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Thread: Finding BFT on subject of meditation. BAD LANGUAGE WARNING!!

  1. #1

    Finding BFT on subject of meditation. BAD LANGUAGE WARNING!!

    Whats bugging me
    My meditation is going badly: i am crap at it: ill never be able to meditate.


    Ive been trying to meditate for decades.Never succeeded. Its shit. And i need to be able to meditate. I have experinced the benefits of mindfulnes and meditation ,and its sucks that i cant get there now. Its shit. I find my mind drifts so much that then i get into a trying/pushing against frame of mind and then its hopeless and feels all wrong. ****ig Hell its. Frustrating:
    Im so willing to do the work, to practise. And ive tried and tried and ****ing tried. And its no bloody good .,why do I even bloody bother....whats the point .its hopeless. Just forget it.
    What dont i want
    To experience such difficulty in meditation
    What do i want (what have i put in my vortex)
    I want to have lovely meditations ..I want to feel that lovely peacefulness that i have sometimes experienced.
    Feel the feeling. Let it up. As it is. (Remember that overwhelmed feeling in work: when its unconscious it feels like suffocating, when you feel it consciously, it lightens)
    It feels .....hopeless .flat, frustrated worried . Whats the bloody point . Ill never be able to meditate. Forget it.
    Im Worried.... cos this is key to my practise and my happiness. If i cant get this right i will be stuck/unable to get very far with my practise.
    I am where i am: i cant do the work anywhere apart from right here, where the shit feeling is. At least there is a gift in that feeling:its not actually a useless hindrance.
    I am where I am and it feels ______________ shit






    Soothe it: try anything you can to make it feel a bit less crap where you are:
    I FEEL ............
    no wonder i feel the way i do.
    Too right. For ****s sake look how many years ive been bloody trying. And i get nowhere fast and then see other people beginning meditation, passing me with flying colours. No wonder im pissed off. No wonder i feel frustrated, and it IS key to my practise, so no wonder i am worried...
    its not much to ask for ****s sake...i just want to progress in my mediatation.
    I mustn’t be the only person this has happened to./ who feels this way
    No. I suppose not. I bet theres a bunch of people with ADHD out there who are the same..even they are probably better than me at it tho.
    Some of them have been able to hep themselves.They didnt all get stuck forever. Maybe I can help myself too?
    The one time when it went quite well” it started from watching that adhd and meditation video. I got an idea to look for that, and it worked well for quite a while.T/B
    At least it showed me there is more than one way to go about this. t/b
    Its better to do this BFT exercise thatn not do anything t/b
    Even though i stll feel the same, i know it may be temporary .Maybe..T/B
    Im willing to improve the way i feel, help myself & im glad im willing to put this effort into deliberately lift up my mood. T/B
    Im glad i can deliberately help myself .its better than doing nothing at all. T/B
    Im glad i can be aware of what i do want. U/W
    I want relief T/B
    Id rather be angry than depressed and if thats all i achieve today thatll still be a very good thing. True
    it does feel better to rant about tHis, and say: no wonder i feel this way.for ****s sake ive been trying to meditate for 35 ****ing years. How shit is that. T/B
    At least im letting the feeling up now. Aware of it. Admitting it. T/B
    Thats the only thing that is different his time: instead of skating past how this issue makes me feel, im feeling it now. T/b
    At least im willing, and able to do the work. T/B
    Remember: u cant let the good feeling come in until the bad ones have come up. Im a glad i know this T/B
    For now, its ok to feel this way: its temporary.at least i hope its temporary. T/B
    At least im clear now about what i dont want.. yep i dont Want to be shit at meditation.i want to progress . T/B
    I want to feel better about this, and i want to take the stairs. T/B






    I am where i am and it feels stuck
    At least it is not that suffocating/unconscious struggle: there is more air/breathe a bit when im conscious of the feeling..But its still shit..Cant see a way out right now..T/W
    I only have to feel a bit better.that is the only work. T/B
    Im glad im not just doing more of the same ie soldiering on with shit feeling meditation. T/B
    At least now i know that when i feel better things can begin to shift. T/b
    I got stuck in not being able to meditate/make progress during the time when i did not know that. T/B
    I have more tools available to me now. T/B
    I feel a tiny bit better. T/B
    When i had that idea to watch that video before, and it helped a lot: it felt right to explore more ways of approaching meditation: it felt right , sort of progressive to acknowledge that my ADHD means, at least at the initial stages, i need to try different ways. That’s feels good: therefore it IS GOOD : because thats my inner beings voice: if an idea feels interesting it my IB saying, yes this way. T/b
    Now..that felt a lot better. T
    I can breathe a bit better. T
    There must be other people who hve struggled with mediation because of adhd and who have overcome it....t/b
    And information has never been so accessible .t/b
    and. Sometimes i bump. Into Justice riht person with perfect words t/b
    Whenever i make progress on a subject, it always has THIS feeling about it: energy moving ..t/b
    I feel a lot more hopeful than i did at the start.....t/b
    I even feel ok to talk about what i want: t/b
    I want to find information/solution that helps me to progress in my meditation.i want to tap back into that feeling of stillness. Love it so much..it feels great. T/b
    I love it when i get nudges from my IB; those nudges that feel like interest, excitement, enthusiasm, nudges that turn my head towards something that will serve me. T/b
    Im glad i toolk the stairs and i can recognise genuine relief ..this feels good to know, not just for this situation, but for all. T/b
    Im quite good at letting the solutions in/recognising them when i get to this feeling place. T/b
    Im quite good at getting off the topic and just saying, “the universe is onto it”.t/b
    I like this improved feeling. I did that t/b
    There have been many many times when i have got to this feeling and then the answers just came. I love this feeling. T/b
    Im so glad i used my feelings properly: didnt try quantum jumping. Taking the stairs s easier than ive been thinking.t/b




    Im glad, not only did i get there re this issue,but also ive remidned myself that i can do this...and i can tell when the feeling is for real, genuine. And ive reminded myself that for me its all about being really real, really present with he feeling at the start , let it be what it is, let myself feel it, and then recognise : it feels better when i acknowledge the feeling because you have just the raw feeling, not the feeling PLUS the unconscious/suffocating feeling, and its the suffocating feeling that is the worst part.




    Good work!

  2. #2
    Super Kitty Marc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by loholt View Post
    Whats bugging me
    My meditation is going badly: i am crap at it: ill never be able to meditate.
    Maybe I'm making too much out of all of this.
    I know Abraham means well when they recommend meditation, but I'm sure they never intended it to be this big stick to beat myself up with if I don't "get it right."
    Meditation isn't about getting anything right, it's about giving myself a break from "doing that thing I do" that feels badly.
    Maybe it's okay if I never learn how to meditate.
    So what if I don't have "lovely meditations?"
    It's natural for my mind to wander and want to have something to focus on. That's it's job.
    It seems a little silly to me to be beating myself up about all of this.
    I don't know where I got the idea that I have to figure this out or "I won't be able to get very far with my practice."
    I've been around long enough to know that there's more than one way to get ANYWHERE.
    It doesn't really matter whether other people can meditate and I can't.
    I think I've been really working myself up with this whole "progress" idea.
    I think I've wanted to prove to myself and others that I can do this.
    The whole idea of proving anything, whether it's to myself or anyone else is silly.
    Why should I need to prove myself to anyone? I don't even need to prove myself to myself!
    It feels kind of good to give the middle finger to meditation.
    Now feels like a good time to let go of the idea that getting this right is more important than how I feel.
    It really is okay whether or not I ever learn to meditate.
    I'm sure there are plenty of other ways to feel better and I'm sure I'll come across them.
    I can see how maybe I'm fighting myself when I label myself as ADHD and then I try to force myself to try to still my mind.
    Maybe instead of trying to overcome myself (which can't work), I can just just step back from it all.
    Even if it hasn't been fun, it's good to recognize that I've been trying WAY too hard at all of this.
    I can recognize that if it feels like I have to try really hard to do something, something is out of whack I and should back off.
    Even if it's easy for me to get into old habits, now I'm more aware of how I've been trying to bully myself into getting things right instead of letting it be about relaxing and letting go.

  3. #3
    Although i felt better after i did my work, i felt much better after reading yours.
    thanks marc. Great stuff.
    Makes me see also, that you went after feeling better about not being able to make a change to this, whereas i was going after , feeling better because i will find something /allow somethig that will let this change in the future . So is that where ive been going off course a bit?
    And yes i got the message about the language limits! Sorry
    Thanks

  4. #4
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    ...I could give this a whole new meaning:
    I could use this- while I´m very slowly, in very tiny babysteps learn to meditate-
    as a training to no more club myself over the head- for ANY "failure".

    Maybe this journey is really about me, becoming nicer to myself, on the way. On any way.

    Maybe this is really about me, soothing myself, learning to soothe myself.

    Maybe this has a much deeper level than I thought so far.

    Maybe this is about self-love, really.

    Maybe this is about me, learning to unconditionally acknowledging the rightness of me.

  5. #5
    $2Chuck's Avatar
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    Meditating is like anything else, the more you practice the better you get. Don’t use the App for a while. Focus on your breathing with you eyes closed sitting in a chair. Focus on breathing in then focus on breathing out. Continue to focus on your breathing. Start out with short bursts from 5 to 10 minutes.

    When you come to the realization that you’re not focused on your breathing, which happens to everyone, say the words not focused a couple of times to yourself and go back to monitoring your breathing.

    Use s the same process with an itch, restless leg etc. Focus on the itch, say the word itch in your head and see what happens. When the itch or whatever it is, is gone, go back to focusing on your breathing, in then out, in then out.......People think when they have a discomfort, they should seek immeadiate relief. That’s not true. Pay attention to the discomfort and it goes away.

    I have been meditating since the 70’s. Do I ever get distracted? Uh, YES!!!!!!! But I use the afore mentioned technique and it helps. Relax, you can do this. 😁😁😁😁

  6. #6
    Jewel M.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by loholt View Post
    I want to feel that lovely peacefulness that i have sometimes experienced.
    Feel the feeling.
    Hi loholt,

    On mindfulness:

    Once you’ve felt that lovely peacefulness, recognized it, then it’s easier to perceive. You’ll catch that peacefulness in between thoughts, in the pauses between thoughts. That peacefulness will pull your attention in. If we were thinking, thinking, thinking…without pauses we would go crazy! So just gently wait for a pause…and then take a look…you’ll feel that lovely peacefulness anew ~ that graces all things as well.

    You’ll be aware of that peacefulness at odd moments….like you bend to pick something up and feel as if that movement was the most amazing thing ever! That lovely peacefulness is Source. The more you focus on it, the more encompassing it is....where you suddenly see/feel nothing else but it.

  7. #7
    Jewel M.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by $2Chuck View Post
    When you come to the realization that you’re not focused on your breathing, which happens to everyone, say the words not focused a couple of times to yourself and go back to monitoring your breathing.

    Use s the same process with an itch, restless leg etc. Focus on the itch, say the word itch in your head and see what happens. When the itch or whatever it is, is gone, go back to focusing on your breathing, in then out, in then out.......People think when they have a discomfort, they should seek immeadiate relief. That’s not true. Pay attention to the discomfort and it goes away.
    Oh, I love this suggestion! I don't formally meditate....I am more into moment to moment mindfulness, but I like that..."pay attention to the discomfort and it goes away." I've sat with my tired body....and felt my body recharge its vitality....by simply allowing the feeling to be there.

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