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Thread: Pingan’s practice

  1. #2411
    My inner being is God. I am my inner being. Therefore I am God.

    The miracle-worker, the creator of all things. I am the miracle-worker, the miracle receiver. I am God in the world.

    I create my reality. I allow miracles. So nothing can resist my desires becoming reality. Because I am God. I am the power that creates the universe. I am a part of that.

    I am never separate from that. Jesus is my inner being, Jesus is within me. And I am my inner being. I am Jesus. I am God. I perform miracles because I know who I am.



  2. #2412
    I have a feeling of: oh no! I dont want to get sick!!

    Which means the very lightest hint of symptoms maybe possibly appearing is a manifestation of that fear.

    What is the fear? I am afraid of things being outside my control and my power. I am afraid of things going awry even though my inner being is God.

    My inner being is God. God loves me and wants me to be happy. My anxiety over getting sick is a doubt that I am really God. A doubt that my desires really manifest and that I really create my reality. Because a minor sickness that my partner and kids experience...will I experience it too? Something that is unwanted and contrary to my will: will I have to experience it nonetheless?

    I feel a lump in my throat that feels like chagrin. It feels like disappointment. Beneath it is a lump in my chest that feels like grief and heartache. It is important to me that I recognise these feelings.

    I feel grief and heartache and if I ignore them they get bigger and become symptoms of unwanted things that come against my will, things that happen even though I do not want them to happen.

    How is this my reality, if my will is not sovereign? How am I God, if I create what I do not want?

    The answer is that I chose to come into the contrast and find this out for myself. I am creating always: by default or deliberately.

    If I make peace with the feelings of grief and resistance??resistance to the unwanted in my experience?- then I am not creating more of it.

    Embrace my feeling guidance, and I thereby close my gap. I acknowledge the grief and resistance I feel.

    So why would I suddenly be feeling worse??
    Because I am feeling much better. I am more aligned and my desire is clearer than it has ever been. And so I am much more sensitive to the resistance that is active.

    But I do not have to make it bigger or let it manifest.

    I can acknowledge that I feel bad even while I am feeling better. I can acknowledge the hurt in my heart even while it is lighter than before.

    I feel both good and bad. My life has both wanted and unwanted. Overall things are going well but it is okay and safe for me to acknowledge the bad feelings. It is okay for me to acknowledge the tiredness and fatigue I have felt.

    Even as I recognise that God is within me, Jesus is within me, and I am the same as him, there is no rush or hurry to align more than I am able right now. There is no point trying to force myself to be there right away. These waves of love and clarity will come in their own pace.

    There is no need for me to push myself through the eye of a needle. I am feeling better and better and that is enough for today and tomorrow and the next day and the next day.



  3. #2413
    This morning I realised that I have no gratitude, and have never had gratitude.
    Why?
    Well, as a kid there was not much to be grateful for. And when people did nice things for me, I was told by my family that those people must have felt burdened by me, probably hated me or felt sorry for me, or did not really want me to accept their help.

    So my gratitude for what others have done for me was tarnished by their gaslighting; as well as by my refusal to feel gratitude to my family, since they were so awful most of the time. There was nothing much to feel grateful for. Any positive things were presented in such grudging terms or laden with so many conditions.

    I have not felt grateful at all to my family or God or anyone. I have appreciation for some things - my partner and my best friend especially. But I know gratitude/appreciation is so important and I want to practice it.

    I want to release my resistance. For example, my kung fu teacher never took any money for teaching me. He does it because...because he likes me and wants to share his knowledge. Yes, i can see that I almost made that a transactional statement.

    Okay, narcissists are transactional and my upbringing was profoundly transactional. But my life is not transactional. Appreciation is not transactional.

    My resistance says about good things: oh, that is just because...
    Like, someone does something nice, and I explain that is just because it suited them, or there was some benefit to them.

    The key is that some people actually like me. My teacher teaches me because he likes me. My old boss caught up for coffee because he likes me. My inner being wants to give me all my desires because it likes me. Gratitude must include being liked by the giver, otherwise it is perfunctory and transactional.

    As a kid I was made to say thank you to those who did not like me. But now I want to feel gratitude to those who like me and who give me nice things and want me to be happy.

    God likes me and wants me to be happy, and that is why he gives me what I ask for. It is not transactional. Source energy likes me and does all this for me. Jesus likes me and wants me to be happy.

    So if I want to practice appreciation and gratitude I can start by appreciating that I am liked, and that good things are being offered and given to me because I am liked and those who like me are drawn to me and enjoy giving to me.

    I am liked.



  4. #2414
    I have been feeling stressed about my sons forthcoming bday party. I realised it is because I have some feelings of deep shame

    I am afraid that with other parents paying attention my deep shame will somehow be manifested.

    But I realise my shame is not about the party. The party can go great and I will still have deep shame active in me.

    So I do not need to worry about the party.
    I can just work on my feeling o deep shame and make peace with it.

    I will do that of course.



  5. #2415
    So, I did not learn gratitude because my father and family would constantly tell me in a hostile way about all the things they had done for me, and how I transactionally owed them in return. I was always in their debt and they used the things they did for me as leverage.

    I learned to not let them do things for me, or as little as possible; and I would try to do things myself or not do things at all.

    I did not learn gratitude, because every good thing done for me was cast as a heavy burden of obligation and debt. I hated being in their debt.

    But that was a ****ed up family led by awful awful people who hated me and wanted me to feel insecure and weak. They are the opposite of a model for life.

    Real gratitude is about appreciating the things that please us. It is not about obligation or debt. Parents do things for their children because they like and love them and want them to be happy. There is zero obligation in a healthy relationship.

    Loving parents will give their children things because they love to see them happy. Better yet, loving parents love giving lovely things to their lovely children. LoA.

    Loving God, loving Source loves giving lovely things to me because they love me. And I receive them because I love them and love life and love to receive pleasing things.



  6. #2416
    So I am approaching gratitude and appreciation as someone who has had those words and concepts abused throughout most of my life.

    What does gratitude mean to me from that formation? It means that I ought to show appropriate recognition of the inconvenience or burden I place on others, and also express thanks for beneficial actions and intentions performed by others.

    In other words, to not be grateful is to fail a moral obligation to record, take note, and express recognition of the burden I am to others, to lessen their resentment at having to bear my burdensome existence.
    Say thank you or they will resent you.

    But actual gratitude is an orientation toward life of affirming and taking pleasure in the good things. Appreciation as in enjoyment. This has been difficult for me because my enjoyment was actively attacked and crushed. So I have not practiced it.

    But for all intents and purposes, gratitude is simply enjoyment of life. Enjoy whatever is enjoyable for me in the here and now.

    I will dwell on this.



  7. #2417
    I feeling some symptoms again which means I am ignoring some guidance and it is getting bigger.

    I feel weary and tired. Parts of me are feeling optimistic and that is great. But I am also feeling bad in parts.

    I am feeling some grief. I am feeling some pain. I am feeling like the scared and lonely child I used to be. I am afraid that if I feel better I will have to face people and situations that I do not feel confident with.

    If I stay sick and afraid and unhappy then I can hide. Part of me wants to hide and does not want to face other people with their presences and vibrations.

    But this is for my kids bday. He wants it and he will enjoy it. And last week I also went to another kids party and although I did not want to go I still enjoyed talking to some people there.

    Maybe the child me does not know that I can create my reality. That hiding is not my only option. I can allow any event to have enjoyable aspects for me. I can allow my vibration to shape how others come to me.

    So what I do not want is to feel alienated and ashamed and awkward with other people. What I do want is to feel safe and authentic and to be with people who like me and whom I like.

    All I want is to be with people who like me and find people who like me and feel comfortable being me.

    And I have the power to manifest that. I have the power to create my reality. I have the power to let my reality be one where I am authentically liked by people and I know it and I am happy interacting with these people. And if they are not ones who like me especially I do not mind because I am secure in myself.

    But I can allow my reality to be one that I enjoy. I can let everything become enjoyment for me. Everything can be enjoyment for me. That child me who wanted to hide now has a better option. He can allow everything to change into a more enjoyable form. He can let everything become enjoyable for him. He can be himself and allow enjoyment to come to him.



  8. #2418
    Okay

    When I focus on enjoyment as gratitude, there is a part of me that is resistant to enjoying where I am.

    Why?

    This part of me feels like it wants to or believe it must keep searching for something more, be vigilant for more.

    Not more enjoyment. But more than is going on right now.

    It is reaching and stretching for something.
    It is trying way too hard to escape.
    It is trying way too hard to transcend and escape the nightmare I was living in the past.

    Part of me is strongly and determinedly oriented toward what I believed was a higher reality.

    Part of me is straining heavenward, straining to see through or climb out of the darkness.

    So. This part is mistaken. It does not know about LoA. It does not know that I create my reality.

    It does not know that comfortable enjoyment of this reality is the key to all happiness.

    Enjoyment right now is the key to all happiness. There is nothing I need to reach for or try for or accomplish outside of myself. There is nowhere else I need to go or discover or find or achieve. There is no higher being I need to reach out to. All I need to do is feel good, that is alignment. All I need is enjoyment of my now reality.



  9. #2419
    Further refinement:
    Gratitude/appreciation is simply enjoyment, and there is an added connotation of conscious or deliberate enjoyment.



  10. #2420
    My yearning for liberation: freedom, security, clarity, and happiness was so great, I tried so hard and put in so much effort to get there. I have tried so hard for so long. But now I can see that I was pushing and yearning. I did not know better.

    Yearning does not bring what I desire. To be a match to liberation I only needed to feel better. Nothing else was required. And I often felt better, but also slid back into resistance and started trying too hard.

    I tried so hard to be free but no such effort is required. No effort is required. No additional insight is required. Just enjoy life as it is. Nothing additional is required.



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