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Thread: We're asking the Universe for a remission for my husband's cancer

  1. #11

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    Marc,


    I guess I push hard against things because I don't have enough faith and trust that I'll get what I want just by relaxing and trying to feel better.

    Jerry was in his eighties and lived a long life and might have been ok to croak. My husband is only in his sixties and is not ok with croaking.

    My husband doesn'teven know what his resistance is. Or so he tells me. But now that you mention how can he be at peace if he's too embarrassed to be with his friends, and why doesn't he want to do things anymore, I see your point.

    "You talked about how you had been at powerlessness and rage directed at your husband for a year and a half supposedly because of his behaviour. This is really just a bigger, amplified version of all of that. You just can't control what he does or how he feels and that's as it's supposed to be. This isn't about him getting rid of his resistance, it's about you letting go and soothing YOURS."

    You and WellBeing are exactly right and I'm just figuring this out today. That's why I came to this forum. For more clarity.

  2. #12

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    WellBeing,

    It seems that my husband doesn't really know where he's vibrating, even though he seems at peace with his disease and has said he is at peace. And I obviously was unaware how I've really been vibrating. I guess this last year or two has been so overwhelming for me, that my mind hasn't been working right. And of course all of the stress I've had and the lack of sleep.

    I had said, So maybe if my husband lived more, enjoyed life more, was happy more, he'd receive more life?
    And you're saying no, it doesn't work that way. So why does Abraham tell us to get happy, and to do fun things?

    You're right that I should focus more deliberately on what is wanted, instead of the unwanted.

    I didn't realise I was so out of the vortex. I thought it was just my husband that was. I thought I was in control.

    I certainly don't want my husband to suffer any more. I don't want to put pressure on him to live, if it means being ravaged by disease, chemicals and surgeries.

    "Step 3 is Allow. You have to line up with it.You can't line up with anything that you've put in your Vortex when you're focusing on the wrongness of what-is."
    This is a powerfulstatement. I know this. And I've forgotten this. Thanks for the reminder.

    "When you are effective in your own working with your resistance and in managing your own alignment, then you can consider helping him work with his. (Although from your own reporting--and this is not a competition--he seems to be doing a better job of managing his own vibration.)At this moment--and I say this kindly--you’re like that non-swimming lifeguard.The two of you wind up “drowning,” which is what you've been reporting to us here. Learn how to manage your own alignment. Then you can help him--if he needs and wants that--with his."

    I like this excerpt. It really makes sense.

    You have said that the first step on my vibrational journey is to make peace with this situation. What other things can I do to get into alignment. I normally know this. But I've got so much going on in my head, that I can't remember what to do.

  3. #13
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WriteNow View Post
    You just made me more aware of the stories I'm telling myself when I look at his conditions. I have to work on making his conditions less wrong in my mind.

    Pop quiz time: Which thought feels better?:

    • "...have to..." OR
    • "...want to..."


    You see, you don't need me to make you more aware of the stories you're telling. Your own emotional guidance is already doing that for you.

    Quote Originally Posted by WriteNow View Post
    Sometimes Abe will tell a person in the hot seat that has cancer to ignore the conditions and pet the dog, and sometimes they will help another person to discover where their resistance is so they can clean it up. I wasn't too sure what we should be doing.
    Let's clear this up "once and for all" for you: You want to feel better without needing the conditions to change first. Sometimes, that looks like petting the dog or meditation. Sometimes, it's paying attention to the thoughts that you're thinking and soothing the ones that don't feel so good, either in that moment or in some quiet time. (It's a good thing, then, that he sleeps a lot, isn't it?) And you can mix-and-match those (and other) approaches. There's no single "right" answer to this at all. Your emotional guidance system will tell you when you're doing it "right," because you will feel better.

    Quote Originally Posted by WriteNow View Post
    "I'm falling apart because of the thoughts that I'm thinking." Again, I see that I need to shift my thoughts to something that feels better as I'm thinking them.

    And in order to be able to shift your thoughts, you're going to need your starting thoughts so that you have your starting point.

    Quote Originally Posted by WriteNow View Post
    What's wrong with feeling fear? This is an easy one. The fear is so strong that I can't breathe or sleep. It feels like I'm dying inside. I can't handle that intense feeling.

    So, do you see how this is your story describing how you feel. Now, I'm sure that this is how you feel but look how inaccurate this story is. You must be able to restart your breathing because you're posting here (and it's really hard to post here when you're no longer breathing). And whilst you might tell yourself that you're dying inside, you're clearly still alive, as evidenced by your posting here. And although it might be a challenge for you to handle that feeling, you clearly are. Not only that but you've been handling that feeling for some time now.

    IOW, can you see how this habit of a story might be soothed some and shifted so that you can still describe your experience but in the way that you take some of your own edge off, so that you talk yourself in off of the ledge some?

    Quote Originally Posted by WriteNow View Post
    I have put a lot of effort in "trying very hard." Almost more effort than I can handle.
    Then isn't it good to know that you don't need to do that (and all the rest that you posted after this) any more?

    Quote Originally Posted by WriteNow View Post
    ...I see that I'm being dragged down with him.

    No, no, no. Don't twist what I said. You're not being dragged down with him. NO one is dragging anyone down.

    What I said is that you have the ability to direct your focus, to manage your vibration, to reach for and find your alignment, no matter what he does, says or manifests. If you're going "down," that's your doing, which means that you have the option and the ability to do something different.

    Quote Originally Posted by WriteNow View Post
    I'm trying to control all of these conditions because I feel that if he would just listen to me, he would be cured.
    So, then you have a story about why his not being cured is so bad for you and what happens to you if he isn't cured. As we've been discussing, that story doesn't feel "good" to you. So, isn't it good to know that your not-good feeling isn't because of the conditions (which you're understand that you can't control) but IS because of your story, which you CAN start to soothe and shift. You can even do some of that here, if you'd like. Just reach for thoughts which are true for you (about that) yet which feel better.

    Quote Originally Posted by WriteNow View Post
    But I really wonder if he's doing the best that he can.
    There's an easy way for you to answer that. (Because you don't have to take my [or anyone else's] word for it.) How does that thought feel as you think/write/say it?

    If you don't feel wonderful as you think that thought (and it's hard to imagine that you would), then your not-wonderful feeling is your proof that your IB--the Source part of You Who is connected to Infinite Intelligence--has a different thought than you about that.

    Quote Originally Posted by WriteNow View Post
    I feel like I'm to blame for his sickness.
    Once again, how does that thought feel? IOW, it sort of seems that you're willing to think thoughts regardless of what your emotional guidance is telling you. Maybe it's time that you want to start a different way of thinking your thoughts?

    Because this is a story that you tell yourself. You have the ability to tell yourself (and others) another story, if you want. I specifically asked you some questions (you mayn't have gotten there yet) in the hopes of getting you to think for yourself of some different ways to think about this piece of this situation.

    Quote Originally Posted by WriteNow View Post
    You see, when I wrote those other posts complaining about my husband, such a long time ago, I took the advice that was given to me. And that was to look after myself.
    As I recall, the advice in your previous threads was for you to look after your vibration, your alignment. That's Abraham's "only one answer." And, yes, in the initial stages of our "work," some of that can involve some withdrawal of ourselves from the environment of the issue, if we have that luxury, which is what you've described. But withdrawal is usually not the sole recommended strategy because (as you're finding out) if we withdraw yet continue our practiced thoughts, we're going to have the same experience when we put ourselves back into the environment of the issue. That's what Abraham mean when they say, "Your vibration is where we last left it."

    So, we want to withdraw (if we have that luxury) so that we can more effectively do our vibrational "work," and then do our vibrational "work" in our calmer environment. And I've mentioned a similar thing to you above, when you're "falling apart" (which is another story you tell which is less accurate [because I'm sure that you're still in pretty much one piece] than is good for your vibration).

    Quote Originally Posted by WriteNow View Post
    And then he got sick, as if on purpose, as if he was looking for attention from me.
    That makes sense, when you look at this situation through the lens of Blame, as you've been doing in your thread so far. But Blame is on the Scale, so you know that's guidance. Now, you can use the Scale to reach for a story about what he's doing that still seems true to you yet which feels better. That new story will closer to the story that your IB Knows about what's actually going on.

    Quote Originally Posted by WriteNow View Post
    And instead of looking after myself, like I had learned to do, I'm only looking after him and ignoring myself.

    Again, how does this thought feel as you think it?

    And I understand. In times like these there are more demands on the caregivers than they're used to. That being said, this thought/story of yours is pointed towards your unwanted, so you might also want to start taking score of all the ways that you're not ignoring yourself.

    Because here's the thing: you want to be involved with his care. You've been telling us that you want his comfort, you want him to be as well-nourished as he can be in this moment. So, in doing these things that you want, you cannot be ignoring yourself. You're attending to some of your desires/wants, even if it looks different than those other times when you were also attending to your desires/wants.

    Quote Originally Posted by WriteNow View Post
    I have my work cut out for me.
    Once again, how does this thought feel?

    Do you have your work cut out for you? Truly? Because this, too, is another story that you're telling. Which way is this story pointed? Towards what you want? Or towards what you don't want?

    Quote Originally Posted by WriteNow View Post
    ...before he got sick I basically stopped thinking about him. And I can't do that now.
    Good, because that approach didn't work then (because you didn't really stop thinking about him).

    Quote Originally Posted by WriteNow View Post
    I'm just not sure how I'm going to go about it ....
    We've given you some practical suggestions about that in this thread. To recap,

    • Meditate more.
    • Start paying more attention to the way that you feel.
    • Where possible, notice what thoughts you think when you're aware that you're feeling "worse."
    • When you're falling out of the airplane/falling apart, that's not the time to do your "work." But that's a good time for "data collection," collecting your thoughts which have some momentum so that you can "work" on them later.
    • Let everybody off the hook.
    • When you're trying too hard, you're efforting your way into alignment, which isn't effective. Dial it back until you feel relief.
    • Be easy about this.
    • Tell different stories by finding thoughts which still seem true to you yet which feel better.
    • There is no fault. Blame is an indicator of your [mis]alignment.
    • There is no "death."
    • You cannot get it "wrong." He's not getting it "wrong."


    Quote Originally Posted by WriteNow View Post
    You guys are writing too fast, lol!
    Do yourself a favor and let go of the need to respond to everything that I write. Let what's being written here for you sink in some. I suggest that for two reasons:

    1. You're getting some wonderful stuff here (and I'm not saying that because of my replies).
    2. Your replies to us tend to be explanations of what has been, which just keeps your focus on your unwanted, when we're trying to coax you away from that habit of focus.



    Quote Originally Posted by WriteNow View Post
    I see there's two more responses waiting for me. Which is good, because the more clarity I get, the easier it will be for me to get into alignment.
    You've got that backwards. Clarity ALWAYS comes from alignment.

    So, what you're saying is that you're observing our responses and using them as your excuse for what you're doing with your vibration. Which--did you notice?--is the same thing that you've been doing with your husband. So, now you know it's not only with your husband, so this might be something that you want to do something about?

  4. #14
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WriteNow View Post
    I had said, So maybe if my husband lived more, enjoyed life more, was happy more, he'd receive more life?
    And you're saying no, it doesn't work that way. So why does Abraham tell us to get happy, and to do fun things?

    Because life is supposed to be fun. Because we came here to have fun.
    Not to fix problems or pay rent or learn lessons. Not because it’ll get us “stuff” or more life. Because it’s fun. And we want the “stuff” because we believe we will feel better in the having of it. Abraham teach us to feel better first, without needing the stuff to come, which is what we’ve been talking about here.

    Life is supposed to be fun. And if it's not so much fun this time around, no worries. You get another ride on the ride. You never stop getting more rides on the ride.

    Quote Originally Posted by WriteNow View Post
    You're right that I should focus more deliberately on what is wanted, instead of the unwanted.

    Again, there is no "should" in any of this.

    You have the freedom and the ability to focus. If you focus towards your wanted, you will feel better. If you focus towards your unwanted, you will feel worse. You get to choose.

    And you CANNOT choose "wrong." There are NO wrong answers. You CANNOT get it wrong.

    Quote Originally Posted by WriteNow View Post
    I didn't realise I was so out of the vortex.

    In a similar vein, there’s no “so out” or “so in” about this. No one has an absolute tape measure that can measure for anyone how far in or out of the Vortex anyone is. Nor does how “out” or how “in” matter. You are where you are and where you are IS all right.

    All that matters is that we recognize when we’re feeling “worse” (we don’t even need a label beyond that) so that we can know to reach for feeling “better.”

    I’m only listening to what you’re posting here and, even though you’re not posting it here, I’m also sure there are many times that you are ITV, because Abraham tell us that even the “most disconnected” of us are ITV several times each day.

    Quote Originally Posted by WriteNow View Post
    I thought it was just my husband that was. I thought I was in control.

    Then you’ll want to start paying more attention to your own emotional guidance. Because you cannot be “in control” when you’re “falling apart.” You cannot be ITV when you’re crying in the ways that you’re describing here. Your emotional guidance is a tool for your benefit, which is why I asked you above “What’s wrong to you about feeling fear?” Sure, it’s uncomfortable to us, which is what you described. But it’s supposed to be uncomfortable to get our attention so that we can do something about it, in the same way that putting our hand on a hot stove is supposed to hurt so we know to take our hand off of the hot stove.

    As we’ve been talking about here, you’re having emotional guidance that you’ll want to pay more attention to, so that you can be more effective in your attempts to feel better.

    Quote Originally Posted by WriteNow View Post
    I certainly don't want my husband to suffer any more. I don't want to put pressure on him to live, if it means being ravaged by disease, chemicals and surgeries.

    I was focusing on me there, specifically. I don't know what your husband prefers or has been through. My point was (and is) that if I start from a place of misunderstanding and misalignment when I answer your question (about what's in my Vortex), then my answer might not be the same as the one I'd give you from inside my Vortex.

    Quote Originally Posted by WriteNow View Post
    I don't want to put pressure on him to live, if it means....

    Again, I don't know anything about your husband, his circumstances or his own desires and I ask you this gently: Can you see how there have been times (that you've reported to us) where you have been doing some of this thing that you’re now saying that you don’t want?

    Quote Originally Posted by WriteNow View Post
    You have said that the first step on my vibrational journey is to make peace with this situation. What other things can I do to get into alignment. I normally know this. But I've got so much going on in my head, that I can't remember what to do.

    Abraham tell the story of how, when J&E were driving (well, Esther was driving), Jerry would give Esther directions one leg at a time. Esther would always want to know all the directions. “Just tell me the whole route,” she would say to Jerry. Jerry would point out that she would simply forget everything that came after the next leg and would then ask him what the instruction after that would be. And, sure enough, that’s what Esther would do. You’re doing the same thing here.

    And just like, if Esther were to somehow be able to skip over that first leg (because she didn’t know how to do that first leg or she didn’t like it or she was too impatient to get to her destination) and immediately make the next turn, she would wind up somewhere other than she intended to be, if you try to skip over your first step on your vibrational journey, you too will wind up somewhere other than you intended to be. And, IIRC, we’ve had some conversations in the past about you wanting to skip over the making peace step.

    Make peace with where you are vibrationally, with what your husband is manifesting, with how you’ve been managing your vibration up until this point, with what might happen however he has his unfolding, with how your husband looks or what he does, etc. That single step on your journey can provide you with so much relief. In fact, your relief will let you know that you have effectively made peace with where you are.

    And I’ll repeat my invitation to you: you can feel your way towards making peace with where you are, here on this thread, if you like. I’m sure you’ll attract some pointers and tips to help you with your “work.”

  5. #15

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    Oh, yes, I definitely "want" to work on making his conditions less wrong in my mind. "Want" definitely feels much better than "have to."

    "feel better without needing the conditions to change first."
    I'm going to write this in big letters and put it where I can see it every day.

    I see that I'm being dragged down with him.
    No, no, no. Don't twist what I said. You're not being dragged down with him. NO one is dragging anyone down.
    What I said is that you have the ability to direct your focus, to manage your vibration, to reach for and find your alignment, no matter what he does, says or manifests. If you're going"down," that's your doing, which means that you have the option and the ability to do something different.
    WellBeing, I totally know that it's my doing that I'm being dragged down. I'm sorry if I gave the impression that I believed he was dragging me down. I plead lack of sleep for not expressing my thoughts well enough.

    "So, then you have a story about why his not being cured is so bad for you and what happens to you if he isn't cured."
    You sound like my mother She said the exact same thing to me. And I said to her, "Of course it's about me. Nobody understands what I'm going through." She was horrified and thought I was being uncaring and selfish. So now I have two people telling me the same thing, and I feel badly for thinking like that. I'll change my story and reach for thoughts that feel better about my husband and myself.

    My husband has his own guidance system. So I'll let him be the judge if he's doing the best that he can. I realise that it doesn't help me any to doubt his inner guidance.

    And I have my own guidance system, which I don't seem to be using lately. I want to tell better feeling stories.

    I'm learning that withdrawing from an unwanted situation is only a band-Aid solution. I have to function in the real world and I can't lock myself in my room whenever I feel like it. And I feel like withdrawing a lot.

    I don't feel that I've been blaming my husband in this thread, and that wasn't my intention, but you made me think that the emotion of blame has been going on in my mind and that I haven't acknowledged it. Also, now that I think about it, I'm angry that he got sick and changed our lives for the worse. But I don't really believe that. I know that I'm totally responsible for my thoughts and beliefs and the stories that I'm telling.


    I have my work cut out for me.
    Once again, how does this thought feel?
    It feels awful, and tiring, and it gives me a headache just thinking about it.

    I will be rereading this thread several times and printing it out. I'll also be reading your bulleted suggestions first thing in the morning so I can start my day off right.

    You've got that backwards. Clarity ALWAYS comes from alignment.
    I did not realise this. Good to know.


    So, what you're saying is that you're observing our responses and using them as your excuse for what you're doing with your vibration. Which--did you notice?--is the same thing that you've been doing with your husband. So, now you know it's not only with your husband, so this might be something that you want to do something about?
    So in other words, if the responses are good and make me feel better, then I'm OK. If I see that my husband is doing OK, then I'm doing OK. If the responses aren't good, and my husband's conditions aren't good, then I don't feel good. Very interesting. Now that you've pointed this out, I realise that I have this same response in another area in my life. I'm a photographer. If my work is ignored or not selling, I tend to define myself as not
    being a good photographer. Once again, my vibration seems to be dependent on what I'm observing and the stories that I'm telling myself.

    I'm going to bed now. Thank you so much for your help WellBeing. I'll read and reply to your other response tomorrow. And thank you also Marc for your input. When I first posted today I felt totally lost and alone and afraid. Now I feel that I just might be able to work my way through this unwanted situation. I have hope

  6. #16
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    Hi WriteNow:

    In 2014, my dad suffered a stroke. After a month in the hospital, his doctors said there was nothing more they could do for him and sent him home to die under hospice care.

    Much to the shock, surprise and awe of his doctors, my dad is alive and well and he’s out of hospice. He’s bed-bound and dependent on me, yet we are enjoying every day we have together. We go all out celebrating holidays and special occasions.

    1. I’ve learned my experience with my dad is all about ME : MY feelings, MY focus, MY thoughts, MY beliefs. MY story. My experience with him is all about MY vibrational work--not his.

    2. How I feel about being with my dad and taking care of him from day to day, directly impacts the quality of our time together. I wake up every morning believing life is good and our time together is precious. I think of fun ways we can spend time together. The better I’m feeling, the better he feels.

    I’ve notice dad responding positively to genuine gestures of love, appreciation and caring. I like to believe he is enjoying our relationship and his family so much, he’s decided to stick around for awhile.

    3. I’ve learned, in order to flow love and well-being to him, I must ALLOW love and well-being to flow through me first.

    When I brought dad home from the hospital, I realized the fear I felt every time I thought of him making his transition was keeping me from living with dad in the NOW. Every time I thought I was feeling better, I would think a fear thought and fall down the EGS. So, I took some time to examine my fears and let them go one by one.

    What will I do when dad makes his transition?
    What will I do after he is no longer a significant part of my life?
    Will I fall apart and allow grief to cripple or devastate me?
    How will I manage his estate?
    How will I support myself and my autistic brother after taking care of them for so long?
    Can the love, support and nurturing I get from my dad flow to me from my Inner Being after he his no longer physically focused?


    When I could ask those questions (and more), and feel good about the answers, I knew I was making peace with where I was. Occasionally I still feel fear, but I know how important it is to manage my vibrations. I let go of the resistance messing up my alignment. I’ve learned to breathe, soothe myself and hit the “reset button.”

    Now it's easier to tell a new story. I can look back and see that the habit of managing MY vibrations from day to day has allowed me and dad four wonderful years together since his prognosis.

    We are enjoying even more years ahead in my new story.


    All the best,

    D.

  7. #17
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    besides all the fantastic advice you got I just want to mirror what Iīm "getting" while I read your posts is:

    "my husband has stage 4 cancer, and...".

    "my husband has stage 4 cancer, and... I donīt understand why."
    "my husband has stage 4 cancer, and... we donīt know what to do."
    "my husband has stage 4 cancer, and... itīs unfair. Weīr doing alll the processes!!!!"
    "my husband has stage 4 cancer, and... how to turn this around- nothing works out!??"
    "my husband has stage 4 cancer, and... what am I doing WROOOOONG????"


    See what Iīm getting at?
    Abe teach that whatever you are looking at gets bigger.
    And what you are CLEARLY looking at is the cancer, the cancer the cancer the cancer the cancer- and that it does not go away.



    -Give IN!
    Give in to the success of your dream,
    and watch the resources of the universe back you up.


    Give in to it! Give in to it!

    Give in, to the inevitable achievement
    of ALL that you have vibrationally already become.

    You know, it wouldnīt be painful, if you hadnīt become it.


    Stamford, 2011



    I have a story about a "miracle healing" as well:
    A patient had stage 4 cancer, metastasis in all his body, they didnīt expect him to survive the night. When the doctors went by his bed they stated whispering: "moribunda".

    Which means in latin "moribund", but they didnīt want him to understand it. But the client, an old german man, understood "gesund"- which means "healthy". In the next morning, he stood up and dressed and packed his suitcase. The nurses asked him what he was going to do?? He answered: "The doctors have told that Iīm healed. So, Iīm going home!"

    -Nobody of the staff had the heart to tell him otherwise, but they asked him to have a last check. And that check showed, that all metastases had disappeared. The man was fully healed, over one night.

    And that is because he trusted the doctors so much, that he was letting go of the idea he would have cancer- and that was ALL that was needed.

    Let go of the problem, and instead start LIVING as you want it to be. Let go of the unwanted, in focusing on the wanted. I know it seems impossible, thatīs why so many donīt pull it off. But itīs actually very very simple.

  8. #18
    WriteNow, a big hug to you and your husband, I am certain you will eventually find in yourself the peace you seek
    Delilah I really liked your post, I can envision you and your dad having this time together and it feels very tender and deep.

  9. #19
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    oh my, I so agree with rose.
    A BIG hug and my sincere trust from me as well, that you will work this out and reap intense benefit from it!

  10. #20
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WriteNow View Post

    My husband doesn'teven know what his resistance is.
    It is COMPLETELY enough to recognice "what is" (cancer) and in that of course to react to it and have fear about it:
    Just being aware of "what is" does the job to perpetuate it.

    Telling the story "I have cancer" is ENOUGH to keep it active.

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