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Thread: Pingan’s practice

  1. #1601
    contrast. Find my aligning. I create my reality. I want to enjoy my feelings more.

  2. #1602
    I finally realised that I’m just more sensitive to resistance because my vibration has shifted. Now I can relax and stop worrying.

  3. #1603
    Take my milking of relief, and apply it to manifested things.

    1. My couch. I love lying on my couch. I appreciate it. But what does the appreciation feel like? Can i savour it and taste it?

  4. #1604
    Quote Originally Posted by pingan View Post
    Take my milking of relief, and apply it to manifested things.

    1. My couch. I love lying on my couch. I appreciate it. But what does the appreciation feel like? Can i savour it and taste it?
    Appreciating how appreciation feels. Savouring how satisfaction feels. It’s actually very nice. Easily overridden by negative thoughts. So I hope to enlarge and strengthen it.

  5. #1605
    After trying to feel good for the sake of feeling good, using desires that are already manifested, I notice I have some resistance to it.

    I don’t *really* want to feel good for the sake of feeling good.

    This is because I am accustomed to feeling bad. I used to have a mix of good and bad feelings, but when I discovered spirituality I agreed to sacrifice my good feelings for the sake of overcoming bad feelings altogether.

    It didn’t work, obviously. I gave up “frivolous” enjoyments, and blamed them for my failure to overcome suffering. In the meantime I believed that feelings are superficial and unimportant. What really matters is connecting with divine reality. Without that, everything is meaningless and empty.

    I’m making headway, but want to acknowledge my distaste for feeling - despite my efforts to feel good for the sake of feeling good.

    If I don’t want to feel good, what do I want? “Joys and sorrows are fleeting” is the message of old spiritual traditions. I wanted the lasting joy that was promised. But I hate Abe’s depiction of enlightenment as just being in step 4 most of the time because it offers me no guarantees or bulwarks against the conditions I hate.

    To me it sounds like just putting a happy face sticker on. Though I get that it isn’t. What I wanted instead of good feelings was the power and the certainty and the knowledge of how to control my conditions to whatever degree they are controllable.

    I want to be in control of everything, so I’m never at the mercy of others. And what value is feeling good if I don’t have that power, knowledge, or control?

    It’s absurd to feel good when your circumstances are not good. Feeling good is superficial if it isn’t accompanied by some significant change in where I stand, the options open to me, etc.

    These thoughts have been obscured by the promise of using LoA to get my stuff. Not just because of the stuff, but because of the changes relationship with reality that is mastery of LoA.

  6. #1606
    I was writing out some thoughts about my urge to seek spiritual progress and what came up was my effort to focus so totally that I feel a kind of stillness and silence in my intense focus.

    These thoughts didn’t feel bad. But they didn’t feel good either. That focus was once my reprieve from bad feelings.

    But now I think that it was a kind of intense stillness like hibernating a computer. It didn’t feel good, it felt like nothing. And maybe nothing was better than feeling bad.

    I don’t want to hibernate. My inner being is not calling me to hibernate. Hibernation is not a great reference point. This is not meditation.

    Having this in my experience as a reference point conflicts with Abe’s teaching. If I am to feel good it’s not going to align with this intense focus on nothing. It’s like the difference between freezing still and relaxing still.

    I want to be more me, not less. I want energy to flow, not stagnate.

  7. #1607
    Further thoughts: I once agreed wholeheartedly that desires are bad because they disturb our stillness and peace of mind.

    I don’t feel bad when I write that, but I don’t feel good either. How do I renovate my relationship with desire?

    Desire is an intangible thing. I think Abe says we mostly aren’t aware of our desires; and it’s probably better for me to redefine a desire as something that exists on a nonphysical level, not something I deal with or experience directly, but rather indirectly through my feeling guidance.

    Essentially, the things I desire feel good to me when I consider them in their own right. Like living in a beautiful house and having lots of money.

    That’s all I need to do, and stop thinking about things I do not desire or which conflict with my desire.

    That’s all it is. When I think about something and feel good it means I’m aligned with my desire. When I think and feel bad it means I’m contradicting my desire. When I feel nothing it means I have no desire there.

  8. #1608
    When I appreciate, I am practicing the frequency of appreciation. When I love, I am practicing the frequency of love. By “giving” I receive. What I practice is what I become in my own vibrational stance.

  9. #1609
    I’m too far from appreciation right now. Let me aim for not as shit.

    I’m glad I don’t have to go anywhere or do anything. I’m glad I’m not sick. I’m glad I’m not in debt. I’m glad I’m not working. I’m glad I can relax. The kids are ready for bed. A friend might drop by. Things aren’t completely shit. I have a roof over my head. I have warm clothes. Our new baby sleeps well, that’s an extremely not-shit thing to have.

    Life is very not-completely-shit right now and I can give non-regrets. I can feel slight relief that my life is not a heaping pile of shit right now.

    My dick isn’t falling off. My arms aren’t broken. My toes aren’t gangrenous. My skin isn’t peeling. I’m not in any severe or moderate pain.

    I have a fridge. I have a heater. I have a car. I have a phone. I have a computer. I have a partner who is not a bitch. My kids aren’t arseholes. These are all acceptable things.

    I can see. I can hear. I can smell. I can taste. I can touch. I can cook. I can eat I can drink. I’m not allergic to anything. I have all my original teeth. I have all my original organs.

    I’m not dizzy or nauseous. Things are not as shit as they could be.

  10. #1610
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Elfengarten, Germany

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