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Thread: How To Get Over Someone ASAP?

  1. #1

    How To Get Over Someone ASAP?

    After a break-up. What is Abraham's advice on the subject?

  2. #2
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    Focus on ANYTHING that feels better!

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    FallenAngel's Avatar
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    LOL, that's it PoE. That's IT.

    Hi Mickey,

    Abraham has talked a lot about what we call break-ups. Really, there's no such thing because we can never break apart from someone we love, even when we are the instigator. The connection remains - and this is likely why so many of us experience pain during a break up. I know that this has been so for myself. I have a strong desire for that person to be in my life in a loving-feeling way (no matter if I've been the breaker or the breakee) and at the same time I am full of resistance to that love, telling myself all sorts of painful stories about why we're better off apart. In the talks from Abraham, I have learned that relief is always found in embracing my desires rather than in trying to talk myself out of my desires. Resistance is painful. Resistance is what hurts, not love. Whether our love object is in front of our face or not is entirely irrelevant to whether we feel yummy peaceful love or yucky painful anger, doubt, fear, etc. When I tell myself stories that we're better off apart, or that I wish we weren't apart, or anything having to do with being apart, I feel sad and struggling. When I can embrace the love for my former partner, I always feel so, so much better. Why? Because my Inner Being is always pointing me toward loving, no matter the circumstance. When I am in a break up, I do love that person. Resistance, as they say, is futile. Resistance is what hurts. Blocking our own natural flow of love is what hurts. Telling myself that I don't love (or worse, shouldn't love or am not allowed to love) what/who I love is what hurts. The way to "get over" someone (which is really just high velocity resistance to loving this person) is to simply embrace our love for this person.

    From what I've observed in myself and in others, this is a pretty radical and seldom trod path, however. I'd file it under "advanced Abraham," which is why most people turn to massive distraction as a break up tactic. But knowing you as I do these years in this forum, you likely have enough Abraham education and practice to be able to roll with the "embrace" approach. One thing I know for sure: whether it's massive or small, turning thoughts to anything that feels better is better.

  4. #4
    Thank you for the detailed answer FallenAngel, you described a brand new perspective I haven't heard of before. I will try it tonight. In the meantime, the question that arises in me is: If a break-up happened, you miss the person. But then if you focus on loving them, won't you just exacerbate the pain of them not being there, and end up missing them even more?

  5. #5
    WellBean's Avatar
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    Lots and lots and lots of self-love.

    There is a teacher that says ?love the one who went though this? ? in other words, care for yourself as you would a dearest friend who had been in a breakup.

    What?s awesome about this is that you are both the giver and receiver of the love.

    One way to love yourself is to be gentle when you are hurting or not ?getting over this fast enough? or when if feels like you are back at square one. Your process doesn?t have to look perfect at all.

    And at the same time, be open to it taking no time at all.

    There may be some who disagree with me, but Allowing my pain to be whatever it is in the moment without trying to change it, to be another beautiful practice of alignment. If I?m suffering through it, that tends to mean I?m reminding myself of my pain (like repeating the story of the break up in my mind), and is not pure allowing. It?s a total surrender to the Right Now. It?s allowing myself to be human in all its flavors. Embracing the moment.

    Sending love and ease.

  6. #6
    Super Kitty Marc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mickey View Post
    If a break-up happened, you miss the person.
    As Abraham would say, "No you don't. If a break-up happened, you miss the alignment you had that the person made it easier to find."
    Quote Originally Posted by Mickey View Post
    But then if you focus on loving them, won't you just exacerbate the pain of them not being there, and end up missing them even more?
    Then you're not focusing on loving them, you're focused on their absence. In short, you're focusing on lack. Is it possible to focus on loving someone when they're not there? ABSOLUTELY! Especially at first, is it common to activate their absence when you are trying to focus on loving them? Yes. Is there a reason why FA calls it "advanced Abraham?" Definitely. FA is making an important point that it can be done even if it's not easy. That said, you're the only one who can know whether the path of least resistance in any given moment is to try to hit things head on or to turn your attention to something different that isn't so thorny.

  7. #7
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FallenAngel View Post
    LOL, that's it PoE. That's IT.

    Hi Mickey,

    Abraham has talked a lot about what we call break-ups. Really, there's no such thing because we can never break apart from someone we love, even when we are the instigator. The connection remains - and this is likely why so many of us experience pain during a break up. I know that this has been so for myself. I have a strong desire for that person to be in my life in a loving-feeling way (no matter if I've been the breaker or the breakee) and at the same time I am full of resistance to that love, telling myself all sorts of painful stories about why we're better off apart. In the talks from Abraham, I have learned that relief is always found in embracing my desires rather than in trying to talk myself out of my desires. Resistance is painful. Resistance is what hurts, not love. Whether our love object is in front of our face or not is entirely irrelevant to whether we feel yummy peaceful love or yucky painful anger, doubt, fear, etc. When I tell myself stories that we're better off apart, or that I wish we weren't apart, or anything having to do with being apart, I feel sad and struggling. When I can embrace the love for my former partner, I always feel so, so much better. Why? Because my Inner Being is always pointing me toward loving, no matter the circumstance. When I am in a break up, I do love that person. Resistance, as they say, is futile. Resistance is what hurts. Blocking our own natural flow of love is what hurts. Telling myself that I don't love (or worse, shouldn't love or am not allowed to love) what/who I love is what hurts. The way to "get over" someone (which is really just high velocity resistance to loving this person) is to simply embrace our love for this person.

    From what I've observed in myself and in others, this is a pretty radical and seldom trod path, however. I'd file it under "advanced Abraham," which is why most people turn to massive distraction as a break up tactic. But knowing you as I do these years in this forum, you likely have enough Abraham education and practice to be able to roll with the "embrace" approach. One thing I know for sure: whether it's massive or small, turning thoughts to anything that feels better is better.
    Wonderfully put!

    The phrasing "getting over someone" always hurts within me. We CAN NOT "get over someone". The love is eternal, and even it might really be the best thing to move on physically- which absolutely happens, while people are usually very quick in performing action to "close it" (which will never work)- it would be the EMBRACING of the goodness and what was- and still is appreciatable, that makes us free.

    this is a pretty radical and seldom trod path, however. I'd file it under "advanced Abraham," which is why most people turn to massive distraction as a break up tactic. But knowing you as I do these years in this forum, you likely have enough Abraham education and practice to be able to roll with the "embrace" approach.
    I'm not sure if we really need Abe-training while it certainly helps.

    When a relationship in my life fell apart, I always was completely unwilling to "get over it" in the usual sense, even pre-Abe. I always insisted on keeping the good parts. The treasures, the wonderful memories, all the inspiration, what I had learned, the golden nuggets. WHY IN THE WORLD would I dump the precious?

    The "advanced Abe" -for me- comes in when I understand how this can be done.
    As Abe say, in every particle of the Universe is the presence of what we want- and also it's absence. When we care to look at what feels better (topic completely irrelevant) we bond with ALL things that are- and have been- good in our life.

    Thanks for your sharing!

  8. #8
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WellBean View Post
    Allowing my pain to be whatever it is in the moment without trying to change it, to be another beautiful practice of alignment.

    Isn't it strange, that even so many Abers don't understand that "EMBRACING WHERE YOU ARE" is really the best feeling thing? We are where we are, and allowing us to do this and to feel what we feel, is the very best medicine there is. We are at the PERFECT place in every moment of our life.

    It's only our judgement of certain places that keeps us from "taking it's medicine" (=feeling the fear, the blame, the rage, the sorrow...) that would THEN allow us to move higher and feel better...

    It's allowing myself to be human in all its flavors. Embracing the moment.
    That's poetry... and so true and beautiful.

  9. #9
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marc View Post
    Then you're not focusing on loving them, you're focused on their absence. In short, you're focusing on lack.
    This.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by WellBean View Post
    Lots and lots and lots of self-love.

    There is a teacher that says ?love the one who went though this? ? in other words, care for yourself as you would a dearest friend who had been in a breakup.

    What?s awesome about this is that you are both the giver and receiver of the love.
    Yes, this is called practicing self-compassion in psychology. Abraham did suggest to "be your best friend" once, meaning to be gentle with yourself, although I find it's not a major part of their message. But a good idea nonethless and I did do it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Marc View Post
    As Abraham would say, "No you don't. If a break-up happened, you miss the alignment you had that the person made it easier to find."
    I know they say that, and I did repeat to myself "you don't miss him, you miss the kind of focus he inspired within you". It didn't / doesn't help. The pain of a break-up isn't always about the absence of a person, it's a mix of lots of negative emotions. Like anger that even after doing all this work on my relationship vibe, I am still here having experiences like this, still attracting the wrong men, anger at being mistreated, the lack of respect, etc. Upon analyzing my feelings I realize a lot of them aren't even about him not being here but anger about how things played out and then I'm like okay well then I identified all these issues I'll just move up on the scale on them one by one and then focus on what I want again. No taking relationship related action for the next month, just doing energy work.

    Quote Originally Posted by paradise-on-earth View Post
    Wonderfully put!

    The phrasing "getting over someone" always hurts within me. We CAN NOT "get over someone".

    When a relationship in my life fell apart, I always was completely unwilling to "get over it" in the usual sense, even pre-Abe. I always insisted on keeping the good parts. The treasures, the wonderful memories, all the inspiration, what I had learned, the golden nuggets. WHY IN THE WORLD would I dump the precious?
    Getting over someone means "stop caring about someone" if you prefer phrasing it like that. About the rest of your message, well surely you can understand that there isn't 1 right path that is appropriate for everyone. I'd rather forget all of this ever happened. My Inner Being can have the good parts of the relationship, I am not interested anymore. I just want to move on and never think about it again.

    Quote Originally Posted by paradise-on-earth View Post
    Isn't it strange, that even so many Abers don't understand that "EMBRACING WHERE YOU ARE" is really the best feeling thing? We are where we are, and allowing us to do this and to feel what we feel, is the very best medicine there is.
    I did the whole "sitting with my feelings and accepting them for what they are" thing so it's not like I am running away from my feelings, but maybe it is understandable I'd rather go to the better feeling ones.

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