Right, when how you feel depends on observing the conditions, observing conditions that you don't like won't feel good. Fortunately, you have the ability to shift the way you see things.
    Quote Originally Posted by LukasRG View Post
    So I assume that there are some emotional blocks/ beliefs which are triggering me automatically.
    I would describe it differently -- "I'm used to seeing her a certain way that doesn't feel good." That's certainly accurate, but is much less of a big deal than you're making it, which is how things really are -- much less of a big deal than you're making them.

  6. #6
    songbird's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Somewhere beautiful, England.
    Posts
    4,289
    Remember, yes your relationship is a manifestation....

    But the manifestation that you are going for first and foremost is your MOOD. YOUR mood.
    Its the relationship with the broader, wiser, unconditionally loving, eternal Source part of you, that you are wanting.

    When we resonate with THAT part of US, then we are stable emotionally regardless of what others choose.

    And when we are being affected by others behaviour, its a good indicator, that we are maybe not where we thought we were, not as stable emotionally within ourselves, as we thought we were.

    Which is a GOOD thing, its a good indicator.
    It just means.....get into alignment and then....

    Put the condition aside, and get into alignment.
    Put the condition aside, and hook up with Source.

    Stop looking for love in all the "wrong" places.
    Love is within.


    Nothing in the world can compensate for OUR lack of alignment.

    All the best.

  7. #7
    songbird's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Somewhere beautiful, England.
    Posts
    4,289
    Another thing to consider is that we cannot expect others to always be in alignment. Or to always want the same things that we want.

    But when we are in alignment with our broader Source Being, THEN we are a MATCH to what WE want, and so we let it in. Its never about the other, although it may "appear" to be about what they are "doing".

    And when we focus on the unwanted in the other, not only do we attract that part of them more, but we are also using it as "an excuse to pinch ourselves off" from our own source of love.

    I would say soothe yourself about this situation, and play it DOWN as much as you can.
    And focus on other things that are easy to feel good about.
    And remember that not everyone is in alignment all the time
    Not ourselves, and not those that we love.
    And when we make how we feel about our own thoughts, not about what others are doing, when we take their actions out of the equations, then we feel better.

    And isnt that the reason for wanting anything anyway.....to FEEL better.

    So show yourself, that you CAN feel better, regardless of how another is behaving.


    And remember that abraham teach us that those who do everything that we want them to do, are not actually helping us to become good creators, but only helping us to become good "observers".
    Its those "rascals" that bring us contrast that actually, help us to focus our thoughts deliberately, and help our expansion.


    All the best.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •