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Thread: Parenting Confusion

  1. #1
    EdenBloom's Avatar
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    Parenting Confusion

    My husband and I have recently been paying more and more attention to how we feel, getting into the Vortex and just generally doing our best to flow downstream...one of the subjects we have been navigating through is parenting.

    I have been listening to many of the Abe teachings on YouTube about parenting and finding a lot that really resonates with how I co-create with my 7 year old boy.

    But there are times when it is tricky and I am not sure how to proceed...

    He doesn't want to wear his seat-belt. I do not have a hang up about safety, I'm not afraid for him or me...however, in my state I will get a child endangerment ticket if I do not enforce that rule, whether I believe it's unsafe or not.

    He does not like to go to school (as most do not) and I certainly could do some form of un-schooling (though I do not want to, feels like resistance to me to even think about it, like a total drag) but he has to learn how to function in society somehow...right? And I cannot be that teacher for him because I just don't want to be.

    He would rather not take a shower or bath at all and doesn't seem to care one bit that parts of him are crusty, stinky and dirty...I could let him just not take a shower or bother at all, however I do not appreciate dirt and smell transferring to the family sofa that we all share and sit on, nor do I want him crawling into bed with me in that state.

    He would rather not eat many of the dinners that I make (even though I try to make things that the 3 of us will all like) but he is too young to prepare his own meal (nor does he want to) and I am not about to make 3 separate meals because none of us like the same thing. Of course we do not force him to eat what I make, but many times he just doesn't eat at all.

    He is a really great kid. I love him soooo much! I enjoy spending time with him, I love to watch him and his dad together...I love watching him play and learn and find his way (even if it is not the way I would have chosen). But with certain things, I find it really hard to parent...because I want to give him the freedom to explore and get to understanding how to follow his own guidance and at the same time there are parameters in society, in the legal system and just life in general that if I do not put boundaries of some kind he may end up getting hurt, or us as parents getting in trouble by the law.

    How can I do both?

  2. #2
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EdenBloom View Post
    But there are times when it is tricky and I am not sure how to proceed...

    Since you've been listening to a lot of Abraham on this topic, you will have noticed that Abraham's consistent answer to parents is tend to your own alignment first and do your parenting from your place of alignment. “Get ITV, and then…” do your parenting. (Can you see that their answer on parenting is no different from their answer on every other topic?)

    I'm starting my reply here because this is the piece that I'm not hearing in your post. How are you lining up with what you want? Because if you re-read your post, you’re both sort of out of alignment trying to resolve your alignment problem through action. And in the process of that, you’re both learning that this is not an effective approach to your vibrational issues.

    Now, my question to you might seem to you like I'm suggesting that you are the creator of his reality or that you can assert yourself onto his reality. That’s NOT what I’m suggesting AT ALL. What I AM suggesting is that you have put in your Vortex a lot of things about him that he, too, wants. When you are in alignment with your Vortex, then you can know what you both have put in your Vortices in relationship to him AND you’ll find the right ideas, words and times to communicate this with him, times when he’s in the receptive mode.

    Quote Originally Posted by EdenBloom View Post
    I love watching him play and learn and find his way (even if it is not the way I would have chosen).

    ...to a point. Not when his way soils the family sofa or your bed; we heard you. But what you’re saying (and teaching him) is “I need you to be different so that observing you doesn’t challenge my own alignment.” That’s not an accurate lesson, nor is that a lesson you want to him learn. (It’s all right if he does learn that. In fifteen years, he’ll pick up The Vortex and learn that there’s a different way [and different premises from which] to conduct his relationships.)

    Now, let me be clear: I’m NOT saying that you can’t prefer your sofa or your bed to be how you prefer it. Of course, you CAN! But, like with every other topic, you have to line up vibrationally with your preferences. When you do line up vibrationally with what you’ve put in your Vortex, you’re going to have a different conversation with him about the sofa, your bed, his hygiene, etc. at a time when he WILL be receptive to your ITV conversation.

    Quote Originally Posted by EdenBloom View Post
    But with certain things, I find it really hard to parent…

    So, let me ask you this: What’s your definition of “to parent”?

    Quote Originally Posted by EdenBloom View Post
    because I want to give him the freedom to explore and get to understanding how to follow his own guidance...

    So, isn’t part of exploring Contrast coming to his own personal preferences? And don’t those personal preferences of his include how much he wants to participate in “society” (either the “society” of you and him, or of he and his father, or of the family, or of his friends)? He gets to choose which he prefers more: to eat what has been prepared for him or to go hungry, for example. Now, if you present that option (if only silently, vibrationally) when you are OotV, you’re going to have the power struggles that you’re suggesting you have now. But from inside of your Vortex, you will have a different attitude. You get to lovingly enjoy your preferences and to truly Love his finding his own way, even when his way is not the way you would have chosen, either for yourself or for him.
    Last edited by WellBeing; 1 Week Ago at 10:09 PM. Reason: Punctuation

  3. #3
    EdenBloom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing View Post


    Now, my question to you might seem to you like I'm suggesting that you are the creator of his reality or that you can assert yourself onto his reality. That’s NOT what I’m suggesting AT ALL. What I AM suggesting is that you have put in your Vortex a lot of things about him that he, too, wants. When you are in alignment with your Vortex, then you can know what you both have put in your Vortices in relationship to him AND you’ll find the right ideas, words and times to communicate this with him, times when he’s in the receptive mode.


    ...to a point. Not when his way soils the family sofa or your bed; we heard you. But what you’re saying (and teaching him) is “I need you to be different so that observing you doesn’t challenge my own alignment.” That’s not an accurate lesson, nor is that a lesson you want to him learn. (It’s all right if he does learn that. In fifteen years, he’ll pick up The Vortex and learn that there’s a different way [and different premises from which] to conduct his relationships.)

    Now, let me be clear: I’m NOT saying that you can’t prefer your sofa or your bed to be how you prefer it. Of course, you CAN! But, like with every other topic, you have to line up vibrationally with your preferences. When you do line up vibrationally with what you’ve put in your Vortex, you’re going to have a different conversation with him about the sofa, your bed, his hygiene, etc. at a time when he WILL be receptive to your ITV conversation.

    Maybe I am having a hard time grasping the co-creating part in a relationship when people want two different things. Can't people who live in the same house be in the vortex at the same time and want two different things concerning the same subject?

    I prefer dirt not being on the sofa because I like things to be clean. He doesn't care either way. Does that mean that I need to be the one who says "I don't care either"? Or do I need to be the one who finds a new place to sit while the sofa gets destroyed? What if he is the one expecting me to change for him to feel better?




    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing View Post

    So, let me ask you this: What’s your definition of “to parent”?
    I guess I am not sure in the context of Abraham...perhaps being a parent means to help the child learn to follow their own guidance??? And perhaps that is what is hard for me. I am just in my late 30's learning how to follow my guidance in a deeper way so allowing or showing a child is even more hard.


    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing View Post

    So, isn’t part of exploring Contrast coming to his own personal preferences? And don’t those personal preferences of his include how much he wants to participate in “society” (either the “society” of you and him, or of he and his father, or of the family, or of his friends)? He gets to choose which he prefers more: to eat what has been prepared for him or to go hungry, for example. Now, if you present that option (if only silently, vibrationally) when you are OotV, you’re going to have the power struggles that you’re suggesting you have now. But from inside of your Vortex, you will have a different attitude. You get to lovingly enjoy your preferences and to truly Love his finding his own way, even when his way is not the way you would have chosen, either for yourself or for him.
    Much of the time these days I am finding my way into the vortex before engaging with my son...and if I am not, I usually take a break, re-align myself and come back to it when I am feeling better and when he is feeling better too. Still, we end up having two different preferences. I want him to wear his seat-belt so we don't have to pay a hefty ticket and he doesn't care to wear the seat belt still.

    We don't have yelling matches or anything...our house is actually pretty calm most of the time with relatively few arguments between any of us because we have been practicing getting into the vortex BEFORE crap hits the fan...

    So, my son (though he prefers to not wear the seat belt, or take the shower or go to school) will follow through with the requests we have asked of him anyway, despite not wanting to.
    I think part of what I am hung up on is that I feel like if he gives in even though he doesn't want to, we are being controlling and forceful (we do not dole out punishments or anything around here and that is probably why he is mostly respectful and peaceful aside from not wanting to do certain things) but for me, it feels OOTV to just let him do whatever he wants.

    I don't specifically want him to change in order for me to feel better...but isn't that what we are always asking of a person in a mutual relationship if we prefer certain things? We don't just give in in order for that person to follow their guidance because we have preference...if two preferences are opposing when in a relationship and both people feel very much ITV when they are expressing their desire, who gets it?

  4. #4
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing View Post
    ...Abraham's consistent answer to parents is tend to your own alignment first and do your parenting from your place of alignment. “Get ITV, and then…” do your parenting.
    As a reminder, this will be easier to do in advance of your manifesting a struggle with him. When you're in the midst of a struggle with him, you've been offering, for quite some time, a vibration which has caused you to rendez-vous with his struggling aspect. At that time, you'll be on the receiving end of your own vibrational momentum. To borrow from an Abraham story, you'll be at the bottom of that San Francisco hill with your "car" (the metaphor of your vibrational momentum) barreling down at you. That's not the time to be trying to do your vibrational "work." That would be like trying to stop that speeding car with your outstretched hands.

    Instead, your best strategy is to let your momentum have its way with you, knowing that it will peter out. In that moment, you can pay attention to the thoughts that you're thinking about your manifestation. This is what Abraham call "data collecting." (You'll remember that from your reading of AAIIG.) Later on, when you're not in each others' faces and when your vibrational momentum has slowed down so that you feel stable, you can then start to do your "work," so that you can start another, different vibrational momentum for yourself.

  5. #5
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    So, do you notice (as I do) that you didn't really answer my primary question to you: How are you tending to your alignment? How are you lining up with your IB?

    Because when you line up with your IB, you will see that there aren't these big differences that you're seeing from your place of misalignment.

    Quote Originally Posted by EdenBloom View Post
    Maybe I am having a hard time grasping the co-creating part in a relationship when people want two different things. Can't people who live in the same house be in the vortex at the same time and want two different things concerning the same subject?
    Absolutely. But almost always those "two different things" are from a very specific focus. When we step back into a more general focus, we find that we have a lot more in common with our co-creators

    And, even if it seems like we don't ("seems" because that would be an OotV perspective because if you didn't have something in common with your co-creator, the LoA would not have put you together in that moment), you're overlooking the value of that variety of opinion. Your IB is not overlooking the value of that variety of opinion.

    Quote Originally Posted by EdenBloom View Post
    I prefer dirt not being on the sofa...
    That's great. How are you lining up with that?

    Quote Originally Posted by EdenBloom View Post
    ...because I like things to be clean. He doesn't care either way.
    Maybe he does; maybe he doesn't. Either way, that's really none of your business, because making that part of your business is interfering with you lining up with what you want.

    Part of his exploring Contrast is that he gets to come to his own personal preferences. He gets to decide whether he prefers to be clean or dirty. He also gets to decide whether he prefer to be dirty more than he prefers to sit on your sofa. Then he gets to line up with what he wants.

    Now, that might sound like I'm suggesting that you set a boundary. That's NOT what I'm suggesting at all, because you've been doing that and you see that it doesn't work. (And if you have any doubt about that being an ineffective startegy, you have only to look at almost every human war that's been fought on this planet throughout human history. Almost every one of them was about "setting boundaries.") For this reason (and the reasons discussed in The Vortex, which I believe you have read) Abraham are not proponents of "setting boundaries," because they understand that we "set boundaries" as an action to compensate for our own lack of vibrational alignment.

    As I mentioned in my OP, when you've lined up with your IB, when you have your conversation about your preferences, it won't feel like "setting boundaries" or "controlling," because you will find a way (and a time) to communicate your preferences in a way that will coincide with his preferences. Which might mean that he chooses not to bathe and not to sit on your sofa.

    Quote Originally Posted by EdenBloom View Post
    Does that mean that I need to be the one who says "I don't care either"?
    I said the very opposite of that in my reply. I asked you quite specifically, "How are you lining up with what you want?" That's very different from "I don't care either."

    What I DID say is that, without your own alignment, you're both attempting to bang things into place through action, ultimata and boundaries and you're both learning how you can't offer enough action to overcome your lack of alignment. That's why it feels like "control" and a struggle to you.

    Quote Originally Posted by EdenBloom View Post
    Or do I need to be the one who finds a new place to sit while the sofa gets destroyed? What if he is the one expecting me to change for him to feel better?
    He probably is expecting you to change for him so that he can feel better...because he learned it from you (and others).

    If that's the case, then he has the opportunity to learn a valuable lesson from you, which is that this is a flawed premise. However, until you find your own way away from this flawed premise, he's not going to learn this lesson from you.

    Quote Originally Posted by EdenBloom View Post
    I guess I am not sure in the context of Abraham...
    I meant "in the context of your post."

    Quote Originally Posted by EdenBloom View Post
    ...perhaps being a parent means to help the child learn to follow their own guidance???
    If this is what you meant by "parenting," then can you see how what you're describing in your OP might be something different from this definition?

    Part of this discrepancy might have something to do with this definition, because Abraham teach us--not to follow our own guidance to select action (which is what's happening in your story so far) but--to pay attention to our emotional guidance and use our emotional guidance to manage our alignment. In your OP, neither of you are doing that. You're both banging around in the action.

    If this is the definition of "parenting" that you wish to use, then your conversations wouldn't be twirled up in the action. Your conversations would be focused upon what he was feeling, how he can use his emotions to manage his alignment and vibrational means he can use to manage his alignment. Your conversations wouldn't so much be about the seat belt but about what he was thinking and feeling when it came time to wear his seat belt and how he can find BFTs about that topic, rather than relying on his action journey (which isn't really helping him feel better, or maybe only briefly).

    But you can't have that conversation with him, when you're out of your own alignment, because he's going to smell your hypocrisy.

    Quote Originally Posted by EdenBloom View Post
    And perhaps that is what is hard for me. I am just in my late 30's learning how to follow my guidance in a deeper way so allowing or showing a child is even more hard.
    Absolutely. But then, you can take comfort in three key quotes from Abraham:


    • You are where you are and where you are is all right.
    • Words don't teach.
    • You cannot get it wrong.


    You probably can see the utility of the first and the last of those statements, so let me explain the middle one. Words don't teach. But as you start to tend to and practice your own alignment (and again, you'll do that long before you manifest a power struggle with him) so that you're stable in your own alignment, then you'll be teaching this through the power of your own example.

    Quote Originally Posted by EdenBloom View Post
    Much of the time these days I am finding my way into the vortex before engaging with my son...and if I am not, I usually take a break, re-align myself and come back to it when I am feeling better and when he is feeling better too. Still, we end up having two different preferences. I want him to wear his seat-belt so we don't have to pay a hefty ticket...
    Look at your focus in your last words there. You're clearly focusing on what you don't want. It's all right that you are. But that tells you that you're not in the alignment on this topic that you just said you were, because you cannot focus on what you don't want and be in alignment with your IB who is ALWAYS focusing on what you do want.

    Again, when you do find your alignment with your IB on this topic, you'll discover that your preferences aren't as different or as incompatible as you are seeing them now.

    Quote Originally Posted by EdenBloom View Post
    We don't have yelling matches or anything...
    Whether you are manifesting yelling matches or not really isn't important, because this isn't about your son. This is about your own alignment.

    Quote Originally Posted by EdenBloom View Post
    our house is actually pretty calm most of the time with relatively few arguments between any of us because we have been practicing getting into the vortex BEFORE crap hits the fan...
    I would suggest that these power struggles ARE the crap hitting the fan. Yelling matches would just be the same thing, just with more vibrational momentum behind them.

    Quote Originally Posted by EdenBloom View Post
    I think part of what I am hung up on is that I feel like if he gives in even though he doesn't want to, we are being controlling and forceful...
    At the risk of startling you, you are correct. In these moments, as you are describing it here, from his perspective, you are being coercive. He's learned that when he gives in even though he doesn't want to, life goes better for him. You might not have to yell or scream or lock him in his room, but it's not much different, is it?

    Quote Originally Posted by EdenBloom View Post
    ...for me, it feels OOTV to just let him do whatever he wants.
    Of course, you feel bad when you just let him do whatever he wants. But the reason that you feel bad isn't because he does whatever he wants. You feel bad because of the thoughts that you tell yourself about just letting him do whatever he wants. That's your vibrational gap that you can close.

    And to be clear, I'm NOT suggesting that you just let him do whatever he wants, because some of these times he, too, is using action to overcome his own vibrational gaps. (Certainly, that's what he's doing when he gives in even though he doesn't want to.) But until you close your vibrational gaps and come into alignment with your IB, you are--well--going to continue to do what you all have been doing. When you do come into alignment with your IB, you're going to have a different understanding, approach and timing with him.

    Quote Originally Posted by EdenBloom View Post
    I don't specifically want him to change in order for me to feel better...
    Sure, you do and you've told us some specific ways you'd like him to change.

    Quote Originally Posted by EdenBloom View Post
    ...but isn't that what we are always asking of a person in a mutual relationship if we prefer certain things?
    Out-of-alignment people are doing that, yes. Because what those out-of-alignment people are saying is that "I can't have a nice clean sofa if my son doesn't bathe." Now, that is one avenue to your nice clean sofa. But when you get ITV, you might identify other, more satisfying avenues to your nice, clean sofa.

    Quote Originally Posted by EdenBloom View Post
    We don't just give in in order for that person to follow their guidance because we have preference...
    Your son is just giving in some times, in this thread, and so are you. And that's why we coax our Forum friends away from action journeys (that you're talking about here) in favor of vibrational journeys, because the actions (as you're describing to us here) can't make up for the lack of our vibrational alignment. However, when we tend to our vibrational alignment, we have access to other options that you are not yet seeing here.

    Quote Originally Posted by EdenBloom View Post
    if two preferences are opposing when in a relationship and both people feel very much ITV when they are expressing their desire, who gets it?
    I'm going to continue with my honesty with you here, but I don't hear anyone in this story being ITV. But to answer your general question, when two people are both very much ITV in that moment, then they will discover a path for each of them to have what they want.
    Last edited by WellBeing; 1 Week Ago at 11:35 PM. Reason: Clarity

  6. #6
    Super Kitty Marc's Avatar
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    I wanted to add a bit to everything WB has already written, all of which is right on the mark. Abraham describes a common relationship dynamic. Often it's in the context of romantic relationships, but it's really applicable in lots of other situations. Additionally, they generalize one trait to men and another to women, even if that's not always the case. All of that said, they explain that often men are freedom seekers while women seek security. (Remember, the roles can be reversed depending.) When they're both out of the Vortex, they react in ways that just exacerbate things between them. The more she feels unsafe, the more she tries to control him... which makes him feel less free. The less free he feels, the more he acts out to shore up his sense of freedom, the less safe she feels. It's a vicious cycle that I'm sure you've seen before in different contexts.

    Of course this isn't a romantic relationship, but it's EXACTLY what's going on. What you've got going on is a power struggle because you're both out of the Vortex. You believe you're supposed to set the rules because you're the parent and it throws you for a loop when you don't have that control. The more you try to control him, the more he wants to act out and assert his independence. He may only be 7 years old, but he's dealing with this the way any being would. As WB points out, there's really not an action way out of this, other than trying to grind each other into submission, which you're both doing to some extent.

    The solution is exactly what WB is trying to get across -- you have the ability to reach for relief and the emotional resolution that you're ultimately looking for, which is ultimately what you're reaching for. Here's what I mean by that. Let's take one of your statements: "He does not like to go to school"

    So what you'll notice is that you immediately start pushing against it: "I do not want to (do home schooling), feels like resistance to me to even think about it, like a total drag) but he has to learn how to function in society somehow...right? And I cannot be that teacher for him because I just don't want to be." Now it's understandable that you'd move in this direction because you're trying to approach this from an action standpoint. You're trying to "fix" the condition when all you really need to do is soothe yourself about how you're feeling, rather than trying to figure out what action to take. Here's what that might look like:

    He does not like to go to school.
    Well, I can sort of relate to that. I don't like to go to work either.
    I guess what I don't like about going to work is the feeling that I'm being forced to go.
    I know I don't like being forced to do something I don't want to do. I suppose he could feel the same way.
    Even when someone has good intentions, it isn't fun to feel like you're being forced to do something.
    I suppose it's natural to want to push back when you feel like you're being forced.
    I'm not trying to boss him around just for the fun of it. I just want what's best for him.
    I suppose he wants what's best for him too.
    We're all figuring this out and doing the best we can.
    It feels a little better to step back and recognize that we're not doing any of this simply to aggravate each other.
    Maybe neither of us need to make any long lasting decisions right now.
    Maybe this really isn't about solving his whole future and how he functions in society right this minute.
    Maybe the stakes don't have to be that high.
    Maybe I don't have to solve this or take any action I don't feel good about taking.
    Maybe all I really need to do is just try to relax a little.
    Even if he feels like he doesn't want to go to school, I don't have to make that a bigger deal than it is. It's just how he's feeling at the moment.
    Even if that's how he's looking at things, I bet there are lots of things at school that he really DOES want -- getting to meet people, making friends, exploring, having fun, that he really DOES want.
    Maybe once he stops feeling like he's being forced, he'll start to notice all the other things that he really DOES want.
    Now just because that's how he's feeling in this moment, that doesn't necessarily mean that I have to be the one that solves everything for him.
    Maybe there are solutions out there that neither of us can see because we're too busy pushing against each other.
    Maybe this isn't something that I have to figure out.
    Maybe it's okay if it's something I can learn to relax into.
    Maybe we're not actually opposing each other in the way I've been thinking we are.
    Maybe it's not necessary for me to feel like I'm getting rolled over for him to get what he wants, just like he doesn't have to feel rolled over for me to get what I want.
    I'm getting the sense that I really am starting to feel a little better even though he hasn't changed at all.
    It's actually a little comforting to know that it's not necessarily about getting him to do something different.
    There's some freedom in contemplating that I really can feel better all on my own.
    Even if I don't completely buy into what Abraham is saying, it does feel good to step back from the struggle.


    Now I don't know whether that conversation felt any better to you, but if you'll notice, it's not about getting anyone to take any action, or to not take action. It's not really about solving anything, either. It's simply a matter of talking yourself into an emotional place that isn't quite so balled up. Now at first, it might not seem like that's going to get you anywhere, but you will discover that it will get you EVERYWHERE you want to go. Reaching for your own alignment is the solution to the power struggle I wrote about earlier.


  7. #7
    Edembloom, a few years ago I wrote your exact same post here in abeforum, to a T. And POE told me: I use all rules I feel good about, because my children haven't come here to be in a feathered nest. They’re here knowing they’ll need to be deliberate. If it’s all mushy, they don’t like it more than I do!
    That was an accelerated lesson in co-creation, and it made the difference in the world to me as a mother.

    If you think of it, it makes sense. Children observe a lot how we adults move in the world, and take mental notes. If I trump my guidance, how’s that going to help them see how it works? It all begins and ends, from your vantage point, with what feels good to you and how aligned you are, like the mods said already.

    I feel good about setting as few rules as possible, as I sure don’t feel like transforming into a policeman, and while the rules are clear and solid, I do cut my son some slack here and there. For the rest, like you, I like giving my son all space he needs to find his own way around things.
    The rules are mostly practical: shower and wash hair regularly, brush teeth twice a day, change underwear and clothes every day, put dirty stuff in the laundry basket, go to bed at regular times except for vacation. Stuff like that. Before meals, I give him carrots and other raw veggies to munch on while I cook, so the veggie part is addressed, and if he doesn’t like what’s for dinner I have a few simple go-to’s like home-made patties, wraps, ramen noodles with stir-fried veggies and chicken, tuna sandwich. That is, easy food with good quality proteins. I could trump that nutritional part but it’s my PoLR and it’s not been a problem so far.

    Whatever you say or do, children are very sensitive to the story you tell, the subtext, because their sense of who they are is still very linked to the way you see them, and they are very sensitive to vibration. If your subtext is in the right place, you can wrap them all around your finger and they'll have huge fun going down to the cellar to fetch the wine, to the baker to buy the baguette, set the table, help with dishes etc. That is, until pre-teen lol.

    The preference of my son is to go to school because he wants to be around other kids, so homeschooling or un-schooling have been ruled out since the start. We ruled out Waldorf too, as much as we wanted to like it, because he hated it wholeheartedly. I think you need to have a good talk and find out what it is that your son doesn't like about his current school. It may be easily solvable. Help him define what exactly it is he doesn’t want, then what it is that he does want, so a clear step 1 is formed. Help him feel he's at the center about all this, and help him define his preferences clearly.

    I have a recent success story about this. Last year at 6th grade my son felt utterly miserable at school. His problem was that, while the school was excellent, it was still too little challenging for him. He happens to be certified 152 IQ, so that made sense, but I had looked left and right for a school dedicated to high IQ students and didn’t find any. Now, listen to this, because it’s just so typical. After some time spent aligning, I found out that, not being French-native, I had googled using the wrong translation of “high IQ children”, I used a wording that’s good for Canada, but not for France (we live in France). In fact I had matured the conviction that Quebec was really advanced on the matter, as that's all I kept finding! As soon as I googled the right word, which is “EIP - enfants intellectuellement précoces”, dam! the perfect school was there, and it was even in the town where I initially wanted to live, when we had moved to France one year earlier, but hilariously we hadn't found the right school so we had gone to another town. He began in september and after a week he was already moved up 2 grades in a go, so he's got a good bone to chew on for now. Next year he'll skip another grade, and will get out of high-school basically at 9th grade, very young and very eager. The work they do is spectacular, the other kids are just like him, so it's not seen as goofy when he passes recré playing chess with another boy or that he watches youtubes at home about irrational numbers. He's totally blossomed, and is very titito about his hobby of drawing, mainly on photoshop, with his Wacom tablet that he tweaked to his needs reprogramming it entirely the first day he received it, because that's what's fun to him. He's in his element, I aligned, he aligned and we were given.
    Last edited by rose essence; 1 Week Ago at 01:10 PM.

  8. #8
    Super Moderator WellBeing's Avatar
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    I'd like to finetune some of this because it's already being muddied in this thread:
    Quote Originally Posted by rose essence View Post
    It all begins and ends, from your vantage point, with what feels good to you and how aligned you are, like the mods said already.
    "...from your vantage point, with what thoughts feels better to you which leads to how aligned you are..."

    I'm really not nitpicking here because if we don't make this very important distinction--that it's the thoughts we want to be working with--we're back to the power struggles and confusion because X feels good to this one whilst not-X feels good to that one.

    Quote Originally Posted by rose essence View Post
    I feel good about setting as few rules as possible, as I sure don’t feel like transforming into a policeman, and while the rules are clear and solid, I do cut my son some slack here and there. For the rest, like you, I like giving my son all space he needs to find his own way around things.
    The rules are mostly practical:...
    I know you're sharing your experience which, of course, is valid to you, rose essence. However, our friend here has tried some rules and hasn't had the same experiences. It's all right that your experiences are different but it makes one wonder, "Why do rules work for this one and rules don't work for that one? There's got to be more to it than rules." And that wondering person would be right. Abraham explain that it's our vibrational alignment from which we devise, communicate and "enforce" those rules that makes all the difference.

    Quote Originally Posted by rose essence View Post
    Whatever you say or do, children are very sensitive to the story you tell, the subtext,...
    Or, as Abraham would say, "your vibration."

    Quote Originally Posted by rose essence View Post
    ... because their sense of who they are is still very linked to the way you see them,...
    I don't know that I would agree with that as a blanket statement. In fact, Abraham tell us that typically, it's the other way around: that children's sense of self tends to be still very much linked to the way that their IB sees them, until we adults have trained them away from that perspective and their natural alignment with that perspective. Then, in that case, you would be accurate, because we've trained them away from the vision which truly and constantly Knows who they really are.

    Quote Originally Posted by rose essence View Post
    and they are very sensitive to vibration.
    And this is part of their natural abilities to more readily find their alignment than us adults.

    Quote Originally Posted by rose essence View Post
    If your subtext is in the right place,...
    Since I played that (important) word game above, we can further clarify this as well:

    "If your vibration is in the right, meaning 'aligned with your IB who is focused on your Vortex which contains everything that you want, including all that you want for your son, including Knowing his goodness, Knowing what he's about, Knowing the rightness of his abilities, celebrating his exploration of Contrast and his coming to his own personal preferences and learning how to work with his alignment and his vibration in the face of his own manifestations, etc...."

    Quote Originally Posted by rose essence View Post
    you can wrap them all around your finger and they'll have huge fun going down to the cellar to fetch the wine, to the baker to buy the baguette, set the table, help with dishes etc. That is, until pre-teen lol.
    (Even into the teen years, truly.) Because your alignment trumps everything, even puberty.

  9. #9
    Thanks for the corrections WB.

    Sometimes matters of co-creation raise some quibbles about assertion... but I don't wanna go there in this context. I do have questions. Alignment, like you say, does trump everything, puberty, and more.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing View Post
    I know you're sharing your experience which, of course, is valid to you, rose essence. However, our friend here has tried some rules and hasn't had the same experiences. It's all right that your experiences are different but it makes one wonder, "Why do rules work for this one and rules don't work for that one? There's got to be more to it than rules." And that wondering person would be right. Abraham explain that it's our vibrational alignment from which we devise, communicate and "enforce" those rules that makes all the difference.
    I think that was exactly my point? if I didn't express it clearly enough, yes it is the point. That point had been already made by you and Marc before. I wanted to show in very real terms how that concept translated in my experience, as a mother in the same position. I didn't imply there was anything particularly right about the rules I chose, I hope that is clear.

    Quote Originally Posted by WellBeing View Post
    I don't know that I would agree with that as a blanket statement. In fact, Abraham tell us that typically, it's the other way around: that children's sense of self tends to be still very much linked to the way that their IB sees them, until we adults have trained them away from that perspective and their natural alignment with that perspective. Then, in that case, you would be accurate, because we've trained them away from the vision which truly and constantly Knows who they really are.
    Children can be be trained to think of themselves in a very screwed way, as it happens. They have yet to learn to be deliberate and choose thoughts based on how they feel. So what mom and dad say or think of them can have a deep impression. Still now I sometimes find myself thinking thoughts that just sound like my mother, and they run in the background... until I notice them, of course.

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