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Thread: Pingan’s practice

  1. #2221
    Wow. I’m glad I wrote so honestly these last few posts so I can appreciate that I don’t feel bad like that anymore.



  2. #2222
    As a teenager I thought I lacked any positive qualities and I thought my life would be worthless (and unhappy) as a result.

    I decided to try to create a new self. I thought that if I could be “better” I would have a better life.

    But it’s up to me what I choose to focus on:
    Am I a nobody and a loser with no positive qualities who must somehow change himself?

    Or am I an extension of Source energy, light, divine, and creating my reality via attraction of all I desire?

    The latter feels better, even if it doesn’t have momentum yet. And therefore there is nothing I need to do.



  3. #2223
    As resistance comes up, I can take note of it and release it.

    But my inner being adores me even though I’ve been thinking that I am nothing and nobody, and that I need to become someone new.

    I’ve been trying to change myself into someone else for a long time. Even while doing my Abe work, partly its genuine releasing of resistance and partly its been pushing against my original self and judging myself as not good enough.

    Embracing and accepting my original self, rather than trying to become a better self. Because my inner being is my original self and it adores my original self, the self I devalued and thought negative thoughts about; the self I’ve tried to avoid being and becoming.

    This is my original self. This is whom my inner being adores, and I can learn to adore him too. I am the light, I am Source, I am divine. I do not need to change myself. I never have.



  4. #2224
    It feels like ages since I posted. I’ve been using a non-Abe-but-Abeish method to help me with my CPTSD, and it’s taking most of my free time but helping immensely.

    I understand my mind a lot better now. I think “typical” people have a fairly clear sense of self, which contains both positive and negative thoughts. My sense of self doesn’t have the clearest boundaries, and shares space with practiced thoughts from what we can call “bad parent” experiences on the one hand, and “wounded/confused child” on the other.

    I can see now that my struggle to feel my emotions and focus my thoughts was due to these distinct patterns of thought and feeling with their own domains. Anyway it’s complex (hence the C in CPTSD) but I’ve found a way to feel better without getting stuck in the internal battle and exacerbating it.

    In the end it IS just thoughts with momentum, but where those negative thoughts were stronger and more ingrained than my own ego.It was indeed analogous to a small child trying to cope with the abuse and influence of an adult parent.

    So my past attempts to find better feeling thoughts on some subjects was hampered by this internal struggle with “bad parent” and “wounded child” perspectives. I feel more free as I recognise that:: oh, this neurotic thought that keeps coming up is just the bad parent voice; and this fear I keep feeling is the wounded child reaction. I don’t need to convince them or control them or overcome them. But as I recognise what they are and where they come from, my ego/self transcends them both and I feel an inner coherence and congruity and integrity that is simply a beautiful relief.



  5. #2225

    Join Date
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    "And therefore there is nothing I need to do."
    "I am Source, I am divine. I do not need to change myself. I never have."
    "[thoughts]...
    I don’t need to convince them or control them or overcome them. But as I recognise what they are and where they come from, my ego/self transcends them both and I feel an inner coherence and congruity and integrity that is simply a beautiful relief."

    I like it, way to go Pingan.

  6. #2226
    Quote Originally Posted by plingplong View Post
    "And therefore there is nothing I need to do."
    "I am Source, I am divine. I do not need to change myself. I never have."
    "[thoughts]...
    I don’t need to convince them or control them or overcome them. But as I recognise what they are and where they come from, my ego/self transcends them both and I feel an inner coherence and congruity and integrity that is simply a beautiful relief."

    I like it, way to go Pingan.
    Thank you, Plingplong!



  7. #2227
    My desires, thoughts, and feelings are already manifestations. If I can receive manifestations in the form of thoughts and feelings then I can receive full physical manifestations too.

    It’s not like I’ve banged together my desire for a new home, for wealth and freedom, for more and more love in my family, for more of my best friend in my life; no, these are desires I’ve received.

    They’re not an agenda I’m pushing, they’re vibration I’m receiving. I can relax. I don’t have to be on the case. I’m not responsible for making anything happen. These desires are like signals telling me “this is what’s coming your way!”

    I love this. I love my desires. I look forward to their further unfolding in my experience.



  8. #2228
    Releasing loads of resistance.

    Even as I’ve sought light and love and alignment, I’ve been pushing adamantly against my reality and my life as if it were self-evidently and irredeemable unwanted.

    That doesn’t serve me. It never can serve me.

    If I really want to feel good, I must find a way to appreciate and love and enjoy my reality exactly as it right now presents itself to me.
    I can no longer push against my reality under the guise of spiritual seeking. I cannot use eternal truths, divine light or essence as an excuse for holding myself apart from my “What is”.

    If I want to feel good I must find a way to think that this right now reality actually is good. This right now reality actually is wanted. This right now reality actually is worthy of my love, appreciation, and positive attention.

    I want to tune myself to the frequency of wantedness, love, appreciation, satisfaction; not to escape from their opposites. There is nothing to escape except what I assert. There is nothing to overcome unless I’ve already given it my attention and attracted it.

    I hereby intend to accept and embrace what I formerly tried to escape and reject. I will find loveable and appreciable aspects of my reality exactly as it is, no ifs, no buts, no bargains and no contingencies.

    I know that more will come to me when I do this, but I also know it’s what I must do if I want to feel good.

    And I do want to feel good.

    I create my reality, and I intend to create it out of love and satisfaction and appreciation.



  9. #2229
    I’m getting more nuanced in my feelings, and today I received new clarity on my guidance, specifically that whenever I feel a bit off or bad on a subject I’ve got hold of the wrong end of the stick.

    Money, for example.
    But now I’m asking myself what the wanted end of the money stick feels like. Honestly it doesn’t feel like much!

    After a little time, I notice that the wanted end of the stick does have a feeling to it, but it is not at all the strong, positive feeling I expected. When I have more than enough money to buy what I want, I actually feel just neutral.

    As I’m writing this more thoughts are coming. “I always have the money to buy what I need and want. I’ve always had the money to buy what I need and want.”

    This feels a bit stronger. It feels a bit softer and more appreciable.

    I’ve always had enough money to buy what I want and need. I’ve never gone without and I’ve never been short of money.

    Okay these statements feel better and better.



  10. #2230
    The wanted end of the stick feels very different from holding the unwanted end and trying to feel good.

    When I hold the unwanted end I feel good at the thought of getting what I want, but it’s implicitly far off and exaggerated.

    The wanted end of having lots of money just feels normal. The wanted end of a happy family feels normal. The wanted end of my best friend feels normal.



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